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living with joy
20/f
i dont know what to do.
i feel 100% lost. about three years ago i found the love of my life. we had our issues just like everyone else but we were perfect together.
absolutely perfect. we got engaged a little over a year ago but planned on waiting two years to get married. four days ago he told me that his feelings had just changed and the relationship was not beneficial to him anymore so he broke up with me. now im a rational person and i wouldnt ever kill myself but i seriously feel like dying.
i honestly dont think ive ever felt a bigger pain in my heart. i know ill get over him and yes if its meant to be he'll come back. my problem is coping with it until one of the two happen.
i cant eat. i cant slepp. my eyes are raw from crying. i feel like i just lost a child or something. hes more important to me than anything ive ever imagined and i just want him back.
its hard for me to understand that this is what he wanted because we were so happy. he was happy.
ive tried getting out. ive tried staying in.
i dont want suggestions like "get out and do something you love" ive tried all the "getting over him" shit. it takes time but in the meantime how do i renergize myself and be happy.
i have no joy anymore. i lost my everything.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
This guy sounds like an extremely selfish and immature SOB. He likely had or has someone on the side during your relationship. People don't suddenly tell their lover of four years "I'm out of here" and just leave. You may not see it now but you're better off not being with him or married.
How do you move on? Well, for starters conduct your life as normal and do all your activities that you usually would and then some so you are occupied with that. Get together with friends each week and family.
The more you occupy your time with other things will make you think of him a lot less. Also vent your feelings with those who support you. Consider professional counseling to deal with the shock, loss, anger, feelings. Don't pursue getting him back either. Best to move forward. He'd only hurt you if you tried.
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I find that I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
The hurt you are suffering is fresh and you do not get over someone in a day or two, it will take time to get over the hurt. Self pity is part of the grieving process. What you do not want to do is to slide so deep that you cannot pull yourself out.
Before I go any further I have a question for you. You don�t have to answer me but might want to answer this to yourself. Why would you want someone back who after all these years together (yes they are teenage years) suddenly says he wants out? I�m speculating here but it sounds to me like he may not have been as faithful as you think he was? If my speculation is anywhere near being correct; is he worth your tears?
Give yourself a few more days to get over the shock and the loss and then you have to force yourself to start putting him behind you. Start by making a list of things you like to do. Then start looking for groups or clubs in your community that do these things and visit them to see if they might be something you might want to join. You could also look at going to or completing College.
I know this seems like the end of the world but it really isn�t. My mother always told me �if it was meant to be it would be.� That statement of hers has rung true more often than not throughout my life. Obviously there is something better for you in the days, weeks and months ahead. Instead of looking at this as an ending, try looking at this as an opportunity for a new beginning.
One last thing, it helps if you let your friends and family share your pain, so don�t freeze them out.
To answer your feed back question: Asking him why may bring some closure, but be prepared for an answer you may not want to hear if he answers truthfully.
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