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boyfriend, drinking, am i being weird about this??
this is probably going to be super long.thanks SO much if you actually read the whole thing.
ok. so, a little background.
I am 19, my boyfriend is also 19. we have been dating for 3 years and want to be with each other..well, forever. we are very committed to each other. I am personally against underage drinking. i have never had a drop of alcohol in my life. i am scared of what i might do while under the influence.. i really don't want to embarrass myself.
My boyfriend has drank with his friends/groups of people before. i dont approve and i've told him that. the way things are..its like, .. him drinking is only something to do behind my back and he has a ton of fun and he likes to do it without me around because he doesnt want me to see what he's like around other people.
He never takes me places, like out with his friends or anything. i am slightly overweight and kinda shy but i always try my hardest to be outgoing and not clinging to him when we go places. i'm getting better, i think.
ok. last year we both went to different schools after graduating high school. he promised over and over and over, i will not drink, i did not drink, i swear, i love you and i'm not lying. i believed him.
today he confessed that he drank every single weekend and alot of the weekdays, for 6 months straight. he also drank 17-18 cans of beer, puked, blacked out, and was driven home by guys who had the same amount of alcohol. and he went to strip clubs but..supposedly just stood in the corner. he swears he didn't cheat....but now i'm not sure what to believe.
i am SO SO relieved that he told me that. he says he's sorry for lying and that he is very glad he got this off of his chest and he feels like we're closer now. which is amazing because we never really have "intimate" talks about really personal stuff.
he wants me to drink with him. (every once in awhile). he wants me to go to parties with him also only every once in awhile. i am afraid to drink. i'm afraid to see how he'll act towards me while he's drunk because i've never been in his presence while he was intoxicated.
my questions are:
*i'm a little ticked off about him lying to me. is that wrong??
*is it THAT bad to encourage you to wait until you're 21 to drink??
*should i consider drinking with him(not getting wasted,only like 1-2 beers)?? i would like to do it but i don't know.
any thoughts or advice about my situation?
THANKS!!
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He shouldn't have lied to you, but at least he confessed.
Age is just a number. In this case, waiting until you're 21 is all about abiding by the law, and not so much your health. Alcohol is just as dangerous when you're 21 as when you're 16. There are worse ways to break the law. I'm not sure if that answer made sense..
I don't think you should avoid something just because it's illegal. Just because it's a law, doesn't mean it's "right." On the other hand, you obviously don't want to get dangerously drunk. Alcohol should be treated like a beverage; if you only like alcohol because of its extreme side effects, you should really consider your situation.
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Before I attempt to answer your question, I am going to tell you a story of my own first. I understand your situation more than you could even begin to guess. I have been with my boyfriend (he's 20 & I am 18) for almost four years, and he has recently taken up drinking on Thursday nights with his small group of friends.
I too do not drink, and for a while I was very uncomfortable with him doing it. We fought every single week for around a month because he insisted on drinking, and I insisted on him staying home with me. Before I never cared to let him go out and be with his friends, but when he started drinking, I didn't want him to leave. I had no idea what he was doing and I had no idea how he acted while he was under the influence and that made me very nervous.
Our fighting continued and it felt like we were on a merry-go-round every time we started to argue. He thought his drinking was no big deal because it was just him and his friends and it was a normal thing to do for people his age. I thought it was inconsiderate of him to drink every week when he knew I didn't want him too, and I was terrified that his social drinking was the beginning of a vicious cycle of alcohol abuse.
I didn't want our relationship to end because of something as silly as drinking, but it appeared that if someone didn't bend, then that was exactly what was going to happen. I was so sick of fighting with him every week, and I missed the way our relationship used to be. I eventually realized that I am lucky to have a boyfriend who is willing to tell me the truth, whether I like it or not, and that our biggest problem didn't have to be a problem at all. I told myself that just because my dad is an alcoholic doesn't mean my boyfriend will be. I eventually told him that if doing this was that important, then just do it. I told him not to get plastered, not to drive, and NEVER have girls involved in any way, shape, or form. We compromised, and I am glad. I know he probably drinks when he goes out with his friends, but who am I to say he shouldn't? I am his girlfriend, not his mother. If in the future it becomes a serious problem, then that's something we can deal with then.
Now I realize that our problems aren't 100 percent the same, but similiar enough. You have every right to be ticked off about him lying. However you should be fortunate that he was willing to be honest with you. He should have told you sooner, but it's better late than never.
If you think drinking is wrong before the age of 21, then don't compromise your beliefs. Don't drink because he wants you too. Remember the saying, "If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything." That's very true, so do what you feel is right and what you are comfortable with.
As for your relationship, you have some issues to deal with. First of all, if my boyfriend went to a strip club, I would rip his head off. That is not okay with me, and if it's not okay with you then that's something you need to discuss with him. Let him know that you are not okay with that at all, and if it happens again you WILL leave him. You said you didn't know if he cheated on you or not, and if he has been plastered enough before, he may not know either. That's something you are going to have to get past if you want to continue your relationship with him. In order to be happy, you have to have trust in him, and if you don't then it's time to break up.
As for the drinking, you two should compromise like my boyfriend and I did. If you do not want him to drink anymore, you can't force him to stop. Like I said, we are girlfriends; not mothers. So if you honestly can't get past the drinking, maybe you two just aren't right for each other, and it's time to find a partner that has the same beliefs as you. If you can, set some ground rules. For instance, he can't drink at parties, he can't drink where their will be girls, he can't be drunk in public, and he can't drive. So talk to him about that.
Good luck! :)
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First off no way is being ticked off at him wrong, he lied to you and did everything he said/
"promised" not to do behind your back so the ticked off thing is good.
21 is the legal age for people to drink texas and most of the united states, people believe that teenagers are more of a ruckuse when under the influence but no it isn't bad to try a sip but not to over do it because it will kill you.
drinking with him might bring you closer together, one to two beers is probably a good start, if he gets out of hand or something smake him unless he is a mean drunk then call someone who works there to help you.
i hoped i helped you.
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I would be ticked off at him lying to me more than the act of drinking itself. A relationship is about trust. He should be able to tell you the truth under all circumstances, even if it isn't what you want to hear.
No, it's really not that bad to encourage him to wait until he's 21 to drink. It would much more wrong to encourage him to drink underage if he wasn't ready to, which he is doing to you.
Finally, if you don't want to drink, don't drink. He should not be pressuring you to do something you do not want to do. Hold your ground and don't drink. The decision to drink at all in your lifetime is YOURS not his. Do what feels right to YOU.
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