|
Am I blowing this out of proportion?
17/f
I was talking to a friend about my plans for university and future career in general. Granted I know things change, so I might not follow through with them 100%, but still: I had mapped out a scenario involving which major, which university, how I would finance it, volunteer work I was planning on doing, where I would live, where I would apply after completing my degree, (assuming everything went according to plan) etc... It was fairly extensive/detailed and she was the first one I had told about it. Anyways, I find out later that after talking to me she posted a note on Facebook with my plan word for word, saying that this was what she was planning on doing with her life. I know it sounds a bit infantile, but this pissed me off immensely. There's no way that this could be considered a coincidence at all. And, we do share some interests so it would make sense if we were to pick the same/similar majors, even the same university. The thing is though, her plan was exactly the same as mine, even down to the tiniest idiosyncratic detail (which make no sense coming from her). I know, I know, I'm still young and I don't know what to do with my life yadayadayada, so this plan might not work out and so there's no point overreacting.
I really feel like I should confront her about it. Am I overreacting? I feel like I might be blowing this out of proportion, but this isn't the first time I've told her something and she's done something similar(not to sound conceited or like a 5 year old, but she has a tendency to copy what I do, which really irritates me sometimes). Ok, my attempt at not sounding conceited failed, but you guys get what I mean right?
Should I just blow it off as a coincidence? What do you guys think? I feel terrible about being irritated with her over something like this.
Thanks for your time
(Sorry about the length!)
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
I find that I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you might receive from others. My advice is more like what you might get if you asked a grandparent.
There is an old saying about imitating being the greatest form of flattery. It is obvious from what you have written that your friend thinks highly of you and the choices you make. Still it is understandable that her imitating your life would upset you.
Before I go any further I want to complement you on having a life plan and you are correct in that you will probably make some changes to your plan as time goes by. A plan is nothing more than a road map along the way certain detours may occur. If your plan is not written down, might I suggest you do so and put it somewhere safe. Years from now you might find it interesting to see how closely your plans for life mimicked reality.
Now what to do about your friend? You could confront her about this and other times she has borrowed from your life. If you do you have to be prepared to lose a friend. To confront someone is a form of confrontation, confrontation is to fight. When two people fight there is generally not a win/win situation as an ending. If you value your friendship with this person then I would not recommend any type of confrontation with her over this.
Instead I would resolve not to share with her my most valued concerns, choices and secrets. My suggestion may not offer the most satisfying of choices but you won't lose a friend. Before you make your decision on what to do try putting yourself in her shoes; what is her life like? Is your life so much better that hers? Do you have more opportunities than she does? If you can understand the why of a situation you might be more tolerant of the situation. No, understanding the cause or the why does not make the situation more palatable only more understandable.
]
Hey. First off I think it is awesome that you made a detailed temporary map of your life. I wish I had done that when I was 17. I say you should stick to it. If your dreams and goals You are on there I say go for it and dont take any crap about it. Your never too young to be thinking of that especially at 17 when your life is just about to begin. And if you need to make some adjustments along the way, great! :) Anyway, You are definetly not blowing this out of proportion or overreacting and you have every right to feel angry and irritated. I know I would. One thing you could do is casually confront her. Say something like "So I noticed your note on your facebook and your future plans look a lot like mine." Then go from there. Or you could confront her straight up. Dont be rude though. Say something like "I dont want to argue but this is how I feel" or "I feel bad for feeling this way." It was wrong of her to do that to you but also keep in mind that this is YOUR life that you mapped out and these are YOUR hopes and dreams not hers. She's not likely going to follow this plan. But I understand that doesn't change things or justify it. She may be jealous that you know what you want to do with your life when its possible she doesn't. And maybe she copies you with other things because she doesn't really know what she likes or what her own hobbies and interests are. Maybe you could talk to her and help her create her own map. Help her figure out things she wants to do, help her find new interests. She may not know whats out there. But whatever you end up doing you should at least try talking to her. I hope this helps. Good Luck.
Love, Tandra
ps. How am I doing? If you would like, I would appreciate feedback. I am new to the site. Thanks. :)
]
More Questions: |