Hi. I'm Tandra. I'm 20 years old and I live in Hawaii. I love helping people and giving advice. I'm told I'm very good at it. I hope thats true :p. I am always willing to listen to any type of problem and I will do whatever I can to help. I really dont judge anyone no matter how "weird" or "bizzare" something may seem. I try to relate to the problem and put myself in your shoes so I can give the best advice possible. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help you.
Help me, help you! I love feedback. :)
Gender: Female
Location: Hawaii
Age: 20
Member Since: June 27, 2009
Answers: 18
Last Update: January 25, 2010
Visitors: 1477
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Last year, I started taking birth control (Ortho Tri Cycline). Since then, I've had an increase in headaches and moody swings and a decrease in my sex drive. I tried Yaz and it gave me the same symptoms. I want to switch to Nuvaring but I'm scared to ask my mom about it (she think's I'm on the pill for my period and Nuvaring just seems like it's only for birth control). I also don't know if Nuvaring decreases the effects the pill gives me (headaches, low sex drive, mood changes). Has anyone used Nuvaring? And how should I go about asking my mom to switch (without sounding like it's for sex?). Oh and is it expensive? Thanks. (link)
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Hey there. I have never used Nuvaring so I dont know from experience but I did look into it at one point so I know a little about it. All birth control works in the same basic way (meaning it will help with your period as well as other things) but it also affects everyone differently. The pill never helped me with my period but Ive had Mirena (another IUD form of birth control) for a year now and I have since only had my period twice, but unfortunately not everyone is that lucky. Anyway, my point is that Nuvaring can help with your period so you can definetly tell your mom that. You could also tell her that your sick of taking the pill everyday and sinse Nuvaring is a monthly task which is obviously easier and more pleasant, you would just like to look into it. That shouldnt make her suspicious at all. :)
The common side effects of Nuvaring are vaginal infections and irritation, vaginal secretion, headaches, weight gain and nausea. Mood change is also a side effect but less common. Remember though, it effects everyone differently.
As for costs... I wish I could tell you but I really dont know anything about it. There is a coupon on their website you can use though. Take a look at their website, it is really helpful and will answer tons of questions you may have.
http://www.nuvaring.com/Consumer/index.asp
I hope this helps. Good Luck. :)
Tandra
ps. Help me, help you. If you would like, I appreciate feedback. :)
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My high school spirit day is Friday and the whole nest week is spirit week. Our colors are green and yellow. I was thinking it would be cool if I put some bright green highlights in it.
Maybe some strips of bleach on my bangs an upper layers of my hair and the green on the bottom.
What are some good quality hair dyes/bleaches?
And if you have any ideas of what I should do for hair please feel free to tell.
(my hair is cholcolate brown and about and inch below my shoulders. It's very thin on the bottom with a TON of shorter layers on the top)
Also, I need some clothing ideas and why would be crazy and fun to wear. Any ideas I'm open to. My wardrode is huge so I can do a lot of things.
Thanks :) (link)
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I dont really know any good hair dyes but I think it is a way cute idea! I have some ideas for your wardrobe though. Here are just some ideas... (remember you can switch the colors around)
A long yellow shirt, layered with a green tank underneath and green leggings
A short yellow shirt, a black or denim mini skirt and green leggings
A plain green baby tee and a yellow tube top over it with Jeans or a mini skirt and some green or yellow leg warmers.
If you wanna stick to casual stuff, you could always wear a yellow shirt with a green tank underneath, or a yellow shirt and a green hoodie with the zipper half down with Jeans.
You could also buy some green or yellow shorts or jeans and just wear a plain tee or hoodie.
Dont forget to accessorize! Green and Yellow jewelry, hair accessories, hats, belts, make up, etc.
Remember that fashion is who you are, you can dress up or dress down and still look way cute. Just throw things together, experement and play with your wardrobe.. you'll be surprised what cute and fun outfits you'll come up with. You will never run out of options, thats the best part! :D
If you need to go shopping You can probably find a lot of what your looking for at stores like Wet Seal or Rue 21.
I wish I could see pictures, your gonna look way cute! Have a fun spirit week!!
Tandra
ps. Help me, help you. If you would like, I appreciate feedback. :)
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so my parents got divorced when i was 7, im 17 now
even before my parents got divorced. i use to spend alot of time at my moms friends house, they were so close i use to think she was my aunt. anyways he husband became like my dad, at least when i was 7 thats how i thought of him since my dad was never around and i continued to go over there all the time untill i was about 9 or 10 or so, they moved several hours away and we just... lost in touch i was like really devastated because of it they ended up having a kid of there own and thats when they moved, well i got over it and ive done a lot of stuff im not proud of like i drink alot and i smoke pot.. its just how i deal with things. Well recently my "aunt" (moms old friend) got a facebook and found me well my moms real sister had a party today and i went and my moms old friend my "aunt" went with her husband and there daughter..the whole time her husband who i once thought of as my dad hung out with me and i introduced him to my boyfriend and he just said how much he missed me and loved me and if i ever needed a place to go to or stay to call him whenever i needed him and he gave me his number, i t was nice seeing him but i dont know why im so jelous of his daughter like.. i dont know how to explain it, i was also really like mad twords her husband i just felt like he wants to pick up were we left off but im 17 now and he left for quite a few years without saying anything and he wants me back in his life but i dont know how to tell him that i was so upset.. i dont know what to do like i want to be in there life but.. it just feels like i was abandoned dont get me wrong i love my mom with all my heart but she does her own thing with her knew husband and everytime i was with my "aunt" and her husband it was like i was the center of attention and we went places and did stuff as a family i started crying after the party because it was so overwhelming, should i give him chance? he actually wants me to come live with them, he doesnt want me to waste away my life drinking and stuff but.. i dont know what to do i guess im asking if i should let them back in my life? im just scared there going to leave and not talk to me for years and years like they did before or since im almost an adult just grow up and stop complaining about it?? what do i do? (link)
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Hey there,
So I dont know from experience but if I were in your shoes I think I know how I'd feel. You are probably jealous of their daughter because for awhile you looked at this man as your father, then because of their daughter he moved away and a part of you probably feels like your "father" abandoned you and replaced you (which isn't how it really happened, but the feelings can be just the same). You are jealous because he loves her, helps raise her, and she gets to grow up with him. Its normal to feel jealous of that. Who wouldn't? Its also normal to feel a little anger towards him. However you also have to remember (and please dont take this the wrong way), you are not his daughter, if you were he would have taken you with him when he moved. He didn't really have a choice. That doesn't mean he doesn't love you. It sounds like he does and he seems to care an awful lot about you if he is willing to have you live with them. I think you should tell him and your "aunt" how you feel. Tell them that in your eyes they are family, and they are closest to family you have ever felt. Tell them if you were to live with them, it means more to you than just being a houseguest and you are worried about being left again. See how everyone feels about that. Also, they seem to want to help you with the decisions you are making in your life. So if you are not ready to stop making these decisions, you wouldn't want to disappoint them by coming back to their home drunk or high. Maybe talk to them about how you feel about it, where your at in the situation and what you want to have happen. I think it sounds like a great opportunity. Just remember not to abandon your mom. She is your real family after all. Maybe you could even talk to her about how you feel. I hope this helps and I hope you didn't take anything the wrong way. I wish you the best of luck. :)
Tandra
ps. Help me, help you. If you would like, I appreciate feedback. :)
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About a week and half ago, my best friend came over. we were being really dumb and just making each other laugh and we went down to my pool that's green and disgusting (it was broken a few years ago and we never took the time or had the money to clean it out). so we took a plastic cup and we started "tadpole fishing" (there were millions of tadpoles swimming around in the water) Ok, YES I know this was very very dumb. I have no idea why we did it. And no, we didn't have any insect repellent on. So we started getting eaten alive by mosquitoes. So after awhile we ran back into my house and we took showers.
2 days after, I woke up and I got off my bed. I got so dizzy that I couldn't see anything for a minute. the rest of the day I had a migrane. It's been about a week now, and ever since that day I've had these symptoms:
-migraines all day and all night
-fatigue
-feeling weak
-on and off upset stomach
-slight fever. also the feeling of overheating. it feels like its 90+ degrees when it's actually 75 and below and no one else feels its so hot.
-some muscle pain, particularly in the back of the neck
I looked up EEE symptoms on google but I don't think that's what I have...I was thinking west nile fever? my symptoms match closer to that.
I told my mom I wasn't feeling well and that I suspected west nile and she said if I still didn't feel better tomorrow that we would go to the doctors.
Does anyone have any idea what I have? Thanks! (link)
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In last year's outbreak, most people who were infected with the West Nile virus had no symptoms or they experienced mild illness with fever, headache and body aches before fully recovering. In outbreaks in other parts of the world, some people also developed a mild rash or swollen lymph glands. In some individuals, particularly the elderly, West Nile virus can cause serious disease that affects brain tissue. Encephalitis (inflammation of the brain) symptoms include the rapid onset of severe headache, high fever, stiff neck, confusion, loss of consciousness, and muscle weakness.
So it sounds like West Nile could be a possibility, but its also very unlikely. However the best thing you can do is go to the doctor. Tell him you suspect west nile and you would like some blood work done. The sooner you know, the better. I hope this helps. Good Luck.
Tandra
ps. Help me, help you. If you would like, I appreciate feedback. :)
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ANYONE WHO GOES OR WENT TO MSJC
I have a couple questions.
If you are waitlisted on all the classes you picked, what are you suppose to do?
Do you just show up on the day school starts which is 8/18/09 and sit there with the rest of the people.
I just don't understand how these classes work,
I don't even know my way around the school!
What am i suppose to do??
I'm a new student to college. I'm reallllyy nervoussss
any help greatly appreciated. (link)
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I didn't go to that school but the best thing you can do is set up an appointment with a school counselor. Here is a link to your schools webpage to set up an appointment...
http://www.msjc.edu/apps/pub.asp?Q=134&B=1
They will help you with anything you need and more. Just tell them you are nervous and have some questions. Never feel stupid, remember they deal with nervous students every year. Its normal to feel nervous your first year of college. Most schools have specific counselors for specific majors and some for undecided, etc. so look and see who would be best for you and if your not sure, call the counseling office and ask. They are there to help. I hope this helps. Good luck in college. :)
Tandra
ps. Help me, help you. If you would like I appreciate feedback. :)
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ok hi everybody...i have a sprint phone. and i am thinking about buying out of my 2 year contract so i can get a diffret company...do u knw how much it is so buy out of the contract...
ps i gt the phone last may 2008 (link)
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I think it is different for every plan. I was on a family plan and wanted to switch but it would have cost me around $200, which I thought was ridiculous so I waited til my contract was up. For you that would mean waiting 10 months. If you really dont want to wait that long you could call or go to your local Sprint store and ask them to tell you how much it would cost. Be aware though, most sprint employees will say whatever they can to talk you into staying with them. They can be pretty sneaky. If they ask questions just be blunt and honest, tell them you are not interested in being with sprint anymore, but dont be rude about it or they may not be very helpful. So my estimate is it would cost around $200 but every plan is probably different. Unfortunately, it will be expensive no matter what. :( I hope this helps.
Tandra
Ps. Help me, help you. If you would like, I would appreciate feedback.
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17/f
I was talking to a friend about my plans for university and future career in general. Granted I know things change, so I might not follow through with them 100%, but still: I had mapped out a scenario involving which major, which university, how I would finance it, volunteer work I was planning on doing, where I would live, where I would apply after completing my degree, (assuming everything went according to plan) etc... It was fairly extensive/detailed and she was the first one I had told about it. Anyways, I find out later that after talking to me she posted a note on Facebook with my plan word for word, saying that this was what she was planning on doing with her life. I know it sounds a bit infantile, but this pissed me off immensely. There's no way that this could be considered a coincidence at all. And, we do share some interests so it would make sense if we were to pick the same/similar majors, even the same university. The thing is though, her plan was exactly the same as mine, even down to the tiniest idiosyncratic detail (which make no sense coming from her). I know, I know, I'm still young and I don't know what to do with my life yadayadayada, so this plan might not work out and so there's no point overreacting.
I really feel like I should confront her about it. Am I overreacting? I feel like I might be blowing this out of proportion, but this isn't the first time I've told her something and she's done something similar(not to sound conceited or like a 5 year old, but she has a tendency to copy what I do, which really irritates me sometimes). Ok, my attempt at not sounding conceited failed, but you guys get what I mean right?
Should I just blow it off as a coincidence? What do you guys think? I feel terrible about being irritated with her over something like this.
Thanks for your time
(Sorry about the length!) (link)
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Hey. First off I think it is awesome that you made a detailed temporary map of your life. I wish I had done that when I was 17. I say you should stick to it. If your dreams and goals You are on there I say go for it and dont take any crap about it. Your never too young to be thinking of that especially at 17 when your life is just about to begin. And if you need to make some adjustments along the way, great! :) Anyway, You are definetly not blowing this out of proportion or overreacting and you have every right to feel angry and irritated. I know I would. One thing you could do is casually confront her. Say something like "So I noticed your note on your facebook and your future plans look a lot like mine." Then go from there. Or you could confront her straight up. Dont be rude though. Say something like "I dont want to argue but this is how I feel" or "I feel bad for feeling this way." It was wrong of her to do that to you but also keep in mind that this is YOUR life that you mapped out and these are YOUR hopes and dreams not hers. She's not likely going to follow this plan. But I understand that doesn't change things or justify it. She may be jealous that you know what you want to do with your life when its possible she doesn't. And maybe she copies you with other things because she doesn't really know what she likes or what her own hobbies and interests are. Maybe you could talk to her and help her create her own map. Help her figure out things she wants to do, help her find new interests. She may not know whats out there. But whatever you end up doing you should at least try talking to her. I hope this helps. Good Luck.
Love, Tandra
ps. How am I doing? If you would like, I would appreciate feedback. I am new to the site. Thanks. :)
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im trying to figure out what to wear. because i will be going into middle school next year and i dont no what is in or out. so what should i wear? (link)
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One thing you could do is go to all the "cool" or "in" clothing stores and see what outfits have already been put together by employees either on hangers or on mannequins. See what you like and if you have the money, buy it. If not write down the clothes and colors and buy similar things somewhere cheaper. Or make the outfit your own. If you dont like an outfit think "what would I add to the outfit or get rid of or change?" Look around the store for ideas. You could also look in magazines, websites and TV. Some things that are not in right now for girls are wearing all one color, anything that doesn't match and looking too slutty (for example: mini skirt AND tube top, instead do a tube top and jeans or mini skirt and short sleeved top). Some things that are in right now are long shirts with leggings and heels or flats, bright colors, browns (usually dont mix browns and brights), layers, wearing your belt over your shirt around your stomach, jewelry and cute hair accessories. Things that are not in for males are wearing all one color, anything that doesn't match and wearing your pants down so everyone can see your underwear. Whats in for guys is not my best subject but here is a website you can check out. http://www.sofeminine.co.uk/mag/fashion/d4779.html Its a website for girls to give their guy a trendy makeover but if your a guy try looking through it, it could help you too. Just remember fashion is who you are. Its not a chore or something to stress over its just fun. Experement all your favorite clothes and accessories together and your sure to look good. I hope this helps. Good luck in middle school.
Love, Tandra
ps. How am I doing? If you would like, I would appreciate feedback. I am new to the site. Thanks. :)
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i have been in the art of mesterbation and want to stop how can i stop it and what are it,s efect on me (link)
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First things first. Figure out what gets you in the mood to masturbate the very second you notice your in that mood. Was it something on TV, the internet or a book? Was it boredom or low self esteem? It could be anything... for some it could be the sound of a shower or bathtub (a common place where masturbation happens) or for some it could be the computer turning on (common noises when viewing internet pornography). Pay attention to those little things that set you off, even if its just a little bit because they make all the difference. Next I would suggest getting away from the media, bathroom, bedroom or being alone because these things could possibly tempt you more. When you get in that mood go for a walk or a jog or ride your bike. If you are not motivated to exercise a lot you could tell a trusted friend or family member about this problem. Tell them that it bothers you and you would like their help to stop. Then when you feel the temptation, tell them you need their help to be rid of the thought, talk about something else until your no longer in that mood. Two, if you would rather not tell anyone or you dont have anyone you trust that strongly then when you are in that mood you need to make sure you are NOT alone. Dont go in your bedroom, bathroom or anywhere else you can be alone. Go out with a friend, to a park or local store or if your feeling lazy or cant go anywhere just sit in the same room as a family member. You could even just grab a blanket or a chair and sit in your front yard. Your not likely going to do it outside, anyone could be watching. Another tip some people find helpful, if you have a pet, have them by your side. For some people it may be awkward touching yourself while your pet is staring at you. If none of this works and it becomes too much to handle or an addiction, you can get proffessional help from an addiction recovery therapist. Hopefully you dont get to that point. The effects of masturbation depend on if you are a guy or a girl but its usually nothing to worry about unless it is over practiced or an addiction, then it can cause psycological and physiological imbalances. Its rare though. If you want to know what these are just let me know and I will help you, otherwise I think I have left a long enough letter. :p Sorry about that. I hope this helps and Good Luck!
Love, Tandra
ps. How am I doing? If you would like, I would appreciate feedback. I am new to the site. Thanks. :)
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OK If I go to a clinic or a doctor's office to get tested for HIV or AIDS and they find out that I have HIV or AIDs then what do they do? Do they mail me a letter that says I have HIV or do they call me and tell me I was positive for it? What happens? Do I go back to the doctor and ask them about my test results? I'm confused and I don't want to just wait this out and hope I find out--I want to know so I know what to do if I don't get the called/mail/whatever...anybody know? (link)
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Every doctors office is different. Most usually give you a call and/or send a letter. No matter what they do you will find out so no need to worry about that. They usually give you an estimate on how long it will take until they get the test results then they will tell you how they will notify you. If they dont, just ask. If you are under 18 and you dont want your parents to find out yet you will have to tell them that or they may call and tell your parents or they will send a letter and your parents will open it. Some doctors offices may let you decide what to do. If you would prefer a phone call with the results ask them to call you or if you would rather walk in and get the results from your doctor in an appointment or from the nurse or receptionist ask if you can do that (just make sure you know which day they will have the results ready). You can always talk to your doctor about this too. He should be very helpful to you. I hope this helps. Good Luck!
Love, Tandra
ps. How am I doing? If you would like, I would appreciate feedback. I am new to the site. Thanks. :)
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I am fifteen and i'm a girl. first of all, i know watching porn** is wrong... but i did it just to try it. apparently it jacked up our computer and my mom found out. she emediately pointed the finger at my dad who surprisingly told her that it was him. they got into a fight but they made up. i'm pretty sure my dad knows that it was me...but he hasn't said anything to me or even acted weird around me? my mom still has no clue that it ME who was watching porn on our computer and shes making my dad pay 200 dollars in repairs for MY mistake! now i feel so guilty and its awkard just being around him.. should i confront my dad about it or pay for the repairs? or should i come clean that it was me to my mom? or should i stay quiet and hope it all blows over? :)
-avingeline (link)
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In my own opinion I think you should tell both parents. Maybe one at a time if you think it would be easier. Sure it will be awkward for awhile but things will get back to normal probably pretty quick. It is possible that your dad did look at pornography but if your dad is covering for you and he really didn't then your mom just got hurt for nothing. Pornography is very hurtful to most women and she probably feels like she isn't good enough now. Pornography has actually caused a lot of marriages to end. I dont know how your mom feels about it but if she is like most women she is probably pretty hurt and feeling bad about herself. Also, if your dad knows it was you then he knows your not coming clean about it and he may be disapointed or hurt. You will probably get a talk from one or both of your parents but once thats over things will go back to normal and you will be guilt free. :) Its the right thing to do. About the pay... if it cant be fixed at home by any of you, you should probably help pay and if it turns out your dad was looking at porn too you could split the cost between the two of you (since you wouldn't know who broke it) so your mom doesn't have to. I know it will be hard but I promise you it will all work out in the end. I'm sorry this happened. I really do wish you the best of luck. Also, I know you arent asking about this but just know how dangerous and addicting pornography can be. I hope this helps.
Love, Tandra
ps. How am I doing? If you would like, I would appreciate feedback. I am new to the site. Thanks. :)
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I have stretch marks on my thighs from a growth spurt, and I want to know if anyone has like secret tricks to get rid of them, I don't have coco butter like everyone says works, and I really can't afford to go out and buy products, does anyone have a good way to get rid of them within a few weeks or months? (link)
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I'm sorry. I understand how you feel. It sucks. Unfortunately the only way to get rid of stretch marks is surgically, which is extremely expensive. I got stretch marks on my thighs from pregnancy and I felt so ugly because of them. I hated looking at my legs in the mirror. Now four years later you can only see them if you are looking for them. It takes about 2 years for the color to fade all the way. There isn't really a way to speed up the process aside from oils, lotions and creams. I bought a cocoa butter lotion from bath and body works which was a little more expensive but it was worth it. They have a ton of lotions at wal mart though that are probably just as good for under $10. ANy type of lotion helps though. To prevent more from appearing use lotion (doesn't have to be for stretch marks) or baby oil on your thighs, butt and stomach daily. I hope this helps. Good Luck.
Love, Tandra
ps. How am I doing? If you would like, I would appreciate feedback. I am new to the site. Thanks. :)
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What is the deal with people talking about Helen Keller and stuff? Who in the world is Helen Keller? I mean, it's in that one song by 3OH!3 and I'm just confused. Maybe Helen Keller is not a person but a thing? What is Helen Keller then? I'm sick and tired of not knowing and I feel so stupid.
Oh, and speaking of the 3OH!3 song ("Don't Trust Me")...how do you do the Helen Keller? (link)
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Helen Keller (June 27, 1880 to June 1, 1968)(hey its her bday today :p) was born both blind and deaf. She had to be taught how to speak and communicate with her hands and/or body language. She was an American author, political activist and lecturer. She was the first deafblind person to earn a Bachelor of Arts degree. She was well traveled and was outspoken in her opposition to war. She campaigned for womens suffrage, workers rights and socialism as well as many other progressive causes. You should rent the movie called The Miracle Worker. Its a reinactment about Helen Keller and her teacher Annie Sullivan. You might like it.
Some people are offended by the song lyrics because they feel Helen Keller was an amazing and inspirational woman despite her disability and they feel as though 3OH!3 is making fun of people with disabiilties or sending the wrong message to children about people with disabilities.
I hope this answers your question.
Love, Tandra
ps. How am I doing? If you would like, I would appreciate feedback. I am new to the site. Thanks. :)
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I had sex with my boyfriend a couple days ago. We always use a condom, though I'm not on birth control yet or anything like that. He ejaculated while he was still inside of me, and the condom was perfectly fine but I guess it slid up a little bit, and the semen leaked out of the bottom where the condom ends... and I was just wondering, if he was thrusting/inside while he was ejaculating could that little bit of semen that dripped out cause me to get pregnant?
I'm going to the gynecologist in a couple of weeks but I was just wondering what are some possible side effects within the first few days if there are any... and I've just been noticing little things.. like I ate so much today and had to pee 4 times within the hour... and usually I do things like that but I dont know if there's anything to it or if I'm just making it something bigger than it is. (which is pretty likely)... just wanted your opinions.
thanks.
(link)
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If any semen was released inside you then there is always a possibility of pregnancy. There arent usually side effects only a couple of days after intercourse though so the eating and using the bathroom were probably just part of your normal routine like you thought. Sympoms usually begin a week or two after. Common symptoms are tiredness, irritability, loss or gain of appetite, nausea (especially to certain smells), needing to use the restroom more frequenty, sore breasts, and darkening of the area around the nipples. Its good your going to see a gynecologist soon though. I wish you the best of luck. Hope this helps.
Love, Tandra
ps. How am I doing? If you would like, I would appreciate feedback. I am new to the site. Thanks. :)
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ok, im a 14year old guy and i watch porn every day. I always wonder what a naked girl looks like , but i onlyu find 18+. is this normal for guys to be obssesed for naked girls? (link)
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It is extremely normal but its very dangerous as well. You can be curious and obsessed but you dont have to act out and watch porn. Pornography is sometimes more dangerous and more addicting than drugs. Statistics show that men who become addicted to porn are more likely to become rapists and/or petifiles. Majority of Rape incidents have been reinactments of something the rapist saw in porn. You should also know that men and women in porn are fake. They edit flaws and and any mistakes made. You will never find a real woman who is that "perfect." You dont really know these women, outside of porn they are just average women who PMS, use the bathroom, get sick and dont always have make up on. Pornography turns most guys into the immature type who will give just about anything for sex. The type that breaks girls hearts and rarely finds true happiness in a relationship. Your at an age where its not too late. I would strongly recommend talking to a trusted adult such as a family member, coach, teacher, school counselor, etc. and get an addiction recovery therapist. Dont let pornography take oevr your life. I have seen it happen to too many people and trust me, its not worth it. But the choice is up to you in the end. I hope this helps and I truly wish you the best of luck.
Love, Tandra
ps. How am I doing? If you would like, I would appreciate feedback. I am new to the site. Thanks. :)
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please. i am a christian teen and it is so hard to resist certain things. ok. i look at certain things on the computer and i am ashamed. i shouldn't be doing that. what should i do to resist the temptation or just stop the addiction all in all?
please help me!!! (link)
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I'm not trying to put anyone elses advice down but although it is normal you are in the right for being concerned (and that doesnt have to be for religious reasons). What you are looking at is what some call "the new drug" because it is just as deadly and addicting as other drugs. My first advice for you is to see an addiction recovery therapist (your church leader should be able to help you find one if you want spiritual help with this). But you must take the therapy seriously and always be honest. Know they will NEVER judge you, they just want to help, but they cant help you if you dont help them to help you. Therapy is the best way to vent your most personal feelings without worrying about being judged or about anyone finding out. You can be so much better than the people out there who say "its normal." What you are looking at is so evil that it has caused the strongest families to break up, marriages to fail, serious depression problems and its been proven that majority of rape, petifilism, beastiality and sexual abuse come from looking at too much "internet." My best advice is to get help asap. Dont let this take over and ruin your life.
Tandra
ps. How am I doing? If you would like, I would appreciate feedback. I am new to the site. Thanks. :)
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I really like to touch myself. I think its a problem. I'm really lazy too and I don't know how to motivate myself. (link)
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Motivating yourslef can be really hard, I know, especially when your in the mood to touch yourself and even though you dont want to, a part of you really does. So how do you stop? First things first. Figure out what gets you in the mood to touch yourself the very second you notice your in that mood. Was it something on TV, the internet or a book? Was it boredom or low self esteem? It could be anything... for some it could be the sound of a shower or bathtub (a common place where masturbation happens) or for some it could be the computer turning on (common noises when viewing internet pornography). Pay attention to those little things that set you off, even if its just a little bit because they make all the difference. Next I would normally suggest getting away from the media, bathroom, bedroom or being alone because these things could possibly tempt you more. Since you probably dont want to go for a walk/jog or ride your bike I have two suggestions for you. One, you could tell a trusted friend or family member about this problem. Tell them that it bothers you and you would like their help to stop. Then when you feel the temptation, tell them you need their help to be rid of the thought, talk about something else until your no longer in that mood. Two, if you would rather not tell anyone or you dont have anyone you trust that strongly then when you are in that mood you need to make sure you are NOT alone. Dont go in your bedroom, bathroom or anywhere else you can be alone. Go out with a friend, to a park or local store or if your really feeling lazy just sit in the same room as a family member, you could even just grab a blanket or a chair and sit in your front yard. Your not likely going to do it outside, anyone could be watching. Another tip some people find helpful, if you have a pet, have them by your side. For some people it may be awkward touching yourself while your pet is staring at you. If none of this works and it becomes too much to handle or an addiction, you can get proffessional help from an addiction recovery therapist. Hopefully you dont get to that point. I wish you the best of luck. Hope this helps.
Tandra
ps. How am I doing? If you would like, I would appreciate feedback. I am new to the site. Thanks. :)
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Hey umm i have this problem...im not a bad looking guy not that that matters and im very well equipped sexualy..but for the whole of my life every time i have been in the position to have sex i always back out..i start thinking too much and questioning whither or not i love the girl and i just back out, im the only 18 year old i know that hasent had sex...my question to you is: What do you think i should do and why am i so afraid to go all the way?
"Awaiting your answer"=Mr.Fantastic= (link)
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Personally I think it is awesome that you havent gone all the way. It shows respect and maturity. I think you are very intelligent to be thinking through whether or not you love the girl. Love takes time to develop, lust on the other hand takes no time at all. Going all the way can be scary for many reasons, one of which can be because your virginity is something valuable that you can never get back once you have given it away. You may want to wait until you can give it to the woman who is going to charish it the most, and that may end up being your future wife. You may be subconsciously afraid of the consequences you often hear about in health classes and TV like pregnancy or STDs. Or you may be afraid of what having sex will do to your reputation, self esteem, friendship/relationship with the girl or others, ect. There are so many possibilities as to why you are afraid but there is nothing wrong with that, its 100% normal. Everyone gets that way their first time. As for what you should do, well that is entirely up to you, but my suggestion (and this coming from someone who knows) I think you should wait until you know you are with the woman you want to share your life with. Dont throw something as valuable as your virginity away just becuase you are "in the mood" for the moment or because its what everyone else is doing. Sex is a serious matter and you are smart for thinking it through. I hope this helps. Also, if it helps I know TONS of guys who are 18 and older and are virgins... some of the best guys I know too. :)
Love, Tandra
ps. How am I doing? If you would like, I would appreciate feedback. I am new to the site. Thanks. :)
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