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old "father" figure back in my life? help me
so my parents got divorced when i was 7, im 17 now
even before my parents got divorced. i use to spend alot of time at my moms friends house, they were so close i use to think she was my aunt. anyways he husband became like my dad, at least when i was 7 thats how i thought of him since my dad was never around and i continued to go over there all the time untill i was about 9 or 10 or so, they moved several hours away and we just... lost in touch i was like really devastated because of it they ended up having a kid of there own and thats when they moved, well i got over it and ive done a lot of stuff im not proud of like i drink alot and i smoke pot.. its just how i deal with things. Well recently my "aunt" (moms old friend) got a facebook and found me well my moms real sister had a party today and i went and my moms old friend my "aunt" went with her husband and there daughter..the whole time her husband who i once thought of as my dad hung out with me and i introduced him to my boyfriend and he just said how much he missed me and loved me and if i ever needed a place to go to or stay to call him whenever i needed him and he gave me his number, i t was nice seeing him but i dont know why im so jelous of his daughter like.. i dont know how to explain it, i was also really like mad twords her husband i just felt like he wants to pick up were we left off but im 17 now and he left for quite a few years without saying anything and he wants me back in his life but i dont know how to tell him that i was so upset.. i dont know what to do like i want to be in there life but.. it just feels like i was abandoned dont get me wrong i love my mom with all my heart but she does her own thing with her knew husband and everytime i was with my "aunt" and her husband it was like i was the center of attention and we went places and did stuff as a family i started crying after the party because it was so overwhelming, should i give him chance? he actually wants me to come live with them, he doesnt want me to waste away my life drinking and stuff but.. i dont know what to do i guess im asking if i should let them back in my life? im just scared there going to leave and not talk to me for years and years like they did before or since im almost an adult just grow up and stop complaining about it?? what do i do?
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Hey there,
So I dont know from experience but if I were in your shoes I think I know how I'd feel. You are probably jealous of their daughter because for awhile you looked at this man as your father, then because of their daughter he moved away and a part of you probably feels like your "father" abandoned you and replaced you (which isn't how it really happened, but the feelings can be just the same). You are jealous because he loves her, helps raise her, and she gets to grow up with him. Its normal to feel jealous of that. Who wouldn't? Its also normal to feel a little anger towards him. However you also have to remember (and please dont take this the wrong way), you are not his daughter, if you were he would have taken you with him when he moved. He didn't really have a choice. That doesn't mean he doesn't love you. It sounds like he does and he seems to care an awful lot about you if he is willing to have you live with them. I think you should tell him and your "aunt" how you feel. Tell them that in your eyes they are family, and they are closest to family you have ever felt. Tell them if you were to live with them, it means more to you than just being a houseguest and you are worried about being left again. See how everyone feels about that. Also, they seem to want to help you with the decisions you are making in your life. So if you are not ready to stop making these decisions, you wouldn't want to disappoint them by coming back to their home drunk or high. Maybe talk to them about how you feel about it, where your at in the situation and what you want to have happen. I think it sounds like a great opportunity. Just remember not to abandon your mom. She is your real family after all. Maybe you could even talk to her about how you feel. I hope this helps and I hope you didn't take anything the wrong way. I wish you the best of luck. :)
Tandra
ps. Help me, help you. If you would like, I appreciate feedback. :)
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Hello,
I think you should have a discussion with them before you decide whether you want to move in with them or not. Tell them your fears and why you're hesitating. It sounds like the really care about you and I'm sure they didn't intend to hurt you. Tell them that you felt abandoned and that you don't want to feel that way again.
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