I work as a Customer Laison Complaints Case Officer at a major insurance company, where I have worked for 3 years. I left school when I was 17, as I had some very bad experiences at school and wanted to see what the real world had to offer.
I now live with my boyfriend of 3 years and spend my spare time reading, writing, socialising with friends or just watching some TV.
Times are still hard and I'm trying to cope with various health problems on a daily basis but I'm working my way through things and really want to stop it from getting me down.
I dream of some day going to America and watching a real baseball game (we don't have that at all in the UK) and perhaps finding a job I find creatively fulfilling. Until then, I'm happy trying to be me and making the best of what I have.
Website: My Space
Gender: Female
Location: Dorset, UK
Occupation: Customer Liaison Case Officer
Age: 21
MSN: hottchickie@hotmail.com
Member Since: January 28, 2006
Answers: 1016
Last Update: March 5, 2009
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I'm worried about my friend, she's involved with a guy that makes a fool out of her every chance he gets. i try to tell her that she should just leave him alone but, she wont listen. should i just let her be and sit back while she's being made a fool of? (link)
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I know it sounds harsh but on this occasion, you might have to. Sometimes when people are going out with someone who treats them badly, they have such low self esteem that they just don't think they can do any better so they stay with them. I've never really understood why but they also tend to become very defensive of their partner, insisting that they're wonderful and they love them, etc.
The problem is that when this happens, there's nothing anyone can say or do to convince them that she's in a bad situation. She will have to learn it for herself. This being the case, the best thing you can do is to speak to her one last time. Say that you are worried about her because you don't think this guy treats her right and you're worried she is going to get hurt. Finally, tell her that you realise you can't do anything to stop her from being with him but you want her to know that if and when something goes wrong and she realises he treats her badly, you will be there for her.
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would like to get thoughts of ex outa my head
i know he will be having a good time with other women and stay home sad (link)
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It always hurts to break up with someone you care about and unfortunately (much as we all want one) there's no absoloute cure.
However, my recommendation is almost always the same. Go out and buy a tub of the best, fattiest, most expensive ice cream (or other dessert) that you can find. Get a few weepy movies, your pj's and a BIG box of tissues.
Then lock yourself in your bedroom have two days of stuffing your face and bawling your eyes out about the whole thing. Get it out of your system. Write a letter to him, telling him how you feel (DON'T post it!!!) and then either burn it or rip it to pieces and throw it away. The point of all this is to get your emotions out in a confined space of time.
Once this is all done, draw a line under the whole thing. Resign yourself to spending no more tears of thoughts on the matter. Go out with some friends and try not to think about him. Laugh, smile - even though you might not feel like you can yet) and set your mind on meeting new guys. Trust me, there will be PLENTY out there waiting to meet you.
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I'm 16/female and the guy im talking about is 16. He has always been there for me and i think that i love him. I've known him since grade 8 and now we are in grade 11. He has a girlfriend that he tells me he's going to dump. Every time i see this guy he is with a different girl. He knows every girl and every girl i talk to likes him. But, i don't think that he likes them in that way. But then he tells me he likes me and that he always has. He tells me that he can't resist the urge to make out with me. meanwhile he has a girlfriend. So, what should i do about this guy that i love because there are so many other girls in his life. Even if we start dating he will still be all over his other friends that are girls. I'm desperate, i love him and he doesn't know, and i cant tell him either. Please help i need to know if this guy is playing me and these other girls or are his feeling are real for me. (link)
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I know you care a lot about him so this will be hard to hear. He isn't worth wasting your time on.
Suppose for a second that you were his girlfriend. Do you really think you could trust him to be faithful, based on his actions with you and the way he is always going after other women?
I know he's enticing and men like this do tend to have a sort of arrogant, confident charm and although they are bad for us, we can't help but fall for them. That being said, you shouldn't give your heart to someone who's liable to throw it on the floor and stomp on it when an opportunity for another girl comes along. Perhaps that's a little unfair, he may be faithful....but based on what you have said, the only outcome I can imagine is that you will get hurt.
So try to take your mind off him and get out and meet some new guys. Preferably guys who you know will treat you with the respect and dignity that you deserve because you can do a LOT better than a guy who is happy to treat women the way he seems to.
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13yrs female
I get these horrible stomach aches ( with gas, diarreah, nausiea) all the time. I've been to specialists numerous times and they said theres nothing they can do; its just something I'll grow out of. ( My mom and brother both had these serious stomach aches until they were 17 or 18) But I can't take em; I hate to eat because of them, everytime I eat I get a stomach ache. And when I get them I have to stay nearby a bathroom and the stomach ache won't go away for about 3-4 hours. And thats 3-4 hours of horrible pain that I can barely stand!
Does anyone else have this problem; and is there anything yall might know to help me? (link)
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It sounds as though it might be one of two things. It could either be Irritable Bowel Syndrome or it could be a food allergy/intolerance.
I suffer from Coeliac Disease and I used to get similar symptoms (although not to the extent described by you) before I went on a gluten free diet. I also suffer the same when I eat anything with lactose. Your doctor should run tests to detect any allergies or intolerances but if they refuse to this, you may wish to try limiting your intake of any items that contain gluten first for a month (it can take a while for symptoms to clear) and then try it with any foods containing lactose. For more information, see www.yourallergy.co.uk
Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) on the other hand, cannot be so easily treated. There are medications available from chemists which can help to ease the symptoms but there is no cure and the only way to try to rid yourself of it is to adjust your diet. However, again the doctor should test you for this and diagnose it.
Really I believe what you need to do is to go back to see your doctor and insist they carry out more tests because you are suffering badly and your parents pay taxes to enable you to be treated when you are suffering from an illness. If they still refuse to do anything (and they shouldn't refuse), you may need to look into changing your doctor because by the sounds of it, you really need some investigations carried out into this.
I really do hope you feel better soon.
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my friend constantly copies everyone, and changes her opinion to match everyone elses. she lies just to be the saem as everyone else. it annoys me SO much, and i hate it. how can i tell her how i feel?? (link)
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You can tell her.....but not with that wording!!
They say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. People usually copy others because they have low self esteem. They find or see someone who seems to be full of confidence and everything they wish they could be and they adopt that persons hairstyle, clothing, occasionally even mannerisms, in an attempt to make themselves appear better than they truly are.
This being the likely reason for her behaviour, you will have to be very careful about what you say to her because if you say anything like that you hate it when she does it or that it annoys you, she will take it as a huge insult and it will really hurt her feelings.
Try sitting her down and explaining that you've noticed she might have low self esteem and you're worried about her. Explain that you've spotted the way she seems to copy what everyone else is doing and that you don't want her to do that because you want to know who SHE is and get to know HER. You want to know what she thinks, wears, does from day to day. Not her version of the way everyone else does everything. Make sure she realises you still think of her as a friend and that is why you're worried.
After that, she should start to develop her own personality and she should blossom but you need to ensure everyone reacts positively when she does something or says something individual to the rest of you. Never forget that this is always better than negative reinforcement.
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The other night I had sex. My period left about 8 hours before I had sex that night. All of a sudden in the middle of me and my boyfriend doing it, I started bleeding. It was weird thought because we stopped having sex and the next morning, nothing was on the tampon. Did I bleed because I had my period or could I have just been sensitive down there? (link)
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Sometimes this does happen when you have sex soon after you ahve finished your period.
The chances are it wasn't quite finished yet and there was just a little bit left. The vigour of the sex probably just provoked it to come out when it did and this would explain why there was nothing the next morning.
Don't worry, there's nothing wrong. This sounds perfectly normal.
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Hello I'm going to the beach and i have a question i want to skip my period and i don't know if thats possible i'm not on birthcontrol pills so i don't know if there is anyway can you help thanks (link)
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I had a similar situation when I went on holiday a few years ago. However, I spoke to the doctor and he gave me pills to take to stop myself coming on.
You start taking them a few days before your period is due, then take one every day until you are ready for your period to come.
I would suggest you speak to your doctor and see if they can provide you with this. Otherwise, you may have to accept you will be stuck with using tampons I'm afraid.
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Ok... sorry its so long but i really need help.
so I had this really close friend for about 2 years now. But recently I got really mad at her and told her I didn't want to be her friend anymore.
She kept saying I was lying about certain people who were my friends and lying about stuff I did and turing my best friend against me. Then I lied once to her... So i wouldn't hurt her feelings... and she automatically thought that everything I had made her realize weren't lies... really were.
I have never lied to her except that one time... and now my other friend treats me weird cause this mutal friend keeps tellin her stuff about me.
She pisses me off SOOOO bad... I would tell her something that was really important to me and shes laugh and quickly go onto herself for a long period of time or just roll her eyes. And she was always really moody and jelous.
And now I've been hearing shes talking about me behind my back all the time and in the classes I have with her she's always staring at me. My friend sent me a convo she had with my ex-friend where that girl was talking about me.
So I IMed this girl on AIM... and she told me she doesn't talk about me and shes got better things to do than that. And I had proof she was talking about me.
So now I'm worried I'm going to lose my friends because of her... and she's a lying bitch herself... NOT me
SOMEONE HELP!!!
(link)
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This girl is obviously very manipulative and cunning, to convince your friends to listen to her rather than you.
Although situations like this are truly horrible, you need to think of it as an opportunity to see who your real friends are. After all, if they were truly your friends, surely they wouldn't make up their minds about you based on some speculation from someone else?
Arguments like this happen a LOT when you're getting older and although it will begin to happen less over time, you need to learn to keep it together when it happens.
Remember that you have done NOTHING wrong and there's no need for you to keep sticking your neck out to defend yourself. You may want to and you may be so mad at her you could bite her ear off! But the best thing you can do is speak to the friends she's turning against you and say something similar to "I haven't lied to her constantly. I did lie once but that was to spare her feelings. You should know me well enough to know that I wouldn't lie to someone like that and if you don't believe me then that's fine because at least I know the truth. It's up to you to think what you like." Leave it at that. Say enough to clear your name, without getting upset and after that they need to be left to their own devices.
The whole thing will eventually clear up but throughout everyone's lives, someone will always be saying something nasty behind their backs. You need to accept this because there will never be anything you can do to stop it. Let them think what they want and anyone who is truly your friend will standy by you throughout it because they will trust you not to behave the way others say you have.
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okay here it goes.. when i was 11, i meet this boy... lets call him bob, and he was sorta a jackass to me, so then we went on for about 5 years not talking to eachother. but we did see each other around the town, we didnt even say hi to eachother, so then i move from the town i was living in with my dad, and attend another skool, on my second day of my new skool i see him again, and then me and him started talking and i figured out that he really changed in those 5 years,but i found out he has a girlfrand, so i flirt with him and write him letters explaining how much i like him, then i invited him over to my house, and he makes out with me, and he cheated on his gf twice be4 breaking up with her.. he exclaimes hes sorry for how hes treated me and that he fell in love with me.. so 5 months later hwere dating and he asks to marry me... my problem is i love him but i dont kno if im ready for the commitment yet.. (link)
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Are you sure that it's the commitment you're not ready for or is it that you're not sure you want to commit to him?
I say this because the fact you have raised up him cheating on his last girlfriend implies you may not trust him enough not to do the same thing to you. If you don't feel you can trust him and that is really the issue here, then you may be better off not marrying him. But it depends on whether or not you wish to allow him the benefit of the doubt.
Whatever your reasons for not being sure if you want to commit right now, marriage is one of the biggest commitments you can make. If you're not sure you're ready to do it but you do love this man, there's no shame in telling him that you love him and you don't want things to end but you're just not ready for marriage yet.
If he truly loves you then he will understand this. You're not turning him down, you're just delaying things and if you explain it like this, he should be reasonable about it.
On the other hand, you have to remember that being in love with someone doesn't always mean they are right for us. We can fall in love with bad boys who treat us like dirt but we know they are bad and won't treat us right in the long run. What I am saying is you need to look at this from a different perspective. Do you really want to be with this man for the rest of your life? If the answer is no, perhaps you are better off splitting and finding the man you are truly mean to be with and in so doing, allowing him to find the woman he is meant to be with also.
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I have been sick the last two days and haven't gone to school. I heard from one of my other friends that at lunch my friend Becca was talking about me and not saying very nice things, though he wouldn't say specifically what she said. The thing is, Becca nags on me a lot, and she's kind of hypocritical. She thinks she is a lot better than the rest of us, but I don't think it's a conscious thought. She called me last night, and I talked to her like normal, and she was actually nice, and we were laughing and stuff. I wanted to bring it up, but I hate fights and I don't want to make things awkward when I do go back to school and have to sit next to her at lunch. Now, I won't lie, I've nagged on her a few times too, but it seems like lately she is being more hypocritical than usual, and talking behind my back instead of telling me to my face. Everything that I've been upset with her about I've talked calmly and to HER, not others. I'm just afraid that if I bring it up and ask her what she has to say to me that she will feel attacked (she is a little sensitive). What should I do?? (link)
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With something like this, it will never be an easy situation but when confronting her about it, you can make it as casual as possible. Rather than going in all guns blazing (so to speak), ask her if you can have a private word with her.
When you get a minute alone with her, say to her that you've gotten word that she was saying some unpleasent things about you while you were away and you were a little hurt by it. Admit that it's not uncommon and you've done it too (although you might want to add 'probably' to that, so as not to give the can more worms)but that in future, if you do or say something she doesn't agree with, you'd rather she told you to your face so you can sort it out because saying things behind each others backs makes it far harder to have a trusting friendship.
She should respond positively to this, as long as you say it in a calm way and don't sound at all agressive. After that, drop the matter and try to go back to normal with each other. If you both truly do agree not to bitch behind backs any longer, there should be no further problems.
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Okay. To make a long story short, I've liked this guy andrew for about 6 months now. But for a while I had this boyfriend Ian...we broke up a while ago. Well Andrew has liked me A LOT for 6 months too and now my soposive best friend is trying to steal him from me. I don't want this. I really like...even love this guy and he's just...the most sweetest guy ever. I've had a really tough year this year and he just makes me feel so much better...he means the world to me and we wanna date eachother but my "best friend" likes him. he thinks shes annoying. but id feel bad datng him. WHAT DO I DO!?!?! (link)
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If you really do feel this strongly about this guy then you ought to do something about it. Tell him that you have feelings for him and you were hoping you could be more than just friends. I think you'll find he will be open to this.
As for your friend, I think you can firmly rule her out of the equation. If she knows full well that you truly care about him, she should know better than to swoop in and try to take him from you. This being said, she's not a threat so you may as well leave her to make an idiot out of herself. Normally I'm against this sort of thing but trying to steal a guy your best friend loves is low and if she doens't listen to you then maybe she will listen to Andrew!
Don't feel bad about this. She doesn't feel bad about trying to steal him from you so why should you feel bad about being with the man you love? You need to grab your chances at happiness in life whenever they come along and this may be yours so take it now before the window passes.
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ok so how come some people kiss with their tongues and some dont?!?! lol
and if you want to kiss with your tongue and the "two people" have never kissed with their tongue how do you get that to happen (link)
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Some people feel a little uncomfortable with using tongues when kissing because they don't like the idea of having someone else's tongue in or on their mouth. Other people like it because it's an intimate way to kiss someone and quite passionate.
If you've not kissed a boy using your tongues before, it's best to ease into it. A lot of people start off by ramming their tongues into each others mouths and I can promise you that will NOT be pleasent!!
When you kiss normally, just open your mouth slightly and poke your tongue out just enough to touch your partner's lips with your tongue. Just do that until you get a little more confident about it and as you do, begin to just slightly move your tongue towards his mouth. It shoudl reach the stage where your tongues just touch in between your mouths. From there one of you can then slightly push your tongue into the others mouth. Don't push it in very far, only as far as is comfortable and just pull it in and out gently. Don't do it too fast or it will feel really rushed.
Most of all, try to relax into it and don't move on to do this until you're ready because using tongues can be quite intimidating at first.
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Okay. So, I have this boyfriend.
We've been going out for about a weeks or so now.
We saw each other a lot before we started going out. And this is my first boyfriend in almost a year, so I'm used to being single.
Because we aren't hanging out with each other at all since we started dating I don't feel like he's even there. He goes to a different school and can never see me because neither of us have rides to see each other.
I want a boyfriend But I don't.
I'm not sure if I should wait and see how it goes
or just end it now.
I mean how am I supposed to know if there's anything there if I've never hung out with him? (link)
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There's nothing wrong with wanting a boyfriend but it sounds to me that you're with this guy for the wrong reasons.
Wanting a boyfriend is fine but it sounds like you want an actual relationship and it's too hard to try to have that with someone you never get to see!
Try to find out if there is a reason for his sudden disappearance from your life, in case there's a valid explanation. Otherwise, give it another week and let him go. There are guys out there who you can have a proper relationship with who won't ignore you and this is what you seem to really want right now.
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hi, I'm a 17 year old guy. this girl (a bit older than me) across the street mentioned to my brother that she wants to borrow a game, which i happen to own. well i'm done with the game and think this might be an opportunity for me to get to know her better. would it be too weird and too forward if i went over there, and gave the game to her personally? i barely ever see her around the street, but i quite like her and thought i could strike up a conversation with her. so.. would this be too weird and intrusive to go over to her place and give it to her? shes been waiting for me to finish it for a while. just want to know what the done thing is in this kind of situation.
thanks peeps. (link)
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No that's not weird at all!
If your brother agreed to let her borrow the game without even asking you then it makes sense that you should be the one to give it to her.
Take it over and make sure you look her in the eye when you talk to her. Tell her you're sorry it took so long to bring it over but she can borrow it now. If there's any way you can play it with more than one person, offer her help or someone to play it with sometime if she's interested. Or try offering that when she's finished with it she could borrow another if she liked.
This way you can find a good reason to start up a conversation, while staying on the topic so it doesn't sound too forward. If she then does come to you to ask you to play or to borrow another game, there's a chance she might be interested and you can progress the conversation to other things.
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okay so I have known this girl (my best friend) for years we are both 17 and almost 18 and latley she has been totally ditching me, and this guy I have liked for many years just home because he moved for 2 years and now she tells me she likes him, and whenever we hang out she'll say how she got to spend so much time with him or whatever it really bothers me though what should i do, is she jelous? and also when people give me compliments she tries to tell me that they didn't mean it or it isn't true!! HELP.
(link)
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Niiiiiiice. Yes, she is very jealous of you and she's not a very good friend to you either if she can try to deny you some deserved and well meant compliments.
It sounds to me as though she suffers from low self esteem, as the majority of people who suffer from jealousy, do so because of their own personal insecurities. After all, why envy someone else's lot when you're happy with your own?
Next time she does any of this, just look at her and tell her that it's fair enough if she has low self esteem but she shouldn't use that to make you feel bad about yourself. Misery may love company but it's a selfish way to be.
If she still won't get her jealousy under control after this, you'll need to decide whether you want to continue your friendship with her. If you decide not to, explain to her that you can't be friends with someone who spends so much time going out of her way to make other people - namely you - feel bad about themselves and maybe now she'll realise there are consequences to her behaviour.
She should come to her senses after that or she'll be trapped with her bitterness for a very long time.
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well these guys at my lunch table where saying something like oh no guy shaves down there.(i don't know how we got on the subject ) all four of the boys agreeded with each other. so are they right? like i thought they did since girls do. but i don't know.
thanxx (link)
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Assuming you're talking about pubic hair, VERY few men do. There are a number of reasons for this but the main one being that it is basically very uncomfortable for them, as it starts itching badly when the hair begins to grow back.
A lot of men also think it makes them seem too 'feminine', as it's well known that a lot of women...tidy themselves up in that area too.
This being said, there are men who like to do it as they feel it is a sign of cleanliness and that it makes them more appealing to the opposite sex when in the bedroom.
Really, it just depends on what the guy himself is like but the majority of men probably wouldn't even consider it as an option.
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ok my dad wasnt home so i snuck a reeses peanut butter cup, even though i wasnt supposed to have one and i dropped it and my dog ate it...is he going to die? please help me i am so scared right now...hes a wire fox terrior, 1 year old and weighs about 18-20 pounds if that helps...please help me danielle (link)
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No he won't die. Dogs aren't mean to eat chocolate because it is bad for them and a lot of it can kill them but one piece won't result in death. My parents dog once ate my entire chocolate advent calender while I was out and he was fine afterwards!!
So please don't worry about it. He will be fine.
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I am 20. When I was almost 15, I was a bridesmaid in my only sister's wedding. I didn't really want to be, as my sister and I don't get along, but she wanted me in her wedding because it's "traditional" to have your sister as a bridesmaid. As a bridesmaid, I was outfitted with a butt-ugly uncomfortable dress to wear. After the ceremony was over, I promptly gave it to Goodwill.
Periodically since then, my sister has asked for the dress back, claiming she wants to borrow it herself or loan it to a friend. I have never had the nerve to tell her what I did with the dress and have always claimed I "lost" it. The question came up again recently and my sister kind of exploded and demanded to know how the dress could have been "lost" for nearly six years. She actually went to my room and began digging through my dresser drawers and closet (without my permission), trying to find the dress. I told my mother about it all later and confessed what had really happend to the dress and she was horrified that I had given it away.
This is really a two-prong question:
1. Was it wrong for me to give away the dress? I was under the impression that it was mine to do as I liked with -- no one indicated that it was only on loan -- and I had no use for it. I always give away possessions I don't want anymore, it was not a reflection on my sister or her wedding.
2. Should I, after all this time, finally tell my sister what I did with the dress? I believe she suspects the truth by now anyway. (link)
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It's a bit of a difficult one. Usually when there's a significant event in someone's life, they are expected to keep certain 'mementos' and in this case, this would mean the dress you were given.
However, in my personal opinion, if nobody said to you that you needed to keep hold of the dress or that it might belong to someone else or be needed back at any point, I can't see any reason why someone would assume this to be the case. If you had it for a while before she started asking for it back, you were given no reason to believe you might be asked to give it back and I believe that under the circumstances, you did something you had no reason to think was wrong.
Unfortunately, while I agree that there was nothing wrong with what you did, I don't think your family would agree!!!
Yes, you do need to tell her what happened but you need to do so calmly. This means no screaming, no shouting and no verbal abuse! Hard to keep that under control with an angry sibling around, I know but it's got to be done. Take her out somewhere for lunch or something if you can. Sit her down and say "Look, there's something I need to tell you and I really hope you don't get too angry with me about it because at the time I didn't think I was doing anything wrong. After your wedding, I gave the dress I was given to wear as your Bridesmaid away. I thought it was a dress given to me as mine and I never thought you would ever want it back so I didnt know it would be a problem at the time. I'm really sorry."
She probably will scream and shout at you and she will be really angry but don't retalliate by shouting back. She's bound to be upset and you need to let her get it out. Apologise as much as you can but accept that it can't be fixed, there's nothing that can be done and her getting very upset about it won't change the fact the dress has gone. It was a long time ago and once she's calmed down she will hopefully realise this.
Good luck!
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today someone told me that she liked me. i kind of like her too, but her friends hate me. so should i ask her out? if i decide not to ask, then how do we keep things the way they were...(not weird/awkward) (link)
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Ignore the friends. They're not part of your relationship and if she likes you and told you, which she has done, it means she doesn't seem to care what they think either.
You shouldn't be too put off by the thoughts of other people. Some people can be very judgemental and the chances are they don't like you because they just don't know you.
If you like this girl then you should go for it and forget about what everyone else thinks about it.
Should you choose not to go for it with her, you need to let her know that's what you have decided and why you made that choice. It wouldn't be right not to give her some form of closure on this. Explain to her why and that although she does feel this way, you really don't want it to wrck your friendship.
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my sweet 16 is in august and i'm starting to run out of time! this is a special birthday as you know, so it needs to be good. i need ideas for what to do, under two conditions: nothing dancing, and nothing too expensive (thousands of dollars), ya know! give me ANY ideas you have because i can't think of anything and i'm scared i won't be able to do anything in time and it will be a dissapointing birthday. thanks! (btw, to help you out: i live near san fran, i do like music, uh... yeah.) (link)
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My sister came up with a real good idea for a party once. A themed 'oscars night' or 'Hollywood' party. There were going to be clapper boards on the walls and fake camera film rolls and so on.
There were going to be plastic martini or champagne glasses and everyone had to come dressed like their favourite movie star/character or as though they were going to the Oscars. This way, there was plenty of scope for those who wanted to come in fancy dress or those who didn't feel like fancy dress, they could just dress up really smartly.
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