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Okay to ditch the bridesmaid's dress?
I am 20. When I was almost 15, I was a bridesmaid in my only sister's wedding. I didn't really want to be, as my sister and I don't get along, but she wanted me in her wedding because it's "traditional" to have your sister as a bridesmaid. As a bridesmaid, I was outfitted with a butt-ugly uncomfortable dress to wear. After the ceremony was over, I promptly gave it to Goodwill.
Periodically since then, my sister has asked for the dress back, claiming she wants to borrow it herself or loan it to a friend. I have never had the nerve to tell her what I did with the dress and have always claimed I "lost" it. The question came up again recently and my sister kind of exploded and demanded to know how the dress could have been "lost" for nearly six years. She actually went to my room and began digging through my dresser drawers and closet (without my permission), trying to find the dress. I told my mother about it all later and confessed what had really happend to the dress and she was horrified that I had given it away.
This is really a two-prong question:
1. Was it wrong for me to give away the dress? I was under the impression that it was mine to do as I liked with -- no one indicated that it was only on loan -- and I had no use for it. I always give away possessions I don't want anymore, it was not a reflection on my sister or her wedding.
2. Should I, after all this time, finally tell my sister what I did with the dress? I believe she suspects the truth by now anyway.
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Your sister sounds like a snot and only asking for this 6 yr old dress to bother you in the first place. Yes, the dress was yours to keep or do whatever you wanted with.
Tell her that it was your dress to do whatever you wanted with, you had it in the closet for a year or so and then donated it to goodwill as it did not suit you for any other occasions.
If she keeps harping about it, say the exact same thing. Let her crab some more and repeat the exact same thing. There's something else up here for her to be such a B over a 6 yr old bridesmaid dress!
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ok so first you were 15! thats reason to make a mistake in the first place and yea usually in a wedding the dress is yours to keep unless your told it isnt BEFORE the wedding you gave it away because you didnt want it you probably just should have given it back to your sister if you didnt want it but hey we all make mistakes right? i think you should tell your sister and apologize but remind her you were 15 when you gave it away and admit it was a mistake hopefully if she sees your sorry she will forgive you. good luck!
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It's a bit of a difficult one. Usually when there's a significant event in someone's life, they are expected to keep certain 'mementos' and in this case, this would mean the dress you were given.
However, in my personal opinion, if nobody said to you that you needed to keep hold of the dress or that it might belong to someone else or be needed back at any point, I can't see any reason why someone would assume this to be the case. If you had it for a while before she started asking for it back, you were given no reason to believe you might be asked to give it back and I believe that under the circumstances, you did something you had no reason to think was wrong.
Unfortunately, while I agree that there was nothing wrong with what you did, I don't think your family would agree!!!
Yes, you do need to tell her what happened but you need to do so calmly. This means no screaming, no shouting and no verbal abuse! Hard to keep that under control with an angry sibling around, I know but it's got to be done. Take her out somewhere for lunch or something if you can. Sit her down and say "Look, there's something I need to tell you and I really hope you don't get too angry with me about it because at the time I didn't think I was doing anything wrong. After your wedding, I gave the dress I was given to wear as your Bridesmaid away. I thought it was a dress given to me as mine and I never thought you would ever want it back so I didnt know it would be a problem at the time. I'm really sorry."
She probably will scream and shout at you and she will be really angry but don't retalliate by shouting back. She's bound to be upset and you need to let her get it out. Apologise as much as you can but accept that it can't be fixed, there's nothing that can be done and her getting very upset about it won't change the fact the dress has gone. It was a long time ago and once she's calmed down she will hopefully realise this.
Good luck!
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As long as you either paid for the dress yourself or it was a gift then you have every right to do whatever you want with it. I think you did the right thing by giving it away. Why let it sit in your closet when someone else can enjoy it? I'm sure your sister knew that you didn't like it and she knows you pretty well so she shouldn't be surprised that you don't have it. Tell her what you did and tell her why you were reluctant to tell the truth. Be as honest as you can. She will probably get mad, but she'll get over it. I think she will understand. You're both adults. I hope that everything goes well and good luck!
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If it's been six years, it's been six years. If after six years she finally wants it back than that's her own fault. Did she know you hated the dress? I'm assuming she did so she should realize you weren't going to keep it.
Yes, you should tell her. She may be angry, but you didn't need that dress and someone at good will did.
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I think it would really put the subject to rest once and for all. If she had wanted it back she should have made it clear from the start.
I don't see why you would have been expected to keep an ugly dress forever. As I said, she could have mentioned wanting it back were that the case. She probably should have known that you had a tendency to get rid of clutter.
You are probably right in thinking she already has her suspicions. Confess and get it over with. :)
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