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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

F/ 18.
HJ= Hand Job.
okay so i was wondering, how i could give my bf a hj?

You may want to look at the following website's as well as using a search engine for more information. Just type in; "Giving a boy a good hand job", that's what I did.

http://www.thesite.org/sexandrelationships/havingsex/performanceproblems/givetheboyahand

http://givingahandjob.com/

Well my boyfriend and I will be making out and he's fingered me before and I want to know how to go about giving him a hand job. Like should we be making out at the same time as I give him a hand job? Do the pants have to come off? And like will it be hard to "smoothly slide my hand up and down" or is it not? What are other tips yanno? Can he be fingering me and I be jerking him off at the same time? Haha, sorry this is awkward.

You may want to look at the following website as well as using a search engine for more information. Just type in; "Giving a boy a good hand job", that's what I did.

http://www.thesite.org/sexandrelationships/havingsex/performanceproblems/givetheboyahand

my boyfriend and i have just started to have sex. He cannot finish during sex, head or hand jobs. He told me he has never finished from a girl pleasing him before just from himself masturbating. What do I do? Is it him? Is it me? He gets discouraged after about 15 minutes of sex and gets sad and thinks he needs to see a doctor. Help!

Your boyfriend should see a urologist as well as his family doctor. The problem could be physical.

The problem could also be he masturbates to much. But I don't think that is fully the problem since he can't finish with a hand job or head either.

The problem could also be psychological, that being the fear of getting you pregnant. That fear can be very real, even if he is using a condom and you are on birth control. That fear can be so deep seated as to go back to what his parents, usually a domineering mother, has told him about sex and pregnancy.

If everything physically checks out then you should help him find a psychologist who specializes in sexual dysfunction. If you go together you can help him as the psychologist can at some point offer you exercises to do together that will help him overcome this dysfunction.

You do not say how old you are though it does not matter. You are a wonderful girlfriend for wanting to help your boyfriend with this problem. Many girls or women would just ridicule a boy or man with this problem.

By the way, your boyfriends, as long as he is over 13 can seek medical advice and treatment without parental consent and with full medical confidentiality by law. The law is called HIPPA, you can research it if you like. Basically the law says that his doctors can tell no one about his medical visits or treatment without his written permission, this includes his parents.

Me and my boyfriend have been together almost two months, but we been friends for nearly a year. His parents approve, mines don't. Mines are hardcore Asian parents. Race matter to my parents, perfection matters, but those are like parts of the reason they don't want me to date him. Also age is. I am 19, we both are. They say we are too young and wants me to focus on school. Well I do focus on school, but I also want a boyfriend. but they are like no, either boyfriend or move out. Well I tried to tell them I can do both. But they want us to end our relationship in the end. So since we want to be serious and our relationship is serious, he told me to move in with him and his family. I been considering because of all the restrictions put on us. I am 19 my parents treat me like I am 16. I have money saved but no job, and he has a job. We are planning on me moving out tomorrow. But I am scared if it might be too soon. What do you think I should do. I want my freedom. Should I wait a few days.

HI, I am old enough to be your grandfather and I am hoping the wisdom of my age will show you the answer to your question.

This is not a question anyone can answer for you. All anyone can do is point out the pros's and con's of what you are wanting to do. Then you have to weigh the information presented to you and make the final decision.

From what you have written and the fact that you have written to us; my feeling is you are not yet ready to move out. You point out; "I have money saved but no job, and he has a job", this is an important fact. Somewhere in your logical thinking you are worried about finances. The one thing that will break up a young couple is money problems and I believe somewhere in both your heart and mind you realize this.

Then there is the other thing you wrote:your parents are "are hardcore Asian parents. "Race matter to my parents, perfection matters". I do not want to say you are fearful of your parents; you are more caught in the respect an Asian child has for parents and family that an Asian child has that is raised in a strict Asian home. I would take this to mean your boyfriend is non-Asian?

What this boils down to is not moving out but the problems you will possibly incur and be burdened with if you do so. They are potential monetary problems, loosing the respect of your parents for moving out and moving in with a non Asian. Then there is school to be concerned about. Given time I believe you can address each of these problems individually. By moving out these problems are dumped on you in one basketful.

One thing I do know about Asian parents is they truly love their children and what only the best for them; that is the reason they are so strict. The Race problem can be addressed overtime; as I said your parents want the best for you and if this boy is truly the best for you, will make a good husband to you, will cherish you as a husband should; they will see this and eventually approve. Right now what they see is a hound dog, (definition: some one that wants only what is in your pants). The monetary problems will self-correct as the two of you you complete your schooling.

Yes you want your freedom; your parents want you to honor their Asian values. Here in America the two values clash. The best suggestion I can offer you is this: I do not feel you are ready to leave home. You are upset by your parents insistence that you honor their values.

There is an American saying that many American children here which is appropriate to tell you of here; " As long as you live under my roof, you live by my rules." I can't tell you how many letters we receive concerning that one statement. So you are not alone in what your hearing from your parents and their values are not that much different from American parents values either.

Stay at home, if you and your boyfriend are meant to be you will find away to be together that meets with your parents approval. To that end you need to calmly discuss this with your parents. Explain to them that you love them and would like to honor them and their Asian values, that things are different here and that you are an Asian-American who needs to find away to live within the two cultures. To do so you need a little more freedom. Freedom to date, freedom to learn how to get by in the American culture, freedom to make choices that they may not always approve of but are what you need to make your way in this foreign land. You also need to go off to college to study so that you can be independent should you need to.

IF I'm correct your parents will understand if you approach them calmly. Your parents would like you to honor your Asian heritage; their is nothing wrong with this. In fact I support this; all to often we have lost our heritage because the future generations felt it was too old world.

Think about what I have said, then make your decision.

I have been skinny all my life. I am 15 years old and I have a fast motabolism. I eat all the time and as much as I possibly can. I've even counted every calorie once to make sure I was eating enough! I want to gain weight in my arms and legs especially! My legs look like sticks to me. I'm tired of people telling me how I look anorexic or asking me if I am anorexic. How can I gain weight with a high motabolism?

Hi, I am old enough to be your grandfather. Hopefully the wisdom that comes with my age will be helpful to you.

The first thoughts that come to mind are: That at your age it is not unusual to have a fast metabolism; especially if your athletically inclined. At your present age you body is still adjusting to the effects of puberty and can continue to do so well into your mid 20's.

There can be other causes for a fast metabolism. If you have not discussed this with your family doctor you should. A complete physical, including a thyroid scan is in order, to rule out any physical reason that can be addressed.

Once your doctor is satisfied that physically everything is in order; the best you can do is live with the condition. Exercise to tone up you muscles. You might employ a physical trainer or ask your physical education teacher what exercises will help you tone up those parts of you body that will enhance your physical image; such as calves, thighs and arm muscles.

My advice is: You see your doctor to make sure that from the medical side nothing is wrong. Then work to tone and enhance your physical image through exercise.

You may also want to discuss with your doctor the chances of your metabolism slowing once puberty is completed. I say this as you are conditioning yourself to eat more that what you will need once your metabolism slows if it slows. So you need to know what signs to look for and how and when to start adjusting. When that happens, if it happens, you will find it is easier to put weight on then take it off.

im not saying im scuicidal but just wondering what other people think on it. Do you guys see it as a person going thru so much that decided to end his misery. Or do you see it as some shallow uncaring jerk that decided to end it. I dont know i just kind of want peoples opinions on the subject whatever it may be.

Someone contemplating suicide is some one who is in so much physical or mental pain that they are desperate for relief. They see suicide as an option of last resort feeling that nothing else has worked or will work. They are in fact out of their mind with fear and desperation.

Anyone considering suicide as the only answer is deeply depressed. Depression clouds ones thinking, their ability to focus clearly and how they perceive things. One could say that you perceive it therefore it is. For someone not suffering from deep depression this is probably a true statement. For someone suffering from deep depression they are not perceiving things as they are. You could put this in terms of if something is blue they are seeing red.

No one wakes up one morning and says "I'm going to kill myself". They travel a long road to get to this point. There are tell tale signs to look for if you know the person well enough.

If you would like to learn more about the signs and symptoms of suicide the following websites contain some interesting and useful information.

http://www.medicinenet.com/suicide/page4.htm
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/suicide_prevention.htm

So, my mother drinks every night of the weekends, and sometimes during the week nights. We tend to argue more when she drinks. The past two nights, it has been especially bad. She says low blows and insults, and treats me like I'm a child (I just turned 18 a couple months ago). She'll find any excuse to create a fight. I've tried talking to her about this in the past, but it gets nowhere. She just tells me that I'm "always trying to make her feel guilty" or scream at me for calling her an alcoholic. I have mentioned it to my dad in the past and he brought it up to her, who just got angry at me. I honestly don't think she's an alcoholic, just that she cannot control her emotions well when she drinks. During these fights she'll always say that it's my fault. That I caused it. When that's never the case. These fights are just getting progressively worse... I'm not sure if it's because her mom is sick or because I'm older now (and her last child.. I'll be leaving for college soon) and that scares her perhaps. I don't know what to do about any of this because she completely takes no blame for anything, and acts like I'm creating all these problems. Somebody please help me.
thanks,
distressed daughter

Based on what you have written it is my opinion, and the opinion of others you will talk to, should you follow my advice, that your mother is indeed an alcoholic.

I could go into a long dissertation of why I feel this way; most of my reasons are already written in your writing to us. Your mothers drinking habits and changes in her character are primary symptoms of an alcoholic. The problem(s) you face is you cannot make her change; she has got to want to change. Until she accepts the fact that she is an alcoholic she will not stop drinking.

The best advice I can offer you is to contact alateen.

Alateen is part of Al-Anon, which helps families and friends of alcoholics recover from the effects of living with the problem drinking of a relative or friend. Alateen is our recovery program for young people. Alateen groups are sponsored by Al-Anon members.

The only requirement of membership is that there be a problem of alcoholism in a relative or friend. Follow this link to find an alateen meeting in your area: http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html

As I said you cannot force your mother to stop drinking. Through alateen you will meet people like yourself who have similar problems as yours and you will learn how not only to deal with those problems but how to protect yourself.

Go to an alateen meeting or two, I believe you will find that attending these meetings will help you find the answers you are looking for.

my name is Rachel and iam a 22 year old female and lately i've noticed that Iam fine during the winter but when it gets closer to the summer iam more depressed and iam not depressed at all during the winter or could it be that I have a lot of bad memories during the summer time like a week before I turn 22 which is on april 4th I was molested by my dad 19 years ago. my best friend died on father's day,my dad died when I was 12 and father's day is coming up, my dad's b-day is in may and my best friends birthday is in july.

Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather and someone who suffers from depression. While I'm not a doctor and none of us on this site are; suffering from depression allows me to know of the symptoms.

You have a number of stressors that anniversary at the start of the summer. It is understandable that this would cause you to be in somewhat of a down mood at that time of year. How long you remain down would indicates' whether or not this was symptomatic of depression.

The one thing that stands out in your writing and would be another cause of depression, possibly relationship problems, is the molestation by your dad. You would have been 3 years old at the time and would I be correct in saying that most likely professional help was not given to you. Probably because it was felt you were to young to remember what happened.

If I am correct in my thinking I apologize for those who felt this way. This had to have been a very traumatic event in your life and one that would not be forgotten but would also have a life long effect on you if left unaddressed professionally.

While I do not think you are totally symptomatic of depression, and I could be wrong as I may not have all the facts here. I still feel that based on the molestation and that you do feel very down at a specific time of the year, being examined by a psychologist is a good idea. You may also want to be examined by a psychiatrist to see if antidepressants will be effective in treating you or if talk therapy with the psychologist is enough.

When picking a psychologist it is important to find someone you are comfortable talking with as you will be talking to someone about some very personal aspects of your life. This is necessary if you want to unburden and learn how to deal with these stressors. You may have to go through more than one or to psychologists to find someone your comfortable with; this is normal. I myself went through 3 before finding someone I could comfortably talk to.

My fiance (23 years old) just graduated from college in December, and is applying for engineering jobs. He had a second interview with one company on February 18th, and they said they'd call him back within a week. He waited for until last Thursday, March 3, before giving them a call (he'd already sent a thank you e-mail), and when he did call they apologized for not getting back to him sooner, that they'd been very busy and one of the interviewers had been out of the office, and said they'd be in contact within a week.

Well, it's been a week, and now there's a further complication. He has an offer of summer employment with his part time employer, but it's on a contractual basis and would require him to move away for 4 months. He needs to give that employer an answer by Tuesday. Unfortunately, gambling is not really an option for us because I'm not working right now and we have a house to pay for. Is it okay for him to give the company a call and let them know that he's got another offer with time restraints, or is that unprofessional?

DangerNerds' answer is very good. I will only add that many times when interviewing I will tell someone I will make my decision by the end of the week and get back to the them. This is away of terminating an interview whether the person I'm interviewing is someone I'm interested in or not, even if it is a second or even a third interview.

Personally I have never liked receiving the a phone call saying; "I have another offer but would prefer to work for your company." No matter how well intentioned the prospective caller is I find it pushy. Even if my intention was to offer the caller the job and for whatever reason I have not yet done so my general response has been to tell the caller that I may not be able to meet their deadline for the other job offer and that they should probably take it.

I will say this have been just as many time I have called a prospect to offer a position only to be told they have accepted another position. Then there have been times that a applicant has accepted my position and called back later to rescind their acceptance. Make what you want or need to out of of this.

So here you have two sides of the same question. DangerNerds' which is to go ahead and so with the explanation you have given and mine as I have given. Frankly your rolling the dice on this as it can go for or against you.

Hi.

i am 14 yrs and am 1mth preggers and dont know what i should do. i hate the thought of an abortion and adoptipton but i am only 14 and am still a kid... what should i do, is an abortion the right chioce?

NinjaNeer Has given you some very good advice. The choice as to have or not to have an abortion is probably one of the hardest choices you will have to make; but it is one that you and you alone have to make.

At age 14 you are by law old enough to make this choice , your parents cannot force you to have an abortion or even stop you from having an abortion. Some Pro-Life states have passed laws requiring Parental approval for someone your age before they can have an abortion. Those laws are for the most part still working their way through the court system and for the most part been over turned as they go against Federal Law. If your state does require parental approval you just go to another state that does not, should you decide to have an abortion against parental wishes.

I tell you this so you are informed. You have a right to know what your rights are so that you can make an informed decision. Part of that decision is what is right for the baby if you carry it to term. You are in no position, at this time, to be properly responsible for a child.

The father of the child has responsibilities as well even if he too is a minor. The father, if a minor, is in no position to raise a child. This means both your parents and his will need to step in and help you with everything that goes into raising a child until you are properly able to care for the child yourself. The father has financial responsibilities until the child is 18 years of age.

This will require a lawyer to file the proper legal paperwork with the courts to assure that the fathers responsibilities are met. Will the fathers parents step up and underwrite the fathers financial responsibilities until he is able to do so himself? Remember; grandparents do not have any legal rights to visitation or anything else regarding a grandchild unless they have legal guardianship.

If you are unable to properly care for this child and are absolutely against abortion, then the best thing for the child is adoption. I have known several people who were adopted as infants. My own first cousin is adopted. We were and are very close. My Aunt and Uncle gave him a great home and raised him to be a very loving and generous man. My Uncle doted on my cousin and his sons'children more so then most natural parents. If you should decide on adoption you will be giving a gift to two people not unlike organ donation. Adoption is very special gift to two childless people one that only someone who like you can give.

You have three choices here. Not one of them is a bad or wrong choice as they are what is best for the child since you are not in a position to be able to raise a child. You have to choose which one of the three choices works best for you; Abortion, Adoption or keeping the child and raising the child yourself. If you should chose keeping the child please do so not for selfish reasons but only because you have all the support systems and legal paperwork in place to properly care for the child.

I realize these are tough choices to make and no one can make them for you. There is no crystal ball to look in for an answer either. You are facing a very real adult problem and have about 8 week within which to make a decision. Seek advice but the decision is yours to make.

This is difficult to admit. Usually on when posting this on a different website. I will expound on my past life, and explain how depression and social insecurity have plagued my existence from an ealy age. A lack of social contact leads to a lack of social contact. A pattern emerged where in my younger and more formative years I was focused more on not committing suicide that I was figuring out how to date or having sex. Essentially, thats what happened. When I left for university I burnt all of my bridges at home in the hopes for a better future in another state. I spent the first semester getting drunk with my fraternity. I had to leave the next semester due to dropping out of the fraternity; the story is complex. The old pattern of depression and isolation of high school repeated itself. To say that I hated the dorms would be an understatement. I succeed in moving out last year. Its a year that has been good to me; to say nothing of my anti-depressant prescription and yet. I am still a 23 year old who had never had a girlfriend and totally and utterly inexperienced at the arts of courtship or intimacy. I feel like I have to pack what should have been 10 years of learning into 1 year. Keeping in mind that in the dating marketplace I am horribly undervalued due to my inexperience. In essence: I realize that my life has been rather unusual for a scion of upper middle class parents who is attractive, well off, and (frankly, thank you books!) highly intelligent. I've coped by burying my past; all of it. While continuously not satisfied by my present conditions. Perhaps I have unrealistic expectations? Perhaps I don't have any idea what happiness, or normalcy, or satisfaction mean? But I want this, this simple one thing. I want a relationship. I deserve one. I want to kiss, fondle, love, stare into the eyes of another human being...the things that I deserve just as I deserve my scared dignity! But how?

Hi, I am someone who is old enough to be your grandfather. I'm hoping that the wisdom that comes with my age may offer you some help.

Let me start by saying that I too suffer from depression and have suffered from it for many years undiagnosed; so I think I might be able to identify with you somewhat. I was also very introverted during my youth most likely from my undiagnosed depression. While I did date it was within a very closed circle of friends as I felt very awkward around people I didn't know, especially girls and later women. The funny thing about my life is I spent 30 years in sales & Marketing where I had to actually force my self to talk to strangers many of whom where women. I was very successful in my career. I point this out to show you that your situation is not as hopeless as you may feel; things do change.

One thing I noticed is you are taking antidepressants. You do not say who is administering them, be it your family doctor or a psychiatrist. You also did not mention if you are in any type of therapy for your depression.

My thoughts and suggestions are: If your family doctor is prescribing the antidepressants you should seek out a qualified psychiatrist; no you are not crazy. Since most depression is caused by the lack of two enzymes secreted in the brain a psychiatrist is the best qualified doctor to diagnose, treat and prescribe for depression. Talk therapy with a qualified counsellor, usually is recommended to help find the stressors that bring on the depression and deal with them.

Just judging from what you have written one of your stressors may be the social awkwardness you feel you have. A good psychologist can be of a big help to you here with both the depression and social awkwardness. Most important with finding a psychologist is finding someone you are comfortable with. If you are not comfortable you will not work well with them. Don't be afraid to change psychologists if you are not comfortable with him/her. You can also seek help from a licensed Social Worker they have the letters ACSW after their name.

As for being 24 and a virgin: I would not put a lot of thought or value into this. A recent survey puts you in a majority of people your age who have remained virgins. The reasons vary from religious and moral values; to the fear of the growing AIDS and STD problems.

You write as if things are hopeless; they are not. I am living proof that things change. All it takes is the right type of help and some effort on your part. There is a women out there for you. I will offer one other piece of advice; get to know the person underneath the outer layer of skin. What I mean is that Beauty is only skin deep. There is a person under that beauty or lack of beauty. Body features is what attract us to one another but it the person who lies just below the beauty that has feelings, knowledge, thoughts and nurturing that you will be wanting in the women you will wan to spend a lifetime with.

My boyfriend and I just had sex and I have a HORRIBLE, sharp pain in my lower stomach. I can't move, when I try to I get really dizzy and feel like I have to vomit. I googled the symptoms & that wasn't helpful at all. My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year now & have sex almost every other day. This is the first time i've had this pain. Can anyone tell me what could be causing this???

I am not a doctor and cannot tell you why you are in pain. Since you have been having sex regularly for over a year, unless you did something very different this last time, I doubt the cause of your pain is from the sex itself.

My suggestion is to see a doctor. If you are in as much pain as you describe go to a hospital emergency room or walk in clinic.

How can you stop loosing hair wile being anorexic

Loosing you hair is a sign that your eating disorder is harming your body. One of the first things an eating disorder does is to effect the bodies electrolytes. It is the electrolytes that keep the body in balance. When they get out of balance is when things like hair loss, skin flaking and always looking pale. If not correct the bodies other organs begin to fail . An imbalance in the electrolytes will cause damage and failure to your Heart, Kidneys and Liver and certain death if you do not get treatment quickly for your Anorexia.

Your hair loss is an early sign, their is still time to help yourself before you start to suffer damage to your vital organs. Yes these organ can be replaced if you are one of the lucky few for which a matching donor is found. You also have to be a good recipient to receive a donated organ; as an Anorexic you would not be classified as a good recipient.

Am I trying to scare you. HELL YES I am. Anorexia and other eating disorders can and do kill. A good friend lost his daughter to Anorexia. You are not only hurting yourself but everyone who loves you.

Please go to the nearest hospital Emergency Room and ask for help.

I am 18 and I have been working part time at Mcdonalds for just about a year now. My boss is very enthusiastic about changing my position from crew to management. She did ask me if I was interested, and I said yes. But, I'm really not sure if I am in fact interested.

Apparently they have sent my name in to corporate and I was approved to start training in the next few months, and a few of the part time managers have spoken to me about how I am in line to be a manager, but other than that no formal arrangements have been made.

I am flattered that I have been "chosen," but I truthfully am happy with my position as it is. I don't want the long hours and responsibility that comes with becoming a manager, even if it is part time, since I am a full time student and am having a hard time enjoying my life as it is even while working about 16 hours a week right now.

Another concern that I have is that my boyfriend also is a crew member at the same Mcdonalds. I have never talked to my boss about the fact that he and I are a couple, and we have been dating for 5 months now..but I know that she knows about us. Managers and crew members are not allowed to date.

I'm happy with this job, but I don't want to be a manager. How do I talk to my boss about this without offending her or sacrificing my position as a crew member?

This is a question only you can answer. What I will say is you are very fortunate to have been chosen at such a young age for such a position.

McDonald's is well known for the ability to grow their management team from within their stock of team members. Many of their upper level manager and franchise owners started out where you are today. This is a great opportunity for you.

If you do not plan on going to college this is an opportunity you should not pass up. Of the two reason you gave for doing so; one is definitely that of a teenagers reasoning. Long hours is part of paying your dues. Nothing good comes easy, you have to work for it. It is obvious to me that your boss feels you are a hard worker and reliable. Both of these are attributes of an excellent manager. Your other reason is probably on non starter also as it is most likely you will be moved to another store for training. Good corporate policy is to not elevate someone to management in the same place they worked as a crew member.

Before you say no, talk to your parents, make up a list of questions concerning the job and the training. Wait until you are called to the corporate office for an interview; this is where they real offer will come from. Get the answer to your questions; then you can make an informed decision.

what is the best way for size. I been looking in to products they sale, they dont seem to work for penis enlargement like they say. If you can answer this question or give me a good product name or some result info. Im looking for a BIGGER and THICKER PENIS. THX.

According to the latest Ansel Research Survey; the average male penis when erect is between 5.1 & 5.9 inches long. The Average girth of a penis is between 3.9 to 4.9 inches in circumference.

Keep in mind that this is the average, the middle between the largest and the smallest, above the micro-penis(below 2 inches in length). The survey states that size varies based on age, time of day, level of excitement and ambient temperature.

What you are born with is what you have. There is no way to enhance, or enlarge a penis even with surgery. Penile surgery is usually don to assist those with erectile dysfunction when there is no other medical solution that will help.

Average Vagina Size

Relaxed
Length 3 1/2 to 4 inches
Diameter 1 Inch

Aroused
Length("tented) 5 to 6 inches
Diameter 1 1/2 to 2 inches

As you can see by the size chart of the average female vagina. Any penis over 6 inches in length and 2 inches in girth is larger than the average vagina can easily accommodate. A larger penis will cause a women with an average sized vagina pain during intercourse, especially if the male is not a thoughtful and considerate lover.

If you can answer this question thank you but if you can't its all right.:)

Thank you your new friend
Jacub Smith

In general the saying "like a square peg in a round hole" means: your trying to make something go where it cant go, like a square peg in a round hole will never fit.

An example would be to try and replace the space shuttle with a 747 airplane. It just can't happen. The 747 is the square peg, the space shuttle is the round hole. The 747 cannot replace the space shuttle therefore it won't fit the round hole.

I hoe may example helps clarify your question.

Hi there, 23/f. I escaped an abusive man with whom I was living back in October, luckily with my life, most of my health, and my cat-baby.

Now, almost five months later, I have full-blown PTSD. I find myself having flashbacks, but not to the abuse. I think I'm still slightly in denial regarding that. The memories of what he did to me feel as if I'm watching it happen to someone else, and they're not that bad...

No, what I have flashbacks to is the good part of our relationship. Hugging him, kissing him, laughing with him, being with him. I recently heard he had been planning to propose to me. I'm getting teary writing this even now. I loved him so much, but he hurt me, and I was afraid for my life, so I left him, but I miss the good part of him. I feel so stupidly empty and defeated. Don't worry, I have no plans to go back to him or speak to him ever again.
I'm not one of those girls who needs a guy. I've always believed in myself, in my own strength and power, and this feels like it's turning me into someone I'm not. My friends all know what happened, so do my parents - everyone is very supportive. My coworkers have been like a second family to me, but I have mood swings and crying spells, and I've woken up crying so many times I've lost count. It's just me and my kitty here, but I do NOT want to live with anyone. I barely want people around me at all...
I've seen eight therapists in my life and none of them have helped me. I'm currently on Cymbalta due to a chronic pain problem (you'd think that would help with the crying spells, but nooo). I have sleeping meds, too, but they don't make the nightmares go away. :(

Has anyone else gone through something like this?
Does anyone have any suggestions, other than more drugs or a hotline?
Thanks to everyone who responds.

Hi, I am old enough to be your grandfather and someone who not only suffers from chronic pain but also suffers from the depression chronic pain brings on.

Cymbalta is a good medication for both but needs regular med checks with a psychiatrist to make sure you are on the correct dosage. For pain the dosage can be as high as 120mg but may be higher then what a psychiatrist would want you on for depression. I see a pain specialist for chronic pain and a psychiatrist for the depression medication. I take the Cymbalta both for pain and depression but at a dosage level that is correct for my level of my depression. My pain doctor prescribes other medications and other treatments for chronic pain.

Many Pain Management Centers offer a full service of treatment for pain in that they have the Anesthesiologist who takes care of the pain; the Psychiatrist and psychologist for the depression and other doctors and therapists to help manage pain. The center I go to offers acupuncture therapy, physical therapy, medical massage therapy and Chiropractic therapy all under on roof.

If you are not being treated at a Pain Management Center for your Chronic Pain I would suggest you look into it. My Chronic Pain is the result of a near fatal auto accident.

As to therapy and therapists. I understand your frustrations. It took me sometime and almost as many therapist as you have gone through to find my current therapist whom I've been with for over 6 years. In order for therapy to work you need to be comfortable with your therapist. If you not comfortable you are not going to be open and honest with them which is key to feeling better.

What I have learned over the years about pain and depression is they are a vicious circle. Pain causes depression and depression causes pain. There are often other stressors that cause depression such as PTSD and the cause of the PTSD. If you are not comfortable talking to your therapist about this you are not going to get better. If you are not comfortable enough with your therapist to talk with him/her about that which is uncomfortable, then you need to find a therapist you are comfortable with.

My own therapist spent several years gentle prodding me towards those things I didn't want to talk about. One day it just all came tumbling out to the surprise of both of us. She was pleased and I felt much better.

The only advice I can offer is this: If you are not seeing a psychiatrist find one. You need to be monitored and properly prescribed for by a psychiatrist for your depression which I feel is partly due to the PTSD and your chronic Pain. If you are not being treated by a Pain Management Center for your Chronic Pain Find One. Most big City type hospitals have them, especially the trauma hospitals.

Find a psychologist to work with, one that specializes in battered and abuse women and PTSD. You may want to look for a women to talk to. You need to find someone to talk to and find away to put what has happened to you PROPERLY behind you.

You asked not to offer hotline so I won't. But if you change your mind go to: rainn.com. This organization is right on target; as the "A" stands for abuse, as to your primary problem. They have a 24/7 hotline you can call.

I'm a 19 year old female and I am currently working towards my General Transfer Studies in a Community College in Saint Louis, Missouri.

I've always been interested in joining the military, preferably the Navy, or the Peace Corp, but I would like to continue my education and persue a medical degree.

Can someone tell me a little bit about the military, again, preferably, the Navy, and how I can continue my education and serve my country.

Please include requirements for joining and such.
I'm only 110lbs, and I know my options are limited as a female.

Today's military offers many careers choices. Only the Army guarantees you a career choice prior to enlistment. Each of our uniformed services offer educational benefits both while serving and after completing your military service.

The best person to answer your question would be a military recruiter. You are under no obligation to join any of the services of any recruiter you may visit with. While their job is to get you to join their branch of the military they are to do so by providing you with all the, correct,answers to your questions.

I would suggest when meeting with the recruiter you ask them if they can guarantee you a career in the medical field. This will do two things for you. It will give you the opportunity to work and learn about the field you are thinking about entering as a career. It will also look very good on the Medical school applications when the time comes.

The military will pay for all your educational classes while you are in the military. When you complete you College education and pass you MSAT's the Military will offer to assist you in getting into medical school and pay for your schooling in exchange for you agreeing to stay in the military for a specific period of time. Usually it is 2 years for every 1 year of school they pay for.

The reason for this offer is simple; the Military needs Doctors and nurses. They have trouble attracting them once they finish school and enter practice. This offer before they enter school allows the future doctor to leave medical school without the $200,000+ in school loans and just the 4 to 6 year Military commitment they have made in return for their schooling. There is a second benefit in that the military turns out some great doctors as military doctors will see illnesses and injuries that the average civilian doctor may not even read about in medical school.

My daughter is 13 and I'd like for her to start paying for her new clothes, accesories, and basically everything. Of course I would still pay for her food and keep a roof over her head. She doesn't have a job but she gets $5 a week for allowance. Do you think it's okay to make her start paying for stuff?

Hi, I'm old enough to be your father and your daughters grandfather. Hopefully the wisdom that comes with my age may be helpful here.

I think I know where you trying to go here with having your daughter pay for her own things. There are several problems with your thinking.

First and foremost your daughter is still a child for whom you are responsible to feed, cloth, keep in school and keep healthy and safe.

Second if you wanted to implement a program such as what you have written about you would have to fund that program sufficiently to insure there is enough funding to cover the basic necessities in her life. Five dollars a week does not even come close to cover the basic needs of the average teenage. My reasoning for this is simple, refer to rule number one.

It is never to early or wrong for a parent to teach their children to live within a budget, that is what an allowance is for. The allowance is for her to spend on those things she wants but does not necessarily need. If budgeting responsibility is your goal then you need to set an allowance that is realistic for today's market place and the area you live in. Five dollars in to days economy will not even cover a hamburger, fries and a soda at any of the fast food outlets there are today.

I found in raising my child that there are two types of things in a teenagers life. There are those things they need and those things they desire and want. The things they need such as school supplies, clean serviceable clothes and shoes, medical and dental needs, good food, a warm safe place to sleep and do homework and others are a parents responsibility. The things they desire such as a prom dress, earrings, CDs, video's and video games and gaming machines and other luxury items are not a parents responsibility to provide especially if they are not affordable.

With my child I did two things. I gave him an allowance that would allow him to be able to go out and have fun as well as, with proper budgeting he could purchase some of the things I would not purchase other than as gifts. When it came to clothes he wanted the designer labels to be like his friends. Since they were affordable for me I would purchase them if he wanted. I also made him an offer where he could choose between the designer label and the knock off. The savings in buying the knockoff would go to him to use as he wanted say to budget for a gaming machine.

I was trying to teach my son two things; the importance of budgeting your money as well as the importance of how you can make money go further by buying good but not necessarily the designer brand. He learned he could buy two of something by buying the generic brand over the designer brand as well as getting a real education in the value of a dollar.

When he was finally old enough to get an after school job I was very surprised, as well as pleased to see how tight he was with the money he was earning. In fact I had to step in so to speak and advise him it was okay to enjoy a little bit of what he was earning.

If it is budgeting of money you are trying to teach your daughter then my advice is you find away as I did with my son to teach her. If there is another reason for what you why you want to do what your writing about I don't see it; write back and tell me or us and maybe we or I can advise you.

As you have written you cannot do. It violates the responsibilities you have under the law as a parent.

background information: i am 17 i have a job and a busy life. I love animals. I am a slob. I spend one third of my life grounded for dumb stuff such as a messy room, eating the last bit of cereal, leaving my shoes out, or taking my stepmothers shampoo.( mind you i am 17 years old )
today my stepmother decided to go in my room and take my charger. When she did my room was messy. Now the first friday ive had off in months im grounded. Also the sick cat that ive been taking care of and have paid 400 dollars in vet bills i have to give away. Last one more screw up and im grounded for the whole summer and not allowed to go on my mission trip or trip to chicago that ive paid for and i have to quit my job.

Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather and somehow maybe the wisdom of my age may be relevant here.

Rahzie has given you some good advice as has marinemom3. While I don't know them personally I do know them from there answers to questions and generally they are right on point.

Sure teenagers are messy, I practically went bald trying to get my son to keep his room clean. My wife's advice was to just close his door and ignore. Today when I visit his apartment I wonder where my son went, you can practically eat of the floor his place is so clean.

You may not have written it but is it possible that you and your step-mom do not get along. If so it is not uncommon and would be were the real problem lies. If I am correct and your step-mom is also the primary disciplinarian then this just widens the gulf between you two.

Again let me emphasise this is just a feeling I am getting from what you are writing. If I'm wrong just stop reading here. If I'm correct please continue.

For whatever the reason you are living with your dad and step-mom is a fact of life you can do nothing about. While every teenager has a certain amount of rebellion in them, to focus your rebellion against your step-mom is counter productive for you, at least until you reach 18 years of age and can legally leave home should you choose to do so.

While there is nothing written that says you must love your step-mom; you do have honor and respect her if for no other reason than she is your fathers wife.

If your father has remarried because of divorce or because unfortunately your mother passed away, you have to remember two things. One if your father remarried because of divorce you had nothing to do with the cause of the divorce, that your father loves you just as much as he did when he was married to your mother. If you mother passed away your father is honoring her by remarriage. What he is saying is he so loved your mother and being married to her that living alone, again has nothing to do with you, was something he could not bear.

I know the last part sounds corny. You will have to take my word for it that it is really true.

My suggestion: Again if what I believe I am seeing but unsaid in your writing; you need to make peace with your step-mom. I am not suggesting you apologize, there is a difference. You need to sit down and have a women to women talk. Explain your feelings to her. Like I said nothing says you have to like or even love her; you do have to respect and honor her as your fathers wife. You may want to find away to use those exact words.

I would suggest that for this talk you ask her out to lunch. This is an old salesman's trick, you take the person you are trying to sell out of their comfort zone to someplace you would be more comfortable or at the very least offers and even playing field. This way you can have your conversation without interruptions. You need to find out what annoys the other the most about each other then find a way to work things out that do not include anger and groundings or the loss of privileges for which you have paid money towards.

Here again, if I'm wrong I apologize and just disregard what I have written.

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