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Move out or not.
Me and my boyfriend have been together almost two months, but we been friends for nearly a year. His parents approve, mines don't. Mines are hardcore Asian parents. Race matter to my parents, perfection matters, but those are like parts of the reason they don't want me to date him. Also age is. I am 19, we both are. They say we are too young and wants me to focus on school. Well I do focus on school, but I also want a boyfriend. but they are like no, either boyfriend or move out. Well I tried to tell them I can do both. But they want us to end our relationship in the end. So since we want to be serious and our relationship is serious, he told me to move in with him and his family. I been considering because of all the restrictions put on us. I am 19 my parents treat me like I am 16. I have money saved but no job, and he has a job. We are planning on me moving out tomorrow. But I am scared if it might be too soon. What do you think I should do. I want my freedom. Should I wait a few days.
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You have to think about what would happen if you guys were to break up. Could you easily go back home? Would your parents kick you out permanently? If you break up and your parents won't allow you to move back in, you shouldn't go then. You wouldn't have a place to live and if you guys weren't together anymore then frankly he probably wouldn't care. If he would always help you out and your parents would allow you to live with them again, then you might want to consider it.
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HI, I am old enough to be your grandfather and I am hoping the wisdom of my age will show you the answer to your question.
This is not a question anyone can answer for you. All anyone can do is point out the pros's and con's of what you are wanting to do. Then you have to weigh the information presented to you and make the final decision.
From what you have written and the fact that you have written to us; my feeling is you are not yet ready to move out. You point out; "I have money saved but no job, and he has a job", this is an important fact. Somewhere in your logical thinking you are worried about finances. The one thing that will break up a young couple is money problems and I believe somewhere in both your heart and mind you realize this.
Then there is the other thing you wrote:your parents are "are hardcore Asian parents. "Race matter to my parents, perfection matters". I do not want to say you are fearful of your parents; you are more caught in the respect an Asian child has for parents and family that an Asian child has that is raised in a strict Asian home. I would take this to mean your boyfriend is non-Asian?
What this boils down to is not moving out but the problems you will possibly incur and be burdened with if you do so. They are potential monetary problems, loosing the respect of your parents for moving out and moving in with a non Asian. Then there is school to be concerned about. Given time I believe you can address each of these problems individually. By moving out these problems are dumped on you in one basketful.
One thing I do know about Asian parents is they truly love their children and what only the best for them; that is the reason they are so strict. The Race problem can be addressed overtime; as I said your parents want the best for you and if this boy is truly the best for you, will make a good husband to you, will cherish you as a husband should; they will see this and eventually approve. Right now what they see is a hound dog, (definition: some one that wants only what is in your pants). The monetary problems will self-correct as the two of you you complete your schooling.
Yes you want your freedom; your parents want you to honor their Asian values. Here in America the two values clash. The best suggestion I can offer you is this: I do not feel you are ready to leave home. You are upset by your parents insistence that you honor their values.
There is an American saying that many American children here which is appropriate to tell you of here; " As long as you live under my roof, you live by my rules." I can't tell you how many letters we receive concerning that one statement. So you are not alone in what your hearing from your parents and their values are not that much different from American parents values either.
Stay at home, if you and your boyfriend are meant to be you will find away to be together that meets with your parents approval. To that end you need to calmly discuss this with your parents. Explain to them that you love them and would like to honor them and their Asian values, that things are different here and that you are an Asian-American who needs to find away to live within the two cultures. To do so you need a little more freedom. Freedom to date, freedom to learn how to get by in the American culture, freedom to make choices that they may not always approve of but are what you need to make your way in this foreign land. You also need to go off to college to study so that you can be independent should you need to.
IF I'm correct your parents will understand if you approach them calmly. Your parents would like you to honor your Asian heritage; their is nothing wrong with this. In fact I support this; all to often we have lost our heritage because the future generations felt it was too old world.
Think about what I have said, then make your decision.
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