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I dont want to hurt him....
In December I finally got up enough courage to dump my boyfriend of two years. Probably the main reason we were even dating for that long is because he was a manipulative asshole. He was also 8 years older than me, I'm 19. He twisted my life so much that by the end of the relationship I didn't even know who I was. I knew who I had been and wanted to be, which was, IS and always will be: happy. But I was miserable because he managed to make me forget that. Much drama followed though I tried to stay away from him. I've only had contact with him once after that and it was on accident. Anyway, that relationship was my first one, and I think it really messed me up in what I feel/expect/know of and about men.
However, something interesting happened. Soon after we broke up I was at a party in my hometown that my friend dragged me to (I was down on winter break) and I didn't really know anyone. She was with her boyfriend, so not wanting to be alone I started talking to the DJ who I actually found very attractive. I'd also been trying to learn how to DJ so we talked about that, which turned into talking about music, and finding out we have the same tastes...which led to getting a drink and talking...I was also a little tipsy, so eventually we kissed some and then I had to leave. We exchanged information and being a little out of it I texted him that I liked him. He answered back that he really liked me too. I was in no position to like anyone at the time, so when I saw the message the next day, I ignored it. The whole month of January, even after going back to school he was inviting me places (he actually doesn't live too far from my school as it turns out) and I kept ignoring him or being busy because of drama with my ex and my wanting to be "alone" until one day I agreed to go out with him and his friends to an event. That day was probably one of the best days I've ever had in my life. It truly was that fun. His friends were all hilarious, super nice, and he was great. So we started hanging out. I had always wanted a close group of friends just like the people I met and so I fell in love with the atmosphere and crowd. It was a big difference, hanging out with people my own age, enjoying life, not worrying about things. With my old boyfriend we would sit around and do nothing, he would talk about his career a lot, and resent me for ever going out with friends from school. He was rude, obnoxious, condescending, never impressed by anything I did...so this was an amazing change of pace. As me and this boy get closer, it turns out hes incredibly sweet, fun, generous, open, optimistic, loving, etc etc....not to mention he worships me. I felt like I was living a fairy tale. He eventually after a month of dating asked me to be his girlfriend, and me, afraid of it being too soon, said no. Well two weeks after that I said yes because my friends made me realize I shouldn't give up such an opportunity because of a bad relationship. Now its going great and everyday he is sweeter and we have better and better moments. He is absolutely amazing to me, and this is where my issue comes in, I'm having trouble accepting this. I have never met any guy to treat me like he does and do things for me out of sheer want of doing things for me. Its my ex's fault of course, because whenever he did things, they usually had a elfish reason behind them, or it was a test, or he expected something back, or he felt obligated because of so and so reason....this is completely different. This boy adores me, he is sweet, a good guy...I really, truly appreciate him. I don't ever doubt him...its just my emotions, they are dulled.
The reason I am a bit worried is because the other day when I went online to search something on his computer, recent history came up and showed he had searched "how soon do you wait before you say I love you" This is incredibly sweet but it made me realize hes at a level that I am not, even though he has been amazing to me. And I feel that I am not able to be at that level because of my past. He is also only 3 months older than me and I'm pretty sure this might be his first legitimate relationship that hes taken seriously, which may be why he feels so strongly. I do not under any circumstance want to hurt him, but I feel like its going to take a lot more time for me to be able to love, and if indeed he says it and I am not ready to, how can I react? I don't know what I should do, or say...he is the sweetest, most genuine person I've met and I truly do not want to hurt him...
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You and I are in the same situation. I have been hurt bad in the past too and now I have a sweet amazing guy and it's so overwhelming.
Talk to him about it. Communication is the key. My boyfriend and I talk about it all the time. I'm learning that no matter what, every guy is different. This guy seems very sweet and in love, so I think you should let loose. Let go of your fears and live a little! Love is a risk but one meant to be taken! I say you should tell him you are insecure. Tell him you get scared. Tell him he is amazing and you can't believe he's here. But keep in mind to be patient. If he's as sweet and loving as you say he is, he will accept you no matter what! Keep your head up. Don't worry. Let go of your past pain and live for today's healing! Hope I helped.
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Do not let your past relationship ruin this one. You might not be ready to say you love him yet. That's okay. Don't lie to him either. However, if he does tell you then the best thing to do is to tell him exactly how you feel and that you have the potential to love him as well but you want to take your time with him. You shouldn't freak out when he tells you. You're scared. That's normal. Tell him that. But reacting negatively might screw things up for you guys and it seems like he's a pretty decent guy.
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