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Mother Drinking
So, my mother drinks every night of the weekends, and sometimes during the week nights. We tend to argue more when she drinks. The past two nights, it has been especially bad. She says low blows and insults, and treats me like I'm a child (I just turned 18 a couple months ago). She'll find any excuse to create a fight. I've tried talking to her about this in the past, but it gets nowhere. She just tells me that I'm "always trying to make her feel guilty" or scream at me for calling her an alcoholic. I have mentioned it to my dad in the past and he brought it up to her, who just got angry at me. I honestly don't think she's an alcoholic, just that she cannot control her emotions well when she drinks. During these fights she'll always say that it's my fault. That I caused it. When that's never the case. These fights are just getting progressively worse... I'm not sure if it's because her mom is sick or because I'm older now (and her last child.. I'll be leaving for college soon) and that scares her perhaps. I don't know what to do about any of this because she completely takes no blame for anything, and acts like I'm creating all these problems. Somebody please help me.
thanks,
distressed daughter
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Your mom is stuggling with a lot of things mentally and emotionally. And like you said you've just turned 18 and bout to go to college. You life is about to really began when hers is just gonna coast predominately. I don't know why these things happen but they must when parents dont have helpful outlets to keep them from hurting other people and relationships. And because she can argue back woth you and look you in your face, her daughter and not immediately recognize the fault of her actions at the moment of the arguement means that she is unable to wantingly control her actions. And she become accustomed to making life be brand new by not really caring about preventing bad moments any longer. I HOPE and PRAY that I'm wrong.
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Based on what you have written it is my opinion, and the opinion of others you will talk to, should you follow my advice, that your mother is indeed an alcoholic.
I could go into a long dissertation of why I feel this way; most of my reasons are already written in your writing to us. Your mothers drinking habits and changes in her character are primary symptoms of an alcoholic. The problem(s) you face is you cannot make her change; she has got to want to change. Until she accepts the fact that she is an alcoholic she will not stop drinking.
The best advice I can offer you is to contact alateen.
Alateen is part of Al-Anon, which helps families and friends of alcoholics recover from the effects of living with the problem drinking of a relative or friend. Alateen is our recovery program for young people. Alateen groups are sponsored by Al-Anon members.
The only requirement of membership is that there be a problem of alcoholism in a relative or friend. Follow this link to find an alateen meeting in your area: [Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
As I said you cannot force your mother to stop drinking. Through alateen you will meet people like yourself who have similar problems as yours and you will learn how not only to deal with those problems but how to protect yourself.
Go to an alateen meeting or two, I believe you will find that attending these meetings will help you find the answers you are looking for.
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