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PTSD, mood swings, and nightmares - oh, my!
Hi there, 23/f. I escaped an abusive man with whom I was living back in October, luckily with my life, most of my health, and my cat-baby.
Now, almost five months later, I have full-blown PTSD. I find myself having flashbacks, but not to the abuse. I think I'm still slightly in denial regarding that. The memories of what he did to me feel as if I'm watching it happen to someone else, and they're not that bad...
No, what I have flashbacks to is the good part of our relationship. Hugging him, kissing him, laughing with him, being with him. I recently heard he had been planning to propose to me. I'm getting teary writing this even now. I loved him so much, but he hurt me, and I was afraid for my life, so I left him, but I miss the good part of him. I feel so stupidly empty and defeated. Don't worry, I have no plans to go back to him or speak to him ever again.
I'm not one of those girls who needs a guy. I've always believed in myself, in my own strength and power, and this feels like it's turning me into someone I'm not. My friends all know what happened, so do my parents - everyone is very supportive. My coworkers have been like a second family to me, but I have mood swings and crying spells, and I've woken up crying so many times I've lost count. It's just me and my kitty here, but I do NOT want to live with anyone. I barely want people around me at all...
I've seen eight therapists in my life and none of them have helped me. I'm currently on Cymbalta due to a chronic pain problem (you'd think that would help with the crying spells, but nooo). I have sleeping meds, too, but they don't make the nightmares go away. :(
Has anyone else gone through something like this?
Does anyone have any suggestions, other than more drugs or a hotline?
Thanks to everyone who responds.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
Hi, I am old enough to be your grandfather and someone who not only suffers from chronic pain but also suffers from the depression chronic pain brings on.
Cymbalta is a good medication for both but needs regular med checks with a psychiatrist to make sure you are on the correct dosage. For pain the dosage can be as high as 120mg but may be higher then what a psychiatrist would want you on for depression. I see a pain specialist for chronic pain and a psychiatrist for the depression medication. I take the Cymbalta both for pain and depression but at a dosage level that is correct for my level of my depression. My pain doctor prescribes other medications and other treatments for chronic pain.
Many Pain Management Centers offer a full service of treatment for pain in that they have the Anesthesiologist who takes care of the pain; the Psychiatrist and psychologist for the depression and other doctors and therapists to help manage pain. The center I go to offers acupuncture therapy, physical therapy, medical massage therapy and Chiropractic therapy all under on roof.
If you are not being treated at a Pain Management Center for your Chronic Pain I would suggest you look into it. My Chronic Pain is the result of a near fatal auto accident.
As to therapy and therapists. I understand your frustrations. It took me sometime and almost as many therapist as you have gone through to find my current therapist whom I've been with for over 6 years. In order for therapy to work you need to be comfortable with your therapist. If you not comfortable you are not going to be open and honest with them which is key to feeling better.
What I have learned over the years about pain and depression is they are a vicious circle. Pain causes depression and depression causes pain. There are often other stressors that cause depression such as PTSD and the cause of the PTSD. If you are not comfortable talking to your therapist about this you are not going to get better. If you are not comfortable enough with your therapist to talk with him/her about that which is uncomfortable, then you need to find a therapist you are comfortable with.
My own therapist spent several years gentle prodding me towards those things I didn't want to talk about. One day it just all came tumbling out to the surprise of both of us. She was pleased and I felt much better.
The only advice I can offer is this: If you are not seeing a psychiatrist find one. You need to be monitored and properly prescribed for by a psychiatrist for your depression which I feel is partly due to the PTSD and your chronic Pain. If you are not being treated by a Pain Management Center for your Chronic Pain Find One. Most big City type hospitals have them, especially the trauma hospitals.
Find a psychologist to work with, one that specializes in battered and abuse women and PTSD. You may want to look for a women to talk to. You need to find someone to talk to and find away to put what has happened to you PROPERLY behind you.
You asked not to offer hotline so I won't. But if you change your mind go to: rainn.com. This organization is right on target; as the "A" stands for abuse, as to your primary problem. They have a 24/7 hotline you can call.
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You two broke up in October, Healing takes time. You need to realize that someone who is abusive often don't recover unless they seek professional help, Even if he did he still doesn't deserve you. Your ex boyfriend was abusive, You said yourself you feared for your life..Imagine if you followed through with the proposal and had married him. You'd really be screwed. Consider yourself one of the lucky ones, You were able to leave and move on. Sure, You miss the good times but lets face people who are abusive sometimes need a method to keep their victims around and therefore he used his kind moments. The first step towards moving on is acceptance, Then comes the healing process.
Keep yourself busy, Spend time with friends and family and do things you enjoy doing you will get there. It took me 2 years but I eventually got there too.
Victim - 5 years
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