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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
advice
I'm nearing the end of my first year of a Politics degree at a UK university. I've been pretty miserable the whole time I've been here for various reasons - I'm not enjoying the course, my flatmates are awful, I'm very lonely and I miss home badly.
Now I'm seriously considering dropping out, going home and getting a job. I've weighed up the pros/cons of both staying at university and leaving but either way it seems I get a bad deal. I can either spend another two years completing my degree and being miserable or I can go home and accept I will struggle to find a 'good' job.
The truth is, if someone said to me I could go home tomorrow and have a decent job ready and waiting for me then I'd go in a heartbeat. Deep down I know I would be happier at home but I'm scared of ruining my future prospects.
What should I do?
Hi, I am probably old enough to be your grandfather; hopefully the wisdom of my age will be helpful.
Not getting a college degree means you will lose over 1.5 million pounds in earnings over your working life. That's a considerable sum of money even when broken down to a 40 year working life. That works out to about 37,500 pounds a year. (Sorry I'm writing from the U S I don't have the Pound sign.) I'm not sure what the average wage in the UK is but if that were dollars that would represent about the average earnings for the average middle class wage earner.
My advise do not look to drop out of University. There are other things to try before doing that. Your not happy with your course of study. That is understandable. Many University courses are not what they may seem to be or what you desire them to be. Find a new course of study that may be more to your liking. It may mean extending your course of study another year or staying in school and taking classes during semester holidays. Still it is better than dropping out.
Not happy with your flat mates. I'm fairly certain the UK Universities are not that much different than our Colleges. Not everyone is going to be compatible when thrown together in a living situation. Contact the University housing staff and see if they can help you with new living arrangements.
You are probably more homesick for mums cooking and any of your friends that may have stayed at home, than actually for the reasons you gave. You really don't need a good reason to drop out other than to justify to your parents why they wasted their money on this years tuition.
Thing of it is once you get home you will find out life has gone on without you. Those of your friends who did not go of to University will seem to have changed. Even the town you lived will seem to have changed. Fact is nothing at home has changed just your perspective on life has changed. Your being at University has forced you to change. To grow and mature in ways that your friends haven't. Like it or not; home may be where your heart is but home will never be the same.
You may be able to go home after University and start your career. You'll make new friends, you will keep one or two of your closest childhood friends, maybe. Mostly you will build a new life for you will have grown and matured differently than those you left behind. This is how life is.
So my advise is stop pining for what was as it no longer is. Buckle down and decide what it is you want, then go get it.
whats the similarities/differences between heroin and cigarettes? i mean they both are addicting drugs.. they both can kill you.. what is the difference? why is one illegal and one is not? that pisses me off... :/
Hi, I am old enough to be your grandfather and hopefully the wisdom of my age will be helpful.
I am also a member of a volunteer Fire Department Rescue Squad. In all the time I have been a member I have never responded to, or read a report of, a vehicle accident where the cause has been the drivers have been high on cigarettes. Yes cigarettes are additives but they are not a mind altering drug.
I have responded to numerous accidents where alcohol was deemed to be the cause or contributing factor of the accident. All to often in these accident we have to dig one or more dead people out of the car. Sure we don't know who these people are and you would think it was just part of the job and it doesn't bother us. It does bother us, it hurts to see what was just moments ago healthy bodies torn apart for no reason than someone thought he/she was sober enough to drive.
Alcohol is a mind altering substance and while I am not calling for the 18th Amendment to be reinstated I will support mandatory ignition lockout breathalyzers for cars in the future.
Pot, Heroin and other drugs are mind altering substances. Street grade drugs are also extremely unsafe as they are uncontrolled and the user has no idea of what they are buying. As a rescue squad member we see our share of overdose victims. Thank god for Narracan, we now have a method to save some of these victims.
There is good evidence in support of legalizing certain drugs such as pot and heroin. The biggest obstacle to doing so is the addictiveness. Alcohol is only addictive to a limited few and is now viewed more as a illness than an addiction. Pot and Heroin addiction will probabaly never gain that respect in the medical community and therefore never be legalized.
At my work I would give people free things such as cartons of ciggerettes and other items. I have also stolen a total of $20 out of the drawer and have stolen some items for myself. They watched the cameras and fired me. They calculated that the amount of money lost was $5000. It is my first offense and i was very cooperative and confessed to it all. What will happen to me? Will I go to jail?
Hi, I am old enough to be your grandfather and hopefully the wisdom of my age will be helpful.
With a total of $5,000 stolen is a large amount money for your employer to have lost. It also amounts to a felony count in most states.
If your employer has filed a complaint against you with the police and you have been arrested. Then the decision rest with the judge who will eventually hear your case. First offenders have been known o be sent to prison.
Now if you have not been arrested yet what you can do is try and head off being arrested and having a record of arrest. You need to hire a lawyer. You will need one in any case if you are eventually arrested.
Your lawyer can contact your former employer and see what arrangements can be made that will keep him from filing charges. Most likely he will want restitution, probably all of the $5,000 lost and possibly the profits as well. This part is negotiable. Keep in mind felony theft has a statue of limitation. Which means if you agree to restitution and then do not live up to whatever terms are agreed to for the restitution, such as installment payments. Your former employer can file charges at anytime prior to the expiration of the statue of limitation.
The best thing you can do for yourself at this time not to think that just because your employer may not have filed charges yet, that he may not do so in the very near future. Hire a lawyer and let the lawyer see if he/she can make this go away before it becomes a police matter.
I have an opinion question for you.....I masturbate 2-3 times everyday, sometimes I jack off like normal, in my room or in the shower and sometimes I lay on my stomach in bed and hump my bed. Do you think masturbating that much is too much and do you think it's weird that I hump my bed?
Hi, I am old enough to be your grandfather and hopefully the wisdom of my age will be helpful.
Let me start by saying masturbation is totally normal. Most teenagers masturbate, be they boys or girl, to relieve the sexual tension brought on by the hormonal changes brought on by puberty. A recent report relates that as many as 90% of the population masturbate.
The only time masturbation is wrong is when the urge to masturbate precludes doing everything else. Masturbating two to three times a day for someone 16 to 21 years of age is within the normal range as for someone going through puberty. As long as your masturbation does not preclude everything else in life you don’t have a problem, you’re a normal teenager. As for humping the bed; if it feels good continue; If not stop.
Masturbation is totally normal. Most teenagers masturbate, be they boys or girl, to relieve the sexual tension brought on by the hormonal changes brought on by puberty. A recent report relates that as many as 90% of the population masturbate. Now this would include adults as well as teenagers and such acts as mutual masturbation, hand jobs, fingering and oral sex. One could define masturbation or mutual masturbation as any sexual activity other than intercourse. Males, especially teenage males, need to relive sexual tension more than females do. Masturbation is a natural way to relive this tension.
Most religions including the Catholic Church condone masturbation; if this is so why do parents and church elders tell children it is wrong to masturbate? The only reason I can think of is the pleasure received from masturbating leads to wanting the pleasure of actual intercourse. In a sense there is a double standard here. As mutual and some people even use single masturbation as a form of foreplay, adults are telling children that something they do on a regular basis is wrong. Well if it is wrong or sinful for the children, would it not be wrong for the adults
i am easily agitated, have very strong overwhelming emotons that cause physical pain pretty much everywhere in my body and occasionally nausea. i have had thoughts about suicide as much as it pains me to admit it. i dont seem to have prolonged days or weeks of sadness or joy but almost everyday i am either overly happy and hyper or so sad and upset that i cant seem to stop crying and my body wont seem to stop convulsing because i cry so hard. some days i will be in a great mood and then the next i just want to disappear forever. i constantly find myself saying things to myself about how unpretty i am and how i dont deserve to be in this earth and then some days i look in the mirror and think i look kinda pretty. please tell me if i sound bipolar and provide additional info if you can. thanks.
Hi, I'm probably old enough to be your grandfather. I hope the wisdom that comes with age and life experience will be helpful to you.
I don't have the training to make a diagnoses and none of us should as we are not doctors.
From what you have written you do display symptoms that could be associated with depression or bipolar disorder. What you need to do is to be evaluated and screened for depression.
You can be screened for depression by your family doctor, any hospital emergency room or any walk in clinic How ever you choose to be screened you need to tell them just what you have written to us as well as anything you may not have told us.
If you are not having suicidal thoughts at this time then I would suggest making an appointment with your family doctor. The doctor needs to do a complete physical as well as a depression screening as not all of your symptoms are generally associated with depression. They could be part of something else that can be a primary cause to the depression.
Only you know how you feel at this time. Depression, and bipolar disorder is part of the depression syndrome, hits different people differently. If you feel you are in crisis then go to the hospital emergency room right away. If you cannot get there yourself call 911 or the emergency number for where you live and let them help you.
i have a tiny bump around my vagina. you can't see it. but i could feel it. it feels like a really tough not. i shave down there so could it be an ingrown hair? it hasnt really itched it.
Hi, I'm probably old enough to be your grandfather. I hope the wisdom that comes with age and life experience will be helpful to you.
Anything is possible. If this is something you are just noticing then wait a day or two to see if it grows like pimple head on it. This will indicate that it may be a ingrown hair. If it does not go away or a hair does not protrude from it in a few days I would suggest talking to your mother and letting her decide if you need to see a doctor.
None of us are doctors and even if we were we could not and should not make diagnoses over the web. Something like you are asking needs to be seen before it can be diagnosed an treated.
Men and boys get in grown hairs all the time from shaving. We see them and get to know them for what they are. The problem comes in when the ingrown hair is someplace where one cannot see it then someone else has to look at it and decide what it is. There is a very old and very worn out statement parents use in these situations that goes like this; " I use to change your diapers, there is nothing down there I haven't seen before."
While this is true statement it probably won't lessen your embarrassment any having to allow mom to look down there. Two things to consider: First, it is either mom or a doctor who will have to look. Second, neither mom or the doctor can tell just by looking at you whether or not you are still a virgin.
What you need to do while you are waiting, a few days, to see if this bump matures into a pimple head is decide if mom or the doctor is the one who gets to look at it.
my mom is getting 8 teeth pulled tomorrow is it going to be a hard recovery?
Hi, I'm probably old enough to be your grandfather. I hope the wisdom that comes with age and life experience will be helpful to you.
Having 8 teeth removed at one time I'm fairly certain will leave your mother in some type of moderate pain. I sure the dentist will provide her medication to help her deal with the pain.
It is one thing to have a tooth removed because of a toothache and another thing to have teeth removed prophylactically to allow for dentures. The difference is the amount of pain one will endure because of it. Having somewhat healthy teeth removed to allow for dentures or other devices is less painful, usually.
The best thing you can do for your mother is to make sure there is plenty of ice on hand to use for ice packs. You can also dampen some wash cloths and put them in the freezer for her to wrap around her jaw.
You might also want to stock up on some ice cream, flavored ices and puddings for mom to eat. If you have a blender you can use the it to make milk shakes for her. You can blend into the shake some protein powder is she wants.
The best thing you can do for her though is to try not to get on her nerves for the next few days. If you have younger siblings; try and keep and eye on them and care for them so mom can rest.
Hello, you have helped me on previous questions i have asked, and i have found your answers very helpfull. however, i think that now i am in love with the girl in my previous question. (Lauren). We went on webcam a few minutes ago, and she started teasing me (in a sexy/strip tease way). i got really aroused and i started to masterbate. she asked me what i was doing, so i told her. then she started doing it too. it felt so nice and right. but at the same time it felt wrong. Please Help Me. Have I Broke The Law? Will I Get Into Trouble? Im Scared :'(
No, I don't believe you have broken any laws. As long as neither you or your friend recorded the event I believe you have nothing to worry about. Just keep these things accessible to just the two of you.
Just to be on the safe side if the two of you are under the age of consent for your state, I would suggest you refrain from those type of activities on the web. I really do not feel you have anything to be scared of though.
I believe I told you the last time that I felt you are still seeking out your sexuality. When your parents and grandparents, which would include me, were your age, we did not have web cams or the world wide web to use in our sexual experimentation. Most of us would steal copies of dads' Playboy or Hustler magazine, both for inspiration an information. Today the Internet replaces dads' magazine's.
The only advise I can give you about seeking out your sexuality is that there is nothing wrong in doing so; it is part of teenage life. I also said before that giving up your virginity is also something you should not be in a rush to do. Yes, your body is capable of adult love making but you are not yet mature enough for adult love making. To engage in sexual intercourse before you are both physically and mentally, mature, enough to do so will not bring you the pleasure that one should derive for the act of love making.
There is also nothing wrong with masturbation. Most if not all main stream religions, including the Catholic Church, condone masturbation. Masturbation is a safe an pleasant way to relieve the sexual tension brought on by the hormonal changes of puberty.
You may be asking if this is true why do parents tell you it is wrong or even sinful? The only answer I have to that question is that the sexual relief and enjoyment received from masturbation is felt by parents will give way to the full act of love making. Just as long as masturbation does not become an overriding event to the detriment of everything else. While it may be true that masturbation can lead you to take the next step to full adult sexual love making. It also depends on the personal fortitude and how well one can hold out against peer pressure.
Yes peer pressure. Your friends will brag that they have lost their cherry and that you are strange or wrong to hold on to yours. This is not true. Your virginity is a very personal gift not to be traded to some young stud for him to use as a notch on his belt.
I'm not saying you need to wait until your wedding night to surrender your virginity, that is something for you need to decide. What I am saying is that when you do decide to surrender you virginity it should be your choice to do so, with someone who will value your gift; Someone who will be gentle and loving and make it a loving experience for you.
I may have gotten a little of subject. Finding your sexuality is all part of being a teenager and part of figuring out who you are and will be as you move to adulthood. Remember what I said; "What happens in the privacy of your bedroom stays in your bedroom." "Nothing that happens there is wrong or sinful as long as no one gets hurt." If you are with someone else there must be "MUTUAL CONSENT TO ANYTHING YOU DO OR IT IS NOT DONE."
If you follow these rules there is no reason to be truly scared. As for getting in trouble. Make sure to lock your door. I can't guarantee what your parents will say or do if they were to walk in on you or if they get suspicious.
I would hope they would be understanding in that you are growing up and seeking answers as to who you are. I would hope you and mom are close enough that you and she can talk about these thing whether or not she finds out or catches you masturbating or making out with your girl friend.
It may be easier talking to a total stranger like me. I lack one very important piece of information when giving advice to you. That is I don't know you like your mother does. That is why I am saying that I hope you and mom are close enough so that you can talk with her about this. I can see that you have some confusing thoughts about what is happening and mom can be of much better help then I at discussing this with you. I am always here if you want a second opinion. I would really like it if you would talk with your mother or another trusted adult female, who knows you better than I do, about what you are experiencing.
I am always here should you want a second opinion or have any other questions.
Well, i had a sleepover at mine once, and as girls do, as a joke we played dares, but not normal dares, you know, the kissing sort, and i had to kiss my friend (Lauren) and i really enjoyed it? then when everyone went to sleep, i decided to tell Lauren thati strangley enjoyed it, and she said 'yeah, me too' it was silent for a little bit, then i accidently tounch her genitals (Vagina to be exact) and i went to let go, then she touched mine, she slipped her hands down my pants and started rubbing my vagina. i really enjoyed it :S the we starting kissing. we went upstairs and we started having lesbian sex. we both really liked it. but we havnt told anyone. am i a lesbian or bisexual? (Sorry its very long)
Hi, I'm probably old enough to be your grandfather. I hope the wisdom that comes with age and life experience will be helpful to you.
I would be hesitant to place a label on your sexuality. At this age both boys and girls are still trying to figure out their sexuality. To label yourself as a Lesbian or even bi-curious would not only be wrong but self defeating at this time. To even put this in the category of a phase that most young people go through would not be right either.
There are a number of reasons for sexual attraction to someone of our own sex at this age. First and foremost is the fact it is safer and easier to relieve the sexual tension brought on by the changing hormones your body is producing. Parents think nothing of two children of the same sex being behind closed doors, sleeping together, even in the same bed, particularly females.
I have known women that have been bi all through college, then gone straight heterosexual afterwards. Reason it was easier and sex was more available if you were bi; it was also safer.
My advice: Don’t put a label on your sexuality at this time. Just enjoy learning about who you are sexually. When you are older if you still want to put a label on your sexuality then do so, but for now just enjoy being you.
So last year I moved into an apartment with my gf. (im a girl by the way im bi) well of course my mom didnt approve of it and got mad/upset when i moved. i am also her only child. well my gf had trouble finding a job with the way times are now so we was struggling which lead to some problems. my mom kept telling me things and makin me feel bad which i moved back home. now i regret it me and my gf are still together but my mom or none of my family knows again. yes we had fights cuz of stress and my mom, but i hate living back at home with my mom and wanna get a place with my gf again what do i do?
Hi, I'm probably old enough to be your grandfather. I hope the wisdom that comes with age and life experience will be helpful to you.
I could be wrong, but I am not sure mom truly understands what being bi is. Either that or she believes that being bi and living with your girlfriend will turn you into a lesbian. Frankly speaking, this is none of her concern, this is your life.
That being said you should know my views on sex and sexuality are not what would be main stream for my age group. I am quite liberal in my views. Being bi, I believe is a choice. Being gay or lesbian can be a choice but is more of a way a person is wired sexually. I wish I could say that better but have yet to find a better way. I think in a way we all live in glass houses and should not throw stones. Condemning others for that which we do not understand is not what are freedoms are about.
In your particular instance compounding the situation is you are an only child. Your mother, possibly not understanding, wants what she feels is best for you. What she feels is best is a heterosexual life with a man and children. The life she has had.
Do you eventually see being with a man and having children in a home with the white picket fence? If so would this be something you would share with your mother.
You need to lessen the stress both at home and between you and you girlfriend. To me this means talking with your mother and hopefully making her understand.
I believe the way you should start is by telling her you love her and that you are not trying to hurt her. From there you go onto explain to her that you are an adult now and as an adult you should be free to make your own way and choices in life, this includes your sexuality and sex life.
The hardest part of telling your mom what needs to be said is explaining the joy and comfort you get from being able to derive comfort and enjoyment from both sexes. If you eventually plan to marry a man and have children she may find confusing as to how a future husband will view your sexuality. These are the things that may require a discussion with her to lower the stress.
As a parent I have no reason to know or desire any knowledge about my children's sex life, no parent should. I'm just happy they have one. In your situation you need to decide if you want to open your bedroom door some to your mother in order to lower the stress between you. You have every right to say mom this is my life and leave it at that. The choice is yours.
how much sperm can it take to get pregnant.....and how far does it have to get for a female to become pregnant.? help.!
Hi, I'm probably old enough to be your grandfather. I hope the wisdom that comes with age and life experience will be helpful to you.
Rainbowcherries' answer is right on point. It just takes one little sperm entering the vagina to make a woman pregnant.
While the male ejaculate may well have a million sperm in it; the reason for this is that some of the sperm will be immature. Some will be unable to swim, others will be killed off by the woman's body defenses. The more sperm there are entering the more chance of a pregnancy. But only one sperm needs to reach the egg to make a women pregnant.
Now the closer to your cervix the sperm lands the better chance of a greater amount of sperm reaching the egg. That does not mean if your boy friend were to ejaculate on your vagina that some of those little swimmers couldn't make their way to your egg. There are cases of girls saying their boyfriends have never been inside them yet they are pregnant.
okay i was over my friends house and we were watching t.v..... then she asked meh to kiss her so i did......so as we were making out she started sucking my boobs and then i went down and ate her out for like 20 secs. then she fingered me and i did it back....i felt nasty after i came..nd i never wanted to do it again...but she want to do it again should i do it.? ugh this is soooooooo immbarrasing.!
Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather. I hope the wisdom that comes with age and life experience will be helpful to you.
First lets answer your question, there is also somewhat of a life lesson in the answer. In order for sex to be enjoyable both parties have to consent to whatever is going to happen. If one partner is not comfortable with doing something say NO then you don't do it. NO means NO and stop means STOP. It maters not who you are having sex with or if you are just experimenting with your sexuality.
In this instance you tried something, you don't like it and don't want to do it again. That is a NO. That is all your friend needs to know. She needs to know the rules of sex which I stated above.
I happen to have some very liberal views when it comes to talking about sex. I believe you and your friend are most likely young teenage girls. What happened between you does not make you or her a lesbian or Bi.
At your probable age what happened is more sexual experimentation, which is something we have all done as teenagers. It is part of figuring out what sex is all about and who we are sexually. This is not the time to put labels on yourself. I have known girls and guys who have gone all through college seeking sexual relief with the same sex only to become devote heterosexuals after college. For girls the main reasons for doing this were two, it was safer and easier. For guys it was more readily available. Masturbation and same sex, sex is how most found sexual relief in college. My point is you really have nothing to be embarrassed about.
It happened, you don't like it so you don't have to do it again. As you explore sex and your sexuality you will be asked to try different things. I have always used the rule that I needed to try something before I know if I will like it or not. Kind of the same thing about trying new foods. But this is up to you. If something totally grosses you out say NO. If you decide to try it and at any point you want to stop say STOP. These are the rules of sex and make sure your partner(s) understands them.
Okay so I've just watched BCF and really could not believe what was being said and I want to know If It's true...Mainly about the barber shops selling bullets and a free gun being given away for opening up a certain account in Michigan. My boyfriend's friend said to me once that my country is full of criminals(I'm from Australia) and I really don't like people saying that when the state they live in is giving away free guns to be honest and I don't like repeating things that really aren't fact so yeah, does anyone know if it's true? And please don't attack me for this question since it's just out of curiosity. Being from where I am, I don't have experience in this kind of thing seeing as our gun laws are quite strict and the only gun I've been close to is one attached to a police officer and he wouldn't let me touch it -.-
I did some research for you on the web. While Bowling for Columbine is billed as a documentary it is actually a work of fiction.
If you want to find out more go to the following website: http://www.hardylaw.net/Truth_About_Bowling.html
i am a 28 year old male living in the uk who has suffered with mental health all his life, i have a wife that doesn't care and a 4 year old daughter. i hit my lowest of my lows ever about 2 weeks ago and everything anyone says makes me worse all i want to do is to be numb and feel nothing, im at the point that i carve chunks out of my skin with razors just to be able to feel anything but even that is fading now the only thing left in my mind is death, i've been done the line of professional help and its useless i dont know what to do anymore??????
Hi, I'm almost old enough to be your grandfather. I hope the wisdom that comes with age and life experience will be helpful to you.
Depression is a terrible thing and this is whatI believe you are suffering from. You need to keep trying with the doctors by seeing a psychiatrist for medication and a psychologist for talk therapy.
As someone who has fought the battle of depression and is winning I understand where you are at this time. There is at least one person in this world that loves you for who you are. She is your 4 year old daughter. Death is not the answer and killing yourself robs your daughter of her father. I'm sure you also love your daughter so you need to work hard to win the battle over depression for her if no one else.
The key for me in winning the battle was and is my psychologist. I went through a number of them before finding the one I am with now. The key was finding someone I was comfortable with; someone I trusted who worked with me and was there for me. It took time but slowly as I grew more comfortable all the barriers I had put up; all the things I had boxed up and hidden away in my mind so as not to hurt me came out. Once they did we were able to work together to put all the things that were causing me to be depressed in proper prospective.
One thing I learned very early in therapy with this therapist is that my depression caused me to perceive things in a very different manner. An example of this that I see in your writing is: "i am a 28 year old male living in the UK who has suffered with mental health all his life," "i have a wife that doesn't care". Those two statements don't work for me. If you suffered all your life then why did she marry you and how did she allow you to have a child with her.
If you take a few minutes an think about what I just wrote you hopefully will see what I am saying. Your wife does care or she would have taken your daughter and left you by now. I felt the same way as you about my wife. I think you may be as lucky as I am to have a strong women who is sticking by you hoping she can help you.
I know the UK has Public Health Service. If you need to use these services to get the help you need then do so. Cutting yourself is dangerous; something that needs to be stopped and qualifies, at least hear in the U S as need for immediate medical attention.
Please either call 999, I believe that is the emergency number in the UK, or go to the nearest emergency room for help.
Well, is it?
Hi, I'm probably old enough to be your grandfather. I hope the wisdom that comes with age and life experience will be helpful to you.
Dangernerd has given you a very good answer to your question. When I first started to answer questions on this forum I was amazed at how good the advice and the answers to the questions presented were.
Sure some of the advisers on here are young, about the same age as the people who are writing are. What I found was that the advise they offered was heartfelt and based on their life experiences. Generally based on what they would do in similar situations.
Something that needs to be remembered. Advise columnists only hear one side of any problem. In relationship problems it is always better if the adviser has both sides of the issue to work with.
My short answer to your question is: Both yes and no. You need to evaluate all advise given, especially by an advise columnist, against the entire subject or problem. Then decide if the the advise fits your need or is bogus.
My dad sometimes uses cussing for fun and in mean ways like h-ll,s--t,d--n,and a-s.What can I do to hear less cussing from him?
Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather. I hope the wisdom that comes with age and life experience will be helpful to you.
Some people feel that to prove you are an adult you need to pepper you speech with four letter words. This is not true.
I was at a meeting one time when one of my co-worker said to our boss that he has never heard me cuss. Our boss replied that I don't cuss. I replied that I know all the words but feel in our line of work we should be able to articulate what needs to be said without the use of cuss words.
You see we were salesman and sales managers at this meeting. Our jobs required that we meet with people in places where cussing might be appropriate as well as where it was not. I choose not to cuss at all so as not to mistakenly cuss at the wrong time.
I tell you this to make a point. There is a time when cussing can be permissible and may even be appropriate. It is not appropriate anywhere it upsets someone else.
So you might want to remind dad that he is not at work and you hear enough cussing outside of home and would appreciate it if he could curb his language when you are home together.
There are many different ways you can tell your dad this. You can do so in a letter which you start by telling him how much you love him and how much you would like other people to respect him. Then go on to ask if he cusses at work as much as he does at home. You might use some of what I said about being articulate enough to say what needs to be said without cussing to gain peoples respect. Which is another reason for doing so.
In the products I represented for so many years it was expected that I would have a higher education level than those I needed to inter-act with. It did not make me better than them. For instance I might know how what I sold worked and how it should be installed. Ask me to install it and I was lost. The men that installed it cussed and swore like nobody knows, I think it helps the installation I'm not sure.(lol)
Fact is there is a time and a place where cussing may be appropriate, home is not the place. This is what you need to get across to your dad. I'll even bet dad is not aware of how much he cusses until you bring it up. So try to be gentle in telling him and not to do so in a manner that will embarrass him.
I don't like some of my girlfriend's male co-workers. Two guys in particular always use foul language and tell dirty jokes in mixed company. They are class-less and disrespectful. I prefer to NOT attend any functions, but she loves me and wants me by her side. However, she asks me to 'laugh it off,' which I cannot do all the time. Any suggestions?
Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather. I hope the wisdom that comes with age and life experience will be helpful to you.
You are correct in what you have written. These two gentlemen, I use the term loosely, think they are still in school and are Big Men On Campus (BMOC). They are not only not BMOC they are violating federal EEOC guidelines by creating a harmful and sexually harassing workplace.
Your girlfriend is also right in asking you to just ignore these tow idiots. Most likely everyone knows them for who and what they are and has decided to just ignore them. Which is fine, that is their choice.
The problem is that someone like yourself, someone's spouse or significant other is free to go to the State Office of EEOC and file a complaint anonymously. While this is not something I recommend it it is possible to do so.
The reason I don't recommend doing so is that the employer, while this too is against EEOC guidelines, could retaliate and fire the person or person they believe responsible for reporting this to the EEOC. You see there are heavy finds for allowing this kind a behaviour in the work place.
My advise: As long as your girlfriend can turn a deaf ear to them let it be. If the language and jokes start to be direct directly at her, or if they start to harass her personally. Then you would be well within your rights to step in and protect her.
I'm in my 50's and have not meet a man. Would like to have a relationship. Most men at this appear to look much older than me. I work in a public place, see lots of people and I feel I'm friendly. What am I doing wrong, not to meet someone to date?
I'm somewhat older than you depending where in your 50's you are. If I was looking to date I think I would use the same advice I give the younger people who write us looking for similar advise, just updated to be age appropriate.
At our age we have developed strong likes and dislikes in what we enjoy doing and not doing. Sit down and make a list of those things you enjoy doing. You want to make sure it is an all inclusive list starting with A and going to Z.
For example I really enjoys cooking and dining out. By dining out I don't mean those cookie cutter restaurants. I prefer to seek out not only the elegant restaurants but the neighborhood gems. Then when I find a meal I enjoy I like to try and duplicate it at home. This is something that would be on my list.
After the list is completed I would then start looking for groups and clubs in my area, using search engines and publications found at the library, to find groups with my interests.
One such group in my area is a progressive Dine-Around club. Each month a menu is picked then different members are chosen to prepare a different course to be served at their home. It is a lot of fun and is open to both singles and couples.
Finding a common ground is the hardest part of dating. By taking my suggestion you already have a common ground in the basic tenet of the group, which gives you a method to hold a conversation with. Where there is common ground to communicate you can be yourself and at ease. This makes it easier for someone to get to know the real you.
My advise is to make the list as I have suggest. Find a group or two of your more higher interested things on your list and join those groups first. I believe in doing this you will meet both men and women in which to build a social life and the dating life you desire.
20/F
Iv'e been told mean things by my family and being told those things has caused me to not think highly of myself & not be motivated also be lazy and think that what i want to achieve isn't worth trying to achieve anymore i feel like giving up completely and think that my life isn't worth living and i'd be better off dead and i will never be good enough for my family also feel like nothing i do is right i'm having a hard time motivating myself i keep remembering all the mean things my famiy has told me & i'm starting to believe that maybe what their saying is true i feel like i'm a failure who's worthless & a nobody how do i motivate myself & how do i stop thinking the things i am? Without letting what's
been said to me get in the way
Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather. I hope the wisdom that comes with age and life experience will be helpful to you.
Somethings are easier said than done. I could write a long list of things you could do to try and lift your self esteem. Problem is by your own admission you lack motivation which after reading your note to us is understandable.
How you feel and what you feel your family is saying to has not happened overnight. Correcting how you feel will not happen overnight either and will not happen without professional help.
It is my feeling that the brow beating you are taking has not only lowered your self worth and destroyed your motivation. You have also developed some form of depression. Because of this you need to have professional help to treat the depression while helping you get your self esteem back and raising your level of motivation. These things are all tied together.
Will you need medication? This is between you and your doctor. Medication will make you feel better and if you feel better you will heal faster. You need to check in with your family doctor and be screened for depression.
After you have seen your family doctor and a course of treatment is agreed upon you need to find a therapist for talk therapy. The most important thing about finding a therapist is finding one you are comfortable with. There are as many different types of therapy as there are practitioners. Interview therapists just as you would anyone else you are going to hire to work for you. In this case you want someone you are comfortable with and someone you trust to tell your deepest and darkest secrets too. All therapist have doctor patient confidentiality by law, this does not mean you will feel comfortable talking to any one particular therapist.
Once you find a therapist you are comfortable with you work with him/her by being open and honest. Remember everything and anything that happens in therapy stays in therapy.
The only other advise I can offer is: If you are still living at home you need to find away to move out. From what you have written your home environment will not be conducive to you finding what you need to deal with your family and to get your life back.
I'm a 20 year old female college student. Please bear with me as this is going to be very long, but I'm in desperate need of help!
I've been working full time at a restaurant similiarly setup like a Chuckie Cheese (pizza & games) for almost a year. I was recently fired by my boss for theft.
To explain the situation, I was considered a lower level manager. I generally worked front counter, however occasionally I worked at the ticket redemption counter in the game room. Everyone I work with manages to come home with handfuls of tokens on a nightly basis. Not neccessarily on purpose, but generally everyone carries tokens with them in order to have access to fix/test games and to give out to children who have fed tokens into a game only to have them not work.
Needless to say, when I would wash my clothes I would always manage to have tokens on me that I would throw on my dresser or into my purse after I got home. Never thought twice about it. Employers there constantly play games with those tokens, add tickets to their accounts or give away tokens to family members when they come in. No one ever mentioned it, and it wasn't something anyone really tried to hide.
One night my boyfriend came into work to eat, and as I was almost finished with my closing duties, he decided to just wait for me to finish and let me take him home. He asked if he could have the tokens from my purse that I had collected, and I told him sure. He played games for a while, and managed to take tokens when I wasn't back there (I was unaware of the fact). He won tickets, and me and a fellow coworker counted them, and fed them into the system like we would with anyone else. The end...or so I thought.
That same night the register came up short on night shift 100 dollars. The person responsible for the money had to either be me, the lower level manager that night, or the dish boy. Needless to say my manager spent all week looking into it, going through paper work and videos trying to find out what happened with the money.
I wasn't worried about it, because I knew it wasn't me. I'm not a thief and I respected my job way to much to ruin it by taking 100 dollars. I would NEVER do that! Turns out, the 100 dollars was my fault though. A person gave me a 100 dollar bill, and for some reason and with serious lack of judgement, I handed the 100 back to him as well as his 90some change. I have no idea what I was thinking, and I knew right then and there I would be fired when my manager showed me the video.
However my manager claims that was not the reason I was fired. She fired me over the tokens in the game room. I find this absolutely ridiculous, but what's done is done. My question is, how much trouble am I in over little fake tokens? She said she's not even shown the tapes to the owner, and she has no idea what he will do. My boyfriend called her and told her that between the two of them if she would drop the situation he would pay her back for the tokens he played games with. She said okay and she appreciated it. I asked my manager before I left if I could use her as a good reference and her exact words were "Yes. You were always on time and never called in. But theft is theft and I can't keep you."
What's going to happen to me? Should I use her as a reference or will she tell prospective employers that I am a theif? Will I go to jail? What should I say on an interview if they ask why I was terminated from my last job? Helppp!?
Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather. I hope the wisdom that comes with age and life experience will be helpful to you.
As an employer I am more interested in your College Resume, not your part-time employment. Under the section of for job listings I would simply write year to year - numerous part-time jobs to fit school schedules, references available if desired.
Employers who employ part time workers rarely keep more than payroll records on any of these employees. So references form these employers and not much to go on. The fact that you worked, went to school and were able to maintain a good to high grade point average is what I look. This tells me more about who and what you are as a person. This and our face to face interview is how I make my decision on who I am going to hire or recommend for a given position. When interviewing for entry level positions; which are generally the ones college students are applying for; I believe most if not all interviewers use the same technique.
One thing that would stand out and I would recommend that this be shown on you work history is; If you have an internship or part-time job that relates to your major course of study. In my view this is a flag and a major point in your favor with many interviewers.