HectorJr's advice column

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Q: this is weird but.. how can a person be gay? like.. is everyone born gay and they discover that they're gay later on in their lives, or do they somehow become gay from experiencing something? i'm 14/f, and i'm totally straight, i really dont want to be a lesbian or anything, but is there a chance that i might become one when i grow older?

Of course there is a chance, probably not a great one though.. I think homosexuality is more of a choice, most likely due to curiosity. It could also be due to the way a person is raised. For example, there would most likely be a lot of curiosity in an 8 year old boy if he say two guys making out. He'd see something wouldn't be normal, and of course when anyone see's something thats not normal they get curious. So don't worry about it happening to you, and I don't exactly blame anyone that is either. Hope that helped.

Q: May this gift bless you the greatest as it passes through your hands.

What could this mean? To you could it mean that some day we will die and life will be over?

Could it mean as a baby and it goes from holding your child to holding their hand to putting
your arm around their shoulder to walking them and passing them from your hand to another mans?

Does it mean that may this statment bless you as it makes you open up and relize what great things
are welcome to this life?

I made this saying up. Tell me, what do you think it means? Then i will tell you waht i wanted it to mean.

--Meg--

Please... This will be inpirering and open others hearts so please dont deleate...

Sounds like the gift could be love. In the case it would be, then some people only really appreciate it once its gone. Did I get it right?

Q: i have a problem thats been getting to me for the past couple months. i cant be alone. like if im home by myself and not talking to any1, i have problems like i get worked up and upset and im not exactly sure what to do about it. i have asthma and do get panic attacks so thats basically why its a problem. my bf has been trying to help me, and when he talks to me i feel 1000x better, but he cant talk to me all the time and i totally understand that. any advice id greatly appreciate and i'll definately rate you.

thanks

Hmm it sounds like something you should talk to your bf and your parents about. Try hanging out with your friends whenever you are home alone or calling people. Hope things work out and feel better. Good Luck!

Q: I want opinions on this one. I'm 17 (almost 18)/f, my boyfriend's 19. We're both going into college as freshman, but we're going into different colleges. I heard there are dances at my school and I'm assuming there will be some at his.
My thing is, I really wouldn't feel comfortable going with anyone but him, but he'll be living like 45 minutes away from me and I have no car and therefore no way to pick him up.
He does have a car, but I doubt he'd want to drive 45 minutes to get me, run back, and then run me back later. (Though he did promise he'd drive over and see me every other week as long as college didn't kill him workwise)
Opinionwise - should I find out the dance date(s) and try to work it out so I can drag him, or do I just go alone?
Also, do I tell him if there are dances I want him to take me (mostly because I honestly want to meet his friends...and besides, he's a good dancer)? Would that seem too much like I'm trying to keep tabs on him? I trust him, and he knows that.
What do you guys think?

You should still ask him to a dance. Maybe not all of them, but one or two if you are both comfortable with it. Maybe it'd be easier if you found other ways to hang out like a mall or movies or something. Nobody says you have to go to the dances if you don't want to.

Q: Ok so my best guy friends are freshman and im a sophmore and all i can say is that i love them more then life itself. i would seriously do anything for them. well they just became freshman so they will be moving up in my youth group at church,and they will be with me more.my friend adrienne(who is also a freshman)and i are kinda like leaders in our grade. and my guys friends(the freshman) are known to sometimes talk during service and they just pretty much dont care about it. my friend adrienne and i have gotten in trouble many times because of them talkin but we love them so much we just defend them. so we are trying to decide whether or not we need to still sit with them in church , because we are scared that they might bring us down. please let me emphasize how much i love this guys the thought of telling them that i wont sit with them brings almost brings me to tears. im just really stumped i need help please

Maybe you and your friend could try talking to the guys when you aren't at church. Let them know that both of you care for them, and would do anything for them. Tell them everything that you just wrote. It seems to be just a matter of your guy friends just talking, which isn't something major, and would probably stop if you asked them to. You don't have to be mean about it either, but make sure you are clear. Tell them that you don't mind, but everyone else is telling you to tell them. They wouldn't bring you down just for telling them not to talk so much. Everyone gets that all the time from everyone, everywhere. So go for it and don't worry too much. Good luck.

Q: ok now i have a boyfriend. hes nice, funny. and god hes gorgeous. But hes extremely sensitive and everything hurts his feelings. Hes jealous all the time and it drives me insane. He always has to be calling me or texting me when hes not with me, and im not the type of girl to expect him to do that. Hes got a life i know what hes doing, so its cool i dont stress over it. we've been together going on 7 months and as soon as i met him i fell for him. i've know him for like 8 months. Sounds like i need to break it off huh? If it were someone else thats what i would say. but honestly i cant. and i dont know why? like in a way i want to, but when it comes down to doing it i just cant. i forget about it. whats that mean?

i rate good if you take the time to help me out. thank you.

It probably means that you havn't broken up with him because you have feelings for him, real ones. It's ok if he is sensetive and acts a bit over-protective and gets jealous sometimes. It might be annoying, but I'm sure if he didn't care at all or anything like that, then you'd want him to be like that. A lot of guys, heck even me, are sensitive. Not a big deal. Tell him what you wrote, the part about not expecting him to do all of that. You should try to be open and tell him all that you feel, because thats crucial for any friendship or relationship. I'm sure he will understand, and will probably make an effort to change for the better. Good luck with that.

Q: My boyfriend just broke up with me because he said' " i dont think it will work because, you know im going into to high school & your still in middle school" because im in 8th grade and hes in 9th. Plus insead of me being in his profile now its about another girl. and im really reallly sad because i think hes cheating on me. is there anything i can do to make me feel better :( thanks. xoxo

Hmm first off that doesn't sound like a good enough reason. I pulled that off, only I was in the guys situation. Ask him why he put that girl in his profile, and if being in a different school is really the reason for your break up. If he does like that other girl and is cheating on you, then don't let it get to you. Sounds like he might be acting like a jerk, so probably wouldn't be worth it. In terms of feeling better, the first and probably best thing to do would be to talk about it. Talk to a girl and/or a guy friend you can trust. It's not important if you come up with a solution for it, but letting your feelings out usually helps. Have some fun too. isketch.net, candystand.com, pogo.com : a few sites with some games that could help take your mind off of it. Hang out with a few good friends, doesn't have to be too many; watch a movie, go shopping, a park. Try anything that will take your mind off of it and just try to have fun. Summer is almost over, so make the most of it. Feel better and good luck.

Q: oh of my best guy friends likes me, and he has for a while. at first i didnt like him but now im starting to. but im afraid if we go out, then break up,that i'll lose one of my best friends. but im also afraid if i dont tell him i'll regret it. so my question is shold i tell him i like him or not?

plus i dont know if i really like him, or if im just really flattered that he likes me

See and wait to see if you really do have feelings for him. Before anything, tell him that you appreciate his feelings towards you. If you do have feelings for him, and want to go out with him, first tell him what you wrote: that if your relationship does end, you don't want your friendship to end with it. As your best friend I'm sure he would want the same thing. Don't act on just the fact that he likes you to go out with him. You should only do that if both of you like each other, and not just because he likes you. If you do have feelings for him, don't wait on it too much, go ahead with it. Good luck.

Q: okay, i have a friend christie, and i hate her boyfriend, he makes fun of me, do i didnt talk to christie during school when lets say mike was with him...

and so though out the summer, i heard they made out and shes only 13 like me, and mike is 12.

and i havnt talked to christie sence, would it be wierd if i called her and made plans to get togeather soon?

all she talks about if him, all she does is hang with him! I feel so ingored! ++ i think shes going against me bc i called her a slut, bc she kissed mine in the middle of the park with the school, and everyone was going AWWWWWWWWWWWWW. and i was just like "wtf?"

and so i feel ignored and it bothers me, wee were TRUE best friends. true. secrets kept. midnight + phone calls. hanging out every friday. this all ended when school ended. what happened?

i want to ask her if she wants to go shopping with me at abercrombie and shit.... and she only shopped there bc thats what i wore, and i intorduced it too her. and so id think it be cool if i got to see her tomorrow on such sorty notice

would it be wierd for you if you were christie to just see me over the summer b4 school, and we didnt talk... ONCE?

PS: if christie tells mike, she was at my house, mike would be all like "ewwww why are you hanging with a faggot?" then it would interfear with the relation ship and id feel really really bad for doing that.

PSS im the "nice girl" to everyone, i cant yell at them and be like "im not friends with you" unless if i was FORCED too...

Tell her all that you wrote right there. Print it and do it in person or something. No relationship is too big to exclude friends. Even married people have friends and go to peoples houses all the time. What, does that mean they don't love the person they married? No of course not. So I don't see why you couldn't hang out with Christie or go over her house. You should tell her how you feel about Mike as well, because as a friend, would probably be willing to do something about it or put him aside for awhile. Hopefully that works out. Things might not work out between them, in which case boy/girl friends dissapear, but friends are always there before and after that. So talk to her and do ask her to hang out. Tell her that talking about him annoys you, because she would most likely stop doing that as much. Good luck.

Q: I'm planning a surprise birthday party for my nephew. He'll be 11 in a couple weeks. He's really into army stuff, so I'm using that for the theme. Does anyone know of any party games that fit a camouflage/army theme? I'm going to make the cake myself, so I could use some suggestions on how to decorate it. Thanks!

Manhunt was always a favorite. Try capture the flag at a park or backyard with obstacles. Those might actually be more fun at night when it's dark, but still fun in broad daylight. Have fun.

Q: ok well im really confused. i like 4 guys
i dont wanna say names (this is gonna sound mean) but im gonna call them numbers haha

boy #1-hes a complete jerk to me. but he says hes just kidding around...he says i mean the world to him...we went out for about a month and he said that he could be with me forever. but then he dumped me...we're still friends and i think i love him but hes been being a jerk to me lately. and i dont like it! and he just laughs at me when i say STOP BEING A JERK! hes like you kno im just kidding...and he doesnt get it that i DONT LIKE IT!

boy #2--i met him a couple weeks ago and we got drunk together. we had fun and flirted and he said he really liked me...i started falling for him slowly. he really wants to hang out with me again...but the past few days, my friends have been screwing things up for us. by saying i dont like him and i dont wanna do ne thing with him and just being really mean!!!...so i havent talked to #2 in a few days and im gettin kinda worried he doesnt like me ne more (out of the 4 boys...i like him the most!) we might go to the movies on friday and im going to his cookout on saturday. im just not sure what to do or say to him if i really do like him

boys #3--hes my best friend. we went out 2 years ago. nuthin big...and then we didnt talk for like 1 and a half years. then he IMed me and we talked and started hanging out. we went 2 the beach together. and he came over my house after...nuthin happened. just hung out..then he came over my house today and he was flirting with me soooo bad! like cuddling...and then we went in my jaccuzzi and he like held me in his arms...it was really sweet. it felt perfect. but its just so weird kuz hes like my best friend! and i dont know if i should tell him or not...i've never thought of him as a b/f...and now its just kinda weird that i sorta like him....

and finally...boys #4--i just kinda have a crush on him...he likes my best friend. but she doesnt like him back....i just wanna kno if i should get to know him better or just stay friends because of all these other stupid boys in my life!! haha

soooo i just wanna know which boy i should talk to more...or what i should talk to them about....or any advice you can give me

plz and thxx!!!

Boy #1 - Seems that you both had feelings for each other, but maybe he doesn't like you the way he did before or as much as you do. Looks like he acts that way just to kind of 'hint off' that he doesn't want to take things that far again, but without hurting your feelings. You should still talk to him, but don't expect things to go too far if he hasn't shown any signs of a relationship yet.

Boy #2- Keep talking to him and hang out with him. Tell him that your friends keep saying things about you two that you don't like. It does look like theres a possibilty with him, being that he said he likes you and you like him the most.

Boy #3- It's normal to feel that way. Most serious relationships devolop from a serious friendship. That's not a bad thing that either of you felt that way for eachother. Hopefull it's not a temporary feeling either. You should tell him that you do appreciate it and did like all of that. How? Just say it, he's your best friend, he'll know what you mean. At the same time, don't make it seem that it would lead to another relationship with him, because it might not, and if it doesn't, he probably wouldn't feel too great about that.

Boy #4- Hmmm. I think this one you should just let go if you wanted to. It's just a crush, and when you have 2 other guys who like you and you like them, doesn't look like you have a better chance with him than with the other 3. Of course, totally your decision, but there wasn't anything between you two like there was with the 3 other boys, yet.

Well it's all up to you really, hope some of that helped guide you somewhat in terms of the right choice. Don't choose for the wrong descision either, just to say: oh I have a boy friend; oh you said you really liked me so I don't want to hurt your feelings, etc... I'd say your best chances are with either 2 or 3, and least with 4. Again, your choice, and it might turn out completley different. Just choose the one that means the most to you. Good luck!

Q: Money problems with the man that I love. He has steep child support that is deducted from his checks weekly. He works as a checker 40 hrs a week. I am supporting him and myself and my three boys. If he gets any money from his checks it is usually between 20 and 80 dollars depending on union dues and such. with what money he gets from his check, he fills up his truck with gas and gives me what is left. I make about 1200 a month, and we live in a small two bedroom duplex. My question is should I tuff it out, and stay with him? I know we will never live in a nice big house, drive nice vehicles, and have stuff. We will always have to scrimp and save. He treats me with respect, and loves me. Or should I move on and hope to find another man that will treat me as good that makes more money?

Stay with him. You cannot put a price on love, and at the same time would pay whatever you could to have someone trully loves you as he does. Tough it out, you will both appreciate it later. Good luck.

Q: can anyone reccommend any good, upbeat country songs? kinda like what was i thinkin' by dierks bentley?

redneck woman

Q: Ok.. this has been buggin me alot lately.. I'm 14/f, and I have never had a b/f. I know that my time will conme and everything, and Ijust have to wait. But, what bugs me is that I know I'm not gorgeous, or really skinny or anything, but I see girls who are a heck of alot uglier, and bigger than me who have b/f's, so it just makes me feel like there's something wrong with me, cause they can get b/f's and I can't. So, I know my time will come, but, my main question is how are people gettin b/fs when they are so ugly and fat, and the normal girls dont? I rate 5's!!! Thanks!!

Be patient. I was there too and felt the same way. Good things come to those who wait...

Q: Me and my best friend kelli used to really like this kid named brian...after we both had our share of asking him out he turned both of us down on the account of wanting to be single....now he barely ever talks to us and we really miss him...we went to friendly's all 3 of us together...and a winter carnival but i miss him a lot and so does she...we used to be a three sum but he kind of left...i love him as a friend and i want to earn him back for the both of us...please help me hes a really good friend...i love him like a brother

Rachel

Tell him that. Tell him all that you just wrote up there, every part. Really, sounds like a good friendship, and all friendships should be valued if they are good ones. Call him if you can and try to meet up with him some more. As you get older, things might seem a little more difficult, but try to get past that. Good luck.

Q: ive had a girlfriend for a little over a week now we fooled around allot for 3 nights prior everything but sex and she was mad because i teased her with everything but sex (which i refused because i had a bad feeling about it) after she harrassed me about not giving her what she wanted and her telling me that its what she wants and "dont worry about my feeling ill stop if its not what i want" i desided to go through with it so after a wonderful night which she enjoyed and left with a smile shes mad at me because she said she wasnt really ready and i should have known that. im not saying i have no fault but i dont think she can really be that mad at me for it

Hmm that does not sound like it's your fault exactly. It seems like she forced you into it. Tell her that. Remind her that she said that to you and pressured you. Maybe you shouldn't have agreed to it, but not much you could do about it now. Don't let her get to you about it, she did nag you to do it. She realizes she made a mistake, but to blame it on you? No fair. Tell her all that though. Good luck.

Q: well i'm gonna try out for this olymic soccer and i'm just afraid i wont make it cuz i'm gonna be one of teh younger ones trying out and i made it to the district soccer (the best of teh north shore) and when i dont make something i tend to get really sad and think i suck so i dno to try out or not help plz????!!!

xomegaroni took the words right out of my mouth

Q: ok well im 13/f and i still havent made out with a guy , like ive had the opertunitys (cant spell sorry) and ive wanted to but it just doesnt feel right and i feel that if i did make out with a guy that i would be known as a slut . everybody calls me prude to and i want to make out im just scared that the person i do make out with will think im a bad kisser . is this normal? should i make out? pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeee help!!!!!

(will rate high for good answers)!!!!

thanks!

Nah don't rush. You aren't prude or anything for not kissing someone yet. Wait for that first kiss to mean something to you, something you'll want to remember. If its just to say you kissed someone, then theres no fun in telling everyone that. Don't wait until your down the aisle either, but don't kiss someone or let someone kiss you unless you really want to. Normal to feel that way, and no you aren't a late bloomer either. Trust me, nobody wants to see 10 year olds make out. Don't worry about being a bad kisser. That only counts if you are way older and have done is too many times. Then in that case if you are no good, and you'll be able to tell; but for now don't worry. Good luck.

Q: okay so yea.. i have a huge problem with crackin my knuckles nd there like big now :( dose any one know how i can make them smaller nd or stop my habbit? please nd thanks i rate 5s

Been there. Started before 3rd grade. My knuckles are huge and rock solid. But anyways, make sure you drink a lot of milk. Set a timer for yourself. Start off by saying: ok I won't crack my knuckles for 10 minutes. Then go for 20. 30. Keep doing that until you can get to an hour or even more. Eventually, they might hurt after not cracking them for so long. That's ok. But the pain will stop you from wanting to crack your knuckles. Good luck.

Q: this guy i have been hanging out with said that he wanted us to be friends nothing more, but maybe in time we could be bf and gf. I was fine with that. i heard later (from a girl that i trust) that he had a girlfriend. I asked him and he denied it. i dont care that he has a gf...its just we have made out and done stuff together...now i feel like a slut. What should i do with this guy? forget about him or still be his "friend."

No don't feel like a slut. You didn't make him do anything, and he didn't make you do anything. You both made out and stuff because you both liked each other. Don't leave him and still be his friend, because he might need a friend to talk to if he has a girlfriend problems or if they break up. Be his friend, and continue to talk to him. Good luck.

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Feel free to ask me any questions or for an alternate way of contacting me through my inbox.

I really like giving advice, so thats why I have a column here. I've been inactive for a long time, but I'm back and will do my best to catch up. Advicenators is a great site and it is what we make it. Having my own advice column helped me learn a lot of new things, even about myself, while giving me the chance to help others along the way. Thanks.