Gender:
FemaleLocation:
Washington stateOccupation:
RetiredAge:
64Member Since:
April 24, 2013Answers:
7093Last Update:
October 11, 2025Visitors:
127952Favorite Columnists
solidadvice4teens
Hollywood22
adviceman49
GiddyGeezer
Razhie
kittenlover2000
Grandfather
rosalee
missundersmock
teehigh
gr8fruit
more...
Main Categories:
Love Life
Families
General Sex Questions
View All
about
Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!
advice
I moved to a new town when my hubby deployed, and I couldn't sleep without him. I dreamed of being held and snuggled, and I told him I wished I had a gf (I wouldn't risk another man). I'd had girl-girl make outs in college, but I love men, my husband above all.
He began scouring dating sites to find a woman for me to have sex with, talking to them online daily posed as me. The attentions he gave these women made me jealous, and he wouldn't talk about anything else... until he suggested a second man for double penetration, which sounds like something I'd wish on my worst enemy. I figured it was the desert talking, that when he actually got back and got laid again he'd settle down-and he has, mostly.
He just went to a bachelor party with strippers the first night and prostitutes the next, he walked out on the 2nd (he's faithful, these extra people in his fantaies are for touching me only, he says). I complained abt the party, so he hoped to make it up to me by hiring a prostitute to pleasure me (ethical and hygienic no-go, IMO, plus huge waste of $). He started getting pushy about it and saying I should do it for him, since I came up with the idea, and now he can't help thinking about it nonstop, that I'm denying myself some superior 3-way pleasure ~ backward responses to rectifying the things I didn't like about that party: sex workers, disrespect of monogamy, etc. He steers every conversation to it, or another man, giving me the silent treatment when I say I'm not interested. He usually talks things out like a champ. My fear was that being around guys/behavior like that party made him lose respect for me, that it's ok to do whatever he wants and my feelings don't matter. I hope it's the fact that he is just extremely stressed at work that's driving this again.
Please tell me how to get him to stop pressuring me to give in to these scary fantasies and to start respecting my boundaries and desires. I want him to keep telling me his mind, and I don't mind him having the fantasies (though I wish they were a little variable and not just all of the same the filthiest porns), but I don't want any real life person encroaching on us. I don't want to be intimate at all with anyone but my husband.
There is such a thing as swinging and polyamory in which all adults have agreed and are comfortable with sharing each other. Since it doesn't seem to be your thing, he should respect it. The real alternative lifestyle is not for everyone. Swinging is just for the extra sex and I know of friends who tried it and got jealous. They did not think they would because the fantasy in their mind was one thing but in reality they found they could not handle it. That could happen to your husband. Polyamory is for the love and emotional support from a second person who may also be another lover.
Being a military wive, you are just going to have to get used to being alone for great lengths of time. There's no way around it unless you found one guy who hubby is okay with being the friend with benefits who keeps you company only while he is gone. No 3 way play which you are uncomfortable with. This would be the open marriage concept. But then it doesnt do anything for your husbands fantasies. What you might suggest is that in his mind he pretends to be a different guy having sex with you. The mind is our greatest sexual organ. So imagination alone should be able to do it along with your participation in what you say like oh your so much hairier than my husband, I love that, or your so much bigger etc. He could wear a man's wig or apply a fake mustache. Although I dont see these props as necessary. To be honest, hubby and I have our own role play. There are four other characters and each has their own personality. Us being older, if he is lacking energy one night, I ask to see and be with the younger guy, and the young stud who can go all night shows up, and instantly where hubby was tired and lacking energy, he is now a totally different person. I of course participate in this by even imagining in my mind what the other guys would look like. This is a wonderful and most safe way for husbands and wives to explore their fantasies and still only be with each other. Good luck dear
What is the best and easiest way to make money?
What's your age hon, cus if you are below the normal age for hiring for a regular job, then you'll need to be creative to come up with ways to earn money. If this is the case for you, let me know by going to my advice column and leaving a message in my inbox and I will write you back with some ideas. It would be helpful also to know if you are male or female.
My body itching an lil black spots r on me
Is this something recently new. Or has it been developing over time.
If you haven't had the condition before and the next day or two you did, try to think of what was different in your day. Did you eat something you haven't eaten before? It could be a major allergic reaction. Have you gone swimming in some pond or lake. Maybe you have a case of swimmers itch? Have you used a different sunscreen or lotion on your skin you haven't used before?
All of this will require seeing your doctor. If it's not a skin condition he is familiar with, he'll refer you to a dermatologist, or if he believes it to be allergies he may run some tests.
If it doesn't go away in a couple days on its own, go see the doctor.
So the guy I like isn't over his ex, but he claims he is. Well she text me talking mad shit & what not.. & I guess he told her pretty much EVERYTHING we talk about together. I really do like him & she claims she will always have him, I don't wanna give up on us because then she will get what she wants but i then again I also can't trust him anymore after telling our business. I don't know what to do... Should I just cut it off with him or forget about it & put it behind us.
sounds like you need to make a decision between if you want drama in your life or not.
If he goes telling others what you talk about in private or what you may privately share for his ears only. . . he is not considerate of your feelings to begin with. His set of values and morals and who he is at core is up for questioning.
A man who truly loves a woman is going to love who she is on the inside, your whole character, your sense of humor, and yes even your own natural look because he is drawn to that particular look: whether tall, short, blonde, brunette, redhead, thin or chubby men each have their personal taste in a female and then it goes beyond to who they are inside. When you find that kind of guy who is attracted to you, there is no woman in the world who can attract his attention, even if she comes outwardly in the same looks, like say identical twins. The difference is who are inside cant be duplicated. You are unique. The other woman is not the issue...never will be. It is who your man is. The right guy is not going to be drawn to drama queens like that. If she does get him, it's probably because they are two peas in a pod and deserve each other. You deserve way better than that.
When I'm looking at myself, I see myself as a normal to chubby girl, but actually I'm underweight. I can't guess anymore what's normal, what's a attractive person, what's a normal meal.
Any examples for those points???
You are a product of todays society. You need to realize that all the ads in magazines and on TV telling you what you need to be beautiful are only there to make you feel flawed, ugly or less than normal so you spend money on their products. It used to be targeted at high school on up, especially women who now had children and were married a while or young ones looking to find their mate. When the economy got worse, the amount of sales went down so they had to come up with a new marketing plan. Go after the untapped market. Create makeup and glamor products and sexy clothes and bodies especially tarYou will never see an ad targeted at the tweens ages 8-9-10 on up. That is absolutely ridiculous. Bodies are not done growing until into our twenties and some women are still changing at 25 and my husband who used to be almost totally smooth and hairless for a body didn't start changing until he hit mid thirties and then he grew body hair like crazy that kept up until his entire body was covered...like a sasquatch lol. But he is handsome to me, hair or no hair doesnt matter.Take me, at almost 55. I have lots of grey strands in my still brown hair, fine wrinkles on the face, have the big nose bone inherited from dad, small lips but am at the right weight for 5'2, 110lb. When I was divorced from my ex before finding my new husband, I was amazed at how many men were attracted to me. But then again, I also noticed BBW's the big women who would attract guys who were not interested in me at all. Everyone has their own taste. Some men want a woman whose plumper weight reminds them of mom or they want something to hold onto, I would feel too small and breakable in their hands. I don't think there is any such thing as ugly. Maybe someone can be deformed but that is then natural for them, but not ugly. But here are a few things to drive home the point the hollywood is all illusion and that a great majority of celebrities don't look anything like they do with make-up effects in real life. Some you could actually pass by on the sidewalk and not recognize them.
First I am posting a video of a young lady who does her own makeup transformation. You see it step by step. She does not look anything close to Angelina Jolie before she starts but once she's done, she looks exactly like her. All makeup illusion.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=gsqahGYl21w#at=58
And one of many celebrities without makeup videos:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j7je3mYu5tQ
and boobs are a big issue for females. They always want something different than what they have, never satisfied with how they look because of what they see on TV. Getting boob jobs is riskier than they let on. I used to work for medical ins. co and saw all the photos of womens breast and the damages done from implant jobs that went bad to where they now needed restorative surgery and would never look normal again. So the next clip is of mostly young women who submitted to this site pics of their chest with their comments on how they like or learned to like themselves or how their boyfriend loves them just as they are, from small to almost flat, big, dangling, different nipples and even two differing sizes. These are normal breasts, what they are supposed to look like and even the small ones are able to breast feed without problems.
http://www.007b.com/breast_gallery.php
Sometimes, all it takes is some realistic perspectives. If this does not help you to begin changing your views of yourself, then you may want to go for counseling. Good luck dear
15/f i'll try to make this as short as possible but when my parents got divorced in 2009 I was 11 and this is when the craziness had begun. my father the narc/socio made the divorce for my mom and his five kids terrible, involving legal troubles from the very beginning and police all the time. he turned his son against his mom and tried to make me and my younger who was 9 to hate my mom. he is very deceiving and then would act like no I wanted you to get along with your mother, when he knew I was fighting with her at home and most of the time it was because my dad would NEVER call/text/email my mom that he was coming to pick up my brother and me for the weekend which he was supposed to do by the court order for divorced, its not hard at all I would try explaining to him countless time just text her and arrange a time for us to go out to dinner. but he'd always have an exscuse like I don't want to I don't want to talk to her alwys selfish and would make me go back and forth between my mom and dad. I was once very outgoing, hilarious, spontaneous and unfiltered but I began to walk on eggshells with EVERYONE because of him. he made me feel scared and intimitaded like I had to do what he said. I only did it because I was constantly trying to please him and make him happy I just wanted to be accepted by him. im in therapy and am dealing with the "loss" of him. I hadn't seen him in 7 months this year and I went to see him and he looked like he had no soul, he had no remorse never said sorry and doesn't care about anyone but himself. the way he dictated my life made me feel trapped and insecure and hopeless the way I never feel. everything I was great at or did went bad, I stopped playing soccer because I was so overwhelmed by the situations that were happening, my grades dropped, I wasn't as popular anymore, I lost a lot of friends, and most of all I have the hardest time trusting people especially guys. I want to know how do I move on from him and how do I love myself again so I can be a happy normal kid again?? thankyou!
It sounds like you have learned a valuable lesson in life, that that are some people that can never be pleased by you or anyone else. Usually its some form of mental illness or sociopathic disorder as you have mentioned. I had an ex who complained about how I had the kitchen set up, where things had their place and wanted me to fix it. So I tried to come up with something more effiecient and felt I had. I excitedly showed him after work one day. He was even angrier...was I stupid, thats not better. Get serious and make it work. So I tried a 3rd time, Same result. So being an intelligent person and wanting to please him, I asked him how he would like me to change it and I would do it to his orders. But since there really was nothing that would be good enough, he had no answer. So he tossed it back at me, You're the housewife, you should be able to figure things out. I gave up. I gave up so completely that i let my normally neat house go and didn't do anything. Got into a bad messy habit. It took time from being away from him and therapy to remember my former happy self and go back there...a choice i had to make, just like the choices I made to change who i was to please him.
If it helps any, sometimes a different perspective of the situation makes it easier to understand and move on. You may not believe this but I have changed from christian to more open spiritual beliefs of which one is reincarnation. The point here is that souls come back over and over to learn a certain lesson. If they fail, they have to do it in another lifetime. So some souls learn faster and easier than others, just like some subjects at school are easier for some than others. That means there can be souls on the planet who are way behind and immature and fighting the process of becoming more loving like our creator. This inevitably means that at some point, these souls end up in relationships and become parents. Just because a person becomes a parent does not mean that they have an evolved soul. So unfortunately this happens quite often. So rather than look at it only as a bad experience, try to look at it from the point of view, what did i learn from it. Perhaps one lesson is to learn to not fall into trap of feeling hatred, another may be to love yourself enough to not subject yourself to any more contact with people like that including dad. Its not a bad thing if you are doing it from the stand point of protecting yourself instead of hating him. If it bothers you seeing him and you do have a choice to go or not, then choose not to. As for will you recover? Yes, if you have the mind set and focus to do so. Some one needs to go thru terrible experience so they can be there to help encourage someone else later in same situation. Say position affirmations to yourself every day. Say that you are the things you say you used to be. When we speak it, our subconscious mind is forced to make it a reality so that what we say about ourselves matches who we are in reality. So even if you don't feel it is so now, keep it up and it will change for you. You might include in your affirmations, I know how to trust people. You see, when looking for someone to date or be in relationship, you know what signs look like that signal a guy is just like your dad. You don't even have to date him to find out. At your age, there won't be many males who have figured out yet who they are and what their core values are. So it may be hard for a while to find someone you can trust. But eventually you will, I know because I did. Never think it was your fault. Never limit yourself on becoming a better person than a parent because the notion that a child should never surpass a parent is a bunch of B.S. I am glad you are in therapy. If there is anything else I can help you with dear, feel free to write to my inbox, not where you put comments with ratings because there is no way to answer from there.
I am a 20 year old female and I have been using the trigestrel pill for about 5years now and this year in january I decided to st0p using it but I have n0t been feelin well but thought its nothing concerning the pill since i've bin feeling nausea at times.,but now I noticed after February my periods stopped till now and it freaks me out and i'm having cramps on my tummy and some pain on the lower of my stomach,my breasts are sore and therz a fluid dat gets out of ma nipples,also heard chest pains few weeks back and I urinate alot.,could I be pregnant or what.?
If you stopped the pill, were you taking anything else for birth control. Trigestrel seems to be the pill of choice they are pushing these days. I have in trying to give advice read up on it and read also the comments of women having side effects. Many have these side effects while on the pill and others have sides effect coming off the pill. the only way you can know for certain if you are pregnant is to take a pregnancy test. Right now your body is so screwed up that you can not really on any symptoms or side effects as a sign of pregnancy.
The pills basic way of working is to trick the body into thinking it is pregnant so that an egg is not released to get pregnant. That is why many women experience weight gain like in pregnancy and tender sore breast too among other symptoms. If you took the pill for 5 years, just think...your body has been thinking it was pregnant for 5 yrs straight...thats an awful long pregnancy compared to the bodys normal 9 months. Not everyone reacts as badly to hormonal bc but many do and just decide to live with it. There aren't many non hormonal choices that are reliable but i would advise you check out the copper IUD on line and how it works and what side effect it can have. I used it and never had side effects. Had it inserted when i married at 20 and took out 6 years later to try to get pregnant and got pregnant soon after. Do not consider the Mirena IUD, that has hormonal contraceptives included in its make up. So take a pregnancy test right away to verify or rule it out. If you are, see a Dr immediately. Either you're having a kid or you may be early enough to abort. Although its traumatic and has its own side effects on the body...more subtle but still there. If not pregnant, please see your dr. or planned parenthood and find another contraceptive. If you're into herbs and natural health stuff, there is another alternative. You use the seeds of Daucus Carrota...wild carrot. also known as Queen annes lace. But some have been bred to become just the flower variety with no medicinal effects to it. Here is the website with info on that with a list of suppliers at the bottom.
http://www.sisterzeus.com/qaluse.htm
Good luck dear.
I'm 19 years old and I'm still an A cup. Is there any way that I can make my boobs grow faster? and why are my boobs growing at a very slow pace?
While the other person gave some information that is helpful and could help some, you are going to have to come to grips that what you have for breasts is likely not going to change unless there are some changes that come with breast feeding. Thats healthier for babies and it's a nice way to experience bigger boobs for a while. I was always a B, went up to C with breast feeding and after 3rd child went down to A and remained there for years before my body went back to its normal state of B cups. My ex never was satisfied with my boobs.
My current husband keeps telling me over and over as he sees my naked boobs that mine are the exact shape size and nipples he imagined his wife having someday when he was still a boy! If the guy you meet really loves you as you are, the size and shape or even distortions of your breast is not going to matter to him. Take it from the many examples of photos from gals your age along with their comments on this website. Please do check it out and view a lot of the photos. It will help put you at ease with how you look.
http://www.007b.com/breast_gallery.php
Good luck dear.
Is masturbation harmful to man health?
Did you read this or hear it somewhere? No matter what you have heard or who has said it, mankind is full of lots of fears or sometimes religious doctrines or biases that cause these crazy notions to get passed along from generation to generation.
It is not harmful, in fact it is very healthy.
Having orgasms is a great stress reducer for both men and women. Not just because you are relieving the stress of sexual tension but the stress from whatever else is going on, tests at school, work related stress, financial problem stress, etc.
Before being in a loving sexual relationship, and in between relationships, masturbation is a good way to keep up ones ability to get erect. It keeps the libido going. Maybe it's not too much a concern when you are young but as you get a bit older even starting late 20's into 30's, its important to keeping masturbating to have orgasms because if you don't use it, you lose it. Maybe not a total loss but performance will slowly decline for men who had large amounts of time, years between relationships with hardly any masturbation at all. While women can do this gap of time and go into a hibernation mode where her libido seems gone...if she meets the right man, he can easily re-awaken her sexually and with a little time and energy she's right back to being as orgasmic or more so than a young female. It's not the same for guys. So knowing the health reasons for this, don't let your thoughts ever make you feel guilty for masturbation. It is a vital part of your mental and sexual health.
I have known my girlfriend for 6 months and been dating her for 5. I am 28 and she is 30 and she is american and im english.
When we first met and started talking we hit it off big time. I told her from the first day that i wanted to be completely open an honest with her, especially after i had been lied to and cheated on in both my only 2 serious relationships....this meant telling her that as of the last 3-4 years whilst i was single i had dated alot and had had many casual partner & one night stands (i dont know my actual number but i told her it was 35). At the time she was shocked and didnt know what to think of me, but i really liked her and expressed my feelings for her and explained that as of the last year /6 months i had made a concious effort to stop partying, being wild, no more casual dates and to just wait for the 'right girl' i felt i could love and trust. Furthermore, as part of us getting know eachother we both talked about our last dates / relationship. The thing with my last casual / semi serious date is that it was with another american girl. I explained all this as honest as i could and explained i didnt have an 'american girl fetish' or anything...its just co-incidence how things have worked out.
She on the other hand has only has 2 serious relationships and says she has never been the sleeping around / casual dating type..which i truly believed...she has no reason to lie. Her past relationship was very abusive and she was physically harmed and it ended badly. i dont know whether this is a result of that, but she can be a very insecure person and often needs constant reassurance id never hurt her, or cheat on her..etc etc. an im more than willing to do this everytime its needed as i truly love her and feel sorry she went through her bad past.
anyway, after we got it all out in the open, she fully accepted what i was telling her and a month later we became serious and bf/gf.
Since then we fell truly head over heels in love with eachother and ive never felt this way about anyone before...i genuinely think (thought...seen as how shes now breaking up with me) that she was 'my one' and i told her this and she said she felt the same. ive been more romantic and done things in this relationship that ive never done before...showering her with flowers, gifts, travelling with her to the US to meet her parents and suprising her for her 30th birthday etc we've met eachothers familys and friends and everything was rosey....right up until last night
She began questioning me about the previous american girl i casual saw...asking specific times and months we dated, how serious we were...etc etc. I told her again what i told her when we first met...but played it down abit more than was actually the case, as i didnt want to make think that anything i had was as serious as what i have with her now...which is honestly the case. What i didnt know was that she'd been on my facebook page and trawled back thru all my old msgs, comments and photos between me and the other american girl, which are very 'coupley' and flirty. not only that but alot of what id wrote to her was similar to what ive wrote to my now / recently broken up with gf (english - american banter etc). She WENT ABSOLUTLY CRAZY BESERK.
saying that i lied to her, i was way more serious with her then i first said, that the dates and times i orginally said didnt match with fb dates n times (they were a month or so out here and there which i honestly didnt know...i dont memorise things like that). I told her i was sorry i didnt explain all the details about the previous relationship...and in all honesty it wasnt as serious relationship as what i have with her now. She did not and can not accept that. She says im a liar..i lied about something really important.
To make matters worse...she then trawlled through even more of my fb, looking as far back as 3-4 years ago and going through every girl im friends with. As ive stated before, i did sleep around alot had many dates...so over the last few years theres alot of fb comments, photos etc...not really on my page as i deleted alot. but theres alot on other peoples. When she saw this...how i spoke to them, how i flirted etc tec...she said she didnt feel special, nothing we had over the last 6 months was special anymore, id done exactly the same as id did with all the other girls already and that she didnt really know me anymore, or who i was...etc etc.
i pleaded with her that i told her this from the start, that it was my past, that i was ashmed of it, that i was a different person as of the last 6-8 months (basically just before i started dating her)and that id that all i ever cared about since meeting her...was her. furthermore...that i loved her and id never put as much love, romance, effort into anyone else before her. I couldnt describe enough how special she is / was to me.
She didnt believe any of it though. she kept saying i lied, i was a player, i would use her, nothing about what ive done is special, i treat her like every other girl before and that she wont be just another notch on the bed post. she the abruptly ended with me. all that in 5 hours in one night after 6 months. its been a day an ive not heard from her and dont know what to do?
Did i do anything wrong? what should i have done? what should i do now?
advice would be greatly appreciated, thanks
I will say that Yes, abusive relationships from the past can affect people. I know, I was in one. Verbal abuse. If the female wants to avoid it in the future to protect herself, she has to learn how to spot the warning signs and back away from such a person. Although I did that, I had something to steady and balance me, a deep relationship with God which is what kept me sane so I didn't have a low self image. Because someone treated her that way, until she is healed, she will always question what may be wrong with her, not be secure enough in who she is and her ability to attract and keep the love of a man. Whats happening is that her subconscious.. where her emotions and feelings, good and bad come from is running the show. The memories of her past influence the insecurity and thus the need to sneakily spy on your past on FB.
and interpret the information via bad programming so that even where there is nothing to use against you, she will create something out of nothing. We all know she needs to trust. Trust is one of the basics of a relationship. Without it, no relationship will ever be healthy or survive, or in her case even start. Honesty is another big part of a relationship and you decided to be honest with her.
Did you do anything wrong with her? It doesn't sound like it. You sound like a wonderful guy. But I do have some things to tell you. The way you phrased it to me here, you decided to be totally honest with her....does that mean before this you weren't always totally honest with others based on the situation? Women have intuition, an ability to pick up on things. Although hers is warped by her past right now. Other than having many lady friends and lovers in your past, have you always been the same man at core. You need to know who you are and what you stand for, your beliefs, values and morals and how it relates to what you see your role as a male is when interacting with the female that stands before you. I met my 2nd husband on line. Here is what he wrote to me that is the best example of what I can show you in his own words. I saved his letter:
What this all might mean, in relation to You:
From the start, my personal experience in this world that we share, has been in my own growth and evolvement. In regards to relationships this has translated into exploring and finding out who and what I am so I can be that to the mate that stands before me. I am no longer a child and at 47 years of age, the strength of my integrity as the male that I am to you, as a female and friend, is…
To support who and what you are becoming…
To strengthen who and what you are…
To up-hold you as no other has yet in your life.
These are neither pledges, nor commitments, I am making to you. They are in fact raw internal values of who and what I have been and I am, and have evolved from the sum total of my path of growth thus far in my life as a male.
As the masculine expression of Awareness, I have learned and I am aware of my only two real functions as a male, which is…
To initiate the creative possibilities of feminine expression of Awareness and…
To support, strengthen, and up-hold "her" and "what she brings forth."
And I look forward to finding the female who lives and breathes at this level of experience and understanding... And to begin becoming One with one another.
All of it showed me that he was a man like no other i had ever met yet. His behavior was consistant so I got to see his "raw internal values" in action on a daily basis in his life.
So figure out who you are at core so you can be showing that in action to her. Yes, you will write to her and give her time and hopefully she will take a chance with you.
Something else that might be helpful is the study of love languages. So far you have given her gifts to show your love and devotion. If her love language is they are 1 words of affirmation,
2 quality time, 3 receiving of gifts, 4 acts of service 5. physical touch
Here is one of but a few links to love languages on the web:
http://maddieruud.hubpages.com/hub/Love-Languages
If yours is giving gifts, then when she gets you a thoughtful gift, it will have more impact than the other acts of love to you. If hers is Acts of Service, and yu keep giving gifts, that doesnt have the same impact and relay the message of love in a way she can really connect to. Acts of service means that you insisting on getting up to get her a refill on coffee, making dinner, doing the laundry, noticing her car is due for an oil change and just taking it in or doing it yourself...these kinds of things will then have the effect on her. I think you've spent enough time with her to figure that out.
Another thing you may want to think of pointing out to her is that some people go throughout their life looking for their soulmate. They just somehow know by intuition when they have found him/her. Until then, they go from one person to the next to the next. Not every soul does this to the extent that others do. Some are willing to settle for less or they are more selective and careful after a 2nd or 3rd relationship and really start looking for the soul mate then. A person like this will indeed change their ways and no longer have a need to go through many relationships because they have found their soulmate or twinflame as others call it. I sense this is the case with you or your heart wouldn't be breaking as it is to cause you to write to us. Yes, some men will be players for life. Most people do not change that easily. A man who is a player is not going to go through the bother to write to an advice column on how to keep the latest female in his life. His attitude will be, heck there's plenty others out there. No, the man who writes here, is truly smitten and wants to have that female be part of his life and grow old together with her.
In fact, maybe the best thing you could do is show her that you wrote in and show my answers.
If she could just trust you enough to take it day by day and not commit to long term dating or marriage at this point, then I believe she could handle it. She needs to give you enough time to prove yourself to her. What she found on Facebook means nothing. I don't always recall my stories exactly in detail either but but deep inside, my values are that I live life honestly and truthfully. It is what she finds in the future that counts. Write her and let her know of your love for her. She should ask her family what they think of you. Family don't have their hearts involved and can sometimes see more clearly than the person can. If they picked up on nothing to give them an alarm about you, then she might want to stretch herself past her fears and give this relationship a chance not a try-thats a wimpy attitude where you back out the moment you imagine something bad that isnt really there. No you give the relationship all your effort with the attitude to always work on it every day that you are together. I created a couple quotes out of my experiences, 'Happily ever after doesnt happen because you wish it so. It only happens when both parties put in maximum effort to make it so." This means her effort will be to go past the fears created by her past relationship. And no it's not a bad thing that you shared that with someone because it is very relevant to the situation and she needs to know it was done not with the intention to embarass or belittle her in any way, but out of love to be willing to do anything to get her back.
This quote is for your lady friend from another woman who knows what abuse is like:
“As with an Antique, the ravages of life upon an individual create a more precious thing in the end, giving one more character and charm, gaining the status of being precious for simply still being.” This means she has to have a talk with herself, basically her subconscious and tell herself she no longer wants to live her life like a victim or even a surviver, but she wants to choose to live as an overcomer, because anything less than that honey, is not living at all.
Good luck to you and your lady. I am sure something good can come of this if she will trust and also work on her subconscious.
There is this guy I like I've been talking to for about 3 weeks now. We exchanged numbers. At first we would text everyday. He would text me all the time. Lately though we don't talk as much anymore. He doesn't call me or text me anymore but if I hit him up he responds back right away. I've asked him twice to hang out with me and he said yes but then the day of he flaked out on me. Then asked me to hang out and did the same thing. I'm confused. I dont know if hes interested or not. What do you think?
7 minutes ago - 4 days left to answer.
I was going to say that initially a guy will text when he is interested but long term, most guys dont like or enjoy typing so texting, FB, or some other typing venue is not going to interest such a guy. Have you ever talked on the phone?
But then you say he has set dates and you did and he flaked out on all? It could be that he isn't really that interested. Or it could be that he is in a relationship but is looking to a girl to keep stringing along on the sideline in case his current relationship goes south, in which case it means he isn't focusing any energy into making it work in the first place and you dont want a guy like that.
Or some guys who are committed in a relationship prefer female friends over male friends and see nothing wrong in chatting with females outside of their relationship. And truly there is nothing wrong with that as long as his other lady knows that about him, that she is his girl and the others are just friends. If you are looking for someone to date and it is this difficult getting together, it could simply be fate keeping you apart. My current husband asked a lady out, traded phone numbers and they kept making dates but half the time she had to cancel and half the time something came up for him. No matter how hard they tried they could not get together tho they were truly interested. A few months later he met me on a dating site. and about 3 months later we were married. The angels knew we were supposed to be together and worked as hard as they could to prevent him getting together with a woman who probably would have been a very nice gal. But he would have settled for less than what his heart really desired. So based on that last piece, I cannot say that he is or isn't interested. Just give it a little more time and if the same happens, then tell him, Hey John, it looks like the fates are keeping us apart so i am not going to even try anymore. I am really looking for someone to date and have a relationship with so thanks for the interest but it has to stop here. That way you are not accusing him of anything and are cutting it off. If he contacts you by text after that, ignore him. No, it's not rude to ignore him if you explained ahead of time that this was final...no contact. Its rude of him to continue to bug you. Good luck dear.
Hi everyone so my friend wants me to get a fake ID so I can go out with her and her friends. Her friends are single and her and I have boyfriends and her friends always ditch her for guys so she wants me to come and hangout with her. My boyfriend is not okay with me going out with my friends ever! Which I don't do often because my life revolves around him... Which I'm trying to change and hangout with my friends more instead of him. And I don't drink or smoke when I go out with my friends he just hates she I hangout with them. I hate when he hangdog with his friends too and I don't want him to get a fake ID and to out to bars and clubs without me and he doesnt want me to go to bars and clubs without him. But he always goes out with his friends as in always hangout with them and I never hangout with mine. My step mom totally understands why I want the fake ID but how do I make my boyfriend understand without sounding like a hypocrite? I know it's hypocritical but is there anyway I can explain to him that I needs my friends and I want to go out and have girl nights. I would never cheat on him or anything like that. I hope you all understand what I'm trying to say.
I really can't say why he isn't okay with it. I understand your reasons for wanting the fake ID. Myself, its not something i would ever do. I never pretended anything or faked anything. Girls find it safer to go to bars together. It sounds like the reason your girlfriends friends are going is to meet and date guys. So why is she going? Just to be helpful to them? What does she get out of going? Is it the atmosphere she likes? That is what I don't get. The whole problem would not exist if your girlfriend did not go to a bar with other women who are trying to snag a guy. You said she already has a boyfriend. I am not saying don't have time with girlfriends away from the guys...but who says the only place that can happen is in a bar. Think seriously about having a fake id. Because doing that puts you out of integrity. How would you feel if something went sideways while at a bar and someone elses life got F@%$ked up over having you there knowingly with fake ID. Someone could end up with an arrest record. All for what? You and your girlfriend need to talk and figure out other things to do to hang out together. Do you guys have any hobbies, go bowling together...biking together, hanging at the mall together, renting a bunch of chick flicks and watching em together. There's so much quality time you can spend together and if alcohol is a draw for either of you, do it at home.
As for the boyfriend, maybe he cares enough that he doesn't want you to get in trouble. Maybe he just doesn't like the idea of you there when he can't be around to protect you in case some guy starts hassling you. When someone says, I don't want you to go but you don't know really why you can't make a judgement that he is being unreasonable or hypocritical. Now if I have this all wrong, perhaps there is some info missing or what you wrote was misleading me. I hope I have helped a bit. If you need to relay more to me, write to my inbox
Me and my best friend started this blog last year. Then we had this big drama so we ended it and made our own seperate blogs. But she used all the stuff from OUR blog and put it on hers and she got more followers than mine and our old blog. Well now I tried to make one of those instagram admin things and I asked her if she wanted to partner up like before. She said no and then 3 days later she telling me to follow her new account. And then I kinda got mad because she had just made hers and she already had more than me. Them she started texting me saying " YAY I have 50 followers already" which wasn't fair cause she had hers for 1 day and I had mine for weeks! It feels like everytime I do stuff like this she always turns out better than me. I don't kno what to do :(
You may not think this is so, but from what you wrote, the first thing that came to me is that you are entering all these projects from the angle of competition. Your subconscious mind at least wants to compete with your friend and feels you must be as good or better than her to feel good about your self. I think you may have a fear of going it alone and thats why you get her to join you on some project so you can borrow her self confidence. Honey, you've got to have your own. The fact that you wanted to start something new...instagram but went immediately to ask her to be your partner means that deep down inside you think you cannot do it alone. So then you get upset with her when she has success and you don't. She is not doing anything wrong. She is doing what you need to learn how to do...come up with an idea, launch it and do it All By Yourself...not even any suggestions from her.
Maybe doing something on the computer is not where your skills lay. Maybe you are better at some kind of crafts you could sell, what about music, singing. If lets say you like to create your own music, you organize a group where kids who create their own music can meet each other and listen to and critique each others music. But pick out first the thing that you are really crazy about and go with that. If you get some ideas and want to bounce them off me, I'd be willing to read that. But you have to write to my inbox, not where you put notes by ratings. Good lluck dear.
please explain making out for the first time for me. like wat you do with ur lips tounge and just everything!
You have probably seen lots of kissing in movies and such...but it doesnt have a narrator giving pointers. So i checked to see if there are youtube videos on it and yes, there are lots for learning to kiss. When I knew I was about to be kissed for the first time, I felt nervous. Everyone does. But I would have to say that 99.9 % of the people are always satisfied with the kissing ability of their partner even if it was the first time.
An obvious pointer is that you need to approach the other person with your face at a tilt because the noses get in the way. You don't have to worry about glasses if you wear them but may want to remove them later if it becomes more intense. Go softly touching the lips. Sucking gently on their bottom lip is part of it if you both like it. But suck on it and let go after a second, then grab it again. NO long prolonged hard tugging at it or it won't be pleasant. Some people like to use their tongue to run along the lips of their partner, others like to suck hard on the neck which will create a hicky.To each their own, it never created any fun sensations in me so if your partner isn't into it, trying little nibbles of the skin of the neck, the jaw line, ear and chin with your lips wrapped around your teeth so you don't leave teeth marks. French kissing involves moving your tongue past your teeth into their mouth to play with their tongue, move your tongue around and if they like it, their tongue will move toward yours. Do not forcefully dart your tongue in. Any harder or more passionate kissing comes later when both of you have been aroused already by the gentle kissing and your breathing is a little harder and the heart beats too. Putting your hands in your partners hair while kissing makes for an even more special touch along with stroking their face with your hands or holding their face while kissing. Here's a video for the visible reminder of all i've said
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=tCITaAyJR9Y
Ok. So I was in Marching Band last year (my 8th grade year, going to be Freshman) and i met a guy (Sophomore, going to be Junior) We didn't really become friends till AFTER field season. It was at a districts performance, we started talking about a TV show we both like. After i performed (Color Guard show for me. He was there to perform with our Drumline) he gave me a thumbs up. Then at a pops concert we talked, and i bravely asked for his number. He gave it to me. I was in a weird dress for my show and i told him i felt awkward in it he said "Don't worry you look good"(We texted alot after that.) I performed and he told me I did great. Awhile later (different day) We had grown pretty close, I texted him if i dressed like a slut. (My friends kept telling me i did the day before and i was upset and wanted to talk to him) he replied "I don't think you dress like a slut your beutiful" I thought that was a sweet of him to say. I was talking to him another day asking him if he's looking forward to graduate in two years he said not really, I asked why and he said becuase he'd be leaving me. I asked why and he said I was special and that he's comfortbale talking with me and that he doesn't talk to a lot of girls. The big thing though was today. I went to a music store, and he happened to have saxophone practice today. I was talking to the owner about french horns when he walked in (I havent seen him in awhile) and he waved awkwardly at me, i did the same and the owner looked back and forth between us, shocked. He asked me if i knew him and i nodded. They boy went to go practice and i ended up being given a lesson. We left our seprate rooms at the same time. I put the french horn away (I was borrowing it for the half an hour) and was moving to give the owner the mouth piece, but the boy walked up to me and held his arms out to hug me, he said some words but i forgot what they where. I hugged him happy. I then left, smiling the rest of the day. We have never really broken the touch barrier like that before and he initiated it. He also told me this year was the best of his life so far because he joined band and got to meet me. I think I like him(I'm not sure 100%) but does he like me? I'm confused, Please don't say anything about age.
Oh Good God girl! Yes! He likes you. All good relationships should start as friends. Is he attracted to your personality? He said yes. Is he attracted to your looks? Yes. Does he feel comfortable and close to you? Yes. You both are at the point of deciding to date or not. Or just hang out as friends. I have the feeling whether you call it dating or hanging as friends, it will feel the same. So invite him and ask him to do special things with you, bike riding, going for walks, even watch a rented movie you choose together at home. If its meant to be, it will naturally develope on its own into something more. Don't worry about the age gap. When he graduates and you're still in school, if he's the kind of guy who finds it hard to talk to and approach girls, there's a very great chance he is going to wait around for you and not go off dating other girls.
Hi, I am a female, 30 years old. I was chatting to this 26 something year old and he asks me lots of question but avoids answering my questions. And makes a joke about things. How did I respond?
Until I found my current husband, I was on a dating site where guys would ask me tons of questions but reveal nothing about themselves. There is no way possible to know if theres anything in common to be just friends with such a person let alone be in a dating relationship. Or if it is a coworker, it's none of his business to be trying to socialize and ask personal questions during work hours. You don't owe anyone a reply just because you are asking a question about yourself. What I like to do is turn the question on them if I do not want to answer, no matter how innocent the question like, "What did you do this weekend." I don't answer and ask them the same. Usually people who don't want to talk about themselves will give up after a while. Others will answer the question that you turned back on them and not ask another question or re ask because now they have been distracted.
hey, for the last couple of weeks,or since school got out for summer i just got out of counseling and ever since my last time i went everyone has been calling me weird annoying and saying that i've changed and my counselor taught me alot its just that i am being more social but lately i've been wanting to just be alone like i have barely been with any of my friends this summer and i can't help but sit and think how i've changed. I used to not be able to tell people how i truly feel but i was being bullied but now i can tell someone to fuck off and say no when i want to but others are saying i've changed...i dont feel suicidal at all and i dont cut myself and i dont get bullied as much and my counselor has taught me alot of ways to help myself but i just feel like im isolating myself from everything...any help would be lovely. thanks
Find out if those who say you have changed, like the change or not. If they like the change, then they will make a good network of positive friends. If they don't like the new you and want to old one back, it is in your best interest to not associate at all with them. These people with comments, you don't mention them as friends. If they are not a friend, what they say doesn't matter anyways as they don't really know you and care about you.
Just keep doing what your counselor told you to do. Young people are cruel. Once they mature and grow up, it will be easier to make friends. Focus your time now on learning something new, gaining a new skill, doing something just for you. You deserve it!
I will try to make this short
I am getting married in a few months. My parents are divirced and my father has never really tried to initiate contact with me. Now that I have been planning a wedding, I seem to be resenting my father for loss of time abd not trying. I asked my mother to walk me, my step father is a JOP who will take the honors of marrying us. My father will be at this wedding...I have stopped talking to him from 2008-2012 due to the fact that I got tired of being the only one tryibg to have a relationship with my dad. I am getting tired again, He still doesn't call or visit me. It is his birthday on July 3rd and I was invited by stepmother to have dinner. I don't even wabt to go nor do I want to buy him anything. Instead I am feeling the want to just forget it and be happy with people who try to be in my life. I almost feel as I am a burden and unwanted. If it weren't for me visiting him (30 min drive) there wouldn't even be any relationship at all. I love my dad but I seem to not wabt to waste energy any more
I remember having people invited to my wedding just to be considerate to them, not because I felt close to them, some of my girlfriends from school, their moms were invited,and there were even people like spouses of people I know but never met the other half, people I am distant from for whatever reason...just consider your biological dad to fit in this catagory. He is given the invite to attend only out of consideration but not because he's special to you. And that is okay. As long as you can for your own sake not hate him. Hatred will eat you up inside.
Heres an example, My ex was verbally abusive and got worse as he got older so by their teens he was starting to be unreasonable in how he dealt with his daughters. I could in my heart forgive his treatment of me when I looked at it as there being many souls on this planet and we are not all at the same maturity level as souls. Some have to reincarnate and get another try to learn a certain lesson. At least it helped me to understand. There is no need for the ex to get it and be perfect this time around. And being in that situation taught me to love myself first, and make choices based on what is best for me, It included leaving him. In your case, loving yourself enough to make the best choices for yourself will include having nothing to do with your bio. dad because emotionally it distresses you. So instead of looking at what he or his wife thing is proper or whether he feels he deserves more like dinner visits or cards, that has nothing to do with it. Don't let your mind go there, the issue here is what is best for you. Theres always the slight chance there will be important family gatherings besides your wedding at future dates that someone invites him to. Usually thats weddings and funerals. You owe him nothing there, you are attending for your support of whomever, not to socialize with him. A slight nod in his direction to acknowledge you see him should be enough. But don't talk to him if it distresses you or brings up bad feelings.
ok so my boyfriend is bisexual. which is alright with me, the other day he confessed that he and my best guy friend were curious. my boyfriend gave the guy a blowjob. he said he doesn't consider it to be cheating, and he says he would never cheat on me because he loves me. I consider it to be cheating, I mean what if he gets curious again? what should I do? I'm so confused, please help.
I need to straighten some facts out. First about normal relationships: Two heterosexuals in relationship is normal, so is two gay people, so is a straight person with a bi person but because the other is bi, that means they have a same sex sweetie known to the straight person. You can't be bi-sexual and be expected to give up having a same sex partner as well as the opposite sex one.
This falls under something called polyamory. And this is also normal. Some poly relationships may be 2 females who both share the same guy but the girls are not bi, and 2 guys who share one female but the men are not bisexual and sometimes it is two dating couples who switch off with each other because the wives of both couples love their husband and also the both love the guy half of the other couple.
None of this is cheating. Its only cheating if this is being done in secret behind somesone back and they haven't got the okay and permission from a partner to do so. So obviously this means good communication is important, also honesty, and trust.
Now, a female who wonders and is curious what it might be like to be with a female and trys it, that does not make her bi,, no more than you trying a cigarette once( but never picking up smoking) makes you a smoker. Same for a guy trying out a guy.
So what does make someone bi-sexual really? It is when you go beyond admiration of the looks of the same sex but you actually are turned on sexually aroused, and desire by them and they both the same sex as you but also the opposite sex.
So in answer to "what if he gets curious again, you can only be curious once. If you are curious what smoked salmon tastes like and try it, the first time you had it was do to curiousity. Now that you know what smoked salmon tastes like, can you still be curiousby them and they as to what its like? NO. Because you got a chance to sample it. So if you have it again, its because you have made a decision to, and why would you have it again if you don;t like it? Right? So that means you now like the salmon. Same thing for your boyfriend. Have a talk and ask him what he thought of it. Now that his curiosity is taken care of, would he do it again? If he says no, you can likely trust that is so. If he says yes, you might want to ask if it is because he is sexually turned on and desires guys as much as he desires girls or is he only going to a guy to get his horniness taken care of for now cus he doesn't want to pressure a girl to have sex before she's readly. Thats a slim chance but you have to know.
So when you talk with him, remember to set up some ground rules for your relationship, total honesty both ways. If you are really okay with him truly being bi sexual, then you need to let him know that. Tell him if you wish that you felt confused but now that you know what cheating really is and isn't you just want to make up some rules. Any time you or he, no longer want to be in the relationship, be honest. If one of you is interested in someone else but still also in each other, be honest. Teens shouldnt be taking on the challenge of multiple relationships at this age. It is way harder than a monogamous one and that one is hard enough for most people, adults included to figure out. If you come up with any new questions related to this, you can write directly to my inbox but dont put it as a comment with your rating cus I can't give answers in that setup. I know what I am talking about as far as bi and poly because I used to hang out with a lot of people like that and was poly-straight but had bi friends.
For some reason, I'm scared of my sister. Whenever we're home alone, I get really scared and always have a phone next to me. Whenever she's the only one awake, I'm TERRIFIED that she'll do something to me in my sleep or steal something of mine...
She's about 2 years older than me. We were close when we were young and I always try to act casual around her... But on the inside, I'm scared to death.
The thing is, I don't get scared that easily. I think I do have a paranoia disorder. I definately have anxiety, though I wasn't diagnosed. Any advice on how to deal with this without medication? Or why I'm so scared of my sister?
If you realy work hard on helping yourself with kittenlovers suggestions and still find no relief, then perhaps ask the parents about seeing a hypnotist. I used to work with a friend who had fears that people were always going to jump out at her to spook her so she was very jumpy and it affected her job and life. So she saw a hypnotist and that took care of her fears. Hypnosis is not an ongoing treatment like counseling, the one time should do it if you are the kind of person who is easy to work on. These fears come from your subconscious mind so in Hypnosis, suggestions are made to your subconscious mind to behave differently. Good luck dear.