|
Why am I not moving on?
my boyfriend and I broke up about two weeks ago. The first week, I was in devastation. Being only 14, it was difficult for me to handle all of it, as I loved him alot. But then one day, I overheard his conversation with one of my friends ( she allowed me to be on confrence while I heard him talk about some other girl and totally random stuff.) When asked about me, he would answer with impatience in his voice. From that day on, till today I haven't picked up the phone to call him once. He told my bestfriend that "I couldn't sleep for a week, whatever anyone says I will always have a soft corner for you and that I am not myself." What is wrong with this guy? Why does each and every move of his hurt me so much? I am angry at him, really angry. I don't think he ever did love me for the four months that we dated, and usually I spend my time being happy. But there are still moments where I miss him. Why do I miss him if he doesn't miss me? What are his reasons for behaving like this? I know I haven't moved on but how long will it take for me to look at his face and not feel anything?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Ending a relationship can be hard. I know, I've had many break-ups in my life. It will take time to get over it but you definately will move on. Let me paste a little advice that I have posted on my page.. its advice I give everyone who is expiriencing heartache...
~A little Advice for the broken hearts~
You are afraid and hurt and you dont know what to do. You feel empty and alone, like the whole world has just ended. You have a hole in your heart one that feels like it can never be repaired, but just know that in time that hole will be gone. Getting your heart broken is like getting a deep cut. It hurts really bad, and no matter what you do you cant stop thinking about it because you know its there and its hurting, but with a few stitches and a little tlc (friends and family helping you through) and some antibiotic ointment (ice cream) soon that cut will only be a scar (a memory) it will always be there but it wont hurt anymore, you are strong and you can make it through this!!
You see it hurts now and you are angry but thats ok, its all normal, this is your way of coping with your loss of something you once cared for a great deal, and it is also your way of moving on. It may not seem like it now but you are already in the process of moving on... just give it a little while longer and soon it will be nothing but a memory and you will find someone new who makes you feel happy again. Good luck with everything! Best wishes.
Stephie
]
You are moving on, you're trying at least. Or at least you understand that you do need to move on and you're not trying to get him back.
He's probably doing these things because he didn't really care too much about the relationship. He wasn't as serious about it as you were. There aren't really any serious relationships at 14 because boys and girls are still looking for what they want and like.
You're angry because he didn't care as much as you did. And you do have every right to feel that way. You're going to miss him because you guys did have good times, you miss the memories you had with him.
It will take you a little while to move on. It really depends though. For some girls it takes years, and that's because they are holding on and don't really want to move on. Usually it'll take a couple months, especially if you cared about them. So give yourself some time. Don't call him, don't text him or message him and don't have him on your friends list on Facebook. Also, don't have your friends tell you what he's talking about. It won't help you at all.
So just do your best to move on. Go hang out with friends and enjoy being single for the time being. Eventually you'll meet another guy who will be ten times better.
]
I don't know how long you were dating but at your age the statistics are for relationships to last an average of 5-6 months. There can be exceptions. However, at this age guys don't even know who they are at core let alone what they like or don't in a girl. One way for us to find out is to go through several dating relationships that start and end. Yes, the heart will always be investing some interest, both both people or at least one.
What I need to make clear is that when a guy asks you to date him, the interest level at that stage is based on how you look, how you handle yourself with others, the sound of your laugh etc. and maybe even some feelings of excitement where your heart does somersaults, etc. That is enough to only start the dating. The purpose of the term Dating is only to hang out with a person long enough to discover if you have enough in common on the inside, your personalities, and whether there is something stronger than the initial feelings of attraction like the heart somersault. To move from dating into a long term relationship, you need to be able to feel comfortable about every aspect of the person and have a very strong chemistry. While many think it's strong, when on a scale of 1 to 10 most marry at a 5 or less, you really need an 8,9,10 for a relationship to last. I am not saying have sex right now. But that's a piece of advice for your future. The ones without enough chemistry end up breaking up, doing cheating him or her, and marriages ending in divorce. The two important foundations of a long term relationship are a good sexual relationship, and being each others best friend. Without that, there isn't much chance of a very successful, fulfilling relationship.
So, at 14, maybe your guy saw things in your personality that turn him off. I am not saying you do anything bad. Because what turns him off will be the exact thing that draws other guys to you like a magnet. Everyone has their personal taste in looks and personality. I prefer brunette men to blondes and redheads. Doesn't mean the others are ugly. So he isn't doing anything wrong in deciding you aren't the type for him. His only problem is that he was not "man enough" to tell you. But then again, you have to give him some slack, most females your age are very hormonal now and their emotions always set on a hairline trigger ready to explode, so a guy is going to be reluctant to be honest and then have to deal with all the tears and/or anger and shouting. If a guy could feel comfortable about talking to a gal without her getting all wigged out about it, then guys would learn at a younger age to be honest.
So, if you can think of it that way, based on everything I said, you really have nothing to be so angry about. Talk to yourself and let your subconscious know that. Your subconscious mind will then find it easier to let go of the feelings you have of liking him. Don't hold on to anger. Being disappointed it didn't work out is okay. But anger and resent that you carry will send out invisible vibes that other guys will pick up on and they will automatically steer clear of you so that no new guy approaches you.
Take care dear.
]
Breakups aren't easy for anyone, They take time to get over and more then 2 weeks.
You see, Some move on faster then others. I know you don't want to hear this but you both are young. No 14 year old is serious about a relationship at that age, It's just the way it is. I didn't settle down until I was 24 years old. Have I ever been through a breakup? Yes. I have been through it many times. It helped me grow and to become a stronger and better person. My advice, Don't sweat it too much. The last thing you should ever do is be friends or in contact with an ex as it leads to chaos. An ex is an EX which means someone from the past. This boy may like another girl but I promise you, She isn't forever. Focus on you, Don't allow a boy to drag you down as like I said you are both young and there will be many more coming and going.
]
More Questions: |