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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

how do i stand my ground? well me and my guy have been off and on for about five years now. but i let him hurt me emotionally. like we fight so much because he thinks i sleep around, of course i don't but he is so hard headed also he wont actually ask me out to be boyfriend and girl friend because he "doesn't do relationships" i don't want to be just a hook up anymore. but i also don't want to lose him...what do i do to save whatever we are?

You sound fairly well grounded, your boyfriend sounds like a flake who wants what he wants but doesn't want to work at it or commit to it. To be blunt he is keeping his options open. You can do better than him.

My advice is: he sees himself as getting the milk for free so why buy the cow. Stop giving him the milk. Close the barn door and tell him when he is ready to commit to your relationship you will consider whether you will let him back into the barn.

In the mean time you should look for someone that can appreciate what you have to give to a relationship. Someone the will work with you to build a lasting a meaningful relationship. You have nothing to save in this relationship since he has put nothing into it. It is time for you to move on and find someone who is willing to love you for who you are and not what you give freely. Someone who will work to earn what you put in to a relationship an most importantly someone who will trust you and earn your trust.

Im a 14 year old Female and i have bad acne. Does anybody know any quick home remedies for acne?

I do not know of any home remedy that works for acne. There are some over the counter medications that may help but if you have a bad case of acne over the counter medication probably will not do any good.

The best cure or help for acne comes from a good dermatologist. I suggest you seek one out and get treatment. Acne treatments generally are covered under insurance. If your parent shave health insurance ask them to check with the insurance carrier to see what your coverage is.

my boyfriend turns 17 soon and im only 13 what should i do????

I'm sorry you don't. Like my answer but you rating tells me I'm right and your parents are not aware of the age difference. Your playing with fire and too immature to realize it. I hope I don't find myself reading in the future that I have reason to say I told you so. Talk to your parents before you get physically harmed.

Sometimes a number is just a number, sometimes age is just a number. In your case the numbers can add up to big trouble for your boyfriend.

I have a lot of trouble with a boy who looks to date a girl 4 to 5 years younger than him when the ages are as young as you two. If you were 23 and he was 27 I would say forget about the numbers and enjoy life.

At your age there is something definitely wrong here. It is my thinking he is out to take advantage of you because of your young age. My feeling is that he feels he can get from you or force you to give him what he is unable to get from girls closer to his own age. That being sex.

This is very wrong. You are not old enough to consent to sex and he is very close to being charged with statutory rape just by being with you. If your parents know how big an age difference there is between you I am surprised they are allowing you to see him.

If you were my daughter I would be telling this young man to stay away from you or he will be talking to the police. I'm pretty sure your father would be telling him the same thing if he knew.

To answer your question: Tell your father that a 17 year old boy is trying to date you and your not sure what to do. Let dad handle it from there.

My boyfriend is on the varsity football team and he asked me to make him a sign for his game. he is number 6. I can't think of anything that rhymes with the number 6. I really want it to be creative and cute. PLEASE HELP!

The only thing I can think of is : 6, 6 move them sticks Meaning make a first down.

I want to have sex with my boyfriend but I don't want to get pregnant he won't get a condom and I can't get one for him but I really want to do it with him and I can't get on birth control because I don't want my mom to know. So if we just had sex for like 20 seconds could I still get pregnant? If i can is there an amount of time that I can do it and not get pregnant?

Tell your boyfriend if the glove doesn't fit neither does he. Anytime you have penis to vagina sex without a condom, spermicide, or other form of birth control you run the risk of pregnancy at just about 100% chance.

There are other reasons for being on birth control such as regulating your period. You might talk to your doctor about this. You don't say how old you are but if you have begun having your periods and have not had your first gynecological check up you need to schedule one soon and yearly there after.

By law you can have these visits in complete privacy and confidential if over 14 years of age, meaning mom can not attend them with you while you are being attended to by the doctor. The doctor by law cannot discuss anything that happened in the exam room with your parent(s) without your written consent.

If the doctor feels you should be on birth control or you ask the doctor for birth control pills a prescription will be written. You can then fill it at the pharmacy as you normally do.

So my ex boyfriend and I hook up alot and we always wants me to give him a blow job but I really don't want too! I keep saying no but he just says please and keeps pleasing and when I say no he says fine then I'm fucking you. And I say no but he trys too! And it's not like I can just stop seeing him because my best friends brother is his bestfriend and I am always at her house and then she and her brother walk away and he picks me up and carries me away into the woods and I just don't know what to do I tell my friend not to leave but she just laughs and does it anyway so I don't know what to do. I mean I would blow him but i have a bad past with that. So I need advice ! Please help! I'm really scared of him I feel kind of raped after he touches my boobs and fingers me he always makes me touch his penis and I don't like it. So please someone give memadvice what to say walking away doesn't help he just carries me back. So help thanks

You are not "kind of being raped" you are being raped. Any time you are forced to perform a sexual act against your will, this means you have said NO, then you are being raped. Call the police and report this.

It matters not how old you are or how old he is. In fact the younger you are the more important it is that you report his behavior to the police. Other than forcing himself on you sexually he has not done you any physical harm, at least you haven't said so. What about the next girl who may fight harder than you.

I understand he is your best friends brother. She is complicit in his raping of you if she is knowledgeable of his actions, which it seems she is and does nothing to stop it. To my way of thinking she is not much of a friend to let this happen to you.

If you are truly being forced to have sex with him against your will, then you must tell your parents and inform the police.

i really wanna have sex with my guy the next time i see him but i'm freaked out about getting pregnant. obviously we'd use a condom but is just a condom enough?

Used correctly a condom is less than 90% effective in preventing pregnancy. Most female contraceptive pills take correctly are 99% effective in preventing pregnancy.

The best way to avoid pregnancy is in the numbers. Birth control pills and a condom used together are the most effective way to avoid unwanted pregnancy.

Hey, I'm 23/f. Current guy (Jeff) is also 23.

So, way long story short, I left an abusive man with my life, most of my health, and my cat, back in October. I've gotten all sorts of help, including a therapist, a psychiatrist, and an incredible support system that includes my immediate family, all of my close friends, and my work family. I've even blogged about what happened and have started trying to use my experience to help other people. Basically, everything positive. (Except working out - I need to get back to that.)
Now I've reconnected with an old friend from high school (Jeff), and he's kind of an incredible guy. We've been seeing each other - no titles (no pressure) for awhile, and have known each other for years. We got a little carried away last night and got into some "heavy petting," you might say. At some point, and I don't remember what point precisely, I wound up in tears.
He stopped immediately and started apologizing over and over again, and I kept saying "it's okay, it's not you, you didn't do anything wrong," and I meant it.
This is my first time getting physically intimate with another man since leaving the abusive one back in October. I know it's normal to be a little apprehensive, but - really? This long?
Jeff has been really understanding. I even avoided him for a good four months after the first couple times we saw each other, and he just kept messaging me - eventually I started messaging back again, and I'm so glad I did. I really like him...I'm just terrified I'm going to push him away, or cause him to run away, with all this baggage. What guy wants to deal with a girl who cries every time they try to get intimate?
I'm not this weak, vulnerable person, and I'm disgusted with myself right now.
More than anything, I'm angry that I feel like my ex is still ruining my life, even while he's not in it.
But, I'm not sure I can blame it on him. I'm scared, and that's the reality of it.
A friend told me it's normal for my body to remember that intimacy = my ex, but how do I disassociate the two? Just keep going with tears rolling down my cheeks? That doesn't sound right. Do I stop and succumb to the fear? That doesn't sound right either.

Does anyone have any idea what to do in a situation like this? Any suggestions would be much appreciated.

Thanks.

whether or not you can still file charges will depend on the laws in your state. Depending on the type of abuse you suffered will depend on the type of charges you can file. If your ex forced you to have sex against your will, this would include the type of sex, then this is a rape charge and most states have a five year statue of limitation. If he used you for a punching bag this is domestic violence and the statue of limitations vary from state to state. If it has been less than a year I would say you still have time to file charges for this type of abuse. The best thing to do is talk to the police or sheriff's department in your town and follow their advice.

No don't give into the fear. The fear is still natural at this point in your, will call it recovery for now. You need to return to your therapist if you are not still seeing one as you still have unresolved issues; intimacy being one of them. Again I believe this is within the norm for what you have been through.

Talk with your therapist about his. Ask your therapist if Jeff can join you in some of your sessions. If yes ask Jeff to join you. If he is the man I believe him to be he will join you in therapy. By doing so he can learn how to help you become intimate again.

You have not said what your ex did to you. What type of abuse he perpetrated on you. If it was physical in any way and you have hospital or doctors reports to back it up you might consider filing charges against him. The filing of charges may bring the closure to that portion of your life that you need

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. We've been very happy. We each have our own child. I have a daughter, he has a son. Recently I took a few home pregnancy tests, they all came back positive, and tomorrow I'm going to get blood tests and blah blah hospital pregnancy testing crap. I already know that I'm pregnant, I just have to do that crap for insurance reasons. Well, my boyfriend use to tell me he would be happy to have a child with me. But as time went on, we both agreed we were fine with the children we already have. So after time he was "I don't want anymore kids" and blah blah. I was wanting a way or some kind of advice on how to "break the news" to him. And yes, I know the stupid crap "If you didn't want to have kids then you should have done this" Well I did do this and that. Birth Control Pills, Spermicides, the pull out method, and well.. Guess what? Yeah, so don't give me that stupid "if you didn't want one, you should of..." BLAAAH I don't care. Ok? I just want simple and straight to the point advice. He's of course dominant and I'm the submissive type. SO I suppose help from a dominant male/female in a relationship would be most appreciated.

There is an old saying; "It takes two to Tango". He had the fun and knew that pregnancy is always a possibility even with the best birth control.

The point of the matter is whether he wants a child or not, whether he is dominant or submissive is not the issue. The issue is the two of you have created another life and he has certain responsibilities for that life.

The best thing to do is to find a proper time to tell, probably after the two children you have are in bed. Then just tell him that you are having his baby. My feeling is after being initially shocked at the news he will most likely be over joyed.

If his reaction is not one you would hope for and he makes demands that you cannot comply with. Then the first thing you must do is seek out a good family practice lawyer to make sure the courts order him to live up to his responsibilities to you and his child.

I need help with me father. He and I have been having some issues recently and I want to know a way to correct our problems. Can anyone help?

You need to elaborate more on what the issues are. Such as how old you are, are you a boy or a girl. Just what the issue(s; example: your a girl and you and your dad don't see eye to eye on dating issues.

With information like this we can offer better advise.

Hey, I got my period not to long ago and I don't know how to tell my mom. When she was little she didn't have to tell her mom because her mom gave her everything she might need and said to figure it out on her own. I wish my mom would do that. But my mom is the type of person that puts everything on facebook and I don't really want for her to do that with me. I don't know how to tell her.

You start by asking mom for a private time where just you and she can have a conversation. Then you say something to the effect; mom what I need to tell you does not need to be on facebook as it is a very personal and private matter to me. Then you tell her you got your first period.

Getting your period is a normal bodily function for young girls. It is all part of the change from a young girl into becoming a young women. Why girls get so embarrassed over this is something I don't understand. But I do understand why you would not want the world to know about it.

The reason your mom didn't do as your grandmother did with her, is your mom probably didn't like what happened to her. She is waiting for you to tell her so she can help you properly care for yourself during this time of the month.

What you need to do is emphasis what this will mean to you if you see your mother announce to the world that you have gotten your first period. Like I said it is a normal part of growing up for young girls; though I agree with you it is not something that has to be announced to the world.

Im 17 and Im old enough to volunteer, what kind of jobs can I do?

That is really going to depend on the hospital and what their volunteer coordinator has available and what they allow teenagers, who may still be in high school and are under 18 to do.

Things that come to mind would be front desk work, where visitors check in. Hospitality work bringing books and possibly reading to patients.I don't see you having any patient care responsibilities although you might be able to help out at the nurses station. Again each hospital is different in what it allows.

I suggest you call the volunteer coordinator at the hospital and ask what is available for you to do, then select from those areas.

I took a week off from work, felt overwhelmed and didn't plan it.

Today I spent the day at the beach, and it was amazing!! Now tomorrow is my second day off and I have no clue what to do. I got a major sunburn and not sure if I can do another beach day, tomorrow.

Now, should I drive 4 hours and stay at a beach resort, for a night? The weather is in the 60s where I would like to visit :(
Or should I stay local and go shopping, get pampered?

Thanks and very much appreciated :)

I vote for pampering. Everyone should allow themselves the opportunity to be pampered. Anyone who works hard deserves a little pampering once in a while. Enjoy.

well im 15 and about 120 pounds.
recently i have become VERY self concious about my body. everytime im with my friends I'm always comparing myself to them without thinking about it.
Everytime i look in the mirror or even think about my body i get this really weird feeling like dizzyness and just like a shallow feeling in my chest and I know it's not good t think about that stuff but I can't help it?
does anyone know why this is happening or why i feel like this
i hate to even look in the mirror so i decided to just stop because I just feel so disgusted :/

If you are in the 5' to 5' 4" in height you are in the ideal weight range for your height and age. Thanks to glamor magazines we all tend to put to much emphasis on our body image. Fact is even the models do not look like what they look like in the magazines as those photos are very much retouched.

Another fact to be aware of is to look like these models you have to deprive your body of the nutrients it needs to survive and very often you end up being under weight. Being under weight is worse than being a little overweight as the body needs certain things to survive. When it does not get what it needs it will do what it needs to do to survive. In most cases that means shutting down different vital organs until only the heart and brain are left. It is the shutting down of these vital organs that kill people with eating disorders such as anorexia.

The smart thing to do is to visit your doctor and find out what your ideal weight should be. Then design a diet plan to get to that weight. Exercise to tone up your muscles and remember muscle tissue weighs more than fat.

Once you have reached your ideal weight, toned and firmed your body. Don't worry about what other people look like. We are all individuals. We are not suppose to look like one another.

The best rule I have found to live by is this one. The only person I have to be better than is me. If I can be a better person tomorrow than I was today then I have succeeded in my goal.

I have used this motto throughout my life and it has stood me well. I hope you will adapt it to your life.

I am 17 my mom is 42 I want have sex with her badly since I was 13 she is my own mom. Any advice how ?? I need a lot of help

I'm sure your mom is very pretty and may even be flattered that you find her a sexual being. While I don't know this for certain I am also fairly sure it is illegal in Iran for you to have sex with your mom and Muslim culture most likely forbids this as well.

That being said you are also not some freak by finding your mother sexual attractive. In the psychological world this is called the "Oedipus complex", as researched by Dr. Sigmund Freud. You can read more about this in the link I have provided. Basically it is the first sexual attraction a young boy has he has attached to his mother. It is quite common and most boys find other outlets for their sexual needs and attractions.

To have sex with your mother, sister or cousin is called incest and most modern society's have strict laws against this. I would not try to do something about having sex with your mother. As I said you finding her sexually attractive may be flattering to her. You wanting to actually have sex with her will most likely end up with her being disgusted with you.

You live in a very strict religious custom society which I know little about. I would suggest you speak to your Imam about your thoughts and sexual needs.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oedipus_complex

Well lately my mom out of the blue will be like passing someone at wal mart and she sees a guy she will be like look hes cute oh thats right your gay or your a lesbian (im bi by the way) and it really hurts. she complains about her closest brother and his new wife saying his wife has taken him from the family but she hasnt. And I told her i was going up to my dads one day and she said why? Whats going on? Also I have been in a relationship my mom has ruined am I letting my mom overtake my life?

I could be wrong but I don't think mom understands what being bi means. She is probably uncomfortable with your sexuality and not knowing any other way to show it throws digs at you when she can.

I don't know if it will help but maybe sitting mom down and explaining to her that while you may like same sex, sex you also like male, female sex too. If you know that you will someday marry a man then tell her, if your plans are not to marry or to marry a female then tell her that as well. Try to make her understand why being bi fits you. Education sometimes can be the solution to many problems.

There is not much you can do about any jealousy your mom may have towards your Uncle. It probably stems from her own failed marriage. If anything is going to help her here it is going to be getting back into dating and finding herself someone she can plan a future with. If you can help her with this then do so. If you can't then just roll with it and enjoy your relationship with your Uncle and his family.

As for your dad. He will always be your dad regardless of the marital relationship. You have a right to have him in your life just as he has a right to have you in his life. So the answer to moms question as to why? In my view would simply be; he is my dad and I love him.

I'm thirteen, turning fourteen and I have NO privacy. At all. Ever since I was nine, she thought it was funny reading my journals, going through my cell phone, blocking websites like YouTube and games websites. It's ridiculous. It's a crime to close a door in the house, even if I'm in the bathroom or changing in my room. My parents never knock, and always barge in. I found it necessary to protect my iPhone with five different passwords. My two sibs come in my room, use my stuff, ruin my homework, draw on my walls... It's ridiculous. I don't think the "open doors" thing is really working right now! I NEED MY SPACE!

Parents sometimes forget what it was like being a teenager, especially for a young teenage girl. I'm not sure who is making the rules from what you have written, but mom is the one you need to convince that you need to have your privacy and that your privacy needs to be respected. Also that you are now at the age where modesty is important to you.

You could as the other adviser said start locking things away and locking doors. To my mind this will only cause you more grief and probably get you in all types of trouble.

What should you do:

Homework: Show your teacher your homework as it is when destroyed by your siblings. Ask explain to your teacher that you don't have time to fix it all the time, that you have no privacy and this is why it happens. Ask your teacher to send a note home to your mother explaining that this is unacceptable and that in the future you will be marked down for it if it is turned in this way.

Your siblings need to learn to respect other peoples property and this includes your things and homework. If mom punishes them maybe they will learn.

Privacy: All young girls going through their teenage years need to have a private space, usually their bedroom. It is a place where they can read, listen to music, do homework and just get in touch with the person they are becoming. Mom may have forgotten or may have come from a large family where this was not possible.

Your body is changing, you need to get use to the changes that are occurring without being on display to anyone and everyone. You need to take me aside and explain this to her. You need to explain that your journal is a blog to yourself of your most private thoughts and not for public information. Ask her if she ever had a journal, she probably did? If so how would she like it if suddenly it was published for everyone to see?

If talking with mom doesn't work. Then try talking to an Aunt or Grandparent who may have some influence over your mother who will talk to her for you. IF there isn't anyone else talk to your school guidance councilor. They can call mom to school if they think it is necessary and talk to her.

Since surviving a natural disater two weeks ago and losing everything I own but thanks be to God I did not lose my life, I am having a hard time getting past my fears. We have had sever weather for several days an my nerves are on edge. I can not sleep. I can not stop thinking about this at all. I'm living in constant fear. I know that the chances are slim that this happen again, I know I have no control over it and I know I need to move forward but I don't know how. I sit up worrying all night. I slept in my unfinished basement one night because of my fears. I can not continue living this way. I don't want to live in the basement everytime there is a storm. I don't want to avoid certain activites because of this fear. What can I do? Have any of you been through this? Please help me! I'm terrified!

You have suffered a severe mental and to some extent physical trauma. It is unfortunate and you have my deepest sympathy for what you have suffered, but this has been an unusually bad year for violent weather.

If you are living in one of the towns that have suffered from tornadoes that have virtually wiped out the towns; you may want to take advantage of the services of the crisis intervention teams that are available. If there are none, talking with a social worker or psychologist trained in this area will help you.

For many years I have been a firefighter. We see things that no one should have to deal with, but we do. Most of the time we deal with them, we make really bad jokes and move on. But occasionally we get a call that even the bad jokes don't help us deal with the situation. When this happens the fire department has a crisis intervention specialist, a psychologist or social worker waiting for us back at the station. It helps, it doesn't make the bad that we have seen or had to deal with go away. It helps us deal with it so we can go on to the next call and help the next person or family that needs us.

Speaking with a crisis intervention specialist will help you deal with the trauma of what has happened and help you get your life back on track.

I always over-think things. I always feel like I need to be on top when it comes to school. If I don't get A's or B's, but more so A's, I panic. I cry. If I do bad in a class, I feel like a loser. I feel like I'm not worth anything. I haven't had good luck in jobs. But, I've worked at these random offices and couldn't handle the work-load with school and all my other priorities. I was working close to 30 hours a week. I start working at school tomorrow and I'm so excited that I'll be at school. I've been looking for a job at school for 2 years! And it's only 15 hours a week. So, I can handle my classes and activities and enjoy my college years... just with a little money in my pocket. But, I'm scared because I've just over-thought it. I want to be a good employee. If you can send me any advice on how to stop over-thinking and just be proud of my accomplishments, please let me know.

Thank you!

You are what people refer to a a type "A" personality, an over achiever. Someone who is never satisfied with their own accomplishments. In one respect this is good in another it is bad.

The fact that you are always looking to improve yourself is good. Before I retired the people in my career field were suppose to be motivated by the money they could earn. I wasn't, I was motivated by learning. I knew that if I did my job correctly and if I left the house in the morning and returned in the evening and had learned something new then I had a successful day. Learning something new also allowed me to do my job better which allowed me to earn more money.

What I'm trying to tell you is that learning something new was not all that hard to do, it didn't have to be forced. You need to learn how to do things in moderation or else you are going to do yourself physical harm.

It is okay to get an occasional B or even a C as long as you put your best effort into the project or essay. Especially essays as they are subjective in nature. To certain extent so are some types of projects.

You don't always have to be the smartest kid in class or at work. We are human and humans make mistakes. What we are best at is learning from are mistakes so we do not make them again. Fact is if you constantly worry about making a mistake, you will make them; so don't worry about them. Just put your best effort into what you are doing and you will do find.

Give yourself a chance to sit back and relax. A chance to enjoy life. Life is to short to be constantly stressed out about things. Always trying to be the shinning star will make you the target of your peers. You don't need to be a target. Just do your best and roll with the punches. You'll be much happier and you will have a great college life to boot.

Ok so i started my period about a year and a half ago adn i haven't had it in the last TWO months!! Of course i'm young so i haven't had any sexual activity... Should i be concerned and go and get it checked out?? Or is this normal for just starting your period??

I agree with what Amarete I will also add the following :

There are some reasons such as being underweight a or overly athletic that will cause you to miss periods. If you ever watched the Olympics you will notice the female athletes do not have well developed bust lines and they also do not get their periods while they are training. Once they stop training their bust line develops and their periods return.

I'm not sure exactly what this is. It may be for the same reason underweight women have problems with their periods. Which is the body is designed to protect the important functions of the body. In an under weight person the body will do everything to protect the heart an brain, shutting off everything else to keep them functioning.

In a very athletic person the body may shutdown the production of hormones and things to provide the extra resources the body needs to maintain the muscle production as the athletic body has little stored fat for reserves.

I also suggest that you talk with your mom or another ADULT female you trust if for some reason mom is not available. Your period is nothing to be ashamed about. This is a normal bodily function for females and has nothing to do with sex or sexual activity. Yes, it is part of your bodies reproductive cycle but it is not part of your sexuality and does not have anything to do with sex. So you should be able to speak openly a freely with mom and or your doctor about this without embarrassment.

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