I'm thirteen, turning fourteen and I have NO privacy. At all. Ever since I was nine, she thought it was funny reading my journals, going through my cell phone, blocking websites like YouTube and games websites. It's ridiculous. It's a crime to close a door in the house, even if I'm in the bathroom or changing in my room. My parents never knock, and always barge in. I found it necessary to protect my iPhone with five different passwords. My two sibs come in my room, use my stuff, ruin my homework, draw on my walls... It's ridiculous. I don't think the "open doors" thing is really working right now! I NEED MY SPACE!
You could as the other adviser said start locking things away and locking doors. To my mind this will only cause you more grief and probably get you in all types of trouble.
What should you do:
Homework: Show your teacher your homework as it is when destroyed by your siblings. Ask explain to your teacher that you don't have time to fix it all the time, that you have no privacy and this is why it happens. Ask your teacher to send a note home to your mother explaining that this is unacceptable and that in the future you will be marked down for it if it is turned in this way.
Your siblings need to learn to respect other peoples property and this includes your things and homework. If mom punishes them maybe they will learn.
Privacy: All young girls going through their teenage years need to have a private space, usually their bedroom. It is a place where they can read, listen to music, do homework and just get in touch with the person they are becoming. Mom may have forgotten or may have come from a large family where this was not possible.
Your body is changing, you need to get use to the changes that are occurring without being on display to anyone and everyone. You need to take me aside and explain this to her. You need to explain that your journal is a blog to yourself of your most private thoughts and not for public information. Ask her if she ever had a journal, she probably did? If so how would she like it if suddenly it was published for everyone to see?
If talking with mom doesn't work. Then try talking to an Aunt or Grandparent who may have some influence over your mother who will talk to her for you. IF there isn't anyone else talk to your school guidance councilor. They can call mom to school if they think it is necessary and talk to her. [ adviceman49's advice column | Ask adviceman49 A Question ]
Teen2TeenHelp answered Sunday August 21 2011, 7:01 pm: Hun, my parents always told me that for as long as I live under their roof, everything I own is theirs. I don't understand the Youtube site, but game sites could have rated R games on it. As for your siblings, you need to tell them that you don't appreciate what they're doing, especially when they draw on your walls, which is uncalled for. [ Teen2TeenHelp's advice column | Ask Teen2TeenHelp A Question ]
Xenolan answered Sunday August 21 2011, 1:42 pm: A short-term solution to part of the problem is to get a box or trunk with a padlock. Your journals and other personal things can go in there, locked up, when you're not using them. Get a combination lock and memorize it so there's no chance someone will get the key from you. It'll be inconvenient for you, but unfortunately, it's a fact of your life.
I would imagine that you've brought this problem up with your parents before and they've been unhelpful (and if you haven't talked to them about it, what are you waiting for?). Whatever you're saying to them clearly isn't working, so it's time for a change of strategy. Here's what I suggest: Use the homework angle.
Start by telling them that you have to be able to do your homework with the assurance that it's not going to be ruined by your siblings (if you've done this before, do it again - remember, this is the START of the strategy, not the end). Furthermore, if it's an issue, tell them that you want to be able to close your door while you're doing your homework so that you can concentrate.
If that does not good, then ask your teacher to request a parent-teacher conference. I tend to think your teacher would be on your side about getting your homework done, and if you have an ally in this fight, your arguments might go over better.
Hopefully, that will take you a step in the right direction, and it may make it possible for you to get some of your personal privacy matters addressed as well.
If it doesn't, you may need to take further action. There are ways to do it, but first, there's a way NOT to do it.
DON'T retaliate against your siblings. The temptation to do so is probably huge, but you don't want to turn this into a war of you against them, because it looks like your parents are already on their side on this issue and you will lose that fight.
Instead, focus on your parents - get them to see your side. Here are three ways you might do so, if reason fails:
(1) Resistance and Defiance.
For example: Most bathroom doors have locks. Start closing the door and using the locks, and let people get upset about it. They seem unconcerned with your feelings on the subject, so you are free to be unconcerned with theirs.
(2) Make your parents feel your discomfort.
For example: Start hanging out in their bedroom, using their bathroom and other personal things. When they get upset, tell them that this is what you're just following their rules insofar as personal property and space.
(3) Extreme measures.
For example: Show up to breakfast some morning wearing only your underwear. When your parents say something about it, point out that you don't see the difference between that and being forced to change or shower with the door open. If you get no result from that, try showing up naked to breakfast. (Of course, you might have sort of parents for whom this would be no big deal, in which case scratch that plan.)
If all else fails, take solace in the idea that it won't be that much longer before you are an adult. Then you can move out, get your own space, and put as many locks on your door as you want. [ Xenolan's advice column | Ask Xenolan A Question ]
Attention: NOTHING on this site may be reproduced in any fashion whatsoever without explicit consent (in writing) of the owner of said material, unless otherwise stated on the page where the content originated. Search engines are free to index and cache our content. Users who post their account names or personal information in their questions have no expectation of privacy beyond that point for anything they disclose. Questions are otherwise considered anonymous to the general public.