NinjaNeer's advice column

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Q: I have this classmate and every boys in the class has a crush on her. It really annoys me, and maybe the other girls, too. And I'm afraid that I'll loose my guy friends if I tell my feelings about that girl. Is there anything I can do?

You would lose your friends if you said something, because it would make you seem jealous and petty.

There's nothing you can really do. Just suck it up and be content with the fact that crushes are shallow things based on superficial details. These guys may appear to be in love with her, but it's probably for her face and her body.

Q: people ask me whats my religion and i look at them like'wtf are you talking about?' my mom automaticlly declares me catholic i look at her like shes nutts she's been forcing me to go to church and read the bible and i just don't get the point of having a religion. what should I do? I believe in faith and love but the rest is kinda hard to believe in.....

I'm an atheist, so my perspective may be a little different from others'.

Faith is one thing. It's personal, and really it should be. Religion is made by other people. It's a set of rules and regulations made up by people to control other people in the name of faith. Sometimes your faith doesn't line up with any particular religion. Sometimes it does, and you can use that religion to help you get closer to your higher power. Some people don't need it, some do. It's also a way to identify with others who believe the same things.

If you are uncomfortable with your mother pushing you into a religion that you don't believe in, tell her. Let her know that you do have faith, but you don't believe in the teachings of the Catholic church, and that bible study isn't a way for you to get closer to your higher power. As a religious person, your mother should understand that faith is a personal choice, and she should be happy that you have it at all.

Q: Ok, a few years ago, my best friend got involved with this guy. I liked him when I first met him, but then I found out from several people that he was weird. So I convinced her to stop going out with him (they were never really "together"). Ok, he called her non-stop; she never picked up and he wouldn't take the hint. He even got her number and called her at work. Finally, I called him and told him it was over. She never heard from him again after that.

Now, however, I found out that he is dating my cousin's friend. I don't really know her, but I think I should warn her about him. This guy is a weirdo and a stalker, and I think any woman he comes in contact with should be warned about him. I just don't know if it is my place to tell her. Any help would be appreciated.

Now, maybe we don't know enough of the background story, but it sounds like you've been far too involved already.

You really shouldn't have had your friend end a relationship based on what you've heard from other people. Both of you seem to have thought he was just fine before listening to what others say, so maybe you should have gone with your own opinion instead of theirs. In any case, your friend should have been the one to decide whether he was okay to date or not, not you, and especially not just because he's "weird" according to other people.

Calling this guy a stalker is unfair. So he didn't get the hint. He didn't show up at her house in the middle of the night, he didn't threaten her and he let it go after you talked to him. Personally, if someone just stopped picking up the phone, I'd keep calling too. There is nothing to warn your cousin's friend about. Now, if there's something that is a real threat that you haven't told us about, then you may want to tell your cousin so they can tell their friend themselves. Otherwise, it's probably best to stay out of it.

Q: Okay So I am on the depo shot. I get it every 3 months but I have pelvic pain, im tired , nauses and have even thrown up. Im scared I might be pregnant is that even possible. Ive had prego tests and just a month or so ago I was having really bad pain and the doctor i seen felt my stumoch and asked if i was pregnant i said not that i know of?? I am confused.

It is a possibility. An unlikely one, but a possibility nonetheless.

If you are still worried that you may be pregnant despite negative home pregnancy tests, schedule an appointment with your doctor. Mention that you're having some pregnancy symptoms and that you have tested negative before. They may send you for a blood test (which is far more effective) or even an ultrasound to make sure you're not. In any case, the pelvic pain and nausea may indicate a problem like an ovarian cyst, so you should be getting that checked out.

Q: I havnt had sex but sperm might have come in contact with my lower area, i'm 8 days late, have clear discharge, and have minor cramps. am i pregnant ?

If it were that easy to tell, then why would pregnancy tests exist? ;)

You can get home pregnancy tests at any drug store for about 8 dollars. Some dollar stores carry them, too. Or you can always go see your doctor, or visit a clinic in your area that offers free testing.

Q: my boyfriend and i have been going out for three years now. we've done everything from bjs to fingering and just started sex about a month or two ago...but the thing is.i.can't.orgasm.

and its killing both of us. when he fingers me it feels okay. sometimes i feel like i have to pee,but neever reach the climax. now with sex , its the same thing. people say it just takes time and i've read so many articles , yet still cannot orgasm. he's easily happy every time but i'm not. i feel awful...is there something wrong with my body?

Nope. There is nothing wrong with your body. Most women do not orgasm from penetration alone. Usually, we need a hand or something down there to help out.

Have your orgasmed on your own? If you haven't, then you have some homework to do.

If you have, then you're ready to move on. You can't just wait for an orgasm to come strolling along, and you certainly won't find them in a magazine article. You know what works... bring it into sex! I can guarantee that your guy will not be repulsed by it. Show him what works, and he'll catch on eventually.

Q: Ok so srry guys but this is going to be a long on:)
I live a very white , small Canadian town. To further explain how "white" my highschool is, there are a few Asians, a brother and sister who are African-American and two brothers who are East Indian. I have had a crush on the East Indian who is my age.
This passing semester we had a spare together. Almost everyday we would be together during that period but he would mostly get help for his math( he does extremely well at school and his grades are very important to him this year because he wants to go to university)The thing is is that he's extremely shy when it comes to girls. He's never had any action or kissing. The closest he has ever gone is pretty much touching my hand when giving me something. That's it. So I just kindof thought that maybe he doesn't know what to do with me ya know. He has never had a girl LIKE him before.
So now, semester one exams just got done, he hasn't talked to me in three weeks, and I want him togo to prom with me. my friend has mentioned to him about going on our limo or maybe asking me to prom. He just kept changing the subject. My other guyfriend asked him about going on the limo and he changed the subject again. The thing is that I don't know if he doesnt know if he wants to go to prom or if he just doesn't want to go, I want to talk to him about it but he's never around lately to talk to and he's never on facebook and doesn't have a phone. And the thing is is that I have never done anything or said anything to freak him out. I honestly think tht he just doesn't know what to do or is just embarrassed. Anothing thing that that i thought about was maybe his different culture. Although i dont think hes hindu . His mom is a teacher that teaches at a reservation.He's not good at communicating his feelings ha. But ya, I don't really know what my question is, I guess I just want your thoughts.

Depending on the family, dating outside your culture, or even just dating can be frowned upon.

Your best bet at this point is to be up front with him: tell him you're interested in dating him, but ask him if there are any cultural barriers.

Q: Okay I'm a seventeen year old (turning eighteen soon) girl who is a virgin that wants twin baby girls.I'm still in High school (ninth grade)and I was just wondering can I find a doctor to inject sperm into me? Or is that illegal in New York?

You should also know that with artificial insemination, it's sort of a "what you get is what you get" situation. You can't choose the sex of your children... THAT is illegal. It's also impossible to guarantee that you would have two embryos implant at the same time.

No doctor worth his salt will artificially inseminate a minor.

Q: i am on my out the door to killl myself i have no fear and am in ppain i just wish someone cared

You've already reached out, which is the first step.

You're getting an answer now, which means that someone cares.

Don't do it. Things can always get better. You need to head to the nearest hospital emergency room and tell them you're having suicidal thoughts. They will hold you until you feel safe enough to go, and put you in contact with a psychiatrist who can work with you to help you find out what's making you feel this way and how to get your life back on the right path.

No matter how bad your life is right now, you can make it what you want it to be. No mistake is so irreparable that you should give up on life. If you can think of even one good thing about living, hold on to that and live for it.

If you can't get to the hospital, call your local suicide hotline, or Kids Help Phone. Stay connected to people, and don't isolate yourself.

Q: When women are being married, they usually start showing off their engagement/wedding ring(s). I have very selective taste, and I find many of them to be gaudy or downright ugly. What am I supposed to say when these women are expecting me to tell them, "How lovely"?

Say what I say: "It's so beautiful! He's got great taste."

Or, if it's particularly weird-looking, "It's so unique!"

Never, EVER tell them what you actually think. This is a case where lying is the best policy.

Q: Where can I buy bigger buttocks pills that will my butt bigger?

You can't.

No pill will make your behind bigger. Any pill that does claim to do so is lying.

Q: I have been with this girl on and off for 2 years. Her last gf caused her to lose her job and her apartment. She has had money troubles I mean who hasnt. We got an apartment together, but my family didnt like me being with a girl and money was always a issue so I moved back to my moms. I sometimes regret it but now she is living with a friend who one day says shes gotta move then the next she dont. I feel bad because my gf doesnt have her own place and she is looking for a job and her own place but its hard. I sometimes feel im losing my feelings towards her because I am the one whos always buying and paying for everything I dont ever get to feel what the feels like is this normal and what should I do?

If money is a source of stress, cut her off for now. It's not a healthy sort of relationship to get into, where one person is dependent upon another. It's normal for you to feel a degree of resentment, and she might feel awkward about it too.

Try stopping the money flow, and find things to do that are free. If your girlfriend loves you for you (as I'm sure she does) then that won't be an issue.

Do what you can to help your girlfriend without actually forcing her into anything. See what you can do for her that will help her to get where she wants to be.

Q: Why is it that we fall in love with the bad boys, but reject the guys that are so called nerds, that love us? I'm a 45 yr old female, he's 56 years old. to me that seems old.

My fiance is a Star Wars geek and a science nerd. I love him to bits. I don't think I've ever fallen for a bad boy in my life.

Sounds to me like you're thinking with your hormones, not with your head. It's easy to fall for the bad boys... they're exciting and fun and dramatic. The "nerds" are all safety, security and stability. Nothing fascinating about that, right?

Give the nerds a chance. Yes, he's older than you, but only by 11 years. At this point in your life, that's not a huge amount. See what someone who is more steady has to offer. You might have more in common than you know. It's not the initial rush that's important. It's what is left over that determines where a relationship will go. Those bad boys have very little to offer other than excitement.

Q: I have no idea what cup size I am. im too big for a c or a d, but sometimes dd's are huge on me. other times they mash em down & I get double boob. I need good support because after pregnancy they dropped a bit. I know im a 36, but thats it. how can I get measured without my other bras that dont fit throwin it off? & can I get measured for free? thanls

You can get measured for free at any lingerie store. Victoria's Secret, La Senza, anywhere they sell lingerie.

That said, I worked at a lingerie store for years, and the measuring process is horribly inaccurate for anyone who isn't in the realm of 34-36 B-C.

The best bet is to try bras on until you find one that fits. The sales associate can help you with the fit, and help you figure out where your bras are going wrong. Every brand is different.

Q: I want My Hair to grow Longer more quickly! Any Suggestions?

You can't really make your hair grow faster. Hair grows a maximum of 1/2 inch a month for most people (mine seems to grow at a freakish inch a month). There are no products that are proven to help.

Trimming your hair helps to provide the illusion of longer hair, because it trims split ends off and makes your hair look more even and full at the ends.

I use a shampoo for long hair (Herbal Essences Long Term Relationship) as well as the conditioner and leave-in conditioner. They all help with preventing split ends and keeping hair from becoming damaged.

Basically, keep in good health. Take your vitamins, drink lots of water and exercise regularly. Healthy you means healthy hair. There's no magic pill or lotion for it.

http://www.ehow.com/about_6625561_hair-grow-faster_.html

Q: i have a problem. my boyfriend never gets jealous. he only gets jealous rarely like only one time in the summer. i just want him to be jealous of whenever guys talk to me but he never shows it. it makes me feel like im not wanted by him and that he doesn't care. he only gets jealous if im gonna hang out with my girlfriends instead of him but i want him to be jealous of guys and me. how can i make him jealous? a little jealously in a relationship is always good but he just doesn't ever show it. he trusts me thats why he says he never does. but it doesn't make me feel special when he never gets jealous i think its cute if he ever did... :(

what should i do?

Jealousy is not healthy in a relationship!

You should be extremely flattered. His lack of jealousy means that he is secure in your relationship. It means that he knows you're his, and that he trusts that you're not going to go running off with these other guys.

Jealousy isn't cute. I have experienced boyfriends' jealousy first-hand, having a lot of male friends. It's harmful to a relationship and puts a lot of stress on both partners.

Be glad that your boyfriend is trusting and mature enough to see that there's no reason to be jealous. The fact that he isn't jealous means he thinks you're special!

Q: Hello my husband is in Afghanistan and this is going to be our first valentines day apart. I'm clueless on what i should send him for valentines day. I want to send him something cute and a gift but he's very picky and only really likes certain things. I know im going to send him a card with my perfume on it, a box of chocolates but i think there should be something more but i have no idea what. Any suggestions? Thanks

I would suggest that you not get chocolates for him, as they may not survive the trip. I had a friend in Afghanistan, and his wife sent him chocolates. He opened a box of tasty little puddles. I bet he'd really appreciate homemade cookies, though! And any non-chocolate candies or treats that he loves.

What about a photo keychain or a digital photo frame? You could fill it up with pictures from home. Or you can go old-school and make up a photo album or scrapbook for him.

I also saw this, and thought it would be a fantastic idea:

http://maryt.wordpress.com/2007/07/16/growing-a-little-american-grass/

There are some things you won't be able to send: no sexy pictures (it's against Afghanistan law), no alcohol and nothing flammable. Also, no pork products.

Q: Okay, so I'm 15. So i expect to get alot of answers about how I don't know what love is and blah blah blah. Please, just skip that. I believe that love is different for everyone, everyone has their own version and their own feeling of love. So please don't tell me I don't know what love is. For me, Love is when you can't go a minute without thinking about him, knowing all about him, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you. Love is when you can't picture yourself with ANYBODY else, and you're willing to forgive them for anything, because you really want things to work. Anyhow;
I have this boyfriend, we've been dating for a little more than 5 months, and we waited a year before dating. We live about 45 minutes away. And his mom is completely over protective and untrusting and definitely doesn't let him come see me or even go on dates with me until he turns 16. (July) So we only saw each other once every two weeks at church. (He goes to my grandma's church and that's how we saw each other =/ ) Well almost two months ago, his mom got mad at him and didn't like the idea of him having a girlfriend, so she switched churches so he couldn't see me anymore.. So we talk on the phone for about an hour every night, and we text. He's been having issues at home with his parents, as have I. And we just haven't been getting along with each other, we've been fighting like crrrazyy. Last night, i broke up with him. and I told him i still like him and if he still really wants to be with me then we can talk about it in a month or two, because really just really need a break. But then this guy from my school, who's reeeally cute. started texting me and I got to know him (a little before me and my boyfriend broke up) and he seems really cool, and he likes me.. andd yeah.
But my (ex) boyfriend he makes me feel like nooo other guy has. He's super sweet and he promises he'll stay with me through anything he was talking to his youth leader from his wednesday night church about us, and his youth leader said that he thinks I'm his first love. And he always tells me that he would do anything for me, and i think i would do anything for him. And I want to be with him, and I can see myself with him. ANd I couldnt see myself with annyyyoone else.. until we started having trouble and this other guy came along. So what do I do? Is it possible to love someone and start to have feelings for another guy? Are my feelings for another guy just.. like, fake? oor..?

--in Need of Help ):
thanks..(:

It's normal to have feelings for more than one person. For instance, I love my fiance to pieces and wouldn't want to be with anyone else, but I still love my first boyfriend even though we've been apart for years now.

You're not with your boyfriend now for a reason. Things just weren't working for you at the moment. Explore your feelings about this other guy, and see where they lead you. You may find that it's a dead end, and that you really want to be with your ex, and you're willing to do what it takes. This is a time for you to figure out exactly what you want and what you're willing to do for it.

Q: 18/f

I have had my fair share of kissing guys but I'm really worried when I made out with this one guy I did something wrong. I haven't made out in awhile and I was really intimidated by him, and when we were kissing in the car I rubbed up and down his chest/stomach. I wrapped arms for a little and also grabbed/squeezed/rubbed his hips and pulled on his shirt where his hips were. He kissed my neck and put his arms around my neck, but I never kissed or touched his neck at all. Basically, I am scared he thinks I am a bad kisser or is annoyed that I didn't kiss or touch his neck at all. Is rubbing his stomach/chest and where I put my hands on his hips turn off? Is it a deal breaker where I put my hands and because I never kissed his neck/wrapped my arms around his neck?

As far as guys are concerned, if they're making out with you, they're happy. I'm sure he's perfectly happy with where your hands and mouth were :)

You don't necessarily have to do the same things to him that he does to you. If he wants your hands somewhere else, he'll let you know by putting them there.

Q: hi im a 17f i was selected to be a model and john casablancas is going to represent me. The only problem is that i have to pay $2040. Something doesn't feel right. Does any one know about john casablancas? Or why am i paying this much money. And also is there another modeling agency that won't charge me to represent me?

If you're an unknown, modelling agencies will charge you money to start.

Why is this? It costs them money to find you jobs. They have to pay people to contact companies and promote you. They will also likely provide counselling services to help you improve your modelling. All this costs money.

The only time when it's worth it for them to sign someone without an initial fee is when they're an experienced model who is in high demand. Even then, the agency gets a cut of the model's pay. You have to spend money to make money in the business.

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My Personal Forum

My name is Amanda and I'm 26 years old. I'm currently studying electrical engineering. Armed with a fairly odd sense of humour and a sunny outlook on life, I'll take on just about anything. I'm also cussedly stubborn, which has its ups and downs. Things get tough sometimes, and I've never been one to run from it.

In my last 8 years with Advicenators, I've gone from honours student to failing out of university (and getting back on top again!), from single to married, from tenant to homeowner.

Until lately, I have been struggling with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder and OCD, which had basically ruined my life and taken just about everything from me. I'm thankful every day for every experience I've had because of this ordeal, because it's helped to make me who I am today. Things like that really make you appreciate what you do have. Now that I'm back in work and school and starting to become myself again, I couldn't be happier. I credit Advicenators with saving my life back when I was a teenager, which is a big part of why I'm still here.

I won't necessarily give you the answers you want to hear, but I'll always be honest and do my best to help.