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why I don't love the one that loves me ?
Why is it that we fall in love with the bad boys, but reject the guys that are so called nerds, that love us? I'm a 45 yr old female, he's 56 years old. to me that seems old.
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i'll give you the advice my mother gave me. you will fall for the bad boy but never stay with him. this helped me i picked the guy i'm with now who is a nerd (but so am i ) and we are very happy with eachother he treats me like gold and we want to get married in a few years. so take that chance on a nice guy it will pay off. but due to his age it might not be hard to change that bad boy. in the long run its your choice good luck
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Because you don't have enough experience, even at 45, to see past the "bad boy" image to what causes it, where it comes from.
Bad boys are broken individuals. People with massive insecurity complexes, messed up egos, and who have the awareness and some modicum of social competence to project an image of who they'd like to see themselves as for you to interact with.
Because people like this are always guarded, worried you'll see past the facade to whatever insecurities lay beneath, they seem mysterious. Figuring them out and getting them to open up is often like beating your head against a wall. The difficulty in doing this makes them a challenge, and the general nurturing instinct present in women makes fixing the broken bad boy something worth doing, and rewards you with brain chemicals when you feel like you're being let into his messed up little world.
Given the start to your question I'd imagine 56 seems old to 45 because you're mentally 19-21, which is a pretty big difference in maturity. If you're still chasing bad boys that's just kind of a fact that goes along with it. If you still perceive people as groups of bad boys and nerds rather than individuals with their own quirks it's really just a developmental issue.
If you were 25 I'd probably have some advice. But you're 45, so all I've really got is observation, you are who you're going to be. You were kinda supposed to grow out of this in your early 20s, so either you're in the middle of a mid life crisis and regressing or you never grew up in the first place. I imagine a therapist might be able to help you out with that alot more than someone on a website like this one.
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My fiance is a Star Wars geek and a science nerd. I love him to bits. I don't think I've ever fallen for a bad boy in my life.
Sounds to me like you're thinking with your hormones, not with your head. It's easy to fall for the bad boys... they're exciting and fun and dramatic. The "nerds" are all safety, security and stability. Nothing fascinating about that, right?
Give the nerds a chance. Yes, he's older than you, but only by 11 years. At this point in your life, that's not a huge amount. See what someone who is more steady has to offer. You might have more in common than you know. It's not the initial rush that's important. It's what is left over that determines where a relationship will go. Those bad boys have very little to offer other than excitement.
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