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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

i hav done sex many time.im unmarried n nw my parenta want to made my merriage wd any other person. hw can i satisfy my husband.and my vijaena is becoming loose.plz help me

I am thinking that more of your concern is that your husband to be, once you find one, will believe that you are still a virgin because you have a certain tightness down there?
I don't know what country you are from but these misconceptions about women and virginity are found all over the world. In some countries even today, women who are not believed to be virgins are shunned, mutilated or killed.
The crazy thing is that there are virgins who have been put to death because they never bled on their wedding night? Not all women have a tight hymen and don't even really know what they have down there. The vagina and the hymen can stretch but will go back to normal, whatever normal size is for her.

Think of this, a woman gives birth through the same canal, the baby is a pretty good size and makes it through the vaginal area with no problem because it stretches like a rubber band.
The only time there is a problem in birth is if the bones can not spread any further apart to allow baby to exit the womb. Bones do not stretch.

So these women, have multiple kids and still can enjoy sex and so can the husbands. It helps if she practices Kegel excercises using the same muscles a woman uses to hold back the flow of urine. Try using this exercise. Clench the buttock muscles too. I have done this for years. I had 3 vaginal births and husband gets plenty of friction. I have learned how to squeeze these muscles when he is inside and its a very strong squeeze that the man can feel for sure. We are in our fifties and he is starting to have difficulty staying hard, that is until I start squeezing on top of the friction and then he is fine. It's one of the best things you can do for yourself right now and will be enjoyed by your husband one day.

You can do the research on the web but heres one link to get started.

www.wikihow.com/Do-Kegel-Exercises

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i am taking these pills as contraceptives,i need to know if i used castor oil and than hve sex will i fall pregnant?

The only thing I know of that makes contraceptive ineffective is if you need to go on some kind of antibiotic for a while, like for pnuemonia, or vaginitis, bladd ier infection. The pharmacist will always ask if I was on birthcontrol cus the meds would make it ineffective.
What you use for a lube or what you eat or take as supplements should have no effect whatso ever.

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Hello,

I'm a bisexual teenage girl, and I'm in a long distance relationship with an amazing girl. We mostly text and meet each other on Facebook, but I would like to know some other ways to enhance our relationship.

I would appreciate any suggestions on fun things we can do -- for example, things we can do together on the computer. It doesn't have to be on the computer, though -- just anything enjoyable we can do without physically being next to each other.

Thank you!

If one of you is better at taking good photos and the other better at photo shopping, your might play around with photos to create some interesting works of art either for fun or to sell.
Then theres writing, whether story or poetry. People have written novels as teams before. I've written stuff done by husband-wife teams and mother-daughter teams. Why not two friends? In fact, it might be interesting to base a writing on what it is like in this day and age to be a bisexual teen. It could be very helpful information to those who would like to be better able to understand and support the bi people. Society is barely getting a grasp of what it is like for gay people and bi is not the same at all, it has its own sets of issues and things to deal with.
Other than that dear, I have no other suggestions other than sharing music back and forth, maybe your own creations if you guys like to sing or create lyrics and melodies.

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I go to a pentecostal church and one Sunday they were talking about the trinity and i am confused is God , Jesus Christ and the Holy spirit all the same people or are they different people ? I am also confused on how long it takes us to get to heaven. my mom believes in soul sleep but my pastor tells me that you go to heaven as soon as you die if you are saved which one is true ?

I like to look at it this way, God is the word for the family unit that Is, Has Always been and Always will Be the source of all the exists. Someone could say they are a member of the Anderson Family. That doesn't mean Dad Mom and kids lose their individual identities and just become a piece of the whole unit. Each has their own names and uniques personalities and giftings talents and also their own roles to play in a healthy functioning family unit.
The God family is made up of a Father a son and a Holy spirit.
That is what the church teaches. I used to attend same kind of church. I could never reconcil that fact that if we are made in Gods image and our family units require a father and a mother to create a child, then something isn't right. There's no mention of a Mother God and a Holy Spirit that as far as we know is just an IT. Father and Son are words for what we know to be beings with the male sex but since God has no sex, then it must be the male aspects of character we are talking about like being the protector and the provider for the family, etc...
I did some research and discovered that the Holy Spirit used to be refered to universally as a She until some humans got together and decided what documents were going to go into the official creation of the bible. These men (no women were involved) decided to change the Holy Spirit to a He. Much later I came across a book called the Urantia book. Supposedly a history of our planet and a slightly different version with different goals of the story of Jesus. I do not trust that any written article is going to be 100% accurate, not even the Bible. But this other book refers to the HOly Spirit as a She and says She is known instead in Heaven as 'The Creative Spirit' and has the female aspects of characteristics, being nurturing and creative and between God the Father and Her, She is the one who takes the plans and guideline the Father comes up with and does the actual creating something out of nothing, giving birth to something....like mortal women do. Now that makes sense. Ever since, I have believed the HOly Spirit is female in form. Did God ever stop with just our galaxy and universe and just having one Kid,,, Jesus? The book suggests the family of God is way bigger than we can imagine but that all that concerns us is Jesus and the Holy Spirit right now for our own growth and modeling ourselves after as any human child will do of its parents.
Do not worry about what it is like when you leave your body and go to heaven. There are enough people who have written of their near death experiences who realized they had died, some were escorted by their angels, and others traveled on their own towards a light which they realized to be Jesus. Some even got to walk around in Heaven and have told how beautiful it is. But each one was told it wasnt their time yet, that they had to go back and finish their life on earth. I have read that due to some circumstances, some souls actually are allowed to sleep for a while before they enter Heaven but others are ready to go in.
However, I have also read that as a parent, God is not one to condemn his Kids to hell. They are forgiven no matter what if they ask for forgiveness. But the problem is that some can not forgive themselves when at Heavens door, like if they murdered, lied, etc... Even at heavens door, if they asked, God would let them enter but they can't accept the forgiveness even then and choose to go to Hell, God doesnt send us there. No church will teach you that.
If you want to know what is the best thing for you to believe at this stage in your spiritual walk, If I were you, I'd rely a little more on getting it "straight from the horses mouth" so to speak and listen to what God tells you. Develope an ability to talk with and hear back from Jesus and Holy Spirit. Blessings to you dear. You may be even more confused as you read the various answers people will give you on here because there are a lot of beliefs out there. What matters in the end is Love. If you are modeling your life to be as loving in all your pursuits as God, then you can not go wrong. Listen to your inner voice...that is the Holy Spirit inside you speaking to you.

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I have been staying at my aunt's house since yesterday and I have been trying my best to stay away from her as much as possible because I know myself and the first time she hits me again i am going to hit her back because it's my first instinct and she is not worth going to jail over . I asked my Aunt if I could move in she said she doesn't have the extra room for me to move in but i am more than welcome to stay with her whenever I want to . I am just concerned about her kids .

In the U.S. there is the CPS childrens protective services, or likely the equivalent of that where you live.
What you could do is call them for guidelines before there is an issue. Tell them its yyour sister who is the birth mother but your mom has custody. Sis has no place to live, or so she says and Mom agreed to have her move into Moms place. The concern is her history of violence and beating both you and mom up. You think she might be using drugs too. You are worried for the emotional or physical damage to the kids. Under what circumstances can you call the police. Do you have to wait until she actually hits one of the kids or they witness her beating up the person who is in charge of taking care of them? Since she lost custody of her own kids and has a history of violence, you want to know if that is enough to have the police come and remove her.

It might feel like extreme to call them ahead before there is a problem, but I know of no other way to prevent a situation arising. I am sure they get questions like this all the time so they won't find it odd for you to ask.

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I have been trying to improve the condition of my hair; especially when it comes to washing it and it getting greasy.
Back when I was a teenager, I'd wash it every night but as we all know, it is so bad for your hair.
These days, I wash it every other day to every two-three days, depending on what I'm doing and so on. I never put conditioner all over my hair, just the ends and I use one hair product after showing, which doesn't go in my roots either. Come day two, my hair will already be getting noticeably greasy. Why is this happening? I heard that refraining from washing your hair so often, it will stay cleaner longer but it has been at least a year and a half now and if I want fresh looking hair, I'd have to wash it daily.
I know there's dry shampoo, but my hair *should* be able to stay grease-free for at least two days by now, right?
I should add that I don't really play around with my hair (as in twirling it around my fingers, constantly running my hands through it, etc) and although I usually blow dry it, if I let my hair air-dry, it will be the same the next day anyway - already greasy.

Is there anything I'm doing wrong? Are there any ways to fix this issue?

I thought oily hair was hereditary. So I went to look and this article which I will post, says it usually is the case of being passed on in the family so its nothing you are doing wrong.

Some things mentioned in the article make sense. When we have greasy dishes, often something acidic like lemon juice in the product helps. However the amounts of such an ingrediant are very minute, so little that for tough jobs, it doesn't have a big impact. The article mentions, lemon juice, witch hazel or vinegar mixed with water to rinse your hair with. Its sounds logical. I don't have greasy hair so I couldnt try it to tell you but I would like to know how it works. So if you try it and think to tell me of the results, it would be helpful to know to pass on as advice for anyone else in the future.

http://www.ehow.com/way_5240412_tips-oily-hair.html

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well let's see here it goes i am 21 years old female my sister is 30 years old and she moved in on Thursday mom made a special trip to Florida to get her after she beat up my mom and beat me up and she only wants to live with us when she has know where else to and when she doesn't have a girl friend that she can move in with yes I said girlfriend she is gay . she has a 10 year old son and a 12 year old daughter that my mom have custody of because she had her kids walking in a drug infested neighborhood at night with no shoes no jacket and we were not allowed to see them . she has showed her 12 year old daughter sex toys in the past while she has stayed with us. I think that she is on drugs she doesn't care about anybody but herself . my other sister who lives in Texas can't stand her either. I am scared of because she hits me cusses me and i have told mom before that i am scared of her and I don't have the money to get my own place so I can't move out . her girlfriends always come first before her sister her mom and her kids . she gave me a bloody nose one day and hurt me so bad I had to go to the emergency room that was about 2 years ago when that happened and she is already bossing me around she hasn't changed at all . what should I do .

A mom will always love her kids even though she doesn't love the way they are living and choices they are making. THats probably why she's agreed to let her move in, no matter how she's treated you in the past. Its not just you and mom to worry about, but your underage niece and nephew who are relying on your mom to keep them safe. While your sis may not hit her own kids...I am more concerned with the damage of emotional stress, the yelling fighting, what changes she goes under when on drugs, she beating you guys up. The kids don't need to be witnessing that. Its unhealthy emotionally. They being underage have no say for themselves. Why not try to bring this point up to mom. See if she will agree with you that family or not, for the sake of at least the kids, if she doesnt care about what daughter might physically do to her, she needs to be tough and warn your sis that at the first abusive she shows towards anyone physical and including verbal abuse, and taking street drugs while living there, that she will be asked to leave immediately and if she doesnt, the cops will be called to come get her. Mom can have her removed for many reasons, since it is her house. You can only call cops for assault and battery as has been mentioned.
About the only other thing I can think of if mom doesnt care and sis wont leave, is for you to ask sis in Texas for help in relocating to where she is and staying with her til you get on your feet. You probably can't afford a place of your own so you need to have enough income to pay your half or go in 3rds with a few friends on an apt...getting your own place. I see no other options dear. Sorry to hear about this. Its so tough when family is going down the wrong path.

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An old friend of mine whom I have known for 13 years fell out with me 3 years ago. My ex friend has been dating a very manipulative guy for the past 8 years and since, I have seen her loose her friends over the years.

Well, Too keep this short, I haven't seen or spoken to her in 3 years.

In the past month or two another old friend of mine found where I live (I live in the next building over from my ex friend ) We all used to be friends in high school back 10 years ago. I noticed since I got back in contact with this old friend, My ex friend has been seemingly nice all of the sudden.

The other day I was walking and she waved from a distance, I stood there for a few seconds dumb founded and walk away. I couldn't bring myself to wave as even 3 years later I just have a lot of hard feelings and anger towars her. She basically allowed her boyfriend to turn her against all her friends and has in the past given me the cold shoulder quite a few times. I admit, I am one to hold a grudge and if you screw me I never forgive. Why all the sudden ia ahe being "nice? She doesn't know I am in contact with this old friend. (I stopped talking to her also because i didn't want drama) I noticed she doea it when she's alone too.

Not to be rude to you dear, but you did say that you are one to NEVER forgive, so if you don't intend to do that, I just wonder why it matters why she's suddenly acting nice and friendly.

Females who choose to be in relationship with an abusive, manipulative guy often stay forever in such a relationship...but there are others, like myself who eventually wake up and decide to leave and thats when they are going to need a network of supportive friends because its hard to get away, both emotionally, financially. It is best to consider "keeping the doors open" to such people if that is why they are reaching out to you. Other than that, I haven't any advice for you.

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how can you tell or notice that your ex likes someone else? or is interested in someone.. like I have a feeling my ex likes someone or is interested in them yet they do talk to me once in a while and sometimes flirt I'm confused ?!?!

Maybe the better question to ask is Did we have a really valid reason for breaking up in the first place...especially if an ex still flirts with you. Does he flirt cus he's bored, cus its a bad habit and he flirts with every living breathing female within the same area as him, or does he flirt only with the person he has a good interest and attraction to? I don't know the details so I can't answer. I suppose if you have opportunity to be in his presence often enough to observe him with other women you could watch his body language...I will post an article on what exact signs those are. But he might refrain from doing anything like that if he is aware you are there watching. I don't know the details of whats going on and how you plan to get close enough to observe him with other women.

http://www.kissmegoodnight.com/relationship-advice/read_romantic_body_language.shtml

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So I'm in high school and im 17, I use to be friends with this girl but then she slept with my boyfriend and we have hated each other ever since. I spread a rumor about her saying she had std's (she really does) and I know that was wrong and if I could take it back I would but she came up to me threatened to fight me in front of people at school and she said to watch my back. I'm not afraid of her at all but I told my crew about it, who are over 18 and they messaged her on facebook saying that if she laid a hand on me that she would regret it. I just want to know how much trouble could I get in from spreading a rumor and how much trouble she can get in for threatening to kick my ass. I know its stupid high school drama but I don't want to get the cops involved. how should I handle it?

Before I answer how to handle it, I want to go back to what a rumor is. According to the dictionary:
a rumor is a story or statement in general circulation without confirmation or certainty as to the facts. So if it is a fact, then there has to be proof as the confirmation or certainty. What I would like to know is how you got proof of the fact that she has one or more STD's. That is a very personal fact that she likely did not go around telling everyone about. If she told you in confidence, then of course you were in the wrong to share it with the world. I know this will sound so old fashioned but "Two wrongs do not make a right"
What you can learn from this is that you have no control over the actions of other person...so her going after your boyfriend was wrong. But did you ever give a thought to the fact that he was willing? Any guy totally head over heels in love with a girl is not going to go for another girl, not matter how much his body may react, because he does not want to hurt you, and because his heart wouldnt be in it, his heart is only crazy about you. So his depth of caring about you wasn't what you thought it was. You can give him one more chance but if he repeats his behavior, then its time to dump him.
Now back to the ex girl friend, If you heard from people other than her telling you that she had an STD, then that is only hearsay. How can they verify it? If someone says they slept with her and got an STD, that is not good enough proof. A person can have Herpes and be a carrier but never have had sex with anyone. Did you know that? If you want the details on how that can be, write me back on my column and I will tell you. Soooo, unless both people had STD screenings before being sexually active and asked for the seperate screening on Herpes too as this is not always automatically included... then the two really have no way of knowing if the other doesnt have something that they themselves are unaware of, and they may not be safe just because they never gave oral sex or never had intercourse.
Since I personally don't know what rules your school has about bullying and saying unverified things about a person to make their lives miserable, I can't say what action they might take against you if they knew. If it's weighing this heavy on your mind, then it might be time to come clean with it, get it out in the open. Ask a school counselor for the school rules on bullying and how they enforce it. If they ask and you're not willing or ready to confess you can say you think you've seen it happening to someone. Just because the girl threatened you doesnt mean she has the guts to beat you up. At this point, she is angry and wanted to say something to make you feel bad or scared and "It worked!" Sometimes, that is enough pay back for the other person, sometimes not. If i were you, I wouldn't want to always be looking over my shoulder anticipating her pouncing on you. Your other friends are body guards personally at your side. They would be stupid to beat her up for beating you up when the thing that started it isn't even their issue. They would be making the same immature mistake your ex girlfriend did and your boyfriend did and you did. How far does this have to go on. I don't think there is anything at this point to have cops involved in. Cops dont arrest people for sleeping with someones partner, spreading the confidential truth or rumors about someone, or for threatening to beat someone up.
You know this girl better than I do, would she read a letter of apology from you? She certainly won't be expecting one. She knows what she did wrong, no need to rub it in. But she did you a favor, exposing the character and faithfulness of your boyfriend. She most certainly would not expect you to be thanking her for that. You might say something like "Lisa, I know I was angry for you sleeping with my boyfriend, you would be if I did the same to you. But I've had time to think about it and gain perspective. I can see that in a way, you've actually done me a favor and given me a glimpse of how weak his character is and how committed or not he is to me. He at least could have been honest and said he was no longer interested in me and broke up with me before going to another girl. Any other girl would have been hard enough to swallow but it being someone I considered a good girlfriend made me just go crazy. I was more than just hurt, I was furious and in my anger I said things to get back at you that would never fix or undo what you did and I am finding the guilt of it too much to carry so I wanted to apologize for any problems I might have caused you because of what I said. I don't want to act like an immature teen forever and have decided its time to grow up and own up to what I do. You may not be ready to forgive, but I was ready to ask for forgiveness."

Hon, what I share next is scientific fact, that our bodies mature and become adult like long before our brains finish developing mainly the frontal part responsible for good reasoning and decision making and being able to see the consequences a head of time. This part of the brain in both girls and boys isn't done developing until the mid twenties so any judgement calls or decisions before then can often be very poor to horrible or in some cases....end up deadly. If you realize that all teens are going through dealing with the same thing, that explains the drama. All I can suggest at this point is that you do exactly what you did here by writing in for advice...just next time...do it before you take action. If its something you can't find comfortable telling a parent, use us, but having someone that knows you pretty well, an aunt who will kept the confidence, a grandma, maybe even a neighbor lady you've grown up around and are close to like family...all these are good to use as sounding boards. My oldest is now 27 and yet she still comes at times to me for advice or to bounce her thoughts or ideas off of. If you want to talk to me more about this dear, you can write to me personally instead of the group by going to my column write and then choosing the send a message tab. Good luck dear. You're not a terrible person, nor is the other girl...you just both made poor choices. The important part is to learn from them.

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A few years ago, me, my brother, and my two cousins would hang out a lot. But i would sometimes complain. When an accident would happen, i would blame it on my cousin (its a guy cousin). But in reality it wasn't his fault. I would keep insisting it was. But this would happen frequently. we were about ten years old. And now its about for years later. Were teens. I really want to apologize because i truly, deeply regret it. But the problem its he stopped talking to me. I don't know if its too late to apologize. He doesn't seem to hate me too much but i don't know what to do.

If someone treated you that way years ago, even if you're not angry at them, would you be going out of your way to check and see if they've grown up in the mean while? Probably not. So you can't wait for him to make the first move. You'll need to approach him first. I might add that it would be best to do so face to face rather than try to apologize via text. Because he gets the benefit of seeing your facial expressions and can pick up on how genuine you are at what you are saying.
First, apologize and let him know you know that you realize you were wrong back then and maybe even dont know why you did that. Tell him that you have grown up some in the meanwhile and realize how much you miss his friendship. You hope that he is willing to forgive the past and become close as cousins again. Its never too late to repair a relationship. If both people are waiting for the other to go first, it will never happen so make it your motto in life to always go first, in starting apologies, or in starting convos with a new person you meet.

So if I understand it correctly, you are about 14 years old. Right now you should be going thru your extra touchy and emotional times due to the increasing hormones in your body. It can make you overly emotional to being weepy and sad or mean, easily angered and bitchy. Usually its directed at any other female, whether mom, sisters or best friends. All my 3 daughters went through it, you are already or will be experiencing the full effect too. If you can understand this ahead of time, its easier to know its not the other person ever at fault, its how you are hormonally being tempted to act.
So a word of warning, when you get back together with your male cousin, have a talk with him later about your hormonal times. You're not likely to have outbursts with him but he will be an important person for you to spend time with cus guys at this age are more emotionally stable. When you begin to feel irritated with any female, take a time out away, whether in your room or talk to the male cousin or spend time with him. Just in case he finds you in a snippy mood with him, give him the permission ahead of time to say something, letting him know what girls your age are going thru hormonally and that is won't really be directed at him. But if he sees you begin to act that way, that you want to correct it and are asking for his help in pointing it out by saying something like "You need a hormonal time out." And when you do hear this, make a big effort of willpower to correct your behavior.It can be done...I did it successfully keeping myself under control and my daughters did too whenever I brought it to thier attention.

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Everytime me and my boyfriend want to have sex it takes forever for him to get hard, I don't do the whole strip tease lap dance or dress up. What are some ways to make him hard fast?

Adviceman covered about all of it except one thing I'd like to add. I dont have your age but this thought is based on those who are young and this is their first sexual or 2nd sexual relationship experience. When two people are inexperienced, just the worry about "doing it right" and making a good impression is enough stress to make it difficult to get hard.
Or he may be a great friend but the the sex department there is not enough chemistry to spark a sexual interest or response in his body. Although at his age, it should be easy...it only becomes an issue when guys get older maybe approaching their 30s as a guess.
I also want to point out dear, that you shouldn't have to do anything more like a strip tease or say or do anything special to make him hard every time. If he is really interested in you sexually and finds you attractive, just your willingness to make love with him should be enough. Since it isn't, he may want to see his doctor, whether he is taking medications or not. And as already stated, if he's a street drug user or drinks alot, avoid him. Alcohol is also known to interfere with men being able to get hard.

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I have a question regarding email etiquette. I am the type of person that responds to emails fairly quickly, same day or next day for the most part, unless I am extremely busy or forget. I try not to get frustrated when others do not respond in a timely manner, as reasons for delayed or absent response are varied. I still wonder sometimes whether no response means the other person is just busy, or disinterested.

I recently went in to speak to a speech pathologist regarding volunteering at her office. She let me observe one session, and when it was time to leave, I was trying to figure out which days I would be available to volunteer in the future. There was some back-and-forth talk and misunderstandings, so she told me to just follow up with her in a couple weeks when she returns back from a trip. Right after leaving her office I emailed her to tell her I could modify my class schedule to be able to accommodate volunteering during the week, and that I would follow up in a couple weeks to sort out details.

Maybe I'm overanalyzing, but I wonder whether my email was too much and shows I am too eager, because she told me to write her in a couple weeks? I also wonder if a response is even required? I didn't ask her any questions, but thought that she could have responded to acknowledge that I wrote and thank me, etc. Is this an email that does not require a response, or does it seem like she is simply not interested in corresponding because she might not have a good impression of me? Thanks for any advice and/or feedback!

We're talking a volunteer position, where you don't get paid and she's doing this more as a favor to you for you to gain experience in the work field. If she was asking what days work for you, in her mind, I'd have to say that means she has decided to accept you as a volunteer there. Depending on personality types, another person may not be the best fit so if she asked about dates, you're in. Its just a matter of providing dates that work in your schedule. There's nothing about providing the dates that sounds eager. The word eager in my mind doesnt even come into play in this situation. She said she'd be busy. Her email telling you to write in two weeks was not because she didn't want to hear back before that but because she wasn't going to be able to focus on it before that. Maybe some people are glued to their iphones on vacations or trips, others just know how to enjoy the time off or whatever they need to focus on for the trip such as if it was for a relatives wedding. When she gets back, she will have 2 weeks worth of emails so it will take time to read them all and respond on them all. If she doesnt respond immediately to you, she has changed her mind, just wait for her to call or write you. You need to keep things in perspective, bringing you on as a volunteer isn't as important and critical to her as it is to you for the job experience. So she may not be in any rush to bring someone in but if she promised, she will do it....shes a business professional and won't last in business long if shes says things and agrees to things she doesnt really mean.

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Ok so (please awnser the question i asked. I dont care if you think my crush is innapropriate etc etc etc. dont bash it! i will ignore you.) Now,i am seriously crushing on my jitsu sensei. he's a bit older than me but he's single and simply amazing! sweet, makes me feel safe etc. the re is no "touch barrier issue while we are training and are apartners as it is the nature of the sport to be in close and lots of... body contact. i always stay later after class, because my bus doesnt come until 1030 so there is no reason to walk to the bus stop and wait alone when i can stay at thje dojo a bit long... and talk to him *blushes*. he makes me laugh about the silliest stuff and we get a long really well. i trust him so much he is one of the few people i will allow to hip throw me. im stilll a novice but the plan is to grade in december. sometimes the group goes out for socials and stuff after the session and the entire jitsu community(international)is very touchy feely etc.We really are almost closer than a family. anyways
the issue is that once off the mats i sense a major "touch barrier" between me an my amazing sensei.and i would like to know a cute,flirty,
not obvious, and very tactful and inconspicuous way of breaking it so the flirting can go to the next level. please help

Heres a site on touch but he may not like the touch and if he says so, you'll have to respect that.

http://www.wikihow.com/Touch-a-Guy

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I was watching "New Girl" earlier and it said that a man's feet point to what they want (meaning the girl they want) and i was thinking of testing on Tuesday so A, should i do it and B, do any of you guys want to know if it works or not?
if so email me.

If you want to count on body language to know if there is interest, there are some signs that are unmistakenable and I will post an article on it although you can to do research yourself on the web. But I have never in my life heard about the direction a persons feet are pointing.
Actually it doesnt make sense to me, because body language goes both ways and should be exactly the same for females. So think of this, when you're having a conversation with your mom, dad, a brother, etc, sometimes or most the time you are facing them, even if they are busy doing something but listening, your feet are facing them sideways or front side. Does that mean you have a romantic interest in them? See what I mean, its a bunch of baloney!
Read this article for hints. I am in my fifties and with all my experience both at a young age and later in life after divorce dating as an older person, it always works and is right on for signals, no matter what the age.

http://www.kissmegoodnight.com/relationship-advice/read_romantic_body_language.shtml

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So there is this guy who I am very good friends with (he is a few years older than me) I have known him for a year now and he is confusing me so much! Before this happened i had an idea he might like me but I'm not sure any more. Ok so i was at this event awhile back and he kept touching me (in an appropriate way) like he kept holding my hand, wrapping an arm around me, hugging me etc. Like very touchy. I was totally ok with it though :). and he even kissed my head and was leaning on me and walking VERY close to me. So then i've been seeing him at a school camp thing and (He is VERY shy but comfortable with me i guess :D) and he's was more shy around me and awkward. and I am now the one who has to go up to him (except when i got back from a trip i was gone five days and he came up to me and hugged me and told me he was glad i was back.) and he's way more shy around me than usual... the thing is though (we text everyday)we kind of flirt when we text ( we are both shy) and i was at a football game and i was waiting to be picked up and he walked over to me and hugged me while i was on the ground and said he'll see me when school starts. so... What is up with him>?? He's acting all flirty and touching me and then he's super super shy.... What?? Please help, Thank you!!

Girl, that guy is crazy about you...no doubt about it because his body language is telling you. If he lapses a bit in the reach out and touch you thing, it may be he had a day of doubt that you are equally interested.
If I understand correctly....so far he is initiating all of this closeness and touch and you are accepting it. That should be enough to let him know you are interested in return but when two people are just learning about relating to the opposite sex and how to know this stuff, you both are not going to instinctively know this tho you might instinctively be doing the right things...in your mind, theres no knowledge yet of body language revealing interest so there is no connect.
He's not all that shy if he can reach out and hug you or hold hands. A person with a serious shyness phobia can't even do that. More likely he is someone who is slow to warm up to a person but once comfortable as he is with you, he opens up more and more until one day, hes as chatty and open as one of your outgoing extrovert friends.
So dont let that concern you.
I think he is waiting to see that you have the same level of interest in him. A guy shouldnt have to initiate all parts of a relationship. Thats lopsided and doesnt work in the real world in commited long term relationships.
So he's waiting for you to approach him first, grab for his hand first and say some things to encourage him. "Your hugs make me feel so special as a girl. When you pay this kind of attention to me, I love it and want more of it. Compliment him. Of course it has to be something you see and really like but an example might be, I love the color of your eyes, I like when you wear anything blue or when you wear your 'such and such' top cus it makes you look even more handsome. You need to learn how to feel comfortable touching him. I will post two sites. One that talks about body language in the article and the other is about how to find excuses to touch the guy. Good luck dear. So far he sounds like a very nice guy and will probably make a very good relationship partner.
It wouldn't hurt for you to tell him that he's your favorite guy out of all those you know at school or that you really like him a lot.

http://www.kissmegoodnight.com/relationship-advice/read_romantic_body_language.shtml

http://www.wikihow.com/Touch-a-Guy

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18/f/New Zeland

Ok, I have had one bf before but tbh I am inexperienced with guys.At my work there's this guy (27)who comes in to the back as he's related to the manager.
He's known for flirting with the teenagers who work there-they've since left. It's quite obvious he likes me (making jokes and things).
But my question is not related to my situation, its more general. Why do males generally find younger girls attractive/desirable? Because to me it doesn't make sense-I mean what's attractive about a girl that lives with her parents and stuff who is 10 years younger??



Adviceman had it right, some older people go for those younger or those younger pursue someone older. However, in most cases, the age gap is going to be greater. A man as he nears 40 is more likely to be the one looking for an 18 yr old to flirt with and hopefully convince to do more. A 27 yr old wont be doing it to feel younger, for him, flirting may just give him a natural high and he likes how it feels but he may not be serious about getting into a relationship. He may not feel ready to look for a mate to settle down with and women his age want to marry and have kids so he turns to younger girls to have fun with, play around and not be serious with. Flirting is easy to do when you find someone attractive. Can you picture yourself flirting with a balding guy with a double chin and a beer belly? But flirting is only in most cases an attraction that is skin deep and does not neccessarily mean the person wants to get to know anything about you deeper than that.

Keep in mind that not all older guys are interested in someone younger. My husband when he was your age was dating 27 to 30 yr olds who likely were already divorced and didn't want to get married again. They wanted a companion and sex partner, basically a friend with benefits. My husband found girls his age too immature yet to relate to. Though he was interested in sex, he also truly wanted a relationship and would stay with the various girls anywhere from 2 yrs to 7-8 years. He didn't marry til he was close to 40 and since is divorced and now with me. I am only one year older than him and have more silver hair coming in than he does so at least I look older enough. Haha.
As to why would someone be attracted to a person living with their parents, unless someone is purposely looking for someone rich to take care of them, they don't give it a thought and let their desires whimfully take them down any garden path they see. It may not matter that you don't have life experience enough to make a good wife in a year or two because He may not being looking for that. Some men remain bachelors all their life because they know they dont ever want to have kids and be tied down...they want the freedom to flit from girl to girl as a bird flits from branch to branch to tree.
Just in honest deep conversation asking questions about himself, you should be able to find out if he truly has a serious interest in you at all if you have a remote initial interest in him.

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i just sent this guy that i liked in the fifth grade this, "hi. i would have said this in 5th grade but i didn't think we were good enough friend but it's probably going to sound even weirder from the computer but, oh well. i thought it was pretty weird that i liked you cause at the same time i liked justin and it was all very weird and confusing at the same time. abby agrees with me on this one but do you think that there was even a remote chance that you maybe liked me even just a little bit? (this is coming from the 5th grade me)". was that stupid?

All I would've done different is make it shorter, more to the point without adding the names to two other people in...thats what makes it hard to focus on. He doesnt need to know you liked someone else and He doesnt need to know what Abby thinks. Its wonderful you have Abby to talk to about stuff like this tho.
But don't get worried about what you did write. Guys aren't as good as girls when it comes to communicating and the majority if they like a girl haven't a clue how to start talking to her to let her know they are interested so its a good step for you to ask. I like how you said "do you think that there was even a remote chance that you maybe liked me even just a little bit.?"
That is comfortable, non pressuring and of course shows you are not going to just assume anything, and you don't sound desperate to find a boyfriend, so it shouldn't scare him away.

At your age, people are just learning how to talk to the opposite sex comfortably and learn the differences between how guys and girls think and what they say. You can never guess what they meant, even if it seems obvious. So guys your age are mostly just dying for opportunities to become close friends with a girl to learn this stuff. They don't need to neccessarily feel a strong romantic attraction but actually like you as a friend. And thats a good start, better actually. Everyone has to start somewhere.
Good luck with everything dear.
Any other relationship with boys type questions, I'd be glad to answer for you. It's the people who don't ask and want to learn who have to do it the hard way.

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I recently got into a relationship with my bestfriend. Before we dated in a week he broke up wit his girlfriend. They were initially having problems bit i cant help but feel bad and guilty because i think im part of the reason he broke up with her. Now this girl is contacting my friends and shes getting to know them because hes not with her anymore.It irritates me that shes doing that. What should i do on the whole situation?

There is no reason to feel guilt over another persons actions. You are going to have to trust him that he broke off with her for the right reasons, that he discovered they did not have enough in common or there wasn't enough chemistry between them. You have in no way caused any trouble between them. It was already there.
It could be that when he was finally honest with himself, and it could have been him comparing in his mind how you acted or reacted in a certan situation versus how she did or does, when he finally realized that she is not right for him.
Thats Good! That is exactly what the dating process is for. There's initial attraction, but you have to get past conversation stage to actual dating, learning what the other is like on their good days and bad days and being able to handle it, and know how to help and encourage. A successful life long relationship takes two thing, being each others best friend and then having the sexual chemistry. If there is no spark between the two, then its not going to work for long term. Some people get together over just the romance and sexual connection, but without a friendship, it will fall apart. He is smart to see or sense it now.
There is nothing much you can do to change her actions. She is possibly making connections with all your friends who weren't friends of hers before in hopes of keeping tabs on him or finding a way to get back in his life. I can't imagine she is so shallow as to be doing that just for the sake of irritating you. But if thats the case, its good your male friend left her.

She may not yet have realized that he isn't worth fighting so hard to get back because there is someone better and more perfect for her.
All you have control over is your own thoughts, feelings and actions or reactions. Actions are thought carefully through and carried out in ways that all loving to self and all others without intent to hurt or make a situation worse. A re-action is like a knee jerk action, where you allow your emotions and feelings to cause you to say or do something on the spur of the moment out of frustration or anger that you may regret later or could have been handled better.
If your other friends are worth their salt, they will see her sudden want of friendship for what it is and not take her too seriously. IF anyone gets suckered in, then thats their lesson to learn.
There isn't anything you have to do. You don't have to explain yourself or try to prove your innocense of anything to friends, acquaintances or any stranger who asks.
However, if you have no guilt and no matter if its someones business or not, you feel for others, knowing how the imagination can create worse scenerios than really exist. . . you can always choose to tell things as they are without making anyone look to be the bad guy, you, him or the ex girlfriend. Cus really its nothing bad, its a learning experience and she isn;t catching on as fast as she could...thats all.
So you could say that truly, the relationship between him and her according to what he says was not going well. In dating, he also realized that what he had with you as a best friend was something more special than what he had with her. Be sure thats exactly how he feels and get his permission to say this if you are by yourself at the time. Dont go putting words into his mouth, as much as you think you know, or may know him.
You can even say that you had no reason to steal him away from her when he was dating her because you still had his friendship and was contented with that and not looking to take it a level higher. But when he came to you and declared his intent to become romantically involved with you as well, you welcomed it because it is the best natural progression for a healthy relationship. I know those might not sound like your words but if you decide to say anything at all to your friends if they come to you and say the ex has befriended them and has said 'such and such', is it true? Do not get angry at them. They are asking because they are choosing to not assume anything right off the bat. They want to hear it from you. They may just state what was said without asking you if it was true, just assuming you will tell them. You can either tell them in a sweet manner or tell them not to believe everything they hear. But since they are good friends, the nicest thing would be to tell them your side of it.
Remember, you cant dictate who she sees and talks to or trys to befriend. And a friend of yours can remain loyal to you but still pay attention to her as well. It doesnt mean they believe her or have deserted you.

If you can behave sweetly and not act like you have to defend yourself or him and point no blame, and not get irritated at your friends no matter what you hear, then you will come out smelling like a rose and if she's the one telling stories of blame, who are they likely to believe?
I can tell you it works. When I left my abusive ex, he told all sorts of horrible stories to many people. I quickly learned who really knew me and cared about me and who didn't. I was amazed how almost strangers who barely knew us said they didn't believe anything he'd told them because now that they met me, they could see by my behaviour that I was the nice kind thoughtful person and nothing at all like the stuff he said.

I cant think of anything else. If something else comes up, just write me on my column. Good luck dear. Sounds like you have a great start on a wonderful romantic relationship

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I married by faith an now have a child of 11 months.My husband and me both of us are member of a ministry of Teaching Gospel 1:1. before my marriage I somehow knew that he had some debt but i had to marry him as I received revelation from God that he is the man for me. Personally i did not like him and prayed god plz change your will.But ultimately I surrendered to him and married that person. Now everyday my life is under pressure of moneylenders. Everyday I start with a heavy heart and spend maximum time in prayer. Everyday I pray that God I may see my husband safe when he comes back from office.With believe that God will open the way for us I am praying and waiting. But its almost 1 Year under pressure everyday...........I am now tired and do not know what to do. PLZ.........if anyone can guide me.......Thanks

I come from a Christian background and was under the delusion from what I was taught at church at God is going to tell me who to marry or give direction to what job to apply for, where to live, etc... God gave us a free will, he does not take the back away from you to tell you who to marry. You have certain lesson you are here to learn in this lifetime and there are several different ways and with many different people for you to do so. So if you had not married him and chosen someone you were attracted to. Marriages like mine, a godly christian marriage where we had some initial weak attraction but did not have the chemistry in relationship or sex are all too common and end up in divorce. I stuck with him 30 years because I thought I had to rely on God to heal my marriage when the lesson I had to learn was to love myself enough to remove myself by choice from an abusive situation. He was an abuser and I only left because of a vision that I would be dead in 4 more years from the stress on my body if I didn't leave then. I could tell you more of that story and will if you feel you need to know. Just write my column. But what I am trying to say is if God wanted to teach you some things mainly through using financial difficulties, then you would have found financial difficulties no matter who you married, the love of your life who you are madly in love with or the guy youre with now. If that were the case, God wouldnt have a preference over which guy you married, the choice was yours.
Another thing to consider, since not one human on the planet is a robot under Gods control not even those in power over us, since lawmaker and leaders are humans with choices...they also like us dont always make the right choices and often it can be about greed and wanting to be on top no matter what happens economically around the world. God did not created the current economic crisis, man did by the choices he has been allowed by God to make. Other peoples choices can affect us too, hurt us even. So if its a matter of financial trouble due to loss of job for a while, then you both learn to pull in the purse strings, cut out all the extras. A person can be happy with very litte. I have lived for a while even without running water, an outhouse for a toilet, and cooking and baking on a wood stove. And I found I could be full of joy whether I was currently employed and the times I was not. True joy doesnt depend on circumstances. If however we make some bad choices financially or choosing the wrong partner to marry, there are things to learn such as when enough is enough, knowing when the lesson has been learned and you change how you spend money for example in one situation, get debts consolidated or face up to a bad choice you made in a relationship. I am sure there must be some kind of love that may have developed, or perhaps he always was in love with you but you not with him. If he is willing to be married for life...all out of his own choice to a person who loves him but is not in love with him, thats his choice. Same for you. But it isn't fair to him if he's madly in love and you arent feeling at the same level and just pretend to be because he is a good decent guy. He deserves to have a woman who is truly in love with him. If both of you are by now. great! But if you weren't then, its a good chance that in a years time, much hasn't changed.

Did you really hear from God? I am sure you do at times. I know that I did as well when I was young. I also know looking back that often I was wrong about what I thought I heard and made some mistakes. I also know that the Holy Spirit understood I wanted to hear better, after realizing I made a mistake marrying the husband--he was abusive verbally. So the Spirit gave me lots of lessons during the years of service in church. For example, during a ladys retreat at church, we were told to pray for a bit and ask God for a word or scripture to share with a sister present there. I did as told and God told me to go share with the Leader of the women, someone i was in awe of and felt I no way matched her spiritually. I was terrified. But dutifully asked God, okay, whats the word or scripture you want me to share. "Simplicity." I began to have an internal verbal battle, I cant' give her just that one word, I will look stupid, what s the rest of the sentence. I was told it was just that one word. Long story short, I got through my fear, told her the word and was shocked when she showed me what she wrote in her prayer journal that morning where God was telling her to let some things go in her life and focus only on a few cus she was over extending herself, especially in areas connected to church. So I got the confirmation that I heard correct and so did she that she heard correct too. One thing to look for is such confirmations. God gave me lesson after lesson like that until I learned to tell the difference in my head when I was hearing God or thinking I was hearing God.
The best thing you can do right now honey is instead of spending maximum time in prayer meditating and asking God for help and direction, is to ask God specifically to start training you how to really truly hear from Him. So that you trust the Holy Spirit so explicitly that if the Spirit were to ask you to do something that wasn't being preached at church or clear enough in the Bible...a gray area, but it was something important for you to do or experience as part of your spiritual growth, that you would do it because you just know that you know that you know that this is what you heard and you wish to obey and please God. Every time I asked and God told me what to do, and I said I was scared or didn't like it and want to do it, I was reminded that I didn't have to do it. I still had a choice. But whatever lessons God wanted to teach me, like a good parent wants to teach their child, will eventually come about by some other path or other situation. The Lesson of forgiveness can be learned a zillion different ways. I hope this encourages you some. You;ll have to do things right now to take care of the financial problems but to have an easier time facing whatever else is ahead in your life, I would practice working on getting better at hearing God. You must remember that he dosnt have just one rigid path you could possibly take in life, there are many ways you can go and still be in a good position to learn your life lessons. Blessings to you dear

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