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Why do older guys do this?
18/f/New Zeland
Ok, I have had one bf before but tbh I am inexperienced with guys.At my work there's this guy (27)who comes in to the back as he's related to the manager.
He's known for flirting with the teenagers who work there-they've since left. It's quite obvious he likes me (making jokes and things).
But my question is not related to my situation, its more general. Why do males generally find younger girls attractive/desirable? Because to me it doesn't make sense-I mean what's attractive about a girl that lives with her parents and stuff who is 10 years younger??
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
The only thing I can think of is ... Fresh meat. Hahahaha!
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Hi. Lots of 'power and control' dynamics discussed in your answers. Lots of 'inadequate older men choosing younger women because women of their own age see through them' stuff. Would like to add a little balance if I may? Sometimes we feel a spontaneous and true affinity with, and attraction to people and have no idea why, or why it is so strong. All we know is that it is there. Age gaps are an 'easy target' to shoot at, they are so completely undeniable. Other incompatibilities are harder to pin down, and are usually about personal preferences, life-style etc. If your situation WAS the real issue it's quite possible that he would feel the same insecurities, maybe NOT choosing you as someone he could easily feel in charge of at all? Maybe thinking...'I'm too old, I know it...she would much prefer a teenaged boyfriend. What could she find attractive in me?' And yet, that feeling of connection is still there, and it's strong, and it's real. You might think about this scenario too, as well as the power & control side. Few real-life situations are two-dimensinal. And there is no 'general case'....all cases are particular in one way or another. That is why we have the power of judgement & decision. Take care.
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Adviceman had it right, some older people go for those younger or those younger pursue someone older. However, in most cases, the age gap is going to be greater. A man as he nears 40 is more likely to be the one looking for an 18 yr old to flirt with and hopefully convince to do more. A 27 yr old wont be doing it to feel younger, for him, flirting may just give him a natural high and he likes how it feels but he may not be serious about getting into a relationship. He may not feel ready to look for a mate to settle down with and women his age want to marry and have kids so he turns to younger girls to have fun with, play around and not be serious with. Flirting is easy to do when you find someone attractive. Can you picture yourself flirting with a balding guy with a double chin and a beer belly? But flirting is only in most cases an attraction that is skin deep and does not neccessarily mean the person wants to get to know anything about you deeper than that.
Keep in mind that not all older guys are interested in someone younger. My husband when he was your age was dating 27 to 30 yr olds who likely were already divorced and didn't want to get married again. They wanted a companion and sex partner, basically a friend with benefits. My husband found girls his age too immature yet to relate to. Though he was interested in sex, he also truly wanted a relationship and would stay with the various girls anywhere from 2 yrs to 7-8 years. He didn't marry til he was close to 40 and since is divorced and now with me. I am only one year older than him and have more silver hair coming in than he does so at least I look older enough. Haha.
As to why would someone be attracted to a person living with their parents, unless someone is purposely looking for someone rich to take care of them, they don't give it a thought and let their desires whimfully take them down any garden path they see. It may not matter that you don't have life experience enough to make a good wife in a year or two because He may not being looking for that. Some men remain bachelors all their life because they know they dont ever want to have kids and be tied down...they want the freedom to flit from girl to girl as a bird flits from branch to branch to tree.
Just in honest deep conversation asking questions about himself, you should be able to find out if he truly has a serious interest in you at all if you have a remote initial interest in him.
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This is sort of the opposite of those women who like to attract or look attractive to younger men. It makes them feel as if they still have it. Just what that it is, is somewhat different to each individual.
To some it is they are still sexy. To others that they can attract the attention of a young woman. Same for a woman and a young male. Frankly when you boil it all down to its base reason it sex and sex appeal.
Now there is another reason one not quite so lecherous that I used before I retired. My job had me calling on designer showrooms. These showrooms were generally staffed by young very pretty women. My job was to work closely with them to show them how to integrate my products into their designs.
It wasn't long before I was 5 to 10 years older than some of the designers I was working with. I had to find a way to put them at ease and let them know I wasn't the type of guy who going to harm them when we were alone.
I started by joking with them and that progressed to giving neck massages when we were bent over drafting boards, but that was as far as I went. We would go to lunch but it was just lunch; where I would ask about them, their boyfriend, husbands and babies.
Eventually I had to stop the neck rubs as it became a politically incorrect thing to do. Most of the women who I gave the messages to got upset. Though when I explained why they understood. Most importantly my wife knew everything I did while away and calling on these young ladies. This was important to me for if I didn't tell her and even if it didn't get back to her in my mind without her knowledge it made me a letch.
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Power.
A young body, and innocence as well... but mostly power.
Younger women are easier to impress, easier to feel smart and in charge around, and also easier to manipulate. Men are told from a young age they should feel powerful in a relationships - either as a conquerer or a benevolent protector. They aren't always encouraged to see their romantic partners as equally powerful human beings, but to imagine relationships are about which person dominates the other. If they aren't smart enough to see through those sorts of myths, young women are more likely to fulfil the role of a gentle little flower, than an older woman, who is more likely to have their own shit going on and the strength and confidence to demand equality of power and respect in any kind of relationship.
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