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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!
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my boyfriend and me were in the same school 2 years ago. after i shifted we were still friends until he proposed and we were in a long distance relationship. i am 16 and he is 17. he is very supportive and nice . we had several ups and downs but he wrapped it back together...it took a long time but he did. i love him very much and as a girl i want to have some physical relationship with him i.e. i want to talk to him about it and maybe chat . once i did so, he reacted very awkwardly and stated that he DOES NOT LIKE these things. i was hurt and he soon made up for it and said he liked it and we did it a few times on net. but now we are back to the same condition. he does not fly kiss, does not touch, does not talk about anything physical. he is not naughty and whenever i say i like it and u do not...he quickly changes the subject.he has never ever said that i am wrong about him. i am really going mad and i am extremely hurt. i love him so much and he loves me too. i know he has not had any past experience to behave like this. i have tried talking to him but he refuses to talk upon this subject. what is wrong with me?..and him?...why would a boy who loves a girl NOT WANT TO BE PHYSICAL OR TALK ABOUT BEING PHYSICAL ...WHEN THEY MISS EACH OTHER AND ARE SO FAR APART?..plz help...what can i do to bring this change in him?
He may not be willing to think about whats going on with himself or even admit that he is not a male with the normal sexual desires for either gender, male or female.
It is possible for him to value your friendship and even have a very close relationship such as you might have with a best friend who is female. But that may be as far as it will ever go with him.
If he is not gay, It may be that he is asexual, not having desire towards either gender. Here's an article on it.
http://www.wordiq.com/definition/Asexuality
The article shows that there is much debate going on about this and not much has been studied or is able to be explained. So how does someone who feels like this react? Likely the way he does, but not wanting to speak on the subject of kissing, intimate touch, sexuality, because he knows he is different and is scared. There are many who have come to terms with it. Look up on the web yourself searching for
"no interest in either gender"
and you'll find many young people who wrote in that they have no interest in either sex and actually feel happy, not like they are missing out on anything. Why we dont hear about it is cus its not publisized much but it is a very real condition or gender orientation whatever way you want to look at it. It hasn't been defined yet.
So while this guy may be able to be a life long close friend, he would not make a lover and a possible father in the future for your kids.
There is nothing any person, doctors included can do to change him.
so, in my 6th hr. class, the guy that I like (his name shall be Justin), and we were doing a thing where we answer questions about our selves
and one of the questions was, "what is a goal that you have set for school this year?" and I put never wear make up, so when the teacher said what mine was, Justin said, "I think that she's pretty without make up." then both of our faces turned bright red. He also wouldn't stop staring at me, I caught him like, 5 times. 8th hoe, he asked me if I had a facebook, I said no. then I said that I had a pinterest and he said that he would follow me as soon as he got home. and he doesn't get on very often. so does he like me?
I like that guy. He's very creative...to take something from a class project and something you stated to use it as an opportunity to compliment you.
Oh yes honey, the guy likes you and is interested in you. He likes the real thing, natural beauty and is more likely to want to get to know who you are on the inside, your personality and such.
Guys in school do not compliment girls unless they have a true interest in them or they are the bad boys wanting to get into their pants. The bad boys look for either girls with low self esteem or the ones who try to look like hollywood models.
I think you have a guy who is real promising. Spend time with him, enjoy his company and getting to know him better.
So, i liked this girl for over a year, my first year i think i got friend zoned...This as we all know is bad news. But a new girl came to school and she got close to the girl i like fast and she got close to me too, so i asked her to tell her that she found out i liked her. The response was a smile. I'm still waiting for another response that i asked...but the question is... What should i do???Should i ask her out???
Hon, asking the new girl to tell her you like her is old news. You already said you liked her as a friend. She probably smiled cus she likes you as a friend too. If you are having stronger feelings than just "like" developing, you will actually have to tell her that. If she has learned to understand that because males and females think differently, what they say can have different meanings. She may be choosing to not assume anything which is the right thing to do. Since you have not approached her or said or done anything to give her a clue that she needs to ask you if your feelings for her have changed, then its up to you to make it clear.
20/f
Okay so I started waiting tables about a year ago. At first, I loved it. Not only was I making crazy amounts of money, but I actually enjoyed my job. Now it seems as if I'm burnt out on it. I hate waking up each day to go to work and I can't even enjoy my days off because I know I'll have to go back soon. I've tried taking vacations, but that just makes me hate it even more. I feel stuck because I HAVE to make that kind of money in order to afford rent and other bills. I'm still in school so I'm not really qualified for jobs that make above minimum wage. As far as I can see, serving is as good as it gets for me. But I'm miserable. It's not that I'm lazy.. I just hate doing the same thing a hundred times a day. And I'm even GREAT at my job. I just hate it and I've honestly contemplated running away but then I realize I don't have the money! What other kinds of jobs are available, or what can I do to make myself happier with where I'm at?
I have a daughter in your position although she works as a barista. What she did that helped to get to a positive mind set was to think of things that she was thankful for, the kind of stuff we don't think twice about. Like having her eyesight, two good legs to walk with, etc. it takes just imagining an accident that takes those things from you in an instant to realize, its better to appreciate certain things now while you still have it. I know it seems corny but it works and worked for her. She also took her thoughts off herself and realized lots of customers are in the same boat as her, they hate their job too and life is boring, etc... and they needed some cheering up, a bright spot in their day. At first it was forcing herself and feeling like she was acting but soon customers became repeat customers cus they were there to see her smiling face and hear something encouraging from her. She worked her way into the hearts of her customers so well blessing their day with a shower of positive energy that they began to do things for her. One man about her dads age kept telling her she needed the tires rotated on her car cus they were getting worn. She siad she'd do so as soon as she could afford it. The man was genuinely concerned for her and a couple weeks later mentioned it didnt look like she got it done. She mentioned she didn't have the time or money. So he called a tire place right that moment, they said they had an open spot and wouldn't cost a penny. But she was at work. He volunteered to take her car there for her and bring it right back. >Which he did. That kind man whose life she affected with cheery greetings died a couple months later of an unexpected medical problem, a brain anyeurysm. Those can not be predicted. If she had not been a bright light in his life, he would not have come to care about her like a daughter and want to do this special thing for her. Thats what makes life worth living...the people in it. Thats what can bring us joy no matter what we have to do to live and exist. When we die, thats all we can take with us, is those souls we knew on earth.
I hope everything gets better for you since you really need to stick with school but need the job as well. Chin up girl!
I have a frickin' complex because of how my sister always manages to be the center of my dad's and his side of the family's attention. It's like they do their best to make me feel ignored and never shut up about her.
Saturday is my birthday and my dad wants my grandmother and probably my cousins to be there. I don't because it's the one day of the year when I'm the center of attention and can make my family do what I want, but not if they're there. They'll all be more interested in my sister and they'll probably try to change our plans. For example, my cousin will surely want to change the restaurant we're going to eat at from my favorite place to whatever rat hole she likes. They probably won't want to go to the movie I want to see after dinner and will take up so much of our time that we can't see it either.
I know this sounds mean, but I don't want them at my birthday. I don't want to spend my birthday with people with people who don't care about me and like it when I feel left out or unloved. Is this bad?
I don't know if all how you feel has only been internalized or if it has been brought out into the open. Even grown adults can mindlessly be doing things they actually don't know are hurting another person and once brought to their attention in more detail other than, "Its not fair, its my birthday, I want to go to this restaurant." Loving caring people will realize their mistakes, apologize and correct their behavior. But sometimes they can be quite dense as far as understanding their actions versus others feelings and for sure, they are not mind readers.
I am assuming you are a teen because you live at home with parents. While its nice to have family get togethers if all get along, the only time I think it appropriate to have relatives strictly for a birthday celebration is when the children are too young to have formed any friendships and want friends over for a birthday party.
Have they never allowed you to have girlfriends for a sleep over. Give you cash instead of a gift and dump you and friends off at the mall to go shopping and then to a movie?
That would be normal family behavior. To want a 2nd party with all the relatives is also normal.
You will have to let them know what you are feeling. Put it into great detail. You should have more than one day of the year where people will listen to you, what you think and feel and if you have something better to contribute, go with your plans. I am really guessing here. But at your age, I got upset with people easily but to give them credit, I was kinda shy and didn't often put how i felt into words, my issues were more with peers than family. However as I learned to become more assertive in a non combatant way, and speak my thoughts and feelings and have a stronger self image, then I began to be noticed, never have a problem anymore with assuming someone is ignoring me, trying to intentionally disregard my feelings and once I had that attitude, and shared my choices out of confidence, People took notice. I know with my own daughters that I could not tell if anything was bothering them if they didn't bring it up. When you bring it up makes a difference too, such as if the parent is distracted. I made time to sit with each daughter in private in her bedroom and ask her how things were going in school, how were things with her friends. It's amazing the amount of stuff that weighed heavy on their minds that I was able to give advice for. Not everyones parents are going to be as together as I was as a parent. You may need to sit mom down for a talk separate in your room. Tell her you need her full attention. Explain that maybe you haven't come out and fully shared before or not stressed how important an issue this is to you but here's the situation. When this and this happens it makes you feel like this an this. Ask her if she believes it is fair to be able to choose as a birthday person where you get to eat out or what movie to see. If she does not,,indeed you have a problem and may want to ask a school counselor about talking to your parents and getting the family in for counseling for your own mental health. Having family that will give no considerations to you can at worst case scenerio, bring on depression, failing grades in teens, self cutting, or attempts at suicide. Yes, I have heard from teens with issues no greater than yours who suffered through all those things because of unresolved issues with either parents family or their peers. So it is serious and your parents need to take it as such. You may want to explain the seriousness part I just spelled out. Save my answer here to show them if you feel the need to. If your dads side of the family has so little of a life that they don't ever go out to eat where they want or out to a movie they wish to see, then they have no life and need to get a life. It is inconsiderate to show up at someone birthday celebration, be told you're going out to a certain restaurant and then change the plans to something they like better. If this is truly going on and your parents have no backbone to stand up to them and insist that it is your choice, then your parents have only one choice left but to hold two partys. One just for the inconsiderate relatives who get their once a year outing on your birthday to go do what they want to do, and another party they hold just for you with all your teen friends or with your parents siblings and a couple friends, Where you get to do what you want to do.
But its not going to happen if you don't fight for it. In most cases, once a person has spoken up and gotten through to their parents, things change for the better. As for your sis seeming more popular, she has a different personality and is likely more outgoing than you. The quiet ones are harder to even know the talents of and to ooh and ahh over. Of my 3 daughters, one seems to have natural talents at just about everything to do with applied arts and performed arts, talent she seems born with that she needs little or no training for while her sisters dont come by it naturally and must work and study hard to accomplish a fraction of what she does so easily. Such people are a novelty, even this daughter amazes me sometimes with her abilities. My other two, arent as obvious as to what their talents are, they aren't as blatantly out on the surface for others to see, and for them, as the years go by and they mature as people, i am starting to see strengths and abilities in them that don't stand out for entertainment value but as the kinds of attributes you find in the kinds of people who are the movers and shakers of society that make things happen. They are young adults and each totally different than each other and each is special in their own way.
Ask your parents to try to find more time to spend with you one on one. Some of the battle will not be solved by getting extra attention from parents, its in your own mind and you will need to come to grips with any self defeatist attitudes you may have been harboring.
I hope this all has been some encouragement to you. I know how it feels being at your end and also how it is being the parent of teen girls who may not come out and say whats bothering them.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 11 months now,and I recently found out that I was pregnant.
I don't feel that it is right for me to keep as I still have alot to do with my life. I am 24 and he is 25.
He on the other hand thinks we can work things through and he says he will take care of me and the baby.
My problem is,he is always so busy with and he sometimes doesn't keep in touch unless I do.I look at things now,three weeks into my pregnancy and I really don't believe how he behaves now will be any different to when I am 9 months pregnant.I love him and I want to one day have children with him,just not this one. Maybe when we are married and he will feel the full extent of this responsibility. Right now I feel like he doesn't feel it and that he has his priorities focussed on work stuff. Mind you,I wrote here because even sitting him down to have this talk has been hard and I didn't wanna do it over the phone nor talk to someone who will just judge me.
Help Me.
Smart girl! You are right about how any person you see today is unlikely to have changed for the better in a few month, or even years or a lifetime. Humans hate change. We are creatures of habit. What little changes we make over a lifetime may be good but not good enough to be in a mature relationship or be able to handle parenthood. Granted none of us are really ever really with 'experience", its a learn as you go and each child is different, but it takes a certain maturity and certain traits to be able to be a terrific parent...like being a very patient person, someone who easily can bounce back from the unexpected or changes without moping or complaining about what they have no power to change, someone selfless, teaching guiding, nurturing. In five years he may mature some but some of those important qualities needed are either there already as a teen, or they are not and never will be, they are not an inherent part of their personalities. Looking back at my teen years, some of the most important qualities I needed in life, I had already then, I made changes to adapt myself to please an ex who wasnt right for me, but once i left him, i rediscovered myself and those inherent qualities were still there, just had been buried or hidden.
So dont count on him changing even after marriage. What you see is what you get.
I understand he is the dad and it is important for him to feel he has a voice here. But reality boils down to...it's your body, you who carries the child 9 months, you who would be the parent raising this child alone if things weren't to work out and females don't get paid what men do so its hard to be a single parent. He doesnt have to worry about any of that stuff as a male...its the females who have to shoulder all the responsibility and think ahead...what do i have to offer this child? If the situation isn't right and you're not ready either...then whether he will or wont discuss with you, you must do what you feel is best. You can't undo this later after baby is born but you can abort now.
I am a 38 year old black female. I am dating a 55 year old white guy. He is in a loveless marriage. He says that he is afraid of his wife but wants to leave. He says that he loves me and wants to give me a baby. He lives in a different city and wants me to move there by getting an apartment near by. We have never been intimate besides discussing intimacy on the phone. I really don't know what do. I really love him but am concerned if he is really going to leave his wife. I don't want to be a single parent. I really want children. He said that if I get pregnant, he will marry me. Should I wait for him?
Hon, when I was divorced and dating again and specifically spelled out in online dating sites that I would not have anything to do with guys who were married, I still had a couple who lied and after meeting me, confessed they were married. There were many others I simply talked to on line only.
I found that the biggest fear for them was financial. They felt they couldn't afford to pay for divorce and alimony and for some, when it came down to it, they loved their wife who had ended up being their best friend and they simply no longer had a sex life. The female didnt want it, he did.
Because of the strong tie that many of these "sex deprived" husbands have with their wives, none of them want to leave her. However all of them didn't want to hurt their wifes feelings and wanted to keep the need to find a woman outside of the marriage for a sex relationship a secret.
You used totally different words than I did. you said loveless marriage. and that he feared her. why does he fear her. is it fearing her retribution if he asked for a divorce or is he a person who is being verbally and physically abused by the wife. And there the possibility he's lieing thru his teeth.
A more scary scenerio is whats really going on if what he says is true. I would wonder about the emotional stability and self image or self worth of this individual. I was a verbally abused woman in 1st marriage. An abused person usually has a low self image. The abuse will slowly kill whatever love was there in the beginning, thus the loveless marriage. Such a person cant expect anyone else to reach in and help them. They need to find their own inner strength and leave their partner for good. If he cant or won't, then he is weak of character to begin with and wanting to get another female pregnant and become a dad at his age is sheer lunacy. While some people make a better parent if they wait to mature and get out of their twenties, this guy is 20 years older than that. If a child was born today, he'd be 73 years old when his kid graduates high school. All its life the kid would have to explain thats not his grandpa but his dad...and thats even if he was emotionally whole enough to be in a relationship with you. You have no marriage partner and no child. dont let that biological clock and desire for a child end up pairing you with a man who needs a mommy not a wife. You could end up with a 55 yr old child to raise including a baby too. I dont think thats what you want.
You didn't say whether you've ever been able to meet in real life and spend some time together. You only mention talking on the phone. How did you meet? The internet? If so, the internet should be used as a tool simply to become aware of the existance of a person, not to attempt to try to have a relationship via computer, skype, phone calls...its all an illusion, not real. Our minds are good at playing games with us and we believe things about the other than in real life do not exist. I did internet dating. My rule was to talk to a guy a couple times if he said he had same interests and goals in life and if he still was consistant in speaking on those topics, we met in person many times in public, coffee shops., restaurants. What a photo or lack of face to face time spent can hide, meeting in person over time consistantly can not. This man wants YOU to make the sacrifice, move to be near him, possibly have to change jobs, and whats he willing to sacrifice? He's just gonna sit there with his wife and wait for someone willing to be the strong person that he is not, someone to take care of him and in exchange, in payment, he promises to give you a baby. It sounds like a business transaction, not a relationship. It wouldn't be fair to baby just because you assumed he'd be there for you. Its not about being bi-racial, my niece and nephew are bi racial with well adjusted lives and a mom and dad who are very emotionally strong and mature.
Your question, am I waiting for the right man? If looking for both husband and daddy material, I must say with him the answer is no. he is not the right guy.
I am worried for you that at 38 you haven't begun to have some constructive idea's on what to look for as a good match, even though there aren't many good men out there today. Start reading some books on what a healthy relationship is, like trust, good communication, honesty, two individuals who are complete in themselves and not looking for someone to complete them. That line is a bunch of hogwash. Those who aren't strong enough to stand on their own become dependant and lean too heavily on their partner, where one is allowed to not grow up as a person because the other is enabling them.
If you want a baby so bad that you don't care who the dad is, you could always go to the sperm bank and raise a child on your own. Since you don't want to be a single parent, if finding the right man is more important and takes precedence over getting pregnant tho both are important to you, then focus on finding the right guy first. For that, you need to know what it is you need and want first in a guy. Who are you really at core, what do you have to offer a relationship...what makes you, you? This will help make it easier to spot the right guy when you find him. At your age, you don't have much time to be having kids and soon that window of opportunity may be gone. You might do better looking for guys in their 30's who are mature, have not married before and are still looking for the one and would still like to have at least one child of their own and they have always preferred older more experienced woman, not because they are looking for a mommy, but men who are looking for an equal who can pull their own weight and the girls younger than him he finds too immature still.
That is what you are looking for, no matter what color his skin is.
I have taken it before maybe four times spread out a couple years I had sex and he came in me I just just ended my period. tomorrow is the last window I could take plan b if I want idk what to do I'm scared to take it i don't want to be messed up forever I don't want it to affect me later to conceive I also don't want to be selfish and not take it because I don't want to spot again for many days
Here's an option doctors and pharmacist don't suggest often because its not "renewable" where you are paying monthly or every couple months for pills, shots and of course condom purchase.
The hormonal birth control can mess up your cycle and ability to get pregnant but only short term, not for life. Many women coming off the pill wanting to get pregnant find it may take several months for her body to learn to have a normal cycle again.
I used the copper IUD, called Paragard when first married and wanting to wait to have kids. It is the least likely to cause any side effects because it is not hormonal. However be forewarned there is one IUD now that does have hormones, the Mirena, and thats not what we are talking about here. There is a natural thing copper does to the lining of the uterus, making it inhospitable for a fertilized egg to attach itself so the egg dies and is flushed out of your body. You have your normal periods with this device. It's carefree, always there so you don't have to fiddle with some like a diaphragm or condoms or try to remember taking a pill. I got pregnant using the diaphragm before 2nd child but used the IUD 6 yrs without getting pregnant. It is more cost effective. a bigger expense initially, since its good for 10 years, but when you consider 10 years worth of payments for contraceptive, this ends up being way cheaper and had the added benefit of the moment you have it removed by your doctor, you can start trying to get pregnant. It is not a selfish thing to want control of your reproductive system and not want to put up with spotting in between or other side effects. I highly suggest u look into it. heres the link.
http://www.paragard.com/default.aspx
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=614611
Hi Dragonflymagic,
Thank you very much for your advice - I'd like to ask you a few follow up questions if you wouldn't mind? (I'm fairly new to this site - is there a better way to ask follow up questions - I'd really like to reply/discuss the feedback that you give)
So...my gf has been with quite a few men before me. And she said she has tried *many* different things, but the *only* way that she can orgasm is in the position where she lies flat on her stomach and I enter from behind. We've tried a few other positions and none have made her anywhere near an orgasm.
As for myself, I have never been with anyone else. Hence why I feel quite lost with what to do and how to do it. She has instructed me a bit, but often during sex she will whisper "deeper" etc.
I feel really lost as to how I can be the man that she wants/needs.
The other day, she bought some new 'toys' for us to play around with. One was a 10" strapon, I used that with her and was using almost the full length (maybe 9), and she came really strongly and **really** quickly (albeit, she had been using a vibrator first).
That really hit home how...inadequate...I am.
I have yet to look through the link that you gave me previously - I will defiantly do that, but if she has been with many others, and said that there is only one way that she can orgasm, WHAT HOPE DO I HAVE IN THE LONG RUN?
I can bring her to orgasm just by myself, usually, but...nothing like that. Not even close.
I'm probably rambling now, I think I just need to talk to someone else about all this. Sorry you got landed with it. I am a fairly emotional guy.
PS. we're both 24
Yes, this is the best way to keep corresponding between the asker and the chosen advice columnist. And I don't mind. I may have some life experience, but I am not a professional. In the end, you will still need to make your best judgement call and it may be best to be having this convo with her included and her comments to see if this can be worked on.
You said: I feel really lost as to how I can be the man that she wants/needs.
Look at what you said, it didn't say the lover she needs. but the man that she needs or when you are married someday, the husband the woman needs.
What may be more important, And I can tell you is the reason i am with my 2nd husband, is not all because of who he is in bed and sexually. But he is the man I need and want because of how he supports and upholds me and also, we have a very great strong chemistry between us. Without that chemistry between us, there wouldnt be much to work on. The first husband, I had no chemistry with at all. And I've dated in between the two husbands. I now know the difference between there being a strong chemistry or not.
That may be harder for you to know since you likely haven't had much dating before. And thanks your ages do help. My daughters are in the same age range, one older and younger and same age and all 3 are still learning, there is no way to know it all and they do ask for advice still too.
If two people are mature enough, in love with each other, really have great chemistry which is what is going to give that spark to the lovemaking, and willing to do whatever it takes to please their partner, then they can make it work no matter what obstacles are there.
However a word of caution to you about how you view yourself. You need to stop looking at yourself as inadequate...the word to use is
different. I like to use the same word for 'disabled people' and think of them as differently abled. Maybe without legs, or without sight, they can't do things like you or I but they have specific ways to navigate life and get around that fact of what they don't have. What usually happens is that something else is strengthened in the process. Whether it's their self confidence, the .ed
But keep in mind that focusing your thoughts on what you don't have is going to permeate your life and begin to have an effect on your relationship with this girl and with other people on the job, at school, its a defeatist attitude that can possibly take over your life and people will pick up on the attitude, like a TV picks up a satellite broadcast, and the attitude is enough to make people want to avoid or distance themselves from you.
So back to size, 5-7 is the range for average size. Most men and women are average size in length of penis vs length of vagina. There are only a very few who are longer. If this is the case for her, it need not have to be a deal breaker here. The two of you should have some talks and discuss the fact that the length of her vagina is longer than you and see if she is okay with that fact and doing what you have done to give her that kind of orgasm is okay with her.
Do we have any difficulties ever? Yes, all the time. It takes longer for him to get hard and stay hard and I find I need more intensity, take longer to orgasm and what motion or stroke works one day for me doesnt the next. But because of that exchange of energy we feel, that chemistry that makes our hearts soar, we are willing to do whatever we can to please the other.
If I was in the relationship just for trouble free sex, I would have moved on. Being able to please a woman sexually isn't the only thing that is important for a strong base in a relationship, a strong friendship with lots in common is too.
I have had bigger cocks, but I am with my husband because we find ways to make it work because we both are so in love with each other.
Maybe it isn't textbook, or perfect like in the movies, but if two people can sexually please each other, it should not matter how they have to do it to accomplish the goal. What should matter is their want and desire to please their partner and partners willingness to receive the orgasm by whatever means are necessary. Thats real life!
So it comes down to the two of you having lot of conversations together on the subject.
Another warning: Some older couples longer together, or long married have done something like getting involved in swing clubs or find sex partners for each other for what ever reasons, so the female can have the longer cock. and the female whose husband is too big for her can experience great orgasms with a man able to get all of himself in and its just enough. I knew a couple where he was on heart meds and the side effect was that he couldn't get hard anymore. He pleased his wife other ways but for her to still experience penis, they attended a swing club where he would dance and chat with people while she went to play with some younger single guys. He did it for her because they both loved each other and were secure in their love for each other. But then again, they were into their fifties and had been married for years and years.
Just in case you hear about this elsewhere, the caution is that at your age, with little time into the relationship, and yes the immaturity of life experience, there will likely be jealousies and a tearing up of the relationship. I have seen that happen to people. It takes people who are secure in themselves, no matter what their looks, what size they are, etc...
Your girlfriend is with you for a reason. There was something she was attracted to before you two discovered you may not have the length to give her one kind of orgasm. Focus on what it is that she is attracted to. There may be lots you have going for each other in this relationship.
A man has sometimes too much pride in his sexual equipment and feels he's not man enough because he puts too much emphasis on balls and cock and not enough on his heart and mind and who he is at core, his beliefs, and values as they relate to women. There are guys who might be able to give a gal a nice long cock but treat her terrible otherwise in the relationship. That grows old quickly. Realistically, there's nothing about a mans cock that is going to stimulate the clit...it just doesnt work that way. So using that for an example, there are others ways to stimulate it. With his fingers, tongue or a vibrator. I have found that even tongues are different. Where other men could give oral sex and I have orgasm that way...hubbys tongue is different and it doesnt work for us. The only way that works is using a strong vibrator on it. But we do both for the pleasure it gives him to use his tongue and the other for the pleasure it gives me. There will need to be give and take even in the sexual area and only possible when the two are mature enough, in love and have chemistry. You may write again but I highly suggeset you talk to her first and then if there are still any concerns for both of you, that you then share what it is.
Good luck dear.
Ok so I just started high school. I am 14/f. I am in the marching band and color guard. So, I met this guy(my age/Freshman) at Band Camp a few weeks ago. I didn't think he would want to become friends (he didn't seem easy to approach.) Then he sat with me and a few band friends at lunch during BC and our 8th grader said I was his best friend in the Guard (that made me smile) I said i didn't really have a 'best friend in band'and the guy 'W' said "Hey what about me!?" I was shocked and said yeah laughing. Then school started yesterday. 'W' kept teasing me because i was moving around the band room a lot! 'W's 5th period class is next door to mine (before lunch) and we left our classes at the same time, he walked up next to me and he was going to sit with me and my best friend (he was in 'W' class) and he came with us and we all talked and ate till near the end of lunch when 'W' left to go to his class early.
So then today. I have band with him. We talked a little (he started the conversation), then i realized i was lost.(It's a BIG campus)and he asked where i had to go. I said GEO and he led me through the huge mass of students. He and i talked a little more and i said i would meet him and my Best friend outside of 5th. So he walked me to class *smiles and blushes for no reason* and helped me find where i was suppose to go.
He did the same thing at lunch hung out till the end.
Now for my question... Do he and I seem to be making progress?? I really want to become good friends with him :)and... I'm starting to like him!!
Please help,any advice would be greatly appreciated!
Sounds like the way all friendships start to me, seeing someone you have interest in, you hang out near them more and talk more to each other. Its exactly the same way you've gotten any girlfriends in the past, the only difference is the romantic male/female attraction is present in this type of friendship which makes it seem a foreign strange new thing. But really, lots of what applies for how you act and are friends with females will apply here too. The only real differences begin to show when it comes to romance or in understanding each other. Guys and girls have different ways of interpreting things or what they say has one meaning for one sex and a totally different one for the other. So your skills at communicating will be tested with a male friend. He needs the training too and likely will welcome getting to understand how a girl thinks and believes...
But my only advice at this point is to ask questions when you find yourself guessing what someething he said or did meant to him. If he wonders why you ask, you tell him you want to learn to understand him better... which is true.
Sounds like he is very interested in you. OUr body language and actions give off signals when we are interested, such as making sure to be within arms reach or closer of each other. Good eye contact, the blushing, finding excuses to have hands touch, arms brush against each other and leaning towards each other while seated and having conversation shows attraction as well.
I'm the girl that previously wrote a question "Proper advice, please" about the guy that im into that is into clubbing and that kind of lifestyle and honestly, i feel kind of bad that i didnt reply to anyone elses question but yours, but i have to say that you made me really open my eyes, what you wrote hit me and really got to me. and i want to say thank you. :) He contacted me yesterday, i told him i was out with my friends and he kept asking how i was going home, and what time and to tell him when i get there, so i said okay but i never did, then he wrote me saying did you not get home or are you waiting for me to ask you if you did? so i told him my battery shut and he was like "no it didnt, i just saw you online a few minutes ago" its like hes so up to date with what im doing. i just dont get him. So ive decided to cut him off completely, theres no need for my feelings to get carried away. i really do like him and i feel like he doesnt appreciate that. so i guess i just have to shut my phone off so i can avoid him for a few days and maybe well drift apart completely, what do yu think? i hope im not annoying you. i just need someones help with all of this and i hope you dont mind if i constantly update you, thank you so much for your help.=)
You're not bothering me. In fact I love to hear back from the girls I write to. I have 3 daughters, the youngest 21, so its very near and dear to my heart to be a sounding board for other young ladies who may not have someone to do so with or not the right relationship with mom to do so. Hehehe, I have a son in law who has come to me for advice rather than his own mom cus he's more comfortable talking to me.
For your male acquiantance to be checking up on you and know all your whereabouts and moves, is scary...its like stalking. Maybe it doesnt feel like it cus its someone you know and not a stranger. But beware that most stalking is done by someone who knows you, some one who is not totally mentally and emotionally healthy.
We can talk ourselves into thinking that these actions are only spurred on by a man who truly loves us. I know in my family and a friend people who have experienced this. Even I at first thought it was a guy madly in love with the female but soon his checking up became more controlling. Checking her jogging meter cus he knew how many steps it took to do the loop she said she would do and when it took longer or the steps were more, he grilled her about where she stopped off and who she talked to and such. Either the person may develop into a controlling personality, smothering you, not allowing you to be yourself or is so insecure or jealous and subconsciously has claimed you already as his and may not take no for an answer. I had a verbally abusive husband. the signs were there that something wasn't right about him even in the small stuff we brush aside such as him discovering I hadn't seen a particular movie yet that all my friends had. they were surprised too. He said, "You are going to that movie with me this Friday!" kind of said like a command. All my friends laughed and one guy says, "You don't tell her she's going with you, you must ask her if she'd like to go." He never did ask.and I did go cus he was cute and had some nice points to him. I hoped those would outweigh the others or that he'd change, but over time he got worse. I even prayed for God to help change him.
The lesson it took me 30 years to learn, was to love myself enough to not subject myself to that kind of treatment. At 20, I had no real life experience and I failed at asking other people what they thought of him. After I finally left him, only then did people say something. However I find they will offer advice always when asked.
You at least are asking for advice so you're already doing better than I did.
Do you have family there you can talk to if he becomes a nuisance? Not using your phone isn't the answer. It could be a big pain to change your number. But if he wanted to, and knows where you live, he could start showing up at your door. Perhaps your cell phone provider can let you know if they have a way for you to block just his number so his calls to your number don't go through. It's worth a try. In the mean while with the phone off, those you do need to hear from or want to hear from cant reach you. You must have his name attached to his phone number so you know which call is his. Choose to not answer.
Though I would advise just one short conversation, or even better, a text or facebook message where he can read it but not have the opportunity to say anything back. And here is what I would suggest is stated. You say that yes, you did initially respond to his interest in you as any young girl would if a cute guy was interested. But you have discovered that you have little in common with him and there is no chemistry between you. Let him know your personal policy is to hang with or date a guy long enough to discover if there's things in common, chemistry and a possible future, and when there isn't, its time to stop all contact with the guy and move on to checking out the next. (In real life, thats what dating is actually for dear so it won't be a lie) And you tell him at that point that you do not wish to have further contact with him so you ask him please to not contact you anymore. You will not respond to his texts or calls. And since he is already making a nuisance of himself, add this: If he makes a nuisance of himself and continues to to pester you after you've asked him not to, that you will take whatever legal measures are appropriate.
I don't know what the laws are there for stalking and such. So you'd have to check on that if it becomes an issue. I'd hate to see you go through this alone. If you're in school or at work, find a guy you are on a friendly basis with and talk with him. If you were his sister, what would he suggest you do about this guy.
In an extreme case of him not backng off when you write or say clearly what I suggest so there is no room for hope or guessing on his part, then it might take him having to see you with another guy to finally back off. Perhaps someone might be willing to play the role for you? Hopefully it doesnt become that extreme. Yes, please let me know how it goes. Blessings to you dear.
i am 13 and have gone on meny different bad .coms and i want to have it like them but iv lways been the good girl?
So what is your question dear? Cus if you're asking what we think of it, it's unlikely anyone is going to say "Go for it".
Questions to ask yourself:
Why do I feel a need to shed the good girl image?
Am I really just in rebellion to what the parents expect of me?
Exactly what do I think a good girl is versus a bad girl?
While I will say at your age it is a healthy thing to explore your sexuality, what I mean is doing so by yourself at your age. Many states in the US have laws against minors engaging in sex together, not to mention what you can find on the internet in sex and porn sites. And yes I am aware that there are girls your age doing online porn. It is illegal. They cater to men your dads age and older who like to fantasize about sex with minors. It wouldnt take much for them to want to take it to the next level which would be statutory rape.
My advice is if this is something you just cant shake the notion of wanting to try and explore, then wait until you turn 18 and are of legal age...then do what you want.
However, if it's more of just struggling with what you understand a good girl to be...don't think that you or anyone else can tell what any female who seems like the 'good girl' is like behind closed doors with her lover. I still give off the good girl image. But in private, I am wild, sensual, teasing, etc... in how I talk to my honey, how I dress, and flirt and kiss and touch him during the times we are not in bed together.
What guys will be looking for once they mature a little and grow up and are ready to look for a life mate is a woman who is respectable enough to be seen in public with. SHe does not dress or act like a slut. But in private, she is a temptress and a tiger in bed and he will never tire of her.
For now at your age, I'd like to recommend a site done by a peer, shes 23 now and started in high school. Her site addresses sex and relationships. There are a lot of topics covered all in 3-4 min videos so watch what interests you. I have seen it all and recommend her to everyone including daughters and nieces because her info is correct, she's well informed and even I have learned a few facts i did not know before. She does her research but is cute and entertaining at the same time. Please check it out.
http://www.youtube.com/user/lacigreen
If you feel the need to talk more or I didnt guess what you are really asking, feel free to write to my column.
This is kind of long, but please bare with me.
I met this guy about 2 months ago from a friend. ( He is 24, and im 18) age difference is not an issue for many reasons, especially the fact that i live in Egypt, so its normal over here) we got really close and he took my number and since then we've never stopped talking, we wont even go a day without talking at all.. hes always writing me asking me what im doing, where im going or HOW im going, tells me to message him when i know, calls me baby or acts like were together. Now i cant even begin to explain how much feelings i have for him, im addicted and im so attached at this point. He wasnt saying anything about the way we are with eachother so honestly, i got fed up and brought it up with him. I told him that i just wanna know where we stand, and what we are exactly. and if he treats girls the way he treats me or if im different. He told me that im special to him but that there are two things 1st thing, that he lives a different lifestyle that i do (he drinks, smokes up, clubs, bars) and im not like that all (not that i judge or anything, i just personally do not approve of that kind of lifestyle) and he knows i wont be able to handle it or deal with it, and 2nd ) he doesnt want commitment especially with a girl like me because supposdly im so "perfect and amazing" and he doesnt want me to change for him because he thinks hes wrong but he isnt ready for change. So this is what i did, i was like okay i understand, and barely called or texted him anymore.. since then hes been blowing up my cell phone always constantly calling me telling me he misses me , i pretended to be asleep once when he called so that the conversation doesnt prolong. and he was like okay please go to sleep but give me a kiss first, and started being all cute with me and stuff, so i just went along with it and since then i havent been calling or texting, hes the one who always initiates conversation and acts the same with me and i think hes noticed that im different. Now, my question is. what do i do? how do i treat him? he said he doesnt want anything serious for now yet he calls me and texts me all the time. i dont know what to do anymore :/ my feelings for him wont go away this way and im just confused and im hurt honestly cause i feel like if he really wanted me he would have been with me already. i just dont knw and i want to know whats the right thing to do. Thank you for taking the time to answer this, i appreciate it :)
One very dangerous thing to do is assume that people can change simply cus they say they want to. Change is hard and scary and most humans on the planet today will not make any very big changes for the better if at all during their lifetime.
that said, the few who decide to change for another person (lets say he's says he's dropping his clubbing and drinking and becoming a different person that way) its not a good thing to change who you are to please another person or to "win them over" I tried doing that for a guy...very bad mistake. Two things can happen, the person begins to resent and treat badly the person that they decided to change for or vice versa. Or the person who tried to change ends up losing respect for either themselves or their partner loses respect for them because they are'nt really being themselves.
That fact that his conscious mind realizes you both live too different a life so there can be nothing between you is not getting through to his subconscious mind. His subconscious mind is what keeps having these feelings of thinking your so wonderful and wanting you to be part of his life...and why? Because our subconscious is where all our feelings and emotions are based and often our subc. mind isn't making the best most logical decisions for us or makes us look torn between two choices. Dont count on him changing. You did the right thing asking the questions you did. You are a very intelligent young woman. Most people have to ask me what they should ask. He would honestly hate himself for getting you messed up in his type of lifestyle. A person who hangs out at bars and clubs is not a choice person for a relationship let alone a friend. Not because they are a bad person necessarily but they are avoiding really living and experiencing life through hobbies and goals. Like lets say he's into gardening, or hiking, amateur photography, teaching pets to do tricks...etc...a wide list of possibilities but instead they hang out at a bar, make only superficial friends which is what you do when you are afraid of commitment. It isn't just that he's afraid to commit to you in a relationship honey, he's afraid to commit to living life!! So he's avoids it by doing what he does. Best thing you can do is more of the same, keep ignoring him. Eventually enough time will pass for his subconscious mind and heart to get over any ideas he had about you. HOw long that will take no one can predict. Each person is different, a few more days, weeks or even months maybe.
Hi all,
I've got a girlfriend whom I absolutely adore. We've been together for 2 years now, and have been living together for 12 months. I am very much in love with her, and i am convinced that she feels the same - I feel very lucky.
One thing though; she's hinted at my penis being a bit on the underside. Not by much mind, I'm 6 inch and she once said 7 would be ideal as that length she's found 'hits the spot just right'.
Now, my sexual experience is very limited (to her only in fact) while she's been with others before me. That doesn't bother me at all - except for the fact that I still feel like I'm blundering through the dark.
I really want to make her 100% satisfied, with absolutely everything - sex included.
So, what techniques or tricks in bed can I use to make my bit seem just that "bit" bigger to her? Her all time favorite possi is her lying on her stomach while I...well you know :P
Are there certain movements that I can do? Please Please Please any tips (guys and girls too please!)
I have watched many video's that teach about G-spot and A-spot orgasms.
You did not mention if you've been able to give her Gspot orgasms which you accomplish by entering with two fingers only up to the 2nd knuckle cus thats how far in the g spot is and using a come hither motion on that spot...in case you didnt know. There are many sites on web that explain this. I found a guy who does nothing but make videos for guys about how to pleasure women, Lots of it is free but he also tries to sell things. Theres enough info for free to figure it out. in the link I will provide, of you scroll down, he talks about the A spot which is likely the spot your girl friend is talking about. Although, If she isn't having g spot orgasms first, I kinda doubt she's having a spot orgasms...it might feel realy good but never gotten to that point. The diagram shows where both spots are and how the a spot is maybe 3 1/2 to 4 inches in. Even when the vagina is longer during arousal, a man should still be able to stimulate it. To be frank, I have had sex partners who are 5, 6, 7 and 8 inches long. 8 was too much and actually gave pain. But any of the others were able to give me a spot orgasms. However, until I had my first g spot orgasms, I did not have orgasms with the partner inside me. So, it make take a little studying on your part and then bringing her in too on what you find. There are also some nice sex tools that can be used to reach the a spot. You'll have to try different positions to see which ones angle you the right way to hit the spot no matter what your length. I think the only guy who may have problems is like the one who was too long and if he wasnt hammering the cervix, he plowed into areas to either side of it, hitting nerves and giving me instant painful charlie horse cramping of my legs. So don't worry about your length. Spend time studying with her how to practice on becoming successful in bringing her to g and a spot orgasms. Many women hold back on g spot ones cus they feel like they need to pee cus the spot we're discussing covers the front of the urethra to the bladder so it feels like an urge to pee. If she's worried like I get about wetting the bed, use a towel doubled in half. Somes I stay dry, sometimes I dont. Not all women can gush or do the female version of ejaculation but she can still enjoy the orgasms so dont worry if she doesnt gush as you practice with her.
Good luck and enjoy.
http://www.jasonjulius.com/a-spot-orgasms-your-secret-weapon/
Recently my vagina has been smelling like dried urine. I don't believe I've changed anything in my diet. I use Vagisil unscented vaginal wash in the shower. I do not douche and I shower regularly and wear clean underwear every day. I suppose my question is, could there be an underlying health problem to the dry urine smell I have been experiencing over the past week? Something that my body (liver of kidneys possibly) is trying to tell me? Thanks you
Even though you say you didn't douche, to me a vaginal wash means the same thing. Washing only the labia may be safe but soap or cleansing agents are a big no-no to get inside the vagina as they can upset the natural balance of good and bad bacteria. When that happens, you can develop vaginitis or yeast infections. Although my experience has been more of a old fishy smell rather than urine, perhaps your body is a little different in the odor it produces if you have an infection. I can be doing all the right things and still every once in a while get a vaginal infection or bladder infection. those areas on women are so sensitive to infections. So make an appt with the gynecologist. they will verify whether you have something or not and prescribe antibiotics. This is one of the biggest reasons they see women for appts other than a yearly check up so it shouldnt be embarrassing for you cus this is just more of the usual for them. Good luck.
I had sex for the first time with my boyfriend without a condom about a month ago and I took 2 home pregnancy tests yesterday and they both came out positive and i am so scared because my boyfriend is black and my family is very racist on my dad's side but my mom doesn't care if he is black or white but she would freak out if I told her I was pregnant by anybody at 14 years old I know this for a fact because my sister came home about a year ago and told my mom she was pregnant by her boyfriend and he was white and my sister was 17 at the time and she kicked her out she said if you want to act like and adult and have sex and then your going to be treated like one the only reason I had sex in the first place was because my boyfriend said he would break up with me if I didn't have sex with him . I asked him to use a condom and he refused but I still wanted him in my life and now i am pregnant what should I do ?
Your best bet would be to go visit planned parenthood.Because of laws of privacy, your parents don't have to know. Have them give you a test to verify pregnancy and go over your options with you. Be sure to tell them your parents reactions with your sister. I don't know what they will recommend at your age and if abortion is an option but that agency or someone like it will be best prepared to help you. If you can't find such a place, make an appointment with your school nurse and ask advice of her as to where you can go.
For the future, you have a lot of learning as to what a good boyfriend/male is and what is not. You also need to learn alot about sexuality and birth control. Unfortunately most parents do not teach their kids anything about how to learn to relate to the opposite sex as far as conversation, nor how a guy should be treating you.
Refusing to wear a condom and pressuring you to have sex or break up is one of the worst examples of a male you could ever have found. He was thinking only of himself and doesnt give a f@%k about you. I don't know what the laws are where you live but for example, in the US many states have laws against minors having sex. Theres the law that a person of legal age having sex with you lets say, would go to jail for statutory rape. When its two minors sometimes the law is broken as well. He certainly can't be allowed to run free and try the same tactic on other girls. I am so sorry to hear that no one was ever willing to talk to you more about you having enough self worth and teaching some common sense so you'd know ahead of time what warning sign to look for. You should've dropped that guy like a hot rock. Someone like him will grow up to one of those losers on the Maury show who is denying he is the daddy and has gotten 3 or 4 women pregnant. Someone like that is trash...no matter what color their skin. Stay far away from guys like that in the future. Dont let much time go by, go see the school nurse and find out from her where the closest agencys you can go to are for help. I am sure that what ever you confide in her by law must remain confident but it would be good to be sure of it and ask for her confidence first. Make sure to tell her what happened with sis.
I'm inlove with my bestfriend... He's a great person!* and I'm going trough a dufficult time right now... And he's allways there!! I really like him. So I told him... And he just said let's stay friends. But his friends say he likes me to..* what should I do? I can't go on like this anay more!! ThxX... 14/F
Hon, this is one of those examples of how when a guy says one thing and a girls says the same time, they may not mean the same thing. Don't torture yourself with wondering what he meant by it. If you can stay relaxed, not jump to conclusions with him, and ask him what he meant without interrogating him you should get some answers that will hopefully make you feel better. If his friends say he still likes you, then likely that is true. Are you saying you want to make a move from friendship to a romantic relationship with him that includes kissing and holding hands- - because of how you feel? Besides the girl in their life, men will have other things that are top priority in their life, as long as the female is one of the top 3 or 4. He may be very focused on school and his studies and not want to be distracted by the complications of romantic relationships. A job or obligations to family also rate high on a males list. Just because you dont get 100% of his attention doesnt mean you are not important to him. At your ages, it is perfectly fine to go at a slower pace.
Ifthe situation is that you are battling bouts of feeling horny, the best thing to do at this point in time is take care of that with masturbation.
So just ask him what he meant by staying friends.And give some examples of things you have been thinking about. like: 'Does it mean you only see me as friend material and not romance and dating matterial. Or is it that you do like me too as much as I like you but you would rather focus on school and studies, or do you have a want to wait until we are older to date? Or, do your parents have a dating age limit that you want to honor?
If you've been close enough to be best friends, it shouldn't be too hard to ask him for clarifications.
I'd be curious to hear how he answers. If you think of it, or end up with more questions based on his answers, just write me at my column dear.
So I'm 13 (almost 14) and I dated a guy a year ago and he moved so we broke up. But when he came back we hated each other and then things changed and we liked each other a lot a lot and we started dating again. Now we've already kissed like 5 times and I'm wondering how do you kiss someone with out saying anything to them for a long time and like how do you kiss them? Like not pecks. Any kissing advice? Opinion or thoughts?
You did say you kissed 5 times already. So if you are asking how to do it after the fact, did something happen where either you or he or both of you didn't enjoy your kisses? If you are asking what advice more on different ways to kiss, kissing techniques, that are lots of cool you tube videos and articles that give tips on different ways to kiss. It's entirely up to the two of you as to what you both will like or not. For example, not everyone is into french kissing with the tongues. Some like it just a little.
If its a matter of both of you not knowing how to initiate a kiss and neither of you are talking to each other, thats kind of awkward. Usually a couple is doing something together. It will feel less awkward if lets say you ask if he'd like a shoulder rub and give him one and then move to play with his hair and while doing so, talk, say something, like "I really enjoyed it when you kissed me last. I'd like to experience more of kissing you, Then come around to face him and kiss him. But to see him across the room, walk up to him, not even say hi and go straight for a kiss is kinda strange.
At your age, one thing to focus on is learning how to talk to and better understand the opposite sex. You can not assume anything because a guys words and actions may mean one thing to you but mean something totally different to him. So to avoid any miscommunications, just start talking to him. Girls at naturally better at this than guys so why dont you start the convos and lead up to talking about showing of affection, through holding hands, kissing, snuggling up and hugging. Good luck dear. If I guessed wrong at what you were asking, just asking again more clearly as to what you want to know.
i have always liked to hang out with my cousin but now that he is always with his friends i dont see him with out them. i am starting to like one, is that ok?
I agree to let your cousin know. Get his input whether he thinks the guy is a pretty good guy as far as how he may treat girls. He might make a great guy friend for your cousin but your cousin will care enough about you to let you know if someone might not be a good idea...like the type of guy who wont commit to one girl but secretly dates many at the same time.
If am late in period and i decide to take the red Trigestrel what will happend?
The pill is supposed to have a few days where you either don't take one or take a tablet that is actually a placebo...meaning it is a fake pill, no birth control hormones in it. This is so that your body can have a period.
But you must be taking the pill regularly. Every day, same time every day for it to be effective, if you miss days or double up and take it when you shouldn't thats not a good idea. Also missing too many days can possibly end up getting you pregnant because not enough of the meds were in your system.
Periods can be late due to stress or having been ill whether on pill or not. Do not stray from your schedule for taking pills. this means you do not take a pill when period hasn't started because it will only mess up your bodys normal cycle even more. If you have trouble remembering to take the pill consistantly, and still want a hormonal based birth control, ask your doctor about getting the shots or having the Mirena IUD put in.