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I am pregnant at 14
I had sex for the first time with my boyfriend without a condom about a month ago and I took 2 home pregnancy tests yesterday and they both came out positive and i am so scared because my boyfriend is black and my family is very racist on my dad's side but my mom doesn't care if he is black or white but she would freak out if I told her I was pregnant by anybody at 14 years old I know this for a fact because my sister came home about a year ago and told my mom she was pregnant by her boyfriend and he was white and my sister was 17 at the time and she kicked her out she said if you want to act like and adult and have sex and then your going to be treated like one the only reason I had sex in the first place was because my boyfriend said he would break up with me if I didn't have sex with him . I asked him to use a condom and he refused but I still wanted him in my life and now i am pregnant what should I do ?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Pregnancy?
Everyone else has this covered. I only really have two things to say.
1) There is no guy you ever want in your life who refuses to use a condom when you ask him to. You deserve better than that kind of blatant disrespect. Any woman does. You cannot tolerate things like that. A guy who demands sex or you break up is a guy you need to break up with.
2) There is nothing wrong with abortion or adoption. You're 14. You aren't ready to be a mother. No one can make that decision for you, but should you decide not to keep the baby in whatever fashion, there's nothing wrong with that decision.
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The previous two advisors gave you very good advice and there is not much I can add to theirs except to suggest you follow what they have said.
This is a very hard way to learn a lesson about men and sex. When a man/boy says have sex with me or I'm leaving you. He does not love you he is lusting and horny. He does not deserve you or your love.
In a sense you have been raped since you only had sex with him because he coerced you into it. You by law you're not are not old enough to consent to sex.
If your a refuses to wear a condom tell him no sex. In my day girls had a saying; "No rubber no lover." This of course is all for future reference as the horse is now out of the barn so to speak.
Now that being said let me explain what Dragonfly meant by YOUR right to privacy. There is a Federal Law known as HIPPA. Within this law Congress added a section covering young people 14 years an older relating to their reproductive systems.
Congress has given you total privacy over your reproductive system. Meaning you have the right to see a doctor anytime you feel the need to for anything concerning your reproductive system. You do not need parental permission to do so. Your parents do not need to be with you and cannot be with you during the doctors exam. The doctor is prohibited by law from telling anyone, including your parents, anything about any medical exam or procedure related to your reproductive system. For your parents or anyone else to find out requires a written release from you to your doctor.
How does this law effect you. As Dragonfly suggested you can go to the school nurse and ask for her help. As a nurse she too is prohibited by law from disclosing any medical information concerning your reproductive health.
You can go to any plan parent hood office for a confirmation of pregnancy and counseling as to your options. Among your options of course is your right to an abortion. An abortion is solely your choice an no one else's. You cannot be forced to have one or not have one. Parental rights here are negated under HIPPA.
As for your mom kicking you out of the house. Lawfully she cannot do so. While the HIPPA law protects your medical privacy. There are other laws which prevent mom from doing so, at least until you are 18. Should you chose to have and keep the baby your parents would also be required under the law to support and see to the well being of the baby until you are a legal adult which happens on your 18th birthday.
If mom were to throw you out of the house she and your dad could be charged with child abandonment, child abuse and child neglect depending. They could be charged with one or all of them depending on how the laws are written in your state but the laws do exist in some form.
These are your rights and protections under the law. They are there to protect you in just this type of situation. Make sure to speak up if someone tries to violate any of them.
One other thing. Since you were coerced into having sex with this young man that equates to rape. Young men have been doing what this young man has done to you since probably the beginning of time. The only way young men like him will learn a lesson that they cannot force or coerce young women into having sex with them is to have the back bone to charge them with RAPE.
The definition of rape is nonconsensual sex or being coerced or harassed into having sex with someone. That description fits what you wrote. Talk to the police and if they recommend charging him with rape then do so. You will be saving a lot of other young girls from going through what you are now going through.
Just remember the law is on your side. You have protections from mom.
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I am going to start from the bottom
Never allow someone to force you into doing something you don't want to do, He is manipulative and an all around asshole. Someone who loves someone doesn't force them or better yet, Use manipulation against you. Now to be a bit brutal, He just cost you your youth. I wouldn't be living on high hopes that someone like that would be sticking around for sure.
Now as far as your parents, You have to tell them. There is no way you will be able to hide a pregnancy and yet alone, Your parents are the ones that will always be your family. The first start towards being a mature adult is too learn to take responsibility for your actions.
Not to be mean to you dear, But you may want to consider adoption.
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Your best bet would be to go visit planned parenthood.Because of laws of privacy, your parents don't have to know. Have them give you a test to verify pregnancy and go over your options with you. Be sure to tell them your parents reactions with your sister. I don't know what they will recommend at your age and if abortion is an option but that agency or someone like it will be best prepared to help you. If you can't find such a place, make an appointment with your school nurse and ask advice of her as to where you can go.
For the future, you have a lot of learning as to what a good boyfriend/male is and what is not. You also need to learn alot about sexuality and birth control. Unfortunately most parents do not teach their kids anything about how to learn to relate to the opposite sex as far as conversation, nor how a guy should be treating you.
Refusing to wear a condom and pressuring you to have sex or break up is one of the worst examples of a male you could ever have found. He was thinking only of himself and doesnt give a f@%k about you. I don't know what the laws are where you live but for example, in the US many states have laws against minors having sex. Theres the law that a person of legal age having sex with you lets say, would go to jail for statutory rape. When its two minors sometimes the law is broken as well. He certainly can't be allowed to run free and try the same tactic on other girls. I am so sorry to hear that no one was ever willing to talk to you more about you having enough self worth and teaching some common sense so you'd know ahead of time what warning sign to look for. You should've dropped that guy like a hot rock. Someone like him will grow up to one of those losers on the Maury show who is denying he is the daddy and has gotten 3 or 4 women pregnant. Someone like that is trash...no matter what color their skin. Stay far away from guys like that in the future. Dont let much time go by, go see the school nurse and find out from her where the closest agencys you can go to are for help. I am sure that what ever you confide in her by law must remain confident but it would be good to be sure of it and ask for her confidence first. Make sure to tell her what happened with sis.
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Well you have to tell your parents. It's better to tell them now than later. It's really scary but you know it needs to be done soon.
You're already prepared for them to freak out, so just get it out of the way so that you can focus more on your health and the baby rather than stressing over your parents.
You should never ever stay with a guy who treats you like that. It's manipulation and it's very wrong. No girl deserves a jerk like him. Now you know that keeping a guy who would pressure you to have sex with him isn't worth it. That kind of guy won't stay around long if he's just in it for sex.
Remember that you come first.
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Even though its hard, your going to have to tell your parents. The only thing worse than telling your parents your pregnant, is telling them when you're 3 months and about to show. You cannot do this alone, and you can not hide this very long. I know its scary, but this is the path that you have to take.
And for future reference never let anybody force you into doing something you don't want to do. If he wants to leave let him leave nothing is worth more than your health and well being. I hope I helped and hope you all the best.
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