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BOYFRIEND SUPPORT
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 11 months now,and I recently found out that I was pregnant.
I don't feel that it is right for me to keep as I still have alot to do with my life. I am 24 and he is 25.
He on the other hand thinks we can work things through and he says he will take care of me and the baby.
My problem is,he is always so busy with and he sometimes doesn't keep in touch unless I do.I look at things now,three weeks into my pregnancy and I really don't believe how he behaves now will be any different to when I am 9 months pregnant.I love him and I want to one day have children with him,just not this one. Maybe when we are married and he will feel the full extent of this responsibility. Right now I feel like he doesn't feel it and that he has his priorities focussed on work stuff. Mind you,I wrote here because even sitting him down to have this talk has been hard and I didn't wanna do it over the phone nor talk to someone who will just judge me.
Help Me.
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Agree with Dragonfly, You are a smart young lady.
Not many seem to see what reality holds nowadays. Although some say the choice of adoption will haunt you, Have you considered an open adoption? You can arrange adoption to where you have visitation rights.
It will not make you a bad person for deciding to put a child up for adoption, I is far more selfish for someone to raise a child knowing they are not able to give the child what it needs. Unfortunately, When it comes to raising a child it has to be 50/50 with both pafents, not one.
Remember dear, A child is a lifetime. If you are truly not ready that is okay. Doesn't make you bad.
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Smart girl! You are right about how any person you see today is unlikely to have changed for the better in a few month, or even years or a lifetime. Humans hate change. We are creatures of habit. What little changes we make over a lifetime may be good but not good enough to be in a mature relationship or be able to handle parenthood. Granted none of us are really ever really with 'experience", its a learn as you go and each child is different, but it takes a certain maturity and certain traits to be able to be a terrific parent...like being a very patient person, someone who easily can bounce back from the unexpected or changes without moping or complaining about what they have no power to change, someone selfless, teaching guiding, nurturing. In five years he may mature some but some of those important qualities needed are either there already as a teen, or they are not and never will be, they are not an inherent part of their personalities. Looking back at my teen years, some of the most important qualities I needed in life, I had already then, I made changes to adapt myself to please an ex who wasnt right for me, but once i left him, i rediscovered myself and those inherent qualities were still there, just had been buried or hidden.
So dont count on him changing even after marriage. What you see is what you get.
I understand he is the dad and it is important for him to feel he has a voice here. But reality boils down to...it's your body, you who carries the child 9 months, you who would be the parent raising this child alone if things weren't to work out and females don't get paid what men do so its hard to be a single parent. He doesnt have to worry about any of that stuff as a male...its the females who have to shoulder all the responsibility and think ahead...what do i have to offer this child? If the situation isn't right and you're not ready either...then whether he will or wont discuss with you, you must do what you feel is best. You can't undo this later after baby is born but you can abort now.
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an abortion or adoption is a decision that will haunt you for the rest of your life full of regret and what its. i promise you despite your relationship with the father once your baby is here there will be no wishing your child away. Real mother's love unconditionally and will give their child the world with no second thought. i certainly would not let the attitude and priorities of someone else decide rather i bring life into this world. this will be your child you can raise love and will love you back more than life itself. The deed is done and I'd hate for you to live in regret.
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No one here will judge you, that is not what we do. We also cannot make a decision for you we can only advise you as to what we think is right.
Terminating a pregnancy is probably the hardest decision you will ever have to make. It is designed to be this way for at some point in the future you could regret the decision you make either way. Regretting the decision not to terminate a pregnancy usually is born out on the child and that too is very wrong, so keep that in mind. Nothing says you will other than statistical information.
One of the things I focused in on is what you wrote is that your boyfriends priorities or is focused on work. This is not all bad. It would be worse if his lack of attention towards you were because at 25 he still felt he had to be out drinking and having fun with the guys every night.
You do say you love him and one day want to have children with him. Hopefully that includes marriage as well. I can't tell you what type of husband or father he will be as I do not know him. What I do see, based on your writing is a good provider and that is important.
He says he wants to take care of you and the baby. If you believe he is sincere in what he has said then you need to find a place where the two of you can be alone. Where it is quiet and comfortable, where you can have a conversation about a future together and marriage.
Taking care of you and the baby is one thing Marriage is a whole other thing. Is he willing to take on all the responsibility or just the financial responsibilities of fatherhood.
You have a few weeks to do this before you have to make your decision. I suggest a weekend getaway to some place quite like a mountain or lake cabin or hotel. Now that school is back in session they should be fairly quiet with mostly an older crowd of people so you will not have too many young children running around. You can hike or take a boat out on the lake or just sit on a patio and talk.
I believe it is very important to you to gather all the facts as to what he means by "he will take care of you and the baby." Before you make you final decision.
Two questions that you should ask of him is what are his primary focus at work and when obtained where will he want to go from there. The other question is what are his goals in life, what does he expect to obtain in life and enjoy. You should be prepared to answer the same questions if you two have not already spoken of these things.
You say you love him but not in so many words are looking for more maturity from him. He may be more mature than you think. Those two questions will help you figure out his level of maturity.
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