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Hey! :)
I'm the girl that previously wrote a question "Proper advice, please" about the guy that im into that is into clubbing and that kind of lifestyle and honestly, i feel kind of bad that i didnt reply to anyone elses question but yours, but i have to say that you made me really open my eyes, what you wrote hit me and really got to me. and i want to say thank you. :) He contacted me yesterday, i told him i was out with my friends and he kept asking how i was going home, and what time and to tell him when i get there, so i said okay but i never did, then he wrote me saying did you not get home or are you waiting for me to ask you if you did? so i told him my battery shut and he was like "no it didnt, i just saw you online a few minutes ago" its like hes so up to date with what im doing. i just dont get him. So ive decided to cut him off completely, theres no need for my feelings to get carried away. i really do like him and i feel like he doesnt appreciate that. so i guess i just have to shut my phone off so i can avoid him for a few days and maybe well drift apart completely, what do yu think? i hope im not annoying you. i just need someones help with all of this and i hope you dont mind if i constantly update you, thank you so much for your help.=)
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I noticed you wrote this to the others advice column too lol.
Anyways, I don't mind being updated.
It seems like he's going a bit overboard by watching what you're doing online and such. Anyways, it's good that you aren't talking to him or you're cutting contact. He just needs to get the hint that you're not interested in being friends but still flirting.
So good job and you're being smart.
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You're not bothering me. In fact I love to hear back from the girls I write to. I have 3 daughters, the youngest 21, so its very near and dear to my heart to be a sounding board for other young ladies who may not have someone to do so with or not the right relationship with mom to do so. Hehehe, I have a son in law who has come to me for advice rather than his own mom cus he's more comfortable talking to me.
For your male acquiantance to be checking up on you and know all your whereabouts and moves, is scary...its like stalking. Maybe it doesnt feel like it cus its someone you know and not a stranger. But beware that most stalking is done by someone who knows you, some one who is not totally mentally and emotionally healthy.
We can talk ourselves into thinking that these actions are only spurred on by a man who truly loves us. I know in my family and a friend people who have experienced this. Even I at first thought it was a guy madly in love with the female but soon his checking up became more controlling. Checking her jogging meter cus he knew how many steps it took to do the loop she said she would do and when it took longer or the steps were more, he grilled her about where she stopped off and who she talked to and such. Either the person may develop into a controlling personality, smothering you, not allowing you to be yourself or is so insecure or jealous and subconsciously has claimed you already as his and may not take no for an answer. I had a verbally abusive husband. the signs were there that something wasn't right about him even in the small stuff we brush aside such as him discovering I hadn't seen a particular movie yet that all my friends had. they were surprised too. He said, "You are going to that movie with me this Friday!" kind of said like a command. All my friends laughed and one guy says, "You don't tell her she's going with you, you must ask her if she'd like to go." He never did ask.and I did go cus he was cute and had some nice points to him. I hoped those would outweigh the others or that he'd change, but over time he got worse. I even prayed for God to help change him.
The lesson it took me 30 years to learn, was to love myself enough to not subject myself to that kind of treatment. At 20, I had no real life experience and I failed at asking other people what they thought of him. After I finally left him, only then did people say something. However I find they will offer advice always when asked.
You at least are asking for advice so you're already doing better than I did.
Do you have family there you can talk to if he becomes a nuisance? Not using your phone isn't the answer. It could be a big pain to change your number. But if he wanted to, and knows where you live, he could start showing up at your door. Perhaps your cell phone provider can let you know if they have a way for you to block just his number so his calls to your number don't go through. It's worth a try. In the mean while with the phone off, those you do need to hear from or want to hear from cant reach you. You must have his name attached to his phone number so you know which call is his. Choose to not answer.
Though I would advise just one short conversation, or even better, a text or facebook message where he can read it but not have the opportunity to say anything back. And here is what I would suggest is stated. You say that yes, you did initially respond to his interest in you as any young girl would if a cute guy was interested. But you have discovered that you have little in common with him and there is no chemistry between you. Let him know your personal policy is to hang with or date a guy long enough to discover if there's things in common, chemistry and a possible future, and when there isn't, its time to stop all contact with the guy and move on to checking out the next. (In real life, thats what dating is actually for dear so it won't be a lie) And you tell him at that point that you do not wish to have further contact with him so you ask him please to not contact you anymore. You will not respond to his texts or calls. And since he is already making a nuisance of himself, add this: If he makes a nuisance of himself and continues to to pester you after you've asked him not to, that you will take whatever legal measures are appropriate.
I don't know what the laws are there for stalking and such. So you'd have to check on that if it becomes an issue. I'd hate to see you go through this alone. If you're in school or at work, find a guy you are on a friendly basis with and talk with him. If you were his sister, what would he suggest you do about this guy.
In an extreme case of him not backng off when you write or say clearly what I suggest so there is no room for hope or guessing on his part, then it might take him having to see you with another guy to finally back off. Perhaps someone might be willing to play the role for you? Hopefully it doesnt become that extreme. Yes, please let me know how it goes. Blessings to you dear.
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