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How to make penis seem bigger during sex (follow up question)
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Hi Dragonflymagic,
Thank you very much for your advice - I'd like to ask you a few follow up questions if you wouldn't mind? (I'm fairly new to this site - is there a better way to ask follow up questions - I'd really like to reply/discuss the feedback that you give)
So...my gf has been with quite a few men before me. And she said she has tried *many* different things, but the *only* way that she can orgasm is in the position where she lies flat on her stomach and I enter from behind. We've tried a few other positions and none have made her anywhere near an orgasm.
As for myself, I have never been with anyone else. Hence why I feel quite lost with what to do and how to do it. She has instructed me a bit, but often during sex she will whisper "deeper" etc.
I feel really lost as to how I can be the man that she wants/needs.
The other day, she bought some new 'toys' for us to play around with. One was a 10" strapon, I used that with her and was using almost the full length (maybe 9), and she came really strongly and **really** quickly (albeit, she had been using a vibrator first).
That really hit home how...inadequate...I am.
I have yet to look through the link that you gave me previously - I will defiantly do that, but if she has been with many others, and said that there is only one way that she can orgasm, WHAT HOPE DO I HAVE IN THE LONG RUN?
I can bring her to orgasm just by myself, usually, but...nothing like that. Not even close.
I'm probably rambling now, I think I just need to talk to someone else about all this. Sorry you got landed with it. I am a fairly emotional guy.
PS. we're both 24
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Yes, this is the best way to keep corresponding between the asker and the chosen advice columnist. And I don't mind. I may have some life experience, but I am not a professional. In the end, you will still need to make your best judgement call and it may be best to be having this convo with her included and her comments to see if this can be worked on.
You said: I feel really lost as to how I can be the man that she wants/needs.
Look at what you said, it didn't say the lover she needs. but the man that she needs or when you are married someday, the husband the woman needs.
What may be more important, And I can tell you is the reason i am with my 2nd husband, is not all because of who he is in bed and sexually. But he is the man I need and want because of how he supports and upholds me and also, we have a very great strong chemistry between us. Without that chemistry between us, there wouldnt be much to work on. The first husband, I had no chemistry with at all. And I've dated in between the two husbands. I now know the difference between there being a strong chemistry or not.
That may be harder for you to know since you likely haven't had much dating before. And thanks your ages do help. My daughters are in the same age range, one older and younger and same age and all 3 are still learning, there is no way to know it all and they do ask for advice still too.
If two people are mature enough, in love with each other, really have great chemistry which is what is going to give that spark to the lovemaking, and willing to do whatever it takes to please their partner, then they can make it work no matter what obstacles are there.
However a word of caution to you about how you view yourself. You need to stop looking at yourself as inadequate...the word to use is
different. I like to use the same word for 'disabled people' and think of them as differently abled. Maybe without legs, or without sight, they can't do things like you or I but they have specific ways to navigate life and get around that fact of what they don't have. What usually happens is that something else is strengthened in the process. Whether it's their self confidence, the .ed
But keep in mind that focusing your thoughts on what you don't have is going to permeate your life and begin to have an effect on your relationship with this girl and with other people on the job, at school, its a defeatist attitude that can possibly take over your life and people will pick up on the attitude, like a TV picks up a satellite broadcast, and the attitude is enough to make people want to avoid or distance themselves from you.
So back to size, 5-7 is the range for average size. Most men and women are average size in length of penis vs length of vagina. There are only a very few who are longer. If this is the case for her, it need not have to be a deal breaker here. The two of you should have some talks and discuss the fact that the length of her vagina is longer than you and see if she is okay with that fact and doing what you have done to give her that kind of orgasm is okay with her.
Do we have any difficulties ever? Yes, all the time. It takes longer for him to get hard and stay hard and I find I need more intensity, take longer to orgasm and what motion or stroke works one day for me doesnt the next. But because of that exchange of energy we feel, that chemistry that makes our hearts soar, we are willing to do whatever we can to please the other.
If I was in the relationship just for trouble free sex, I would have moved on. Being able to please a woman sexually isn't the only thing that is important for a strong base in a relationship, a strong friendship with lots in common is too.
I have had bigger cocks, but I am with my husband because we find ways to make it work because we both are so in love with each other.
Maybe it isn't textbook, or perfect like in the movies, but if two people can sexually please each other, it should not matter how they have to do it to accomplish the goal. What should matter is their want and desire to please their partner and partners willingness to receive the orgasm by whatever means are necessary. Thats real life!
So it comes down to the two of you having lot of conversations together on the subject.
Another warning: Some older couples longer together, or long married have done something like getting involved in swing clubs or find sex partners for each other for what ever reasons, so the female can have the longer cock. and the female whose husband is too big for her can experience great orgasms with a man able to get all of himself in and its just enough. I knew a couple where he was on heart meds and the side effect was that he couldn't get hard anymore. He pleased his wife other ways but for her to still experience penis, they attended a swing club where he would dance and chat with people while she went to play with some younger single guys. He did it for her because they both loved each other and were secure in their love for each other. But then again, they were into their fifties and had been married for years and years.
Just in case you hear about this elsewhere, the caution is that at your age, with little time into the relationship, and yes the immaturity of life experience, there will likely be jealousies and a tearing up of the relationship. I have seen that happen to people. It takes people who are secure in themselves, no matter what their looks, what size they are, etc...
Your girlfriend is with you for a reason. There was something she was attracted to before you two discovered you may not have the length to give her one kind of orgasm. Focus on what it is that she is attracted to. There may be lots you have going for each other in this relationship.
A man has sometimes too much pride in his sexual equipment and feels he's not man enough because he puts too much emphasis on balls and cock and not enough on his heart and mind and who he is at core, his beliefs, and values as they relate to women. There are guys who might be able to give a gal a nice long cock but treat her terrible otherwise in the relationship. That grows old quickly. Realistically, there's nothing about a mans cock that is going to stimulate the clit...it just doesnt work that way. So using that for an example, there are others ways to stimulate it. With his fingers, tongue or a vibrator. I have found that even tongues are different. Where other men could give oral sex and I have orgasm that way...hubbys tongue is different and it doesnt work for us. The only way that works is using a strong vibrator on it. But we do both for the pleasure it gives him to use his tongue and the other for the pleasure it gives me. There will need to be give and take even in the sexual area and only possible when the two are mature enough, in love and have chemistry. You may write again but I highly suggeset you talk to her first and then if there are still any concerns for both of you, that you then share what it is.
Good luck dear.
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