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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

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Ok so I'm a freshman in a performing arts elective at my high school. i participated as an 8th grader so i met the whole group already. I became friends with a guy who is a senior now.

Whenever we see each other we'll poke and run around poking and touching each other (in a total innocent way!) and we'll joke around and I'll give him hugs and vice versa. But a while back he and i where talking about a fundraiser we did together and i was joking about how the leader told him to be the muscle and me to look good and he told me "You always do" and another guy I'm friends with offered to help and in a rude way my senior friend he was not needed. And later he was sort of picking on the other guy (and he is not mean at all!!) and they're friends!! I am kind of confused, Is he okay?

The question is, Is he okay. and you want to know if its normal that he kind of picked on a male friend? Yeah, its fairly normal for guys, its the alpha thing, the top dog thing. Male animals in nature will battle it out with each other and the stronger gets the female. It can be physical strength but for humans, its the males maybe how have a better self esteem, more friendly, etc...it

Now if you're asking if he's okay and safe to date...there's no way for us to know that. Thats what the process of conversing with, hanging out with and dating is, to find out more about the people so you can decide that they are great or there are things that you won't tolerate in behavior and you move on then. But until that point in time, or if it never comes and you have great chemistry and later on, a deep love developes on both sides, then the person is right for you. Even a great guy can be the wrong person for you and right for another girl. It isn't ever that something is wrong with you or you need to change. Remember that. In the mean while, enjoy spending time getting to know him.

Hey..
I have a question to ask.I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year now. Problem is,I don't feel that chemistry anymore.
We used to hang out at least once a week and over the weekends too.That has changed to him being busy all the time leaving us limited or even no time together.
We would text or call,but that has changed to upto three days of no communication unless it's liking each other's posts on facebook.
It has gotten to the point where I feel like it's one-way. It's like anything that needs to happen has to be my effort. Sometimes it works but sometimes he ends up cancelling.
I know they say that at this point my boyfriend needs space..or he may be contemplating a break-up..or he may be cheating e.t.c.. I've heard it all and it's hard to relate to it because I just don't get any coldness or any of those negative feelings from him.He actually apologizes for it at times like when I get emotional.I do give him his space at times e.g I don't call too often and I don't get naggy and pushy with him.

So my question..where do I go from here? Is it time to reconsider this relationship?Are there any signs I may be missing?What is the best approach that will give me an answer,good or bad?

What is the best approach that will give me an answer,good or bad? Thats the best question so I will answer that.
You need to be frank with him and ask. When you ask, may sure you are not pointing out things he is doing saying or how he is acting and saying thats the problem. And do this face to face, not in text or phone calls, you want to be able to read his body language and facial expressions too and its good for him to see yours.
An example would be, John, I want to talk to you about our relationship and some things I am feeling that concern me. Is this a good time to discuss it?

If he says no and keeps saying no and is not serious to discover whats on your mind, then he is not giving the relationship a priority. For men a relationship is usually juggled with a couple other priorities such as job, school or sports, but it should never end up on the back burner. If this happens dear, you tell him you don't want apologies but want his attention if the relationship is important to him and if he wont sit and discuss it, then you will break up with him.

Hopefully when you ask if its a good time to discuss it, he will say yes or do so the next day.
Then you tell him that you are feeling some changes. That it could be all on your part but you are concerned that it will affect the relationship. Mention you notice a lack of chemistry, that you don't feel the same attraction, that maybe the attraction you had was more of a new relationship energy that slowly faded as the months went by, or you are guessing it might be related to the fact that he is so busy that you have much less contact with him. You can mention that like a young seedling you know a relationship needs to be nourished or it will not blossom. Let him know you are looking to be more than an occasional friend or activity partner (ie someone to go dancing with or to a movie but not but in a meaningful relationship with, just to get in some sociallizing)
Right now, he is so busy that the amount of time he has for even an activity partner is very little. So you feel neglected. You're not blaming

him. He has his job and other commitments. But you wonder if his life must continue that way because he has no choice or is he choosing to be that busy? That is a valid question and should let you know whether you want to spend anymore time making yourself available to him.

Some people know they would prefer being single but having the opposite sex to socialize with the rest of their lives. You don't just magically become ready to commit to a long term or life time relationship at some later point in life. Its there and a part of you or it is not. A person can be running or hiding from something or not have dealt with some issues that prevent them from commiting but once dealt with, they can faithfully commit.

What might be better point to view this situation from dear, is what is the purpose of dating? Is dating what most people think, having someone to pay attention to you so you don't feel alone? And maybe romance and sex is involved?
Not really.
The path to Relationships goes through a few stages. First just the attraction level, staring alot which eventually leads to conversation. If conversational stage of a relationship goes well and both parties are still interested, then they agree to begin to meet, make dates.
The dating stage is to find out more about each other. Looking to see what you have in common or not, exactly how strong is that attraction. I can be attracted enough to quite a lot of men if all it was going to be was sex, but If I wanted someone in love with me who treated me as such, then that narrows it down to very very few guys who can come any where near to be just the right partner. at some stage you will become pickier and choosier...you all learning what you like and don't like about a guy. How big an issue are the don't likes. Things like mistreatment of you will show the beginning of a bad pattern. From dating we go to steady couple dating, and sometimes this stage involves a couple living together. It is hard to hide certain things from the other when you see each other 24/7 under any and all circumstances. Its hard to keep any bad things hidden or potential problems quiet for too long in this stage. If all is still okay and the couple deeply in love, then they vow to be together for the rest of their lives whether married or not.
At any stage along this path, even sometime in the commited relationship, a person can discover the other was not who they thought he/she was and they break up. Or in committed relationships, one or both partners change and grow in good ways but ways that take them further apart from each other so they part on friendly terms and move on in their lives possibly to new partners.
Don't worry abut personal space for him unless you are living together. He has plenty of time for personal space and if he uses that excuse against you, its a bunch of balony.
Nowhere did you mention feeling love for him. You did say chemistry. But I know that chemistry doesnt always translate to love. So if chemistry fades and theres no love to carry you on, well..the relationship will eventually die.
Heres a quote I came up with that pretty much sums up what you are experiencing with it feeling one way only right now.

"Happily ever after doesn't happen just because you wish it so. It only happens when both parties put in maximum effort to make it so."

If he doesnt have time for maximum effort on the relationship, then it may not be that important to him or at least not as important to him as it is to you...and theres the issue...you're not on the same page then, so again it's lopsided and won't work.
The decisions are all yours to make. Only you will know what is really true. I've only given you some things to think about to help you decide.

Hi

We are trying to get parents more interested in helping out in the nursery and we are looking for ways of encouragning them. We have a lot of different languages and we would perhaps like them to read a story in their own language etc. Or just come in and get more involved.

Any ideas on how we can encourage this would be greatfully received

You don't state what kind of nursery. For all I know, you own a plant nursery and would like your parents to come work there too.

But thats a long shot that you meant that.
I will assume a nursery for children. Depends on the nursery...what ages and such.
Lets says its a church nursery...every parent who put a little one in there was signed up automatically for their turn. Ten couples using it, so your turn, along with a partner came once every 5 weeks. You had the option to keep your child with you but if a little one got squirmy and fussed, it had to go to the nursery. Here it was easy to make it mandatory that parents got involved.
Is it a nursery for working parents? Unless one has their day off during the week, I don't see how they will ever have time to donate. Until I know the circumstance better, I really can't help you any better

My penis isnt as big as the the other kids in the locker room. Does size really matter? What can i do to make them stop making fun of me?

Your pal
Timmy

I assume you are young and so likely still your body is growing and maturing. Not everyone matures at the same rate, same goes for males and females.
The size of your genitals is going to be for the most part hereditary and there is nothing you can do to change that.

Now heres a good question for you, I assume that the other males walking around the locker room are not walking around with hard on's, correct? Point being, you can not judge how big a guy really will get compared to when he is not aroused and all neat and compact. As a female, and a nudist, I have seen it all. A guy who when flaccid had a penis that hung 8 inches long did not get any bigger or longer when aroused and erect, he was still 8 inches and hard.
Then there are others who appear to be 2 inches long and end up the average 5-7 inches when erect. My own husband has large balls but a penis that retracts into them so that even the tip is almost not visible at all.
Those men and women who have extra long penis's and vagina's 8 inches and longer are in the minority. Most are average size. The fact that the guys make fun of you just shows how immature they are and how little they know.
If you feel you are below average when aroused, then the best thing you can do is to focus on learning how to please women by g-spot orgasms. The clitoral orgasm for girls is a more localized one while the other is a full body one. The guys who are giving females the best sex they've ever had are not even using their penis...trust me...I am a female. It's been seldom that I found a guy can please with his penis too.
So many variations are there like what way her vagina is slanted, does the guy curve up,down or is straight or bent to the side plus her length when aroused vs yours are all factors to whether she might recieve an orgasm by your penis.

So hon, if I were a young guy, I would trust what an older female was telling me and focus on learning and studying all I can about the anatomy of males and females, how females obtain g-spot orgasm which will be by how you use your fingers on her, how some women gush and squirt which is female ejaculation, etc... I have run across women who were looking for a friend with benefits, mostly a sex partner and the guys whose name got passed around was the one who could give the women multiple g-spot orgasms, and the guys who had the big ego as far as their penis was concerned and thought it was all about them and they didn't have to do anything but put their penis inside a female to sexually satisfy them, they were the ones who didn't get any females coming back to them, they are the ones who may end up bachelors for life or in a loveless marriage or relationship, not realizing that they are the problem. Knowledge is as important if not more important than the size of a penis.

the red pills on trigestrel how does it work?

Was there an insert with instructions that came with the pills.
I do not understand if all the pills are red or only some of the pills in your trigestrel pack for the month.
Usually if some pills are a different color, those will be the ones that are placebo's without any hormonals meds in them so that you can get a period. Some hormonal contraceptives are designed to get rid of periods almost completely. I've never taken the pill you mention so I wouldnt know if red means anything. The quickest most accurate answer, you'll get from making a quick call to your gynecologist office. The receptionist should be able to answer that or hand you over to a nurse.

I assume at some point you'll wish to become pregnant and have children.
I suggest that you read up on the side effects of hormonal contraceptives including the one you are on. Many people report side effects during taking it and problems with becoming pregnant after.
If you decide you want to research to find something other than trigestral to take, please remember to include research on non hormonal contraceptives. The best offered in that catagory is the Paragard copper IUD. Thats what I used, with no side effects and got pregnant immediately after I had it taken out, without a wait period for my body to begin to have normal cycles again.

How do men feel about Michael kors...
boyfriend is turning 19 I would like to get him a michael kors watch not sure how guys feel about that brand.
He normally wears nikes, jordans or adidas.
true religion jeans.
shops at pac sun.
likes diamond brand.

which of these do any guys out there think hed like (price doesnt matter)

http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/michael-kors-mercer-large-chronograph-leather-strap-watch-45mm/3408788?origin=related-3408788-null-1-5-FTR-RR-Recently%20Viewed&BaseUrl=Watches&PageCategoryId=BR

http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/michael-kors-large-runway-bracelet-watch-44mm/3073694?origin=category

http://www.amazon.com/Michael-Kors-MK3221-Runway-Bracelet/dp/B00C6PH61I/ref=sr_1_79?s=watches&ie=UTF8&qid=1378079939&sr=1-79&keywords=michael+kors

I didn't see any answered posted. I'm not a guy but if you'd like my opinion based on what my husband would like, he's not much into pink so he doesnt like the rose gold one. The all black is okay but too ordinary, I think the word was boring. The one with the blue clock face background seemed to be what he calls 'easy on the eyes'. He is much into jewelry and has some knowledge of stones and their cuts and is drawn to good looking jewelry of all kinds, he calls it 'eye candy'. While not eye candy the middle one is most pleasant to look at.

Okay so my boyfriend is the wide receiver and he is only a sophomore and he is #19... I need a cute saying to go on a shirt I'm making for him. Like "number 19 on the field #1 in my heart" but someone already did that... And the quarterbacks girlfriend did "the QB is a QT" and I don't know what to put on my shirt! Even if it didn't have to do with him being the receiver.. But if I did something with that I was thinking something to do with the word catch? Like he's a catch or something.. I'm not sure. I need help! Thanks so much!

Well, this is quite different from the usual questions. All I can come up with is a cute rhyme using nineteen. If you look at it as two words, what rhymes with nine and a separate list of what rhymes with teen, you may come up with a cute slogan.
Here's a site listing what rhymes with nine:
http://www.rhymes.net/rhyme/nine

and for teen:

http://www.rhymes.net/rhyme/nine

Find rhymes for Receiver on that site too. I think my favorite rhyme word would be Believer.
First thing that pops into my mind is "I'm a Believer" a song originally sung by the Monkees but more recently by Smash Mouth.
So it could simply be I'm a believer which is 5 syllables in length. and second part, in this receiver which is also 5 syllables or whatever else you come up with. Have fun.

Can girl get pregancy anal or butt

No you can not. The intestines are not connected to your reproductive system.
If he never entered your vagina but some precum or semen got near the entrance to your vagina, then there is a chance of becoming pregnant.
Its high time to start educating your self. I know that sex ed isn't offered much in schools anymore, but you have the internet. So I suggest you start there. I have looked up videos on the net that are informative and with graphs that really explain the male and female parts way better than they did when I was a teen and I am a grandma now. Its from a University so it's up to date info. I will attach the link. Please do spend some time looking up more info...no porn sites..theres no educational info there and its all fake, for show/hollywood.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WVL_GudwAOI
Thats part 4 and heres part 5

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BnEJ6bcVFsI&list=TLoW5IytjE5Qs

Hi I am a fourteen year old and I am in High School. I don't want to sound vain or anything but I think I'm cute. But anyways, boys stare at me but they never talk to me..like NEVER. Why is that? It really kinda makes me think there is something wrong with me, and I've even cried my eyes out because of this. It's not only boys who stare at me but its also girls..some of the girls look at me with hatred in their eyes. You may think this is a stupid question but is there something wrong with me? I always try to be very nice to everyone and give them a smile or ask how there day was. Thanks in advance.(:

Adviceman answered you perfectly. In the meanwhile, if you would like to have conversation with any particular one of the guys who stare at you, You'll have to be brave enough to start it. The boy who doesnt just stare but finds ways to get close to you, stand near, sit next to you, thats body language that shows he isn't just attracted to your looks but has a real interest and may like you. If and when it comes to that time and you can't figure out what to say or how to talk to them, write in again, and we'll do our best to help you.

Female, 20
Hi, so I've been talking to this guy for a long time now. I first added him on facebook because I thought he was cute, he's a couple years younger than me. We've never hung out in person but we've texted and talked on and off for years now. Sometimes he calls late like 2 or 3 in the morning and I don't answer cuz I don't want to send the wrong message, and I haven't really made an effort to hang out during the day I really don't know why. I'm shy. But I wanna know why he continues to pursue me it's been years! We don't have very intimate conversations either its just chit chat. Is he just looking for sex? I'm a single mom so I am super careful with men. Oh and a side note, if I get into a relationship we stop talking but I've noticed he hadn't had a girlfriend the whole time. Well not from what I know. Please help! Thanks!!

So he talks to you but stops when you find someone. I wonder what he does then. He may be shy, have socialization issues with just women or maybe with guys too. Maybe he just doesnt have many friends. Thats not your problem to solve for him. He needs to figure out on his own. Every guy will think about, imagine sex or hope for sex with a girl who is pretty and nice to them. Some are shy and never make a move on her, others are blatant in telling you they see you as a sexy person and want sex...no guessing what they meant...and yet others realize theres more to a relationship than sex and though there is sexual attraction, which there has to be for a relationship to work well, the guy also cares about getting to know you. IN the process some may fall for you,not bring up or push sex but it will still be on his mind. If I were you, I wouldn't look seriously at anyone younger for either a friend or more.

I love life so much when I'm at college, I almost feel like it's too good to be true. At home, I barely have any friends and nothing to do. Here, I have THE most perfect, amazing friends, I'm studying the things I love and doing well in them, my apartment is beautiful, I get to party every weekend and love it, I'm starting to become prettier, etc. I've gone from hating my life at home to living a life at school that I wouldn't change any part of. I'm TERRIFIED that I will lose this happiness once I graduate this spring. The thought of losing all this is literally heartbreaking. I cry every time I think about it. My senior year so far has been perfect. With each passing day though, I panic at the fact that it's one day closer to the end. Part of me feels like life is just downhill from age 21. I'm so happy I feel like it can't get better than this. Getting older is portrayed as such a bad thing and it's making me worried. At home, my life is gray and here it is in HD color. I cannot bear the thought of losing all these friends and amazing people and activities. Tell there's life after college. Tell me I can still be happy once this dreamlike experience is over. Is it enjoyable to work and support yourself? Stories of your personal experiences would help. Also, how can I work on living in the moment, rather than always in anticipation?

Face it, human beings hate change. In fact they fear change, a fear of exposing something, a fear of failing, etc... so we try to avoid it.

Have you ever given much thought to the word "Happiness". You need to know what it is before you worry about losing it or not.
Hap in the dictionary is listed as
1. one's luck or lot.
2. an occurrence, happening, or accident
Its also part of happening: Something that takes place. or
happenstance: a circumstance that is due to chance

All of this is based on what is going on around you. Some things in life you have control over, other things you do not. If you feel good only based on what on going on externally in your life, then it is easy to lose happiness, almost guaranteed you will lose it at some point in life, sooner or later.

What cant be lost or changed is JOY. Joy is generated from the inside of you, internally, from your mind set, your thoughts your heart, a thankfulness and gratefulness for the simple things or taken for granted things that some people live without. An accident can wipe out things you never have to think about, like no longer having legs to walk, sight, etc. People in todays world are always rushing, goal oriented and have forgotten how to enjoy simple things. When is the last time You spent 2 or 3 minutes really looking at the detail of a flower, difference in petals and stamen, or spent 5 minutes watching a squirrel go about its daily excursions, studied the dew on a spiders web, these are things I could not do any longer if I lost my sight. Imagine losing your ability to smell and along with it, goes sense of taste. That happened for a short while during an extremely bad sinus infection. I could not taste food so I had no desire to eat and had to force myself. It is a wonderful privilege to be able to taste the subtle differences in food. I hope you're catching my train of thought. I don't know what the problem is at home that you fear...perhaps your parents have no goals, are boring, have let their health go and seem to be a couple old people who have no life. Hey, thats their choice. You don't have to be like them or anyone else. The majority of humans follow the crowd, are easily herded like animals and don't have any sense of how to follow the beat of their own drum, do their own thing which may differ from what everyone else is doing. You didn't say what you were in college for. Perhaps you feel it may be hard to find a job with your degree?
I do not understand why you believe you can't have friends at home or in your home town. You may not see the college friends if college was far from home. What interests or hobbies do you have? Go on line to Meet up.com for your city. Look up whatever you can think of. I have seen groups that meet once a week at a coffee house to play board games and drink coffee, another was young moms with babys in strollers who would meet at Jamba juice first and then go walk together. And then again, under new age, you can find yoga groups, meditation, those with interest in natural health and so on. Anything you can think of is likely there. Spend time getting to form friendships with people who have things in common with you. While you are looking for work, spend some time doing volunteer work. Its a wonderful way to be of some use to the community and begin to get a better perspective of what life is like for other people, it matures you in a way college and its buddies and parties cannot. Find a need that isn't being met in your community and start a simple program to help. I remember reading a story of an ordinary person who learned that a young high- schooler teen girl she knew was going to prom but family could not afford a dress. IN this economy its becoming even more an issue. She began to collect prom dresses from 2nd hand stores, advertised asking for donations, got some space somewhere for free to stock all the dresses and teen girls could come there before prom to borrow a dress and return it. Imagine the joy to see a young girls face when she sees herself in the mirror and realizes she is going to prom looking like and feeling like a princess. And its a simple thing. To find meaning in life, stop worrying about yourself and look to see what you can do for others. When it comes to finding a partner, a mate for life...find someone exactly like that, who takes the same attitude with you, where its all about what he can do for you, how he can love and support you...etc....
Growing older is wonderful. I am a grandmother now. At 55 I am thin, in great health, letting my long hair go silver naturally and I am astounded at how many men young and old still hit on me, even though I am married. You dont have to worry about looks, all the stages of life are great. Although I liked the age 30 best and no longer look like that, I am still happy with how I look.
I love getting to experience the other perspective, how my mom must have felt when I presented her with her first grandchild. My oldest daughter did the same for me. Getting older is great because you have some life experience so if you pay attention and correct certain things, you make less mistakes. With age, we become more self assured, more willing to try new things, more willing to just go for the adventure of it, and a better judge of character. Wont find me with any so called friends who would talk behind my back. With age, you lose your fear of what others may think, you will speak your mind, but with tact and grace and without any accusations towards anyone. Its wonderful. You can experience that right now, 5 years from now you;ll have 5 more years life experience...
theres a young gal on the advice column cant remember if 18 or 20 but she does lots of volunteer work and its helped to shape her life in a good way. As a result, she is maturing much quicker than some of her peers. And she is able to astound me with the great advice I see her post. You have nothing to fear hon, but oh so much to gain. Remember, change feels scary, but its cus your mind is over thinking it all. Just relax and start doing more than thinking and worrying.

Please pardon me as this is a bit long although I have tried to keep it as brief as possible.

I am a 27 year old working woman.
My problem is how my aging dad treats me.

I do not like how he taunts me on things that hurt a lot. For example, I had once lost my job four years ago although I never had a problem getting a good job after that.

Funnily though, since then, if I were to for example, disagree with my dad on something and talk strictly with him over the phone if he is adamant on something he wants me to do which I do not want to, or if we disagree on something and he is constantly arguing, then he would start telling on how I got fired once from my job and that if I continue arguing like this, I will keep getting fired.
Even the world wants to forget my embarrassing incident that took place four years ago but he is the one who keeps reminding me of the same. And I am saying this IS a taunt and not an advice from a father because he only says these things when I slightly raise my voice to him being adamant on something I have to do.
When I mean "raise my voice", I don't yell or anything but just an irritated type of my tone of voice is what I mean.

On another occasion, he started the same taunt when I said "I do NOT want to eat" when he started to insist that I should eat more of a lunch item that mom had prepared when they came to see me at my place for five months. He kept insisting on the food and I got irritated so I just said "No".
I mean I was getting frustrated when he insisted on me eating more when I had enough of it.
To my "No", my mom jumped in and told my father "Good, you should not have forced her to eat in the first place and hearing the same, he started telling "This is the way you speak in front of your office colleagues and that gets you fired". Wha! What does he even think about himself?
Seriously, I am done talking to him since he keeps broaching that old rotten topic up. He is still at my apartment visiting me for three months and I do not maintain proper communication with him. I can't if it doesn't come from my heart.

I wanted to also touch base on another fact that happened 15 years ago. I was at home and so was my dad. I had gone to the washroom. In a few moments and surprisingly enough, the washroom started shaking!! It was an earthquake!
I could hear my dad shouting "Come out of the washroom we have to go downstairs".
I was doing number two and couldn't not come out right then and there. I said I am coming in two minutes. Can't even believe he actually told me then that he is going to the elevators himself and in fact, he actually left the apartment in the 16th floor without me - which really shocked me!
What if the building had collapsed? Is that acceptable for a dad to leave their children alone in a time of crisis?

I am sure when I got out of the apartment, I got my pet with me (thinking just in case, the building indeed collapsed).
I was v young at that time so I started giving him the benefit of the doubt trying to give no importance to it all but the fact is he acted very selfish at that time.

I think the combination of these all, his earthquake behavior and then these taunts together can't be taken anymore.

Basically with these taunts, I think he is trying to tell me to tone down or else he will keep taunting me about a thing that hurts me so much.
Although what really is happening here is that he thinks in his mind that it was just MY fault in that firing because of my general nature and he has told me this numerous times in the past that it is my mistake.

My dad needs to know that TIME has passed since that incident and that I have been holding better jobs since that incident so he has no right to keep taunting me of that incident over and over.

Each and every employment problem (even current ones) I innocently share with them and he taunts me for that and blames me for anything stressful situation!
Even if he is a guest at my apartment, I am leaving him alone to his own devices - my mom is obviously there with him to give company.
He is free to stay, eat, sleep, exercise and watch TV at my expense but besides that I cannot put up a facade and talk to him when that is not coming from my heart. I do not talk to him to avoid confrontations altogether.

On another level, I truly think my relationship with him is over.
I would love opinions on whether I am doing the right thing or not by avoiding him to bring peace upon myself.

I agree that the best thing is to write your dad rather than confront him face to face. I have know several difficult people like that including my ex. The moment they hear something they don't like in a conversation, they will point the finger at you and try to bring up faults, imagined or real or as in your case, he can only find one real fault.
My ex did that. What I discovered from a counselor friend is that it is a defense mechanism in people with mental issues or behavorial problems, to be actually painfully aware of their own shortcomings which may outnumber the person they verbally attack. But they will always point the finger at others to take the attention off themselves so others will not have the chance to discover that they have a much worse problem than the person they attack.
It sounds like a classic case of that scenerio with your dad. Counseling didnt help my ex and therefore Im no longer with him.
Your dad doesnt sound like he's in a place to go for counseling himself let alone admit he needs it.
So the only thing I can think of is to find ways to limit your contact with him. All my adult daughters limit their contact with dad for the same reasons. I don't understand why they are staying extended with you unless they lost a place to live. If you are honest with yourself, he's been like this long before your one screw up, and someone like that never attacks just one person. Likely your mom for some reason has decided to put up with this all her life. She gets the same treatment, you just may not see it.

So follow advicemans advice cus in your case it really is the best. It may seem cruel and heartless if Dad doesnt correct his behavior and you find yourself in the position of having to enforce the limitations and carry out the boundaries you stated. Perhaps mom is allowed to visit but he is not. And he is told to leave and find a place to go by such a date or you will call police to come remove him. Hopefully it doesnt become that nasty. What is important is that you understand how important it is to love yourself enough to not subject yourself to such treatment and behavior when there is a choice. The fact he is blood relative doesnt mean you cant protective yourself emotionally from his treatment. He will have to learn that there are consequences to his actions.

Mom is another story. Who knows how she will react. Obviously she is going to feel torn. But because she's found a way to stay with him all these years, she may continue to be willing to overlook and try to pressure you to mend things with dad. And you'll have to be firm and state that they aren't mendable. While humans can make some astounding changes for the better in their lifetime, the majority of us do not because change is scary. What you see is likely what you get for life. Mom may decide she isn't willing to see you either then and side with dad. If she does, I would say there's a chance she is dealing with some issues of her own. I feel badly for you dear. Well, we can't choose our family but we can choose our friends and "adopted" family. I have had a few other mother figures enter my life at a time when My own mother stopped speaking to me for a year over an imagined offense on her end. There are many precious people to meet and allow into your life as family. It will be more his loss than yours in the long run.

My 18th birthday is on New Years Eve.
Most of my closest friends arnt 18 yet. Which means that im pretty limited on what i can and cant do.
My house is very small for a party i was considering the garden, but december is very cold, I plan on getting drunk either way, and having a laugh, its also really hard to rent somewhere to have a party on new years, opinions......

I understand it may be frustrating that a person is considered to be of legal age at 18 for having sex with anyone they wish but not legal until 21 to be able to consume alcohol. As for the drinking limit, here's why:
It was determined by several studies that a youth's brain is not fully developed until about 21 years of age, and that because of that, alcohol affects youth's brains differently than it does an adults.
I also have read that other studies point that the frontal part of the brain responsible for making the most mature decisions and best

If it was just a regular party without alcohol, perhaps a friends parents would let you use a recroom or such in their home. But no place you could ask your way into or rent will allow you to use their facilities for having a party. If you managed to find a place and they weren't privy to the fact that you all plan to get drunk and are under age...the person who allowed you to use their home or party rental venue may be held liable for breaking the law, even if they didn't know. It would be a horrible thing to bring down upon the owners of what ever place you find to carry this out. Not to mention that any young people under 21 could end up in jail or juvenile hall and have this offense on their record. Too much alcohol will change the behavior of any person. Some are happy silly harmless drunks, others become mean, destructive and violent. You would not be able to control whatever damages were done to someones property or facility and again be held liable for another offense, damages to someones property, besides the drinking under age, or possibly the offense of driving while drunk. The cops are watching even harder on New years eve for drunks. Any neighboring homes or facilities where the people are disturbed by your party getting out of hand could easily call the cops, especially if they noticed a lot of young people enter the establishment with alcohol.
I know its not what you wanted to hear but anyone on here giving you advice on how to find a way to carry it out is also in danger with the law too.

If I were you, I would wait til I was 21 and only had friends of legal drinking age at my party.
Also, if I were your age and wanting to celebrate my birthday and New Years with a little alcohol, I'd probably ask my parents to supervise a sleep over of a few girlfriends...that way no one is driving themselves home, and have parents supervise each of us getting a half glass of wine at midnight to toast the New Year. Some people get drunk easily on very little..thats why I would plan it to be a sleep over. But my parents of course would have to be willing and it not be something you share with all the neighbors...just something private you've agreed to do this once at home. Its a far cry from what you are hoping for, and while it still may not be totally legal, its safer and supervised by adults.

So i broke up with my boyfriend a week ago and he has been coming to my house talking to my sister and he refuses to talk to me. I know i deserve it but im starting to become irritated. HELP!!

Couple things here to clarify...why do you think you deserve it, talking as if its a punishment? I think some attitudes need straightening out. The only think you could have done wrong is break up for the wrong reasons, or not have done so in as kind a manner with thorough explanation, not pointing fault at him. Even if you blundered that, you still don't deserve any vindictive or immature treatment.
Dating and girl and boyfriend status is all about getting past the attraction stage and spending increasing amounts of time with a person to determine if they are going to be the right person for you to hang with long term in life to where it becomes a committed relationship whether with marriage papers or not. If in the dating process, there comes a time when issues have not resolved simply cus you don't have enough in common to be best of friends and there isn't enough chemistry for both to be able to sexually please and satisfy the partner, then there is good reason to split...the split does not reflect bad on either party necessarily as you can see. Our own personality is not going to get along with every person on the planet, same in relationships, they may be wrong for you but perfect for someone else.

Based on what I just explained, IF this ex was just deciding to check if he had anything more in common with your sister by coming around to hang out with her, there's nothing wrong with that. However, the fact that he can't or won't talk to you points directly to some immaturity issues he's got. If you all are teens, thats understandable as the ability to make mature decisions and good judgement calls doesnt fully developement until our mid twenties. Its a scientific fact, the frontal part of our brains controlling this area, are lagging behind in the maturity of our bodies. So the hormones flow and attraction to the opposite sex but the mind doesnt always know how best to deal with it and can end up doing some real stupid things...me included at that age. We all go through it. The best thing to do is always talk to others for advice as you have done. I'd say its a good bet that you are more mature than him and its a good thing to see that now.
If you let it show that it irritates you, then you will be giving him the satisfaction he seeks.
So when he shows up, find reasons to leave the room he's in, go to your own room or leave the house for a while. Be friendly as far as just saying Hi and smiling to acknowledge you know he's there but you dont have to say anything else.

I will say that if it wasnt a personality difference between you but some destructive behavior on his part that would hurt any girl he tries to date, then your sister needs to be warned. How you word it and the intent in your heart at the time will make the difference in whether she listens and really hears you or ignores it. Couple examples, the guy is more into himself than caring about pleasing the lady, raises his voice and yells instead of calming discussing things, get's verbally or physically abusive, drinks heavy and drives drunk, takes street drugs, is lazy and doesn't apply himself such as in school or in the relationship, etc...
These are behaviors destructive to a relationship and some will actually hurt the girl not just her feelings but deep emotional and physically.
If this is the case, at a time When he is not there, you talk to your sister in private. Tell her you find it odd that he had chosen to come by now that you broke it up. You can't state it is so but you can say You BELIEVE that he is coming by and paying attention to her just to try to get at you and make you miserable...I mean come on, going after a best friend is one thing, going after a sister is just weird. Tell her that if he really is truly interested in her and decided to get to know her better, then you're happy for her. But tell her you would feel guilty if you didnt give her some things to look out for. Things that any guys who is like that should be avoided, not just your ex. Then list the things for her and tell her to look for those. You don't expect her to believe you, because you could be acting out of feeling hurt or jealous but you really care what happens to her.
The things that made you two not get along may not be present with sis or with any other girl. remember, it doesn't mean you failed or were lacking, just not the right girl for him.
Have you ever worked on a jigsaw puzzle, had a piece that looked like it should fit, and you tried because you swore it fit, even the colors did, I have even tried forcing it when I thought if belonged but if I did that, by time I got to the end of the puzzle, I could not complete it, it would never be whole because some pieces were out of place.
If you can change your thoughts and mind set to truly believe that you were the wrong puzzle piece to go with him, but somewhere is a guy who is the perfect fit for you, then it should not bother you that its happening that he pays attention to sis or any other girl. You may go through more datings and breakup s in the future, its all part of learning whos the best mate/partner for you, and this insight will also apply then. If you have any more info for me and I got this all wrong, Id still like to help, just write to my columns inbox and remind me who you are. the gal whose ex she broke up with is seeing sis.

I'm going to be 15 in 2 days & I'm a freshman. Although I'm a freshman I don't look like one & I'm not immature like the rest of the freshman. All my classes are with Juniors basically because I'm in advanced classes. This Junior guy who's 17 & I have been hanging out everyday during lunch & we actually met during summer at the mall but I had no idea he was going to be in my new school. I find myself falling for him since he's so nice unlike the rest of the guys at this school. He has morals & he's so respectful. Would it be okay if we went out?

Honey, only you can determine whether it will work or not. I think you are too concerned as to what other people (peers and adults included) may think.
Every person is unique and must be judged based on just themselves...no comparisons to others.
There is such a thing as biological age vs chronological age. Biological age in some people looks only or both looks and maturity can be far ahead of their chronological age.
I have a niece who for example will be graduating as she turns 16.
You met this summer before knowing you'd be in same school, I'd say it sounds like it was meant to be. Yes, the good guys are hard to find. What matters more than age is the maturity level of the guy and how he treats you. If he is more concerned with upholding you and supporting you in everything that is important to you, never raises his voice to you, even when having a bad day, makes good choices, then anything you ever face together, you should be able to work through, even if its opposition to your ages.
Good luck dear

I cheated on my Boyfriend. We've been dating for almost 3 and a half years.
I didn't sleep with the guy, we've made out twice (we're both in a relationship). So I suppose, I've cheated twice.

I feel all sorts of emotions, including guilt. I don't know how to deal with it. I don't know how to deal with the temptation and I don't know how I should deal with why I feel all this temptation and a need to cheat in the first place. Dealing with guilt and other emotions is another thing too...

If anyone could offer me any advice on this subject, it'd be much appreciated.

Thanks

I don't know your age so there is always the chance that if under 25, the reason you are having difficulty sorting it out and making the best decisions and doing things you regret later, is because the part of the brain responsible for making good decisions, for sound reasoning, is not fully developed until that time. If thats your case, it is good to look for advice, just remember to go looking for others as sounding boards BEFORE you take a certain action rather than after. Its much easier.

If you are close to mid twenties or older and fairly mature for your age but battling a desire for relationships with multiple guys at the same time...it would be an entirely different situation.
It may be that you simply are not monogamous in your makeup, of who you are at core. There is such a relationship descriptions called Poly amory meaning having more than one love. The partners may be married or single but have more than one person they enjoy and love.. and it isn't about just having sex with more than one person, sometimes its a relationship without the sex. BUT it is always about a real attraction to and caring about who that other person is on the inside, and sex if it developes is just one of many ways to express that love, (its why its also called love-making)

So it is just the sex you are there for or are you truly in love with two? If this is who you are, then you need to know that to be poly, you must be able to openly share that up front so that those who cannot or will not want to share a female, wont. And it goes both ways, could you allow the man you love to have another female he loves as well? Its the hardest relationship configuration to deal with and even the most mature people struggle with it. I am not quick to recommend it. But for those who are like this, its not something to feel guilty about. Be its something to be honest about and all partners should know each other and abide by boundaries and ground rules to keep themselves safe from STDs just as any 2 person relationship.

Now the other possibility is that since you've been a good amt of time with this relationship, if you never dated around before, it could be subconsciously you are feeling that you might be missing out on something and want to explore your sexuality with others.
There's nothing wrong with that either. Doing it behind your partners back, someone you have committed to being in a relationship with, and remain monogamous with, is wrong. If you don't tell him, the guilt will eat away at you and whether he knows or not, you will, and it will change your relationship with him just because you know what you did. the option of telling him, means he will be hurt, and may decide to eventually forgive, or may decide to break up with you.
Is it only this one other guy you have issues of attraction to? If so, avoid him and don't place yourself in temptations way.
However if you have a high libio that isn't being satified at home, eventually there are plenty other guys who will catch your attention.
So another question is: even though sex is fair, okay or good with boyfriend, is there really a great chemistry with him? It's long past the time when NRE new relationship energy will have subsided, is that spark still there? If it isn't, perhaps you're not with the best possible guy. It isn't fair to him. And it would be best for you to end the relationship and in this case you don't have to tell him what you did.
If the two of you have a great relationship but you find you are having this struggle of wanting to sleep with others all the time, theres a possibility you are addicted to sex and there is therapy for that. He would need to know what you are struggling with if you are professionally diagnosed as such, and that it caused you to be unfaithful already twice. As you can see, there are many possilbe scenerios that might apply here, and without knowing you and your situation more in depth, I can't really help you more.

I am a 22 yr old male. I need advice in dealing with the relationship between my parents & I. One year ago I had my first child, my girlfriend & I were living with my parents at the time. My mother said some really hurtful things to my girlfriend and then called the law on us. Our newborn son was removed from us for one month and my parents had him during that time. My parents took me to court to try and get custody of my son. They told us they weren't, but I did not trust them, still don't. They cheated me of a month of my son's life. I'm angry that they called the law on me & my girlfriend and feel that they are wrong and could have handled things differently. I feel that my mother is trying to control my life and take away my son. I know she does not like my girlfriend and feel that my parents will do anything to take our son away from us again. My parents want to talk to me and have said that they are sorry, but I do not believe them or trust them. I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive them. I allow them to spend time with my son, but feel they abuse my generosity and always want more time than I tell them they can have. If it wasn't for my girlfriend convincing me to let my son see them, I'd never let them see my son or ever talk to them again. I think he should only stay with them one weekend a month, but they always want more! Should I take my son away and never allow them to see him again and kick them out of my lives now? It also angers me that they do not respect our rules with our son, they let him get by with stuff we do not and he is difficult to deal with after spending a few days with my parents. How do I deal with this? They are wrong in what they did and they don't seem to get it. They think they are right and are better parents than we are! They don't respect me or my rules and feel like I have to set strict boundaries with them. I just want them to leave me and my family alone, my son needs us, not my parents!! What would you do??

Advice man said all there was to say. I just want to share my own experience with my dad who was wasn't with mom anymore, but heard from her and called to warn me that she had called CPS, child protective services on us. At least I was mentally prepared, the following day a woman came by to see us, talk with us see a happy well adjusted 2 year old and we shared with her our disciplining style based on a Christian book on parenting that we were following because how we tried to teach and discipline wasn't something mom was comfortable with. OUr child was never taken from us tho.
But I was hurt. How did I get past that betrayal?
I put myself in moms shoes. How would I feel if I were the grandma and saw I my daughter raising her child in a way that I didn't totally approve of. I didn't like that helpless feeling, worried for the welfare of the child who is not being physically harmed and all their needs taken care of but I would be concerned if the child wasnt trained to respect their elders, if the child defied everyone at every turn, had a potty mouth and wouldn't respect the rules. I could see where mom was coming from. So we explained more to her of what we were doing, let her come over to our place where we can say when its time for her to go. But she was able to watch us with the child, hang out long enough, beyond the point where we could possibly keep up a pretense if there was one. Now that I am a grandma, looking back, it really is a young age at which to become parents, and due to your age and inexperience, you may mess up on some things, but we all do. The thing is to learn from them. And parenting is just that, a learn as you go process that we all need to go through...if you get a chance to say anything like this to them, i'd remind them of it. You might tell them that you will use them as a sounding board, come to them for their input or views on issues with the child which you may or may not consider but in the end since you are the parents, it's your decision. And yes, grandparents can tend to be too lenient and set no guidelines for grandchildren. You can only stress how important it is to you and limit how often the kid is totally alone with the grandparents. Here's a bright point..when kids get old enough to begin to reason with, you can remind them at the door that whatever the gp's let them do, if it goes against the rules at home, it will not be allowed. And kids are great at following the rules where boundaries are set and trying to get away with everything where the parenting style is different, not just at GP's but when visiting homes of their friends when older. I have the reverse issue with my granddaughter. My daughter is extremely lax and doesnt seem to have a clue when it comes to setting rules and boundaries. So when the granddaughter was over at my place. I began to work with her on what was allowed and not. At just 1 1/2 she would walk around at home and when tired of a cookie or cracker, just drop it to the floor. She was not allowed to do that at my place. I explained she had 3 choices. Some kids even at a young age, like to be given choices as long as each choice is something you can live with.
Told her she could hand it to me to dispose of, place it on a table or in the garbage but not drop food on the floor. She understood and fought me when I asked her to now pick up the piece of food she dropped. She refused. So I took her little hand and placed it over the food asking that she pick it up. I had to be patient to stand my ground for a period of 20 minutes until she finally gave in and picked it up at which point I congratulated her and asked her where she'd like to put it where I stated was okay. She thought using the garbage pail was pretty cool. I have had issues on other things as she got older. She's now 5. My sis told me she had my granddaughter overnight. She played with the cats water dish, spilling the water and was told not to. So she was told it was a rule there to leave it alone so water was always available for the cat. She said she understood but repeated the offense. Sis told her, that as much as she liked having her over, if she could not follow the rules, she would be taken home immediately. Immediately she apologized and said she would follow the rules. Please dont take me home because I am having fun here.
There is hope for your child, no matter what the homes are like where your kid visits, he will adapt to act accordingly at each place. As young as he is, right now it will still be a battle to get him to switch over when he comes back home. But over time as the routine is established, and enforced, he will come to understand and not be as difficult when he comes home.

Hi, I am a teenage girl. Outgoing, cute, fun-loving, ,softspoken, good sense of humor. Anyways, I had a peprally at my school today and my friend and I were looking for seats but we found some beside this guy(let's call him Ryan). So my cousin told me a couple months back Ryan likes me(as a girlfriend) but I wasn't sure because, you know, I never talked to Ryan before then. My friend and I got seated and I ended up sitting beside Ryan. Ryan and I got to talking. He made me feel so different, special, weird, good, and, well, it's hard to explain. I know, I know what you're going to say "Pay attention in school" or "get your head out of your butt"(not that I've heard those phrases alot around my house) But anyhoo, he made me feel so weird(but in a good, hard to explain way lol)I can't even explain it. I could tell he was trying to make me laugh and I caught him staring at me and he was very sweet..so could this mean anything? Thanks in advance.(:

Its so nice to feel a chemistry or attraction...good feelings and yes hard to describe.

So you need to find out if he likes you. Guys love to get girls to laugh if they have an interest in the girl. But there's lots of body language you can rely on. Start looking that up on the web too.
One important thing to remember is that each of us have our own personal sphere around us or energy bubble which extends out several feet. If someone comes within arms length to stand near someone else, they are subconsciously actually checking to see if the other persons takes a step away, maintains their position or steps closer to them.
The one who steps away isn't attracted or interested in you. It works both ways so you dont have to wait for him to approach you first.
Other things people do when in each others presence long enough is to mirror any action or motions they make. Such as if you leaned your chin in your hand while sitting at a table, he might put both hands together and rest his chin on top or begin to touch his chin alot.
In conversation, the two will turn towards each other and tend to lean toward the other as they talk. Here's the article:
http://www.kissmegoodnight.com/relationship-advice/read_romantic_body_language.shtml

How come I always get these terrible, splitting headaches after I cry? Can anyone tell me or explain what the reason might be to me? Please, I don't want to read ''we're not doctors or whatever'', if you know something, I'd really appreciate it ! Thanks!! :)

I agree, its the tension and stress that cause the headaches to follow the crying. It can also be draining of energy and leave a person tired afterward too.
What concerns me is, how often are you crying for this to be a concern and why are you crying.
Perhaps there is something else you can focus on bringing about a change in your life so there is very little opportunity for anything to make you cry so much.
If theres any other advice you'd like related to what causes you to cry in the first place, Im sure we'd all be glad to try in help

Ever since I've tried to get closer to god I've been hearing evil voices & seeing scary spirits. This has been happening for a few years but now it has gotten worse & No one believes me. When I started praying to god & decided to live a better life something evil came around. I heard it & I saw it. I believe something evil is trying to get me & I hear voices that sound like they're inside of me or their moving around me. It scares me so much that I shake & everyone thinks I'm crazy & the doctors won't listen to me. They just tried to give me medicine & that didn't even work. I think there's demons or something evil trying to get me.

I saw an evil spirit in my house in my living room. It was a scary girl with stitched up lips & a pale face, it looked straight up evil.
hen I was at my grandma's house I heard something evil whispering to me & I go scared and shook for days

I can't sleep either, sometimes I have freeze up in my sleep & start hearing deep evil voices. I'll be awake in my room & freeze up, then start hearing voices. I can't talk or move either. I hear voices all day.

I don't understand why nobody believes me or thinks that evil spirits are real. The doctors I went to told me I have psychosis. They just want to tell me it's all made up & I'm being delusional. These voices & spirits scare me. I see shadows that are not human moving around in my house and I stay up all night scared.

I hear voices from as little as feint mumbled words, raging screams, hearing my name being called, growling & conversations. A voice even told me I was going to hell.

I had a brother with mental problems, he saw and heard things that no one else did. Although his weren't scary but medication always took care of it. When one medication was discontinued or they took him off it cus it was more expensive and trying to find a cheaper one, he would have troubles again seeing and hearing things, even when on medication if it isn't the right medication it won't help. If you have given them (doctors) a chance and tried several different medications with no result, then likely you do have some evil entities who have attached themselves to you for some unknown reason. Being that you are underage and family doesnt believe you, that puts you in a hard spot. All I can suggest is that you look for psychics who deal in the supernatural and hauntings. Instead of a place being haunted, an individual can be haunted. That may be the case with you and that can be solved and you can be free of their harrassment.
The thing is that it takes a professional who deals in this sort of thing to heal you.
If I were you and family wasn't helping, the quickest way to solve it all would be to look up in your yellow pages or on the net for groups or individuals who deal with hauntings and the supernatural. If it was in your mind, then a psychic coming into contact with you should not be able to pick up on any evil entities. If they can pick up on them, then obviously meds aren't going to help, but psychics can. I have a friend who went into this business of helping those who are haunted. She's a close friend. I know from first hand experience that she had abilities that not all of us have. Some from childhood on are able to see things we can't like angels, spirit guides and also ghosts and demons. These people can also hear them talk clearly to them though no one else can hear them. They know some thing that will happen before it does. Its not all hollywood stuff put into shows. Some shows about the supernatural are a bunch of baloney and no realit in real life but the supernatural does exist and I dont know how you will find the help.
But I do know that no one is going to help you. You need to go hunting for the help on you own. Let me know how your search goes, if you can find some people to help. They may not be in your city so do searches by your state.
Good luck dear.

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