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Jealous of an ex
So i broke up with my boyfriend a week ago and he has been coming to my house talking to my sister and he refuses to talk to me. I know i deserve it but im starting to become irritated. HELP!!
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Why do you think you deserve it? Did you break up with him in a bad way or something?
Honestly, it's weird that he's coming over to your house when you guys broke up a week ago. I would assume he'd need more time before he sees you again.
Don't talk to him or anything, don't even try to talk to him. Be nice, smile, but do your own thing. If your sister is friends with him, which I'm assuming, then try talking to her and explaining how you feel about having him around when you guys have just recently broken up. If she doesn't care or something, then don't hang around them and go do your own thing.
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Couple things here to clarify...why do you think you deserve it, talking as if its a punishment? I think some attitudes need straightening out. The only think you could have done wrong is break up for the wrong reasons, or not have done so in as kind a manner with thorough explanation, not pointing fault at him. Even if you blundered that, you still don't deserve any vindictive or immature treatment.
Dating and girl and boyfriend status is all about getting past the attraction stage and spending increasing amounts of time with a person to determine if they are going to be the right person for you to hang with long term in life to where it becomes a committed relationship whether with marriage papers or not. If in the dating process, there comes a time when issues have not resolved simply cus you don't have enough in common to be best of friends and there isn't enough chemistry for both to be able to sexually please and satisfy the partner, then there is good reason to split...the split does not reflect bad on either party necessarily as you can see. Our own personality is not going to get along with every person on the planet, same in relationships, they may be wrong for you but perfect for someone else.
Based on what I just explained, IF this ex was just deciding to check if he had anything more in common with your sister by coming around to hang out with her, there's nothing wrong with that. However, the fact that he can't or won't talk to you points directly to some immaturity issues he's got. If you all are teens, thats understandable as the ability to make mature decisions and good judgement calls doesnt fully developement until our mid twenties. Its a scientific fact, the frontal part of our brains controlling this area, are lagging behind in the maturity of our bodies. So the hormones flow and attraction to the opposite sex but the mind doesnt always know how best to deal with it and can end up doing some real stupid things...me included at that age. We all go through it. The best thing to do is always talk to others for advice as you have done. I'd say its a good bet that you are more mature than him and its a good thing to see that now.
If you let it show that it irritates you, then you will be giving him the satisfaction he seeks.
So when he shows up, find reasons to leave the room he's in, go to your own room or leave the house for a while. Be friendly as far as just saying Hi and smiling to acknowledge you know he's there but you dont have to say anything else.
I will say that if it wasnt a personality difference between you but some destructive behavior on his part that would hurt any girl he tries to date, then your sister needs to be warned. How you word it and the intent in your heart at the time will make the difference in whether she listens and really hears you or ignores it. Couple examples, the guy is more into himself than caring about pleasing the lady, raises his voice and yells instead of calming discussing things, get's verbally or physically abusive, drinks heavy and drives drunk, takes street drugs, is lazy and doesn't apply himself such as in school or in the relationship, etc...
These are behaviors destructive to a relationship and some will actually hurt the girl not just her feelings but deep emotional and physically.
If this is the case, at a time When he is not there, you talk to your sister in private. Tell her you find it odd that he had chosen to come by now that you broke it up. You can't state it is so but you can say You BELIEVE that he is coming by and paying attention to her just to try to get at you and make you miserable...I mean come on, going after a best friend is one thing, going after a sister is just weird. Tell her that if he really is truly interested in her and decided to get to know her better, then you're happy for her. But tell her you would feel guilty if you didnt give her some things to look out for. Things that any guys who is like that should be avoided, not just your ex. Then list the things for her and tell her to look for those. You don't expect her to believe you, because you could be acting out of feeling hurt or jealous but you really care what happens to her.
The things that made you two not get along may not be present with sis or with any other girl. remember, it doesn't mean you failed or were lacking, just not the right girl for him.
Have you ever worked on a jigsaw puzzle, had a piece that looked like it should fit, and you tried because you swore it fit, even the colors did, I have even tried forcing it when I thought if belonged but if I did that, by time I got to the end of the puzzle, I could not complete it, it would never be whole because some pieces were out of place.
If you can change your thoughts and mind set to truly believe that you were the wrong puzzle piece to go with him, but somewhere is a guy who is the perfect fit for you, then it should not bother you that its happening that he pays attention to sis or any other girl. You may go through more datings and breakup s in the future, its all part of learning whos the best mate/partner for you, and this insight will also apply then. If you have any more info for me and I got this all wrong, Id still like to help, just write to my columns inbox and remind me who you are. the gal whose ex she broke up with is seeing sis.
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