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Ok...So, I go to conciling and im on Medication. But, I still don't feel happy. I'm always down and I never want to do anything. I like being alone, always. And I try to change myself but it just keeps getting worse. Yes, I cut, But im really not a bad person. My family is dieing to get me to change and be like one of my friends. They told me that they wished I was like her....Any advice on how to change my ways and make my parents proud?? (link)
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You've made a fundamental mistake - you're assuming that the problem is *you*, and your personality. Here's the giveaway:
"Any advice on how to change my ways..."
It's not your ways that are the problem. That implies that you have some choice over how you feel. The truth is, if you're being medicated, you are obviously dealing with neurochemical issues. That's a real illess, as real as a broken bone, and it's not something that you can "think" away. It's not because you're a bad person.
Now, the problem with psychiatric diseases is that to other people, they don't LOOK like "real" illnesses. Break a leg or get cancer, and everyone can look at you and see the problem. But when you're clinically depressed or have other neurochemical issues, they automatically assume that for some reason you DECIDED to be that way.
That's just wrong. You know that better than anyone. NO ONE wants to suffer through that sort of thing. And no one would chose to feel that way.
I'm sorry to say it, but this is something that you can only fix by working together with your doctor. If your current treatment and medication aren't doing the job, you need to talk to your therapist and prescribing psychiatrist (assuming that they're not the same person), and let them know that you need more help. It's not always easy or quick to find the combination of medication and therapy that can give you a better life, but it CAN be done for most patients.
Unfortunately you sometimes have to fight for that. Our medical insurance system really doesn't know how to deal with psychiatric issues properly. It's terribly unfair, but many patients get minimal care, enough to shut them up, but not enough to give them their lives back.
I'm not saying that's what is happening in your case, because I don't know. But I AM saying that you can't "think" yourself better or "change your ways" - because if you could, you already WOULD have. That's not to say that you shouldn't try to improve yourself, but if you go into it with the assumption that it's all on you, that you have to go it alone and fix it yourself, the odds are stacked way against you.
Sorry to have gone on for so long, but this is an issue I've dealt with before, and I feel pretty strongly about it. Talk to your doctor and therapist. They really need to help you more.
You shouldn't have to live like this. And you don't.
Good luck!
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okay so me and my boyfriend have just recently started haveing sex and well we we're both virgins..and of course its gonna hurt me when he enters me..but the funny thing is he has never been all the way in..he says it hurts him too? is that possible? is it suppose to hurt the guy if so why? or is it because he is NOT circumcized? i dunno if he is or not..how can u tell? (link)
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If he's not circumsized, and his foreskin is not loose enough, yes, he can experience some pain. If either one of you force him into you, it's even possible for his foreskin to turn outside-in, kind of like rolling a sock inside of itself; that's painful and a bit scary, but not dangerous (the skin can be gently pulled right-side-out).
His doctor may be able to prescribe some ointment which will loosen up his foreskin over time. It's also possible that she or he will recommend circumcision, but that seems drastic (although I'm not a doctor).
One thing that should help a lot is lubrication. KY or some other lotion, applied liberally to both of you, will make penetration a lot easier and more enjoyable.
Of course, just in case either of you is under age, I always add that I do not recommend that anyone under 17 or 18 have sex; personally, I think that most people under that age aren't really ready.
Good luck!
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how do you have sex with your parents being home. if there room was downstairs and yours was upstairs and you wanted your boo to stay the night. how do you do it without gettin caught! (link)
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Honestly, there's no way to eliminate the chance of being caught. Even if your parents were deaf and you locked the door, you'd be running a serious risk.
If you're upstairs, the odds are greater that they'll hear you, even if you try to be quiet. Ever heard someone walking in the room over your head? It's definitely noticable.
There's just no way to avoid it: if they're in the house, you can get caught. Sorry, but you might want to consider if it's worth the risk. Perhaps there's somewhere else that you could use?
And of course, if you're under 17 or so I always reccommend waiting to have sex. I won't go into the reasons, but there are a lot of really good ones to wait until you're physically and mentally ready to get the most out of it. Otherwise, it's kind of like taking a loaf of bread out of the oven and eating it when it's still just dough; it's nowhere near as good as it would have been if you had waited until it was ready.
Either way, good luck. And remember, if you're going to have sex, make it safe - use a condom!
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I'm 14 years old and my boyfriend is 17. He wants to have sex with me but it willing to wait until I'm ready. I think I'm ready but I'm just too scared... (link)
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I have to tell you: every time that I answer a question like this, I worry a LOT about it. Because this is really important for you. What you decide could - WILL - change your whole life.
So I'll do my best to give you the best and most honest answer I can.
There are a LOT of good reasons to wait. Here are some of them:
1. You're still growing. Take a look at almost any 18 or 20-year-old woman. You'll see that they look very different from you. That's because only two years ago, you were a twelve-year-old *child*. Yes, you've had your period since then; that means that you can get pregnant. But you have a LOT of growing left to do, in your body AND your mind. In many ways, you're really not ready for sex; you're still in the process of changing from a child into a woman.
Remember, women reach the peak of sexuality in their 30s! You've only just started developing as a woman in the past two years or so. Give yourself the time to really be ready.
2. I'm sorry to say that most couples who have sex at your age break up fairly quickly afterwards. For the boy, once he's had sex with you, there's no challenge left - no mystery. He's HAD you, and will almost certainly go on to look for new girls to conquer. That's basic biology, as much as anything else; males, particularly horny young males, tend to look for as many partners as possible.
And I honestly have to say that it's wrong of him to pressure you for sex. It sounds as if he thinks of you as a sex object, instead of as the girl that he loves. After all, if he loved you for YOURSELF - instead of just as a warm body he can have sex with - then he'd be willing to wait until you felt totally ready. You deserve so much more than to serve as someone's sex toy.
3. Pregnancy is a real risk for you now. That probably doesn't sound very real to you, and there's no way for me to convince you of that. But try to imagine it for a minute. Think of how totally terrified you would be.
What would you do? Would you tell your parents? Would you end the pregnancy, or put the baby up for adoption, or try to raise it yourself? Remember, the odds are VERY good that your boyfriend will not be with you to help! And even if he tried, how much money could he provide to take care of you and the baby? That is, assuming that he's ALLOWED to stay with you.
Because...
4. He's 17. You're 14. In most states, he could be arrested and prosecuted for statutory rape if he has sex with you. And if you get pregnant, that's almost CERTAIN to happen - when a 14- or 15-year-old girl is pregnant, the police and courts KNOW that someone has committed statutory rape. They'd look for the father.
Do you know what would happen to him then? After he gets arrested and put on trial, he would be quite likely to be found guilty. After all, a simple DNA test would prove that he was the father.
Even after he got out of jail, he'd be in trouble for the rest of his life. As a statutory rapist, he'd be a registered sexual predator. In most states, his name would be published publicly, along with child molesters and rapists. It would be very hard for him to find work or a place to live. I don't think you want that sort of a life for him.
I'm sure there are other reasons, but these are the most important ones that I can think of.
I hope that you'll wait. Believe me, it will be SO MUCH better for you - and him! - if you wait! Right now, you're nowhere NEAR ready to really enjoy it. And that's probably a large part of the reason that you're afraid; deep down, you don't feel ready.
Your first time should be special. Please MAKE it special by doing it when YOU feel ready - not just because the boy you're with is horny.
I wish you a wonderful first time (in a few years), and a very happy life. Good luck!
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is it possible to become pregnant in this situation:
a guy touches his.. thing, and gets that "pre-cum" or whatever on his hand/fingers. then he fingers a girl, a few minutes later, with the same hand as before.
please only answer if you actually know what you're talking about. (link)
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It's very, very unlikely. Theoretically POSSIBLE, but the odds are incredibly low.
Still, it would be smart for him to wipe his hand, at least, before inserting his finger(s).
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i'll answer them..
1. no i havent
2. its a long story but i talked to his friend
3. im 16 in a few days, he just turned 18 last month.. when we met i was 14 and he was 16. i wasnt going to leave my state to be with him..he was going to come here but things came up
4. well, we're together right now..we talk about more
5. when im 18 i want to. since he'll already be in college i want him to transfer, but if he cant ill try to live there
6. we both are.. its hard. we're about 8x that amount away from eachother
7. they just thought he could be lying about who he is.. which he could because you never know..but i HIGHLY doubt it. (link)
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Since you've been with him so long, I'm guessing you've exchanged pictures and that sort of thing. You must have Googled him, too? If not, you should.
I can only guess, of course. But it sounds as if you've both thought about this pretty carefully. Maybe you should talk to him about finding a way to meet in person during a holiday, or something. Of course I have to advise you to be careful, to meet in a public place, and NOT to have sex; not until you're 18. That "crossing state lines" stuff can be very nasty. But since you're both seriously thinking about being together once you're 18, and you're making a big investment of time and feelings, I think it would be a good idea for you two to meet. Or at least talk on the phone, and try to work out plans to meet.
Two years is a long time to wait to be with someone! In college he'll probably face some temptations. You might face a few yourself in your last two years of high school. If you get a chance to speak, or meet face to face, I think that will give you two a better chance of making it.
And if there's some basic incompatibility between the two of you that will show up in a face-to-face meeting, it would be better to find it out sooner rather than later.
But I really hope it works out for you. I have a good feeling about you two. Of course, I don't know either one of you, so I'm just guessing, but I'm a romantic - I really want to see true love win out in the end. :D
I do hope that you two end up happy! And together if possible, but if not, still happy in the end.
If you should want to talk about this or anything else in the future, I'll be here. Best of luck!
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well this guy i work with likes me a lot and i only like him as a friend and i told him that a lot of times and i thought he understood that...so i act mean to him at work but i just be playin with him...and he takes it seriously and i just be like okay whatever...well he calls me sometimes i dont answer because i dont have my phone with me...but when i do answer he asks me to the movies and i said i cant because i have to work and then i gotta go out of town...and he didnt believe me that much but he accepted that...then he told me on the phone how he thinks about me and told me not to get mad...he said that he thought i was a dyke because i kept being mean to him and that im a virgin because i act so grouchy and i dont i just act mean cause im either tired or im just playin around with him...and he said a bunch of other stuff and it pissed me off so what should i do cause i dont wanna have to face him at work...another thing he said is if im gonna marry me my cousin when i get older because everytime im always talkin to my cousins or over their house and thats cause we're really cool...sorry this is so long but i dont know what to do and i dont know how to face him!! (link)
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What he's doing is sexual harassment, and it's against the law. Talk to your human resources department, or if your company doesn't have one, to your supervisor. They'll tell him to stop behaving inappropriately at work.
If your company has a sexual harassment policy, it will either be on your intranet website, in your employee handbook, or posted publicly. Read it, if you can.
You might also want to talk to him privately, and tell him that you aren't comfortable with the way that he's behaving towards you. Tell him that you want to keep things on a strictly business level from now on.
I suspect he has a crush on you, and feels hurt and jealous because you're not interested in him. That's probably very hard for him, seeing you at work every day. But that's no excuse for the way he's acting.
Here's a site with information about sexual harassment: http://www.eeoc.gov/facts/fs-sex.html
Good luck!
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okay well me and him have been talking for 2 years now..he lives a few states away.. my parents tried to keep me from talkin to him, but now i think theyre getting over it. i fell in love with him. i trust him alot but i wanna be sure. i dont know how to be. i believe him but i also have my doubts. we're together now and have been for awhile. it doesnt hold me back from meeting other people. i think i know what im doing. i dont know. i need someone other then my friends to talk about this with. any suggestions or anything that could help me? (link)
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I hope you don't mind, but I need to ask some questions. You DON'T have to answer any of them if you don't want to, but just answering them for yourself might help you sort things out a bit.
1. Have you met him in person?
2. Have you spoken to him over the phone?
3. Sorry to ask, but how old are you? If you're under the age of consent in your state, or his, your options are limited. They're even MORE limited if he's OVER the age of consent in either state. Even if you don't get intimate, when a minor travels over state lines to be with someone else, Federal law is potentially involved.
4. What do you want from him? To be his girlfriend? To marry him? To date him?
5. Would you move to his state to be with him, or would he move to your state to be with you? That is, assuming you're old enough?
6. If neither of you can move right now, are you willing to carry on a long-distance relationship with him? That can be tough. When I met my wife, she lived about 80 miles away from me. We drove back and forth to visit each other a lot, and eventually, of course, we got married. Well, we moved in together and THEN got married. :D
7. I have to wonder why your parents didn't like him. Was it that they were just afraid of ANY online relationship for you (a lot of older people are scared of the net), or did they have some more substantial reason to be worried?
I'm sorry to have so many questions to start, but there are too many unknowns for me to be able to give you more detailed advice. I'll really understand if you don't want to answer any or all of these questions, but maybe you should print them out and write down the answers just for yourself. That might help you to think about things.
But I'm here if you want to talk about this some more.
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I have a question for guys out there, are you attracted to a slim girls with large hips? haha I was just wondering cause not that i'm getting older I notice I'm starting to get larger hips and all my girlfriends are jealous of me..and i'm like y, i would do anything to get ride of them. Thank-you (link)
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Most men like all sorts of women, and all sorts of figures, but wide hips tend to be more attractive on a basic biological level because they make it easier for you to deliver a baby.
Ultimately, all attractiveness is about reproduction. Wide hips tell something primitive deep in a man's brain that you would be a good mother for his children. And that's a powerful message, one that almost no straight man can ignore.
And that's why your girlfriends are jealous.
While you can't actually change the bone structure of your hips, if you exercise and eat healthy food - a wide variety of fruits and vegetables, and plenty of water - you'll tone up your body and probably make your hips look a little smaller.
But don't worry about your hips too much.
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i read the question you answered about the online guy.. im in the same situation and since you've been there i was wondering if you could answer some questions for me.. thanks (link)
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Sure, ask away!
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ok so this one guy imed me the other day and was like i like you a lot and he tol me he was 14....then i go to his xanga thing...idk if yoiu know waht that is...and like it said that he was 21 and im confused hes like i like you sooo much like you dont kno...and hes the same religion as me too and all...idk wat to do? im soo scared!
tahnkz (link)
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If he told you he was 14, and his xanga says he's 21, then either he's lying to you NOW or he lied on his xanga. Either way, that makes it really clear that you CAN'T TRUST HIM!
And if you can't trust him, sharing the same religion doesn't mean anything. Because if he'll lie about his age, he could lie about anything.
You were smart - you found out that he was lying. And you can be pretty sure, from what he's saying, what he wants from you. So I'm sure you don't need me to tell you not to have anything more to do with him.
He's definitely bad news.
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I know not to trust anyone on the internet. But what are ways to find out he is a normal, nice guy? I'm not giving out any information, i'm not that stupid. But how can I get proof from him? (link)
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1. Take your time. Don't get into any heavy commitments. Phone and cyber are NOT a good idea if you don't really know the guy - and at this point, you don't. He could be a 50-year-old pervert. Or a good-looking liar. Or even the real thing! But you HAVE to be careful.
2. Google him. See what you can find out.
3. After you've known him online for a while - several weeks at least - you might exchange phone numbers and talk. But listen carefully. There really are some bad people out there.
4. After a while, meet him! But do it in a PUBLIC, well-lighted place that you know well. When I first met my wife-to-be after meeting her online, I arranged to meet her in person for the first time at my local public library - and I was 33 at the time! :D
It's usually a good idea to agree up front what you're going to do on that first meeting. Lunch or coffee or something at a public restaurant is an option.
And apart from that, just keep listening to what he says and think carefully. Don't let yourself get swept away too quickly. It's too easy to lose your head, so DON'T!
I hope it works out as well for you as mine did for me. Good luck!
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0k wat do u like in a girl? do you like there eyes? body,boobs,personality?
what do you want your gf to be like?
plz answer my question!
i rate high!
btw im 13 and oh yeah whats like the age range or w.e that you pick a girl in?
thankz (link)
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Different boys look for different things in a girl. All of the things you mentioned are factors for every boy.
That's because they all indicate a woman's potential to conceive, bear, and raise a healthy baby. Even personality is a factor. On a very basic level in the human brain, what we're all looking for is a mate to produce the best baby possible. That's elementary biology.
And the same thing is true for women, by the way.
Of course, in our CONSCIOUS minds we're not necessarily thinking about that. But in the end, attractiveness is about reproduction.
That said...I think that one of the most influential factors is a smile. I knew a girl who always had a gentle smile on her face - not a huge grin or anything, just a smile. There were DOZENS of boys who were crazy in love with her, while prettier girls got much less attention.
As for age range, at your age I'd strongly recommend against dating boys more than a year older or younger than you. And I hope I don't need to tell you this, but sex at your age is a really bad idea - you're honestly not ready for it. Well, physically you are - you could almost certainly get pregnant, although you're not completely mature, physically - but mentally, you're still making the transition from childhood to womanhood.
Please wait - it's worth it.
At a later age (18 and older), I've seen successful relationships between people whose ages differ by ten years or more - with the male OR the female as the elder. It's not a big deal.
Good luck!
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My boyfriend just came over and I gave him head and he cumed and a little later I lost my virginity to him but he didn't use a condom. I'm scared I could be pregnate. Is there any chance I could be? (link)
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Absolutely. Once a penis enters the vagina of a woman who is able to menstruate, there's a very good chance of pregnancy.
The morning-after pill is something you may want to look into - call your doctor. But do it TODAY, because "morning-after" isn't just a name.
Otherwise, you may want to get a home pregnancy test in a couple of weeks.
And if you're NOT pregnant, please learn something from this. You need to use birth control EVERY TIME. Talk to your OB/GYN about your options.
Good luck.
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My vet keeps sending me postcards wanting me to bring in my cat to get her yearly exam and shots. Is this really necessary? When I was a kid, we never brought our cats to the vet. We live in an apartment, so my cat never goes outside or is exposed to other animals. So I don't see a purpose for these vaccines. She was just at the vet 2 months ago for an eye infection, so they know she is in good health. Is it really that necessary that I bring her? (link)
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In many states (maybe all of them), you can't get a tag for your cat if their immunizations aren't up to date.
That may not seem like a big thing, but cats are really good at getting out of the apartment sometimes, even if they're not supposed to. It has happened several times to me over the years, and I've always tried to be really careful about keeping my cats indoors.
If your cat DOES get out (and one in three pets gets lost in its lifetime), an ID tag and collar will be the most likely way that you will ever see him or her again.
Just a thought. And there are some diseases which can affect your cat even if he or she never goes outside. So call your vet, and see what they say.
CLARIFICATION: In most states, you cannot get a license and official tag without up-to-date immunization. Specifically including rabies, as a matter of public health. Private tags are available, of course, but if you want state ID and a license, your cat must have their shots. At least, that applies to every state that I know of.
But since you feel that I'm misinformed, feel free to ask your vet instead. They will have information about laws in your state or country.
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I went to a friend's house a couple of days ago, and I got bit by some kind of bug, and now I have a bunch of bites around my ankles and lower legs that seems to be turning into a rash. It itches SO bad. What can I put on this rashlike thing to make it stop itching, because Im lacking sleep at night froom this! (link)
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I had the same thing happen very recently. You're almost certainly having an allergic reaction to the bites, and that can be serious. It shouldn't be life-threating, but you need to see a doctor and a dermatologist. They'll probably give you a steroid-based ointment to put on the rash, which should clear it up in a few days.
If the reaction is VERY serious, they might give you prednisone. But that has some possible side effects, so they'll avoid that if they can.
In any case, don't wait - call your doctor right away.
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ok well i'm 13 and my boyfriend wants to have sex and i really dont think i'm ready for it.how do i tell him wiht out him thinking i dont like him anymore (link)
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Start out by telling him that you really like him, and you want to stay with him. And then tell him that you don't feel ready for sex, and you hope that he can understand that.
I think you're making the right choice, by the way. At thirteen, you're really NOT ready. You have the physical equipment for it, and you could even become pregnant (and that would be more of a disaster than you can imagine), but mentally, you're not ready. Your brain and your body still have a lot of growing left to do, and you'll find that it will be a lot better if you wait until you feel totally ready to have sex.
Don't let him pressure you; if he does, that's a signal that he cares more about sex than about you as a person, and you deserve better than that. You're only going to have one first time, after all! So give it time, until you know that you're ready. And if your boyfriend can't wait, don't worry: the right boy will be out there for you when the time comes.
Honestly, it will be SO MUCH better if you wait for the right time. You have no idea.
One more thing: I have to tell you that when a boy pressures his underage girlfriend to have sex with him, the relationship usually ends before very long. The boy moves on, looking for new girls to add to his score. The truth is, I think that hurts the boys almost as much as the girls; once a boy gets used to treating girls as nothing more than sex objects, they can never really connect with a girl or a woman in a meaningful, adult way.
And that's really sad.
I wish you a wonderful first time (in a few years), and a happy life.
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my boyfriend of 7 months got drunk the other night and planned on hiding it from me. i found out from someone else who was there. my boyfriend always promised & swore that he would never drink and how stupid he was. he ended up getting drunk with his friend and when i found out, i gave my boyfriend soooo many chances to confess and tell me the truth and he didnt. later he finally admitted it and i was so outraged that i broke up with him and told him i never want to see him again, and i hung up. he hasnt tried to call me or fix things up. my friends called him and said he was crying and too afraid to talk to me. i dont want to call him first...but should i forgive him? he broke my trust. (link)
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This is a tough one. To be honest, you seem to be overreacting a little - unless there's something more that you didn't mention. For example, is your ex-boyfriend an alcoholic? Or does alcoholism run in his family? Getting drunk once doesn't seem like such a terrible offense.
Of course, if you both share strict religious strictures against drinking, that would change things.
I understand that you're more upset about him lying to you, than about the drinking. Trust is the issue, and that's very important.
But you are, or were, his *girlfriend* - not his mother. So it may have been unfair of you to set that condition on him. Experimenting once with alcohol is not such a terrible thing to do, as long as no one was hurt.
It sounds as if he really loves you. But there seem to be some problems in your relationship. He's afraid to talk to you, and you put a restriction on him that seems out of place in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship...it's not healthy. A relationship should be between equals, with give and take - and trust - on both sides.
I'm a big fan of true love, and I like to see relationships work out. I also understand why boys (and girls) lie sometimes. It sounds as if he loves you...but do you love him? I think you need to give that some very serious thought (I'm sure you already have), and if you decide to give it another try, you might want to consider couples therapy. Or at the least, spend more time talking with each other about your relationship, and really LISTENING to what each other has to say.
Good luck!
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what do your leg muscles do for you?do they make you run faster or something? i rate high (link)
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Leg muscles help you to run faster, walk for longer without feeling as tired, jump higher - all that good stuff.
The muscles of your calves in particular also help circulate blood through your lower body. They don't pump rhythmically the way that your heart does, of course, but when you walk or exercise, the calf muscles push blood back toward the heart.
Strong calf and leg muscles reduce your chances of developing "spider veins" or leg ulcers as you get older.
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I hate myself. Does anyone have any ideas to stop a persons perceptions of things, or path of thinking change? I dont beleive in any kind of religion and i beleive that there is no reason to anything and that life and existance in general is just so pointless. If people live to be happy and content, yet are mainly overcome by other stronger emotions such as pain and anger what is the point of living? there is no afterlife its just nothing. why be afraid of something you wont be aware of. why bother searching for peace of mind which you already know you will never get. each and everyone of us are unique so no one is. no one will remember me when i die because i have had no impact upon anyone. i have achieved nothing and have had nothing able to be achieved because of how many billions of people in the world that are better then me. nothing has meaning me running around in an endless circle compared to going to school and learning are of about the same value. .. should i get help? (link)
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I had a friend in college who used to say the exact same thing. He ended up dropping out and going into long-term therapy.
But that was a long time ago, and neuropharmacology has made some real strides since then.
What I'm saying is that while I'm not sure that you have clinical depression - I'm not a psychiatric professional, after all - it *does* sound as if you have some fairly serious issues, and depression is a definite possibility.
In which case, you have an imbalance of neurochemicals in your brain. That's a sickness, as real as a severed artery. But there are treatments that will help. I'd suggest talking to a psychiatrist about your feelings as soon as possible.
Now, I suspect that part of the reason you came here was to look for someone to tell you that life is meaningful; to give you a reason to go on. The problem is, if you DO have clinical depression, no reason will be good enough for you. It's as if you had a broken ankle; it doesn't help for me to tell you that running is good for you and shouldn't hurt. It hurts for YOU, because you're damaged and need to heal.
That said...I agree with you about an afterlife, as it happens. But I think that once you've gotten the help you need, you'll find that life can be wonderful. You're young; you have decades ahead of you. You can MAKE your life into something that's meaningful. Something to be proud of. You can leave the world a much better place.
And that's the secret of life, I think; you have to live it so that as many moments as possible are ones that you can be proud of. Helping other people is the best way I know to do that.
But first, you need to get help. Please do.
I wish you the best of luck, and a happy, meaningful, and productive future.
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