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sex
I'm 14 years old and my boyfriend is 17. He wants to have sex with me but it willing to wait until I'm ready. I think I'm ready but I'm just too scared...
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I have to tell you: every time that I answer a question like this, I worry a LOT about it. Because this is really important for you. What you decide could - WILL - change your whole life.
So I'll do my best to give you the best and most honest answer I can.
There are a LOT of good reasons to wait. Here are some of them:
1. You're still growing. Take a look at almost any 18 or 20-year-old woman. You'll see that they look very different from you. That's because only two years ago, you were a twelve-year-old *child*. Yes, you've had your period since then; that means that you can get pregnant. But you have a LOT of growing left to do, in your body AND your mind. In many ways, you're really not ready for sex; you're still in the process of changing from a child into a woman.
Remember, women reach the peak of sexuality in their 30s! You've only just started developing as a woman in the past two years or so. Give yourself the time to really be ready.
2. I'm sorry to say that most couples who have sex at your age break up fairly quickly afterwards. For the boy, once he's had sex with you, there's no challenge left - no mystery. He's HAD you, and will almost certainly go on to look for new girls to conquer. That's basic biology, as much as anything else; males, particularly horny young males, tend to look for as many partners as possible.
And I honestly have to say that it's wrong of him to pressure you for sex. It sounds as if he thinks of you as a sex object, instead of as the girl that he loves. After all, if he loved you for YOURSELF - instead of just as a warm body he can have sex with - then he'd be willing to wait until you felt totally ready. You deserve so much more than to serve as someone's sex toy.
3. Pregnancy is a real risk for you now. That probably doesn't sound very real to you, and there's no way for me to convince you of that. But try to imagine it for a minute. Think of how totally terrified you would be.
What would you do? Would you tell your parents? Would you end the pregnancy, or put the baby up for adoption, or try to raise it yourself? Remember, the odds are VERY good that your boyfriend will not be with you to help! And even if he tried, how much money could he provide to take care of you and the baby? That is, assuming that he's ALLOWED to stay with you.
Because...
4. He's 17. You're 14. In most states, he could be arrested and prosecuted for statutory rape if he has sex with you. And if you get pregnant, that's almost CERTAIN to happen - when a 14- or 15-year-old girl is pregnant, the police and courts KNOW that someone has committed statutory rape. They'd look for the father.
Do you know what would happen to him then? After he gets arrested and put on trial, he would be quite likely to be found guilty. After all, a simple DNA test would prove that he was the father.
Even after he got out of jail, he'd be in trouble for the rest of his life. As a statutory rapist, he'd be a registered sexual predator. In most states, his name would be published publicly, along with child molesters and rapists. It would be very hard for him to find work or a place to live. I don't think you want that sort of a life for him.
I'm sure there are other reasons, but these are the most important ones that I can think of.
I hope that you'll wait. Believe me, it will be SO MUCH better for you - and him! - if you wait! Right now, you're nowhere NEAR ready to really enjoy it. And that's probably a large part of the reason that you're afraid; deep down, you don't feel ready.
Your first time should be special. Please MAKE it special by doing it when YOU feel ready - not just because the boy you're with is horny.
I wish you a wonderful first time (in a few years), and a very happy life. Good luck!
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