about

My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

So I'm a 16 year old girl and I'm a virgin I masturbate with a fat sharpie marker. I can get it all the way in me without hurting. Does that mean I "popped my own cherry?" Also why does it hurt when I move the marker in me like I feel a pain right beneath my belly button like its cramps or something. Is that how it will feel whenever I do finally decide to have sex? Please help me.

The term "popped my cherry" loss of virginity or breaking of your hymen. Your still a virgin as you have not yet been penetrated by a penis and that is what it takes to loss ones virginity. This is also what this term is generally accepted to mean. So if that is what you meant by popping your cherry you haven't done so. You may have torn you Hyman but I don't think so. You are not telling us the things that would lead us to believe that.


As to why you are feeling pain where you are I can't say. What I will say is to stop using the sharpie marker as a dildo as you may be scratching the inside of your vagina with it. This may or may not be the cause of the pain you are feeling. The markers edges even though slightly rounded are to sharp to be used as a dildo. If this is how you wish to masturbate either buy a dildo or use your fingers.

As for the pain: If it doesn't occur while using your fingers then I would say you have your answer. If still have pain while using your fingers then see a gynecologist.

If your over 14 you can see the doctor in private, meaning mom waits in the waiting room and in total confidence. Total confidence means anything you say to the doctor and anything the doctor treats you for, examines you for or writes a prescription for, including birth control, stays between you and the doctor. No one not even your mother can be told without your written permission.

This is guaranteed under Federal Law known as HIPPA, which covers a persons reproductive health starting at age 14. This law was written so that teenagers would seek proper medical treatment for reproductive health issues.

Don't be embarrassed to tell the doctor you are masturbating. First it is absolutely normal to do and is healthy for you to do so in moderation. Second: You won't be the first young lady to tell the doctor you are doing so. Also according to a recent survey on the subject 85% of us masturbate, this survey included teenagers and adults, so there is a good chance the doctor masturbates as well.

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I have been battling suicide for as long as i can remember. It started because i was being abused by my brother and i had parents who didnt help me or support me when i tried seeking help.
My only outlet was self harm and taking my friends left over valium.
Neither seem to help block it out anymore. I have no coping resources and ive always felt like i dont belong here, like im an alien. I have wanted to kill myself for a while but i always chicken out. How do i do this?

You don't. Suicide is not the answer. It is not even a solution. There are people and organizations who can help you. The following two hot lines can offer you the type of help you need and did not get from your parents. The first one is called RAINN. This stands for Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network. They operate a 24/7 365 hotline answered by trained professionals who will talk with you and help you find people in your own neighborhood who can help you. Their number is: 1-800-656-HOPE.

The second hot line is for the National Suicide prevention Hotline. Their number is 1-800-273-Talk or CHAT. This hot line is also open 24/7 365 and they two will talk with you as long as you need to talk with them. They will also help you find professionals who will help you deal with the depression and anger that is causing you to have suicidal thoughts.

Most importantly is if you are feeling suicidal now pick up the phone and dial 911. Once you place the call your parents cannot cancel your call for help. A police officer and Fire Rescue will be sent to your home.

The Police Officer is there to protect you and see to it you are safe. The Fire Rescue to see to your Medical needs. If you need to go to the hospital for treatment your parents cannot refuse you from being taken their that is why the police officer is there to protect you. So have no fear of the police officer and if you need help now call 911. Tell the call taker you are felling suicidal then follow their instructions.

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My boyfriend is russian. His mother is still in russia and i'd like to write her a letter or email. She always is relaying messages to me through him on the telephone and she wants to meet me etc. We cannot meet obviously because she is thousands of miles away but my bf gave me his mother's email address. id like to use it. what do i say and how to i begin

My sister at one time had a Russian exchange student that we all fell in love with. In fact this young lady adopted all of us and calls my Uncle and my sister mom. She is now married and just had her first child. My sister has from the start corresponded with this girl's mother on a regular basis.

I would suggest you write to her as you would anyone else who is a friend with just a slight difference. You start by introducing yourself and telling her about yourself. You then answer any questions she may have asked in the messages passed to you. Then you go on to tell her about you and her son and how well he treats you. You finish by thanking her for raising someone so kind an thoughtful.

I'm not sure if they celebrate mothers day in Russia but since it will be mothers day here shortly you may want to tell her about Mother's Day and wish her a happy mothers day as well.

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my girlfriend is a virgin and she scared to have sex with me because shes scared her parents find out and shes still 15 , tell me some ways to convince her into having sex with me please

The short answer is YOU DON'T

You don't convince, pressure or force your 15 year old girlfriend to have sex with you for any reason. There are real world penalties for doing so. What you are trying can be interpreted as RAPE if you succeed in wearing her down to giving into you.

When a girl tells a guy she is not ready to have sex with him that is the end of the conversation. Continuing to try and convince her can be construed as harassment, or some type of forcing her to give in to you. That my friend is the definition of RAPE. At your age you may not think so but if your old enough to looking to go all the way with a girl then you better know the laws. Also be aware she is under the age of consent and sex with her is rape regardless of whether she says yes or no because by law she cannot consent.


I'm being real here with you. There is more to sex than just the pleasure and release of your hormones. There are real world penalties for what you are trying to do, so STOP. If all you want is sex then find someone else. If you love her, I mean really love her you will stop pressuring her to give in to you and just enjoy being with her and doing whatever she enjoys or allows.

Given societies outlook on teenagers today my advice is to stop pressuring her to give in to you. At least where this girl is concerned keep it in your pants and avoid any possible problems that could come your way by forcing her. I know this is not what you want to hear but it is good advice for today and the future if you want to stay out of Jail.

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Hello,

I live in Mississippi. My two sons live in Illinois. They have both recently been married. One is expecting a baby. Should I sell my home down south and move up north to be closer to my children or should I stay where I am? It is much cheaper for me to live down south, however, a grandchild is on the way. I just don't know what I should do. Please advise.

Thank you

This is really a tough question to answer. Being probably close to your age and living on a fixed income I can understand your dilemma.


I understand your desire to be close to your future grandchildren to both enjoy watching them grow and to help your children raise them. I also understand what leaving your home in the south will cost you in monetary costs.


To my mind one does cancel out the other but not in the way one may think. Moving north and putting a financial burden on yourself will also put a strain on you that will effect how you live and enjoy life. I don't know you but I do know people who have done what you are contemplating. Quality of life for yourself is just as important as being close to your grandchildren. You cannot live your live through them. In fact you may actually be able to do more for them if you financial life is better.


As the grandchildren grow older extended visits with grandparents are more enjoyable for them and the grandparents. You may be able to do things with then or for them that their parents are not able to such as trips with you to places such as Disneyland. Having the grandchildren visit with you at your home will also give you quality of time with them while allowing their parents to renew their relationship and rejuvenate.


Their are a lot of plus reason on the side of staying where you are. There are a few desired reasons for moving. You have to decide if the plus reasons out weight the desired reasons.

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I went on other sites and the say to older people that the period smelling weird like the oder is sex and tampons I don't use tampons and I haven't had sex yet eathermy period smeel like decayed meat and the blood is dark

This is really one of those questions you should talk to your mother about. Your period is a bodily function just as urinating is. If you had trouble urinating you would not have a problem telling mom about it. why are you having a problem with this?


Your period has nothing to do with sex itself. You know of course that as long as you are having your period you cannot be pregnant so this problem has nothing to do with if you had sex or not. Also when it comes to any medical problem, which this may be. Just because someone else had a similar problem it is very likely what your experiencing is very different.

My advice: Talk to your mom about this problem,

Last mom is built like you are. She has periods and has Benn having them much longer than you. She will know for sure if what you are experiencing requires a trip to the doctor. she can also explain better than anyone here what is going on.

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i have tricked my sister into putting a camera in the shower she docent know it is on and recording she is young and i am too?? is this illigal and what should i do

ik its wrong to invade her privacy but i still did it

Yes it is illeagle to photograph someone in that manner

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i know about sex and condoms and all that but my mum doesnt know i know!im kind of scared now beacause she is probably soon going to give me the'talk'!
my mum didnt even think i knew what 'going out with someone'was!!!

im 13 and my mum treats me like a 6yr old!

As a parent I will tell you that we know our children pick up different things at school. While we would like to protect our children from somethings and we would rather keep them chaste from much of it, we know it is unavoidable.


We also know that at some point we are also going to have to intervene and separate fact from, shall we say street fiction. This is where you and your mom are approaching.


We get hundreds of letters a week on this site from, girls mostly, wanting answers to questions about sex that makes us wonder where they get their sex education from. The only thing we can conclude is that most of their sex education comes from their friends and most of it is wrong.


So while you know some things about sex and condoms you may not know everything and what you do know could be half truth or altogether wrong. For example: Condoms do not protect you from all STDs and are only 85% effective as birth control if worn correctly by the boy. Do you know how the boy should be wearing the condom?


These and other things are what mom probably wants to talk to you about. I suggest you listen to her with an open mind as she will tell you the truth so that you do not get pregnant and you do not get an STD.


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Okay. I am 26 years old. I was 15 years old, I stop growing and I never started my period. I have to be on birth controls to have a period. I finish the pill for a week i stared then stop after the pill but for two months now i stop taking birth control after 10 years it made me feel bad and sick and all the time. and i figure i really need it?? I am stop growing and not getting any bigger and all thet stuff. but wonder if it not good not be have a period? now i been off of it . i been feeling fine. not as bad i was when i am on period or so. i know all woman go thou it. but i still never started a period of my own..

This is probably a question you should be asking of your gynecologist. Since none of us here are doctors I don't think any of us are qualified to answer this question.


As a non doctor and strictly from a common sense standpoint. I would say a woman of your age, if everything else reproductively is working correctly, a period is needed. The purpose of a period is to clean out the womb and prepare it for the next egg in your cycle should it become fertilized. If everything else is working properly and you do not have a period how does you womb prepare itself for a fertilized egg?


Like I said those thoughts or reasons are strictly a layman's reasoning. You really need to talk to you GYN and find out if and why you should be having periods.

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Yeah..so he really wants it and I'm willing to give it to him.
Only issue is I'm afraid I'll do it wrong and hurt him ):
Any tips???
16/f 17/m

Your getting to the age were a sex life is going to be part of your life. While you are still to young for adult intercourse giving and receiving of oral sex is a safe road to start down along with mutual giving of masturbatory sex.


The great thing about sex is it is always a learning experience not just when you have first sex. But when you have sex with a new partner which you will experience more than once until you marry. The way to a great sex life with each partner, especially your first partner is communication.


Not everyone likes the same act the same way. Be it oral sex, Masturbatory sex, intercourse. We all have favorite ways we like it done to us. If we don't communicate this to our partner how is our partner going to give us that great HJ or BJ we want. Later on how are we going to enjoy a full sex life if one position is enjoyed better than another.


So if you really wan to satisfy your boyfriend ask him to help you give him the BJ of a lifetime by instructing you in doing what he likes. From sucking his penis to playing with his sack. If you do this I guarantee you will satisfy him.

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i had sex with my boyfriend last week then after two days when i urinate i felt the pain and discharge was yellow i got sores on my month is that means i have std?

I'm not a doctor none of us are so I can't say for sure. It sounds like it may be an STD. You need to see a doctor and get tested and have those sores treated. You may also have a urinary tract infection as well. This is nothing to fool around with. See a doctor asap.

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I'm a teen looking for advice via internet. So my parents are arguing right now in another room. They tell me to not leave the house because they're worried I might do some crazy shit. Righy now i really need some advice on how to cope with all this stress. If it helps, im a guy. So, what do I do?

First whatever your parents are arguing about the problem is there's not yours. You didn't cause the problem and unfortunately you will not be able to solve the problem either. Also remember this if your parents are heading for a divorce, and arguing does not mean they are, it does not mean that either one of them loves you any less. Regardless of the problems they both are facing their love for you goes unchanged they may just have a problem showing it right now.


If your parents are heading for a divorce or having a rough spot in their marriage. I can see where you could be under a lot of stress. There are plenty of books for parents on how to help their children but I do not see any support groups where children can go and talk about how they feel and find out how to cope with those feelings.


It is important that you do learn how to cope with the stress and feelings you have for if you do not cope with them properly it would be understandable to me that you are bound to end up on the wrong side of trouble. Getting yourself in trouble is not what you need and it is not what your parents need at this time. Guaranteed with their own problems they will handle your badly.


You need to have someone you can talk to who can help you deal with the stress and problems you have. You can get that help by asking your parents directly to find you a therapist who deals with children of divorced families. You can also go to a trusted teacher and tell him/her what is bothering you and what may be happening at home. Your school system by law can then step in and find you the help you need.


Most important is to remember what I said in the beginning about none of this is your fault. Therapy for you is what is needed and anything you say in therapy is confidential and does not go back to your parents or anyone else so you can talk freely with any therapist you are meeting with.

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So... am I the only one who moved into their own place without ever learning how to boil an egg?

I have so far blown up several batches of eggs or had them not be done enough (still runny!) so what am I doing wrong?

Surely someone here knows how to make hard boiled eggs, right?

Help!

Either of the two methods below will work fine. One thing not to do is to use the microwave oven for you can be seriously hurt when you open the door to get the egg.


I taught myself to cook by watching the TV chefs. Cooking is not hard to do. Start with easy things like making fried eggs, Frying or broiling meats and poultry. When cooking poultry and pork it is important they be cooked to a specific temperature so purchase an instant read thermometer and go on line to down load a cooking temperature chart for beef, Poultry and pork.

Honestly if you can read and follow directions you can cook. There are some terms that you may not understand. These terms can be defined by looking on line. A pinch of salt is just that, it is less than the smallest measuring spoon, an amount that you pick up between two fingers. Season to taste: Add salt and pepper to the way you like it to taste, and so on. There is nothing scary about cooking.


Yes I've made a few bad meal while learning to cook. In general I poured tomato sauce over it added a lot of garlic and worcestershire sauce and wine if I had it and in most cases it was edible. I have thrown some meals in the garbage that were not salvageable by this method.


Today my wife and I, especially on cold winter day will go in the kitchen and experiment with baking and new recipe's and yes even as accomplished as we have both become we on occasion will have to throw something out, it happens. The fun is in the process and for us doing it together.


One other thing. The fastest way to a mans heart is through his stomach. My wife was not the greatest cook when I first met her. Though she did cook for me and it meant a lot to me that she did.

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I have been dating this great guy for four months now. I love him so much. Is it weird to give him a blowjob after four months of dating? What's a good age to give your first blowjob? I feel like I'm ready to do it. Also, I'm a very strong Christian. Do blowjobs go against my religion? Have I gone too far by giving handjobs? 15/female

Lets take a look at the last part of your question first. Let me first say I am not a very religious person. when it comes to organized religion I am what is referred to as an agnostic someone who believes in god but no one religion.

That being said, in the strictest sense of the Christian faith any type of premarital sex is considered a sin. Sex is strictly for procreation, birth control and abortion are forbidden. Sex in any other for other than the missionary position is forbidden. SO to answer your question; by the tenants of your religion any type of masturbation, Oral Sex or sex in any other position than missionary is a sin in the eyes of your religion. Oral sex is considered Sodomy and the Bible does speak on Sodomy

I have purposely said religion and not God. I did so for there are other forms of Christianity that do not condemn these forms of sex although most all religions while not condemning premarital sex do frown upon it.

As for your age. There is no right age as to when to give a blow job or hand job. What is thought to happen is once you start down the road of these lights you are not far from having actual sex. For that I do think you are to young. So for that reason I will say you should wait and stick with hand jobs for now.

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I will try to be brief. Me and my wife currently live in a mobile home that is falling apart. It is in need of many repairs and neither of us knows anything about home repairs. We dont make a ton of money whcih is what it would take to repair everything. At the same time, it is paid for and we hate the thought of having a rent payment again. Should we sell and move into something nicer, or stay where we are and try to eventually get everything fixed?

Your questions comes along with other questions you should ask yourself before coming to a decision on what to do.

Living in a trailer I believe means you pay some sort of ground rent for where the trailer is sitting so lets start there. You need to make a list of everything that is wrong with your present trailer. If you know the cost of the repair or if unrepairable but replaceable put that price in the column next to it.

Once you have your list of what needs to be done to rehab your present trailer total the list of repair costs to see what that cost will be then add in your ground rent. Now you have a figure to work with.

It would not be unusual for the cost of the repairs to exceed the value of the trailer as replacement parts often exceed the sum of the whole even when the whole is new. Since you are unable to make the repairs yourself this means the cost is inflated by the value of contractor labor as well.

Now that you have a figure to work with is how you make your decision. It just may be the cost of the repairs less the ground rent could be close to the cost of a used or even new trailer. The people you contract with to buy your new or used trailer with should work a deal with you to purchase your present trailer from you for at least the cost of swapping the two trailers.

It is possible that you may end up with a small amount left to pay on your replacement trailer. I believe given the present real estate market that this would be preferable than to buy a stick built home and have a huge mortgage.

Should you replace your present trailer with another ask the dealer if they offer any service contracts. Since you are not a handyman type this would be a good investment on your part in keeping the replacement trailer in good shape to maximize the resale vale when you decide to sell it.

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Im pretty young female teen and Well i have a boyfriend but we never had sex and i didnt have sex with no one im still a virgin. But i have sex by myself and i was wondering if im pregnant cuz i am getting fatter and some pains in my stomach once in awhile. Can it be real if im pregnant yes or no

You cannot become pregnant from masturbation (self sex). A males penis must enter your vagina and emit sperm. The sperm must then travel and fertilize an egg which must then lodge in your uterus for you to be come pregnant.

If a boy has not ejaculated in or near your vagina then you are not pregnant.

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I am a college student & almost 20 years old. I have friends, but rarely get to see them. My mom doesn't really like me going anywhere, & when I do she yells at me & won't talk to me for days. I make plans to go see friends away at school & she even gives me all these ideas on how to get there & what to take, etc. & then the very last minute, is all "nooo, you can't go." She does this with any plans I make! & I always end up canceling. I've lost a decent amount of friends because of this.

I sit home every weekend, & I am so bored & unhappy all the time, because I never do anything. & I don't mean like staying out all night or something, I mean simple things, like going shopping with a friend or going to the movies or something.

What do I do?
My dad usually disagrees with her, but then she gets mad so he ends up agreeing with her. So I have nobody on my side about anything. & I don't want to just move out, that is just pushing the issue under the rug, & that would be expensive..

What should I say?

Let me try and read into this before I answer your question. You are either an only child or the youngest of your parents children, the last to leave the nest. You attend college but commute from home.


If I'm correct then you do have a real problem that is not of your own making. Not being allowed to walk around the block on your own tells me you either live in a really bad neighborhood or mom is really over protective and may always have been.

At your age, even with a college students natural dependency on their parents, you have a right to your own life. You are by all definition an adult responsible for your own actions; actions that your parents are no longer responsible for or protective of. Here in lies the biggest problem you need to address with mom, who I see by what you have written is the main problem. To solve this may require family counseling.


I have a question for you. Did you want to go away to College and mom veto that request demanding you stay at the school close to home? If the answer is yes then this tells me mom is a controller and over protective of you. You have to break this cycle of control or mom will have control over you for the rest of your life.


Do you want mom choosing you husband? Telling you how to raise your children? How to keep your house and everything else that goes along with having a life? If not then as much as it may hurts you need to stand up to mom and declare your independence.


Yes mom will yell,scream get angry bribe do anything she can think of to regain control over you. You have to be strong enough not to accept the bribes. Not to give into her threats or anger and screaming. It is her controlling that causes your father to give into her but you don't have to.


As a parent of a child somewhat older than you, also an only. I can tell you it is hard not to be protective. Not to want to keep them close to home and continue doing what you as a parent have focused on for all those years. But if you are a good parent, and I'm not saying I am, you must allow your child the freedom to grow up and experience the world around them for we will not always be here or be able to protect them. The one thing we are able to do as long as we are here to do so is to offer advice that wisdom of age gives us.


I am proud of the fact that still after all these years and after all my son has accomplished he comes to me for advice when he needs it. This is the second part of a parents job. The first part is to raise their children to the point that the second part takes over.


Your mother has not afforded you the second part of parenting a child. You have to give this to yourself by standing up for yourself. As I said this may require family counseling. Either on your own or with dad or hopefully with mom.


I don't see mom, based on what you have written, giving you the freedom you need to make your way in this world. You need to take it from her. I wish there was better advice I could give you . Unfortunately there is not. It is up to you and do you have the strength to do what you need to do to be independent of mom.

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16 Female. Size: 34 D

I hate my boobs they are so saggy and i am so embarrassed. I can never show my boobs to a guy because i am so embarrassed about them. I want to get a breast lift and a boob job or something but i know i can't do that anytime soon:(

I exercise often and have been running for a long time off and on but i ware two or three sports bras and a bra to try to keep them from moving as much as possible when i run, because i herd that running makes your boobs sag? So thats why i put on that many sports bras cause i don't want them to sag even more. idk i just hate my boobs and i want to fix them :(

Do you have any advice on workouts the lift your breasts and make them perky?

Zane is right in what he said.

You have big breast which are heavy they are going to sag under their own weight. Their is nothing you can do about it. As Zane said guys really don't care what your breasts look like out of your bra; they are just happy to be able to be allowed to do whatever you allow them to do with them.


Now when it comes to getting your breasts lifted or a boob job think abou this. The girl who lived next door to me was a DD cup when I went off to serve in the Air Force. When I returned she was a B cup. I looked at her and asked her what happened. While handing me her infant son she replied "he ate them."

In about 2 years you may be able to find a plastic surgeon who will be willing to give you a breast reduction. Before going ahead with this procedure their are questions you are going to want to ask. Such as what effect will pregnancy have on the procedure, will you be able to breast feed and is it possible that if you do nothing at this time breast feeding will of itself reduce your breast size.

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My mom was once abusive and my dad has a bad temper, they both say rude things, get in my face and act crazy to me. I just get so mad i want to kill myself. I just feel no one understands what i go through, but i dont trust many people so i have no one to talk to. They say God wont put more on youre shoulders than you can bear but i just dont understand why God puts me through those things. I always give advice to people about not killing there selves and many different things. I just cant convince my self i deserve to be here and not in hell. I just dont understand sometimes. Why do i have to be the one all the crazy things happen to, i try my best to be a good person and God knows that. Anything i get mad at i just feel thats my sign i need to kill myself. How do i stop myself from thinking that ? What do i need to do ? I just dont understand.

First let me say there are people you can turn to who you can trust. They are your teachers, principal, Clergyman or even your doctor or if needed the police. All of the people I have just named are there to help you if you need their help.


If mom is being abusive any of the people I just named can help you and your mother. Whether it be physical abuse or mental abuse it is not right and you do not have sit back and take it. These people can help you as well as help mom be a better mother.


As for dads bad temper these same people can help him gain better control over his temper. Having a bad temper is sometimes linked to depression. You would be helping dad feel better if you were to get him help for his bad temper as well as saving yourself from the abuse you receive by him and his bad temper.


Most importantly is a group known as RAINN. RAINN stands for Rape, Abuse, Incest, National, Network. They operate a 24/7 hotline you can call for help. That number is 1-800-656-HOPE. The people who take your call are trained to listen to you and help you find people in your hometown who can help you. There is no age requirement to make this call. The call is free as is the help they offer but most importantly it is confidential.


If you do need help with your suicidal thoughts you can dial 911 and help will be sent to you or you can go to any fire station and ask for help as well as any hospital emergency room.

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Well my boyfriend wants to take my virginity im 14 and he 15. Should i let him or no ? I feel were to young but he says i dont havet to if i dont want to but i dont know what to do.

Your virginity is the most precious gift you can give to someone. To give it up at such a young age is not right. While your bodies are capable of adult sexual relations from a maturity stand point neither of you are truly ready for adult sexual relations.


Right now most boy his age want a girls virginity not for love but for lust. Boys his age feel they earn there manhood by the number of girls they have sex with and the number of girls whose virginity they can claim. You can chose to believe me or not. But as a former teenage boy I can attest to that fact. This is something that has probably gone on since Adam met Eve.


I would suggest that you not give up your virginity at this time; not just because you are too young. But because of the last words you said "i don't know what to do". This alone says NO Not KNOW. I'M NOT READY.

Below is a link to a WEBSITE I found sometime ago for other young lady's with similar questions. I think you would do well to look at this website before making any decision about having adult sexual relations and losing your virginity.

http://www.pamf.org/teen/sex/virginity/readyornot.html.


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