NinjaNeer's advice column

askNinjaNeer

advice column ask question view feedback favorite columnist advicenators

Q: I have money for 1 months rent and none for food the next month. I'm too depressed to get a job, and I've dropped out of all but two of my classes. I cant get food stamps unless im going to school less than half time. Should I drop one of the last 2 classes so I can get food stamps? Or just fail them? I've quit going to one all together and have bad grades in the other. I'm afraid to do it though because I'm going to school with financial aid, and am too depressed/anxious to take the bus to the main campus to figure out if it will put me in debt or not to drop the class. I don't have a phone anymore either and hate talking on the phone anyway.

I've been in your situation, so please don't think I'm being too demanding of you. I know it's really hard to do anything at this point, but you may be able to save yourself a lot of grief.

Don't just drop out. See if your school offers a tuition refund for medical withdrawals. I've had to do this a few times when treatment has failed. If you can get a doctor's note saying you're in treatment and are unable to attend school, they may let you off the hook entirely. No failed classes on your record, tuition refunded. If the option is available to you, do whatever you can to take it.

In any case, you probably have an academic advisor. They'll be able to tell you what the best course of action is, and to put you in contact with financial aid to get you the information you need about your loans.

One foot in front of the other right now. Get up. Shower. Get dressed. Put on your headphones and sunglasses and get on the bus. Don't look at anyone, just fade into your own world. Left foot, right foot. I know it's hard to do, but force yourself to do one thing after another until it's all over with. You can take one step. After one, what's another? That's how you can get through these days.

Your school probably has a disability services department. I know that at my school, mental illness qualifies as a disability. You can qualify for extra bursaries, have lower course requirements for full times status and get special accommodations for writing tests and submitting assignments through them. It saved my butt one term. The only catch is that you have to be in treatment: you can't just rest on your laurels. It's not a hand-out. It's a hand-up until your treatment takes root and gets you up to full speed.

Q: I need to find a dress for a 8th grade tropical dance but the trick is that i also have to wear this dress to my graduation. I am a very hefty girl and I hate to wear dresses because of my size and PLEASE do critize me about my weight. I want the dress to be flowy and not tight. Any suggestions would be very appreciated.

There are some adorable ones at Forever21 (through their line Faith21) and they're super affordable.

http://www.forever21.com/category.asp?catalog_name=FOREVER21&category_name=faith_dresses&Page=1

This site is fantastic. I've been itching to order from them for ages. You can get any item of clothing in any size from 0 to 26. Free shopping over $100.

http://www.eshakti.com/clothsrpage.asp?catalog=Clothes&cate=solid+dresses&pagecount=1&from=LB&pcat=DRESSES

I also liked this one at Lane Bryant:

http://www.lanebryant.com/plus-size-dresses-skirts/dressy-dresses/ruffled-print-chiffon-dress/4031c1043p93468/index.pro?Mcatn=dressy+dresses&Mcatpn=dresses+%26+skirts&Mcatg=category_root&Mcatp=cat_4031%406000&Mcat=1043%406000

Happy hunting!

Q: What Library can you work at,at the age of 13? And I rate 5's

It all depends on how your local library functions and what your local laws are regarding child labour. I worked at the one in the city I grew up in, in Ontario.

Q: I have jack off like 62 times. I was wondering if i could have normal children when i get marry. I just want to know if that could affect me when i get marry and have kids. would it be a problem Or not. I am 18 years old. Will my sperms finish or not. Thank you for giving an advice to me. I really appreciated.

You absolutely cannot damage your fertility by masturbating. Your testes will continuously produce sperm for the rest of your life. You can't physically run out.

In fact, there have been studies done that show that regular masturbation can reduce the risk of certain types of cancer. So don't worry.

Q: my boyfriend asked me "babe , can i have some porn pics of you? :\ "

do you think i should do it? and what exactly do i take a photo of?
im 13 by the way

I'm chiming in because nobody has mentioned one of the biggest consequences.

If your boyfriend is caught with those pictures, he can be charged with possession of child pornography. That's a big deal. He would be branded as a pedophile and sex offender for the rest of his life. And you know what? So would you. There was a case recently where a girl was charged with making and distributing child pornography for sending pictures of herself.

You're playing with fire. This relationship isn't likely to last forever, and he's a teenage boy. They aren't the brightest, most morally upright of people. It's very likely that he'll pass the photos on to a friend, or show them to someone, and they could spread like a forest fire. You don't want to be changing schools because of this.

Don't do it. Just, don't.

Q: im having a baby but i dont know if i should get an abortion. someone please help me

There's no easy way out of this situation.

If you're not planning on keeping the baby, you have two options: abortion or adoption.

Are you willing to take great care of yourself for 9 months so that you don't have to go through an abortion? If you are willing to go through with the pregnancy properly (no drinking, no drugs, eating right, going to the doctor's) then it might be a better option for you to give up the baby for adoption. You can make a childless couple very happy by providing them with a new addition to their family. If you're not willing to go through with the pregnancy, then you're looking at abortion as an option.

Abortion is fairly quick and mostly physically painless. There is a psychological component. It can be hard knowing that you've ended a life that you started. It's all up to your personal beliefs and morals.

Q: Thank you for commenting. Now I agree with you i was slightly judgemental and that was wrong. But, the bible also says to preach the word of God. Maybe i wasn't clear on what i ment when i wrote that question. As you know there is several different reasons why a woman could have an abortion for example, rape, problems during pregancy etc.. also there is another, like when a teenager who knew that there was a possiblity that she could become pregant, but wanted to have sex anyway, and knew of the outcome that could happen but made a choice to go ahead and have sex. and not only teenagers do that, then finding out she is pregant says i dont want the kid and aborts the child. Now I'm sorry if this is judgemental at all, but that is wrong. why should that baby suffer death because of a choice his or hers mother made? you know there is another options. like adoption. thats just what i don't understand. Thanks again.

Personally, I'm against abortion unless it's in absolutely necessary situations. I am educated as to the consequences of sex, and I waited until I was in a situation where I could deal with them. I wouldn't have sex with a guy who I wouldn't raise a baby with because I would never be able to have an abortion.

In an ideal world, everyone would be smart like me (haha). This is a far from ideal world.

In some areas, education isn't freely available. Kids are either taught nothing, too little or too late. They're preached abstinence with no alternatives, so they find out that birth control exists and think it's a magical, fool-proof solution because nobody told them otherwise. Or they live in a community where it's acceptable to use abortion as birth control and nobody sat down with them to explain that it's not really for that.

I look at my mother as a fantastic example for women everywhere. She was young, engaged to my father. They were both university students. She got pregnant because she took antibiotics at the same time as birth control (her doctor never told her they cancel each other out). She kept me despite the odds being against her. Because of her, I learned the value of human life and the importance of being responsible. Not everyone is so lucky.

Now, we could outlaw abortion except in cases of medical emergency, rape or incest. Let's follow that train of logic, because that's how things used to be and things were pretty okay, right? Well...

In a world with no free access to abortion, back-alley clinics spring up. It's just like how in areas where drugs are illegal, dealers are in business. Just because something's illegal doesn't mean that nobody's going to seek it. So women and girls go to these illegal abortion clinics because they made a mistake and they're scared, and they face being cast out of their families, losing their jobs or worse. These clinics don't exactly follow the rules, because who's going to enforce them? Just like a dealer can cut illegal drugs with dangerous substances, an illegal abortion clinic can use unsanitized tools, unsafe procedures and can charge out the nose. While abortion was illegal, women were being killed by these people at an alarming rate, because to them death was better than continuing a pregnancy. Or they'd try to take matters into their own hands, which often led to infertility at best, or infection and death at the worst.

Yes, adoption is an option, but that means carrying the baby to term and delivering it. It means going on maternity leave, which means a cut in income if your job even offers that as a benefit. It means medical bills that you may not be able to afford. It means that if the baby is born to a drug addict or an alcoholic, it will suffer for the rest of its life because of its mother's bad decisions. It happens an awful lot. There are a ton of sick children waiting around to be adopted because nobody wants them. It's a terrible situation.

The best thing that people like you and I can do is to leave the existing system in place and work to change attitudes instead. Petition your local school board to provide comprehensive sexual education to people before it's too late (you can't wait till they're 16 any more!). Sign up to Advicenators to provide advice to people who are confused and scared. Volunteer at a shelter for young mothers. Make a difference.

I never advise abortion as the only alternative or as an 'easy' alternative. I do mention it because it is there, but I educate girls on both the positive and negative aspects. You can't force your beliefs and faith on others, but you can work with them to change them just a little.

Q:

My cat passed away 3 months ago, She was a hefty 14lbs and was heavy when I picked her up. The day she passed away I sat with her through the whole thing then I picked her up and her body was light. I understand that her body was lifeless and she was no longer there but how come she was lighter than usual?

The whole "soul left" argument has been scientifically debunked. The experiment was fudged. If you believe in souls, then yes, your kitty's soul has passed on. It doesn't weigh anything, though.

If you want a scientific explanation, her body was relaxed and easier to pick up. Even when we relax as much as possible, we still resist being moved. Our tendons contract, our muscles contract, and we lock our joints. Kitty was just completely relaxed and at peace. That's why she felt lighter.

In the end, though, you can believe what you want. If that lightness being her soul makes you feel better and comforts you, then believe that. Isn't that what your faith and beliefs are meant to do?

Q: I have many girls as friends, and some of them are really close like siblings. When they get a new boyfriend, I act hostile and give off a pissed off vibe. All I wanna do is protect my friend from getting hurt, but am I getting in their way?

You can think what you want, but keep it to yourself until she comes to you for advice.

What happens if one of these relationships lasts longer than a few months? You've been hostile towards the boyfriend since the start. He'll never like you. They'll spend less and less time with you because you make the girl choose between her boyfriend and you. Then you lose a friend.

More food for thought: I have a friend who dated this colossal bag of dicks in high school. None of us liked or trusted him, and we all let her know. Her response? Shut us all out and move in with him. I didn't hear from her at all for over a year. Turns out that he was abusing her badly and she was all on her own because we had pushed her away from us. If we hadn't been so openly judgmental and biased in the start, she would have come to us when things started to get worse. Instead, she desperately avoided the "I told you so" and got into a bad situation. You can protect your friend better by being there for her.

Q: Rather than ask a question, I'd like to pose a theory and get some feedback from it. In a way, this is asking for advice, but really, I need opinions. Id like to state from the beginning that this is something I've been revising for several years now and it has to do with life in general, or rather, happiness. It's a bit abstract in concept and requires some serious thought, as I'd like honest, thoughtful responses. Now that you've all been warned, here is the theory:

Happiness. What is it? How can we achieve it, and what significance does it have? Do some value it more than others, or is happiness the general goal that individuals strive for in their lives?

Over the past 4 years I've been exposed to certain stimuli that have changed my personality and mind in a very drastic way. I used to be an average girl, with average thoughts and concerns such as "I wonder if this boy likes me" and "I really hope I get invited to that party or become really popular in high school" My freshman year of high school I came across a movie that dramatically changed my life. It was called the Secret, if any of you know about it, and really it wasn't a movie but an inspirational video made to help people get over hardships and be happy. This film had a pretty strong effect on me and of course I tried doing the things it suggested although it was pretty outrageous in it's explanation of how the world works. (It's worth seeing if this kind of stuff interests you) However, that film was only the beginning. Throughout high school i became engrossed in this idea of happiness. I researched it, spent hours online looking up ideas and theories on it. I even made it my senior project and presented it to my entire class. While doing all of this, I was living life by the theories I had been discovering. One day at lunch while talking to my roommate about a problem she was having, she asked me: "you know when you have one of those days where you just don't feel good no matter what and you are upset but you don't really know why" and I tried hard to empathize with her but couldn't. I honestly answered her "No, actually" She looked at me funny and went back to eating her sandwich, but that whole rest of the day I tried so hard to think of the last time I had had a bad day and how I felt and the answer was still happy. In high school, I wasn't particularly popular, I didn't have a boyfriend, I wasn't extremely involved in school, but I was always happy. I had gone through some bad experiences, in college I was in an abusive relationship, but nothing too extreme, still I remained happy. So that day I went home and I wrote this:

"Life is not what you see. It's what you ARE. Life is you, and therefore if you are happy, life is happy. But how do you stay happy all the time? How do you isolate those moments where you feel good, ecstatic, excited or even just happy that you're alive when happiness seems so fleeting. Well, we MAKE it. That's the answer. You create your own happiness, even if it's not there. If you lack happiness, make some. Creation is the vessel through which we guide ourselves to success. And creation can be anything from a thought or idea, to a drawing or a piece of paper with your handwriting on it or a cookie freshly baked in the oven. Creation is everything that is around us, and the power to create lies within us, so how can we not be happy if we have the ability to make happiness. The ways in which we control our bodies and minds are what ultimately make us unique, but we are all the same in the respect of the power we have to create. We just have to rewire our brains to think in the positive process of creation. The ways in which ultimate happiness can be achieved:

- Acceptance: this is key to not allowing the outside world to influence our state of well being. When something happens that we do not have control over, we must accept that it has happened and try to move forward. We cannot dwell or ask why because that is not accepting. Once you accept something, you can move past it, so this is the first step. Acceptance is the only thing that allows you to remove negativity and misery from your life.

- Positivity: an obvious but underestimated way of thinking. There is not reason why something shouldn't work out the way we want it to, if we believe it. Why is it that people say "I'm not being negative, just realistic" What makes something realistic or not. A good outcome is just as realistic as a negative one. We can't want something but not believe it is within our reality to get it.

- Gratitude: this allows for acceptance and positivity to create bliss. When we are accepting of the things that happen, and hopeful for the things that will happen, and thankful for the things that have already happened that we enjoy, we open ourselves to greater joy because already we have so much.

- Love: unconditional love for every experience we encounter, if its something we enjoy. Don't just like it, love it. Dwell in how much you love something, and keep loving it no matter how long its been in your life. This applies not only to people but also to experiences and objects.

- Authenticity: this is the other key to bliss. Find what makes you come alive, and go do it. BE true to yourself. We are so different that if everyone were true to themselves we would start to see that we don't all want the same things, and therefore we can all have what we want. Also, if we develop an attitude or want that is not true, that is taken from another, we will constantly be the second best version of that attitude and know it, therefore we can never be happy. Why be the second best version of something when you can be the first best version of yourself?

So there you have it, this what I've come to know and believe in my 20 years of life. Since that day when I wrote this down I have been looking into how we can achieve those things. Evidently we are human, and therefore falter, myself included. But I'd really like some input on what you guys think of this theory and maybe what objections you have...or thoughts... any advice is welcome. Do you agree, disagree, and why?

Thank you!

Interesting stuff. I would disagree with quite a bit of it, though. Here are my counter-points:

1) It's not a bad thing to feel sad sometimes. We're supposed to feel sad, or angry, or upset at times. If you're always happy with things, there's no reason to change. If everyone had been happy 70 years ago, there would have been no civil rights movement. If everyone had been happy in the trees, we would never have evolved as a species and would have died out. Discontent is fuel for change and progress.

2) The outside world does and should impact how you feel. When the WTC was hit in 2001, I was sad because of the terrible waste of life, and because I can't fathom the fact that we still live in a world where some people are okay with doing that to innocent people. I joined a good chunk of humanity in mourning for a few days, even though I don't live in the same country. The solidarity that we showed through that helped to support the people of New York through their pain and suffering. To not be sad because of outside events and situations is inhuman. How can you walk whistling past a scene of destruction and misery? It shows a lack of empathy, which is a fantastic human quality.

3) Positivity vs. Reality. I believe in tempering one with the other. It's one thing to aim high. It's entirely another to expect it all the time. If I were to apply to one very difficult university program to get into, there is a very real chance that I might not. Therefore, I should make an effort to produce a Plan B so that I'm not left hanging in the wind because I put all my eggs in one basket. It's fantastic to think positive. Sometimes, though, things don't turn out the way you want them to and you have to be prepared to work with that.

4) Love every positive experience, but what about the negative? I am the sum of my experiences. I am changed equally by the positive and the negative. Meeting my fiancé? Positive. My struggle with mental illness? Negative. Should I totally discount one of the biggest experiences of my life simply because it was negative? I believe that we shouldn't wallow in self-pity because of bad experiences, but we should address them and learn from them. Maybe rather than "love the positive and ignore the negative" it should be "take the positive from every experience". Because even the most negative of experiences can teach us something that will make us better and stronger.

5) Don't take personality cues from others? We are influenced by so many people in our development. I choose to continue to be influenced consciously whenever I encounter a new character. I agree that if we take a whole personality from another person and paste it over ours, it won't fit perfectly. But there's no harm in taking bits and pieces from people you admire. I aim to be content without extravagance, like my fiancé's grandmother. I aim to be strong and move through extreme adversity, like my mother. I aim to be a gentle, kind woman who puts everyone at ease like my co-worker. I aim to never conceal my intelligence from anyone, like Ada Lovelace. I don't have to be a second-rate version of one of them. I'm me, with influences. Even the best artist has influences. My medium just happens to be life :)

It's a pretty complicated theory you have there, and if it works for you, that's fantastic. When it comes to happiness, there's no one size fits all solution. Everyone is different.

The one thing I notice when it comes to your theory is that there's a lot of fighting. FIGHT to repress anything bad, MAKE happiness, CREATE this, DO that, etc. I follow a very different philosophy.

I read a set of books when I was in high school, and they changed the way I feel about things. The Tao of Pooh and the Te of Piglet by Benjamin Hoff are fantastic explorations of Taoist philosophy using common Western references (Winnie The Pooh). Taoism basically promotes the idea that rather than fighting the flow of the world, we should find the path of least resistance, like water. Instead of fighting to forget the negative, you wash up against it, see it, and accept it for what it is. Then you move on. Everything is what it is, and we won't make ourselves anything but frustrated when we try to put square pegs in round holes. I don't follow it to the letter, but I do like the quiet tranquility of it and try to put it into practice whenever I'm feeling angry or blocked.

Q: Ive been with my boyfriend for 4yrs already we have 2 kids together. He treats me like im a piece of garbage and i dont understand why I put up with it.
Im a smart person i got my AA and now im working on my teaching degree. Im the one that works and takes care of our kids while his lazy ass sits around and does nothing yet he has the nerve to call me nasty names to tell me im ugly, fat, and worthless... I know i deserve better i just had my son 2 months ago and im not fat i have a pouch but that will go away with some exercise im 5'4" and i weigh 155. I think im a beautiful person inside and outside. I just cant understand why he treats me the way he does I do everything for him. I go out of my way to try and keep him happy I even go to the extent of taking my kids in the mornings on my days off out to visit my mother or run errans just so he can sleep and not start insulting me.
I come from a great family my parents always helped eachother out and they would do anything for me. Its sad that even after all the things that he has said and done to me I still love him and Im trying to make it work between us. I love myself too I know im not ugly im a good person i just dont understand why he is such a nasty person and why i put up with it?

Why should he change?

Your response when he doesn't work is to work harder to support him. Your response when he insults you is to work harder to try and keep him happy. Basically, he does something bad and you reward him.

This guy is a bum. You're already bringing home the bacon and raising the kids. You don't need him to have a happy family. When is the limit? When he hits you? When he starts insulting your babies? When he hits your babies?

It's okay to love him, but if you do truly love yourself, you should be running right now until he shows he can change. Stop rewarding his bad behaviour, because it will only get worse. He is abusive already.

Q: My mom has been my bestfriend, the person who i could run to if or when i'm feeling down, i told her everything, we talk about everything, i always thought she was honest with me because she is a christian... My dad died when i was 12, we were sooo close and since then i 've never been the same, about 3yrs after i learnt that he wasn't my dad, from her mouth, for a month straight i couldn't look in the mirror straight because it was like i never recognize myself, my reflection....i didn't know who i was, now i don't even know how to trust her anymore.

Your father is the person who went to your games, who helped you learn how to play catch and ride a bicycle, who worked with your mother to bring you through life until he had to leave his behind.

Your father is not the guy who helped make you. That guy is a sperm donor. He wasn't in your life, and he obviously didn't care enough to have any involvement.

Your mother gave you a father who would love you and cherish you, but she made a mistake. Believe it or not, even adults do that. We all make huge mistakes. She's trying to correct hers now that she can't wound your father with it. It's okay to feel hurt. It's not okay to hurt for the rest of your life.

The only real reason to get in contact with this new guy is to find out if there are any health-related issues in his family that you need to know about. You already have a father. You don't need this guy.

Q: I'm a fifteen year old girl and I have recently started to develop feelings for my step-brother. He is two years older than me and we see each other ever other weekend.
We've known each other for about eight years and we've always had a sort of love/hate relationship.
We would annoy the hell out of each other and he would insult me but recently things have become different.
Before we would wrestle and I'd just be determined to win. But now I don't care about winning I just enjoy wrestling and it isn't as serious as it was before it's more playful. Also a few times whilst we've been fighting I've brushed his lower are and felt what turns out to have been an erection. We'll be fighting and one of us will straddle the other and just sit there and tease the other. Or when we get tired I'll lie on his chest and he'll wrap his arm around me and we'll just stay there for ages.
He still insults me but it's not as intense as when we were younger.
I'm pretty sure it's not normal, I've never actually met anyone whose had a crush on their step-sibling before. I came clean to my friends about it and at first they were shocked but now they think I should go for him because it's not incest because we're only related by law not blood. I'm not sure what to do because I'm doubtful that the feelings I have towards him are mutal and even if they were I'm terrified of what would happen if I told him. What should I do?

I know it's difficult to think of him as family because he's a relatively new addition and you don't see him too often. You have to change your thinking.

Let's say you follow your feelings and ask him out. We're going past my initial "EEEEEK!" response here.

Option 1: He freaks and is weird around you forever. Every family gathering is agony because you're both so awkward.

Option 2: He says yes. The relationship lasts a while, but ends because either your parents disapprove, you're just not that compatible, or because it's teenage love and it almost never lasts. You may have a terrible break-up. Every family gathering is agony because you hate each other and are awkward.

Option 3: He says yes. The relationship lasts forever. You get married, have kids. The rest of the family is too creeped out by the fact that you're basically siblings to really accept you. Family gatherings are agony because everyone else is so awkward around you.

So, even the best case scenario ends with "awkward". It's not worth sacrificing what sounds like an awesome friendly relationship with your stepbrother to have a brief romantic fling. Look outside the family for romance.

Q: Ok this may sound kind of wierd but bear with me while I give the set up please. I am a teenage male and I have been dating this girl for about 2 1/2 months. When we hang out in a group of friends we have a mutual friend who is a boy. When ever my gf walks into the room he is always hugging her and sitting with her and she lets him. The catch is that this boy is gay so I should have no problem with it except that I want to be the one she hangs all over and sits closely with. She is not big on PDA but I would like her to be able to walk up to me and not act like complete strangers when we are in public. Is there something I can say to her about this mutual friend and also on a general note of mild affectionate PDA as a whole. Please help, I am not sure what to do and it is ruining the relationship. Thank you.

Give the poor lady some time! Only 2.5 months and you're expecting her to be hanging all over you?

How long had you been friends with her before dating? Is this a pretty new relationship? If it is, it's pretty understandable that she doesn't want to be all clingy and climbing all over you just yet. 2.5 months isn't exactly an eternity. Try waiting it out and see if she warms up a little to the idea.

If waiting doesn't work, you might just have a lassie who doesn't relish the idea of being "that couple". You know the ones: all over each other, all the time, pushing their relationship in everyone else's faces.

I'm pretty much the same way as her. I've been engaged for 4 years to a fantastic guy. I refuse to do anything beyond hold hands or link arms in public. I think it's gross when people are all over each other in front of others, especially friends or relatives. However, I will hug my best friend (a guy) freely without the slightest bit of discomfort. This isn't because I prefer my friend's affection. It's because I don't think of my friend as 'a guy'. It's just like if I was to hug my female friends. No romance whatsoever. That's how her 'public displays' differ from the ones you're looking for. She might just be a little skittish when it comes to being snuggly in front of others, and if that's the case, you will have to accommodate that.

Q: for my birthday my mom is taking me and my friend to see something on broadway my mom wants to see mama mia but i dont know if i wanna see that can you give me ideas on better broadway shows

I saw Mamma Mia and it was fantastic. If you're not an Abba fan it could be a little meh, though.

My friends saw Wicked a few years back and said it was incredible. Really catchy music, interesting story.

I have been DYING to see Priscilla, Queen of the Desert. It's about a bunch of Australian drag queens who hop on a bus and go across the Outback to get to a gig. Amazing music, and I bet it would be a heck of a show.

If you haven't seen Phantom of the Opera, it is amazing. That opening organ piece gives me goosebumps!

I also really want to see Billy Elliot. A boy from an industrial town wants to take ballet lessons instead of boxing and deals with the fallout from peoples' judgment. Awesome music, amazing story.

My parents went to see American Idiot and it was apparently pretty fantastic if you're a Green Day fan.

Hair is one of my favourite film musicals, so I would imagine it would be pretty cool live.

The Lion King may sound pretty juvenile, but my sister saw it and was absolutely amazed. The puppeteering is supposed to be incredible, and we can all get behind the music :)

If you want to look at more shows, here's a site:

http://www.broadway.com/shows/tickets/category/broadway/

Q: I am about 123 pounds and hate my weight. I eat less than my friends and am partially anorexic but do eat enough to fill me usually. I want to be about 100 or 90 pounds like all my other friends. Plz dont give advice like 'you shouldnt worry about stuff like this' or any crap like that because it's obviously important to me. It has nothing to do with height either because I'm one of the shortest. So...please help???

You don't mention your age or height, so we can't tell you what's healthy. 123 lbs may be unhealthy for someone who's 4'6", but would be too little for someone who is 6'3".

I can tell you that all women are different, especially in the teen years. Depending on your build, when you 'blossom' and other factors, you may weigh a lot more than your friends.

I had a friend in high school who weighed about 100 lbs and was the same height as me and a size 00. I weighed 180 and was a size 10. I also had great abs and could lift a 200 lb man with little effort. Both of us were healthy in our own ways. I am naturally stocky and voluptuous, and was training intensely for karate at the time. She had the metabolism of a hummingbird, the build of Kate Moss and absolutely no muscle whatsoever.

Talk to your doctor. They'll be able to help you figure out what your goal weight should be. I know skin-and-bones is the look, but it's not worth forgoing the better things in life like having a healthy mind and developing to your full extent in order to have that look.

Rock whatever you have, and most importantly be healthy! Eat little junk food. Make sure you're following the proper nutritional guidelines. Tons of fruits and veggies, drink water instead of pop or juice, and stay off the drugs and booze. Exercise. Being a couple pounds higher than you'd like, but fit and healthy is better than being thin and unhealthy.

Q: Hi. just looking for some comments on this subject. Can anyone tell me why it is okay, to kill an unborn CHILD. But it is NOT okay to kill ANY other human being. there was a question talking about a doctor giving a young lady pills to "slow" the BABY's HEART rate down. then do the abortion. if a doctor was to give these pills to lets say, a 60 year old. or whoever that would be considered MURDER. I simply do not understand this. You know the bible says, that there will become a time when wrong will become right and right will become wrong. ladies and gentlemen I have found that we are in that time. With little kids for Gods sake having sex making babys when they are just babies theirselfs then saying I dont want this child then KILLING the child! My God have we went away from the word of God and God himself. But my question for you all is simply this. Why is it okay to kill an unborn child but not any other human being?

"Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven." Luke 6:37, NIV

"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye." Matthew 7:3-5, NIV

Last I checked, that's what the Bible says. And I'm an atheist, too. I just think there are some good things said in that book that are most often needed the people who use it as a weapon of judgment and fear.

The first passage I included because even though it's one of the best-known and often quoted passages of the Bible, you seem to have forgotten it momentarily. By this book, which you seem to have taken as your set of guidelines, you are told not to judge others because it is not your place. Only God can judge people for their actions, because only God knows the whole story.

Just think of the video I saw recently in which protesters outside an abortion clinic harassed a couple who were entering. They were judging the actions of that couple without knowing that the abortion was a medical emergency and that the baby had been wanted and loved. What is to stop them from judging a rape victim, an incest victim, or a woman who may die from childbirth? Or someone who would suffer more by carrying out a pregnancy than by giving up a part of herself? You don't know how those people feel. You don't know how all the millions of puzzle pieces in their lives fit together. Only God does, and only God can judge them. If you get all uppity and start passing out judgments, it's going to come down on your head.

I included the second passage because it illustrates a great point. You're too busy pointing out the flaws of others to look at yourself and find your own. Yes, we all have sawdust in our eyes. We all have our weaknesses. You have the plank of judgment in yours, and until you remove it we'll all have a lot of trouble allowing you to continue to point out our sawdust. It's a lot easier to see others' flaws and wrongdoings than our own. That's the lesson that I get from that passage. But again, I'm just a heathen atheist with an unhealthy enjoyment for reading interesting books. I'm sure you know better what all this means.

Taking the Bible literally means taking the whole Bible literally, not just the pointy parts you can wield as weapons. That means you have to agree with the parts where you stone disobedient children to death, as well as the parts where Jesus came to save us all. The Bible was written a couple thousand years ago by people. If you believe in that sort of thing, God had a hand in it... inspiration, maybe, but didn't actually dip a quill in ink and start scribbling. People wrote that book, and people influenced its content. It was relevant back then. It was just like any law book today, except far more interesting and with heftier penalties (like eternal damnation).

You are right. We are in the time where wrong has become right and right has become wrong. It is right to accept people of all races, nationalities, orientations and genders. It is right to value all human lives as equal. And it is wrong to own slaves, to beat them, to beat women, to kill people for relatively minor transgressions. We live in a time where tolerance and equality rule. Things that were wrong 2000 years ago are right now, and that's not necessarily a negative thing.

Q: 18/f

I'm very confused. My boyfriend and I had sex, and we both didn't feel any type of pain. After wards, he had SOME blood on the tip of his penis, not alot. Just barely. I checked if I was bleeding, but nothing came out. He also checked the tip, and there was nothing wrong.... What could've happened??

You didn't mention if he's circumcised or not. I've seen it happen where an uncircumcised man can have a tiny little tear in the skin between his foreskin and his penis, and it bleeds a surprising amount. No pain or anything, just blood. Either way, he should get checked out by a doctor. You don't want to take chances down there.

Q: I'm 17 (female), I think I always knew I wasn't straight but for some reason I still identified as straight and only really thought of myself as bi-curious (but in a way where I would only really consider males as possible partners). It's only recently that I've started to think I'm probably at least bisexual, and even more recently that I've started to think I might just be flat-out gay. The reason I'm thinking this is because it just suddenly dawned on me and it somehow feels 'right' and like everything suddenly makes sense. Except it doesn't, because I'm still terribly confused. I looked back at things from my childhood and throughout my life, and this is what I've got:

- I have this clear memory of being a little kid and thinking to myself, "I think I might be gay, I hope not." This doesn't make much sense though, since I'd never thought there was anything wrong with being gay and my family would be perfectly accepting of it. I remember then just pushing the thought away.
- As a little kid, I'd experiment 'sexually' (I find it hard to think of seriously, since we were just little kids) with other kids, but mostly girls, and I remember enjoying the experiences with girls a lot more, and being more into it than the other girls.
- However, I always had crushes on the boys. Looking back, though, a lot of them don't seem like crushes, more like trying to have a crush on someone you merely like as a friend. Some of them were legit crushes though.

From a young age, I've:

- Found female bodies more sexually attractive than male bodies, and have found females generally more aesthetically pleasing.
- Pasted pictures of women to my walls, never men. (I've never thought of this in a sexual way, though, more in a 'women are nicer to look at' way, or just because of fashion.)
- Loved lesbian fictional characters.
- Seeked out books which focus on lesbian relationships.
- Written about lesbian couples.
- Preferred lesbian porn to straight porn, lesbian erotica to straight erotica (started with this way too young, probably.)
- Fantasised about both men and women, but women more often.
- I often felt odd around girls, in a way I can't describe.
- Yet all through this, I fancied guys and not girls. I do, however, remember feeling oddly attached to certain female friends in a way which seems like a little more than friendship, looking back on it.

Looking back on all this, it seems odd that I did those things yet thought of myself as straight.

Now:

- I have no interest at all in images of naked men, yet images of naked women turn me on.
- I have had feelings for lots of guys, and only one girl.
- I've been in love with a guy.
- I've fantasised about men sexually, but in reality, it never feels right. I'm still a virgin, but the sexual experiences I've had with guys (even just kissing) have always either held no interest for me at all (just felt like going through the motions) or have been at once both enjoyable and offputting. I don't know the word, but it's felt kind of wrong at the same time, like I want to carry on but I also want to get away, and the next morning I usually feel dirty, ashamed and sickened.
- However, I've had sexual experiences with girls and have always felt fine about it (though I havn't gone as far as with guys, so it's hard to tell...maybe I'd still freak out if it got to that point?)

I'm really confused. The idea of my being gay, like I said, feels right. Yet I know I can't discount all the feelings I have had for males. And I do still get feelings for males. It's just...I don't know, it seems like I am emotionally attracted to men, but when it comes to sex, I'm more interested in women.

Sorry this is so long. I guess I'm not asking for advice as such, but rather, what does this sound like to you? I'm so confused so I'd like to know what you think.

What you're saying is pretty normal from people of all sexualities. It's pretty hard to pin down what label you would identify as. And really, who needs labels?

I was in the same boat as you. I found myself more attracted to females, but ended up with a male. Instead of identifying as bi-curious, bisexual or straight, I go with "fluid" or "flexible".

Let's be honest here. Men are less aesthetically pleasing. The male body is not pretty. It's functional, but that's where it stops. It doesn't take someone who's not straight to see that. So-called straight porn is pretty weird. In fact, I have trouble understanding how it's straight for a guy to enjoy watching another man demeaning a woman.

In the end when it comes to a relationship, it tends to be about how you feel about an individual rather than how you feel about their gender. If I had fallen in love with a girl, I'd be with a girl. I just happened to meet a guy who was pretty fantastic.

Don't worry about pinning your sexuality down and labeling it like an insect collection quite yet. Labels are overrated. Just think of yourself as having a more open scope for finding that special someone than people who do identify themselves by their sexuality.

I would advise against promiscuous sexual activity with anyone. People say that it doesn't count if it's "just experimenting" but it does. You can still get STIs from females. You can still carry emotional scars from females. Don't make the mistake of thinking that same sex activity isn't real, because it is. Make sure that whatever you choose, you do it safely.

Q: Recently my mate and I have decided to spice up our intimate life.. He told me to look into it sometime. There's only one problem.. When it comes to looking at pictures of real people being intimate, I honestly don't like it. I was wondering if there was a site or maybe an e book that has drawings instead of photographs of people.. or whatever.. Thanks.

I wouldn't normally link someone to a site of a sexual nature, but this is perfect for you.

http://www.sexualpositionsfree.com/

This site uses wooden drawing figures to illustrate various positions.

bio

My Personal Forum

My name is Amanda and I'm 26 years old. I'm currently studying electrical engineering. Armed with a fairly odd sense of humour and a sunny outlook on life, I'll take on just about anything. I'm also cussedly stubborn, which has its ups and downs. Things get tough sometimes, and I've never been one to run from it.

In my last 8 years with Advicenators, I've gone from honours student to failing out of university (and getting back on top again!), from single to married, from tenant to homeowner.

Until lately, I have been struggling with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder and OCD, which had basically ruined my life and taken just about everything from me. I'm thankful every day for every experience I've had because of this ordeal, because it's helped to make me who I am today. Things like that really make you appreciate what you do have. Now that I'm back in work and school and starting to become myself again, I couldn't be happier. I credit Advicenators with saving my life back when I was a teenager, which is a big part of why I'm still here.

I won't necessarily give you the answers you want to hear, but I'll always be honest and do my best to help.