about

My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

I have a huge crush on my math teacher, she is young and extremely hot and I like her personality. She is 28 and I am 17. Unlike other sissies, I went and told my teacher at the end last year my attraction to her and how she is the girl of my dreams. She said "Come back when you're 18 and graduated" that must mean she was willing to go out with me after I graduate! I was so excited, but now, just six months or so before I graduate, I find out she has a boyfriend! What? , I am so sad and angry and jealous now, I feel sick. She might as well have stabbed me, it would have hurt less. Why would she trick and betray me like this? I feel I need to retaliate or confront her in some way

I'm with the other two adviser's on this. Your teacher did not betray you. I think what she did was try to fend off, what are and were inappropriate advances on you part, in the most gentle way.

All students even of your age get crushes on their teachers, it is normal. What is not normal is for a teacher to have a crush on a student or to accept or perpetuate a students crush into an illicit relationship.

When I was in High School we had a Teacher who was a senior when I was in middle school. She returned to our school as a Freshman English Teacher when I was a Senior. Every guy in High School had a crush on her. Even worse was the fact she lived in the same town as most of us and we would see her each summer at the town pool.

She cooled each and everyone of down by having her boyfriend come to school one day and parading him in front of us during lunch. Her boyfriend was a Marine dressed in his dress uniform of a Marine Officer. Seeing him and her hanging on his arm quickly cooled all of us down.

Maybe your teacher should have said something differently to you. What she said to you meant that she had no interest in you and that you should go on about you business as she would with hers. There is no reason for retaliation on your part it will only cause you trouble.

The reality is that chronologically speaking. There is way to much of an age gap between you two . She is way to mature for you at this time for there ever to have been a chance for you two to have gotten together.

I'm sorry she has hurt you but given her age and possible teaching experience I feel she was trying to be kind and let you down gently.

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I recently got dismissed from a masters program in Speech-Language Pathology. I was in the clinical portion of the program, and since I did not pass my first internship, I had to remediate this semester. I was so lost, did not know what i wanted, fell into a dark place and had zero confidence and drive.

After trying hard to pull through and not making it, I had a major wake up call. For the first time in a very long time, I've been taking care of myself, have been doing yoga regularly, surrounding myself with positive people. I feel like a different person and have really turned my life around.

I wrote an appeal letter highlighting some of the above to the chair of the department, and unfortunately, she conferred with the faculty's decision to dismiss me from the program, on grounds that they made a decision based on the fact that i was given a chance to remediate, and that they tried to help me pull through. I was in a bad place and did not take advantage of the resources i had. I am a changed person and willing to do what it takes.

Now, I have to take the appeal to the university level. It will not be easy... it will be my word against the department's, and I am worried that my chances of being re-instated into the program are slim.
I was told i could contact the student affairs office, and submit documentation, and make an appeal to the people in charge there.

Any advice on what I can say? Also, does anyone know what my odds are, based on my information/knowledge of the appeals process? Thanks!

My advice is if this is what you want then follow the process until you get reinstated. There are reasons the process works as it does. There are different levels of appeals and different people with differing views making decisions.

Get all the documentation you can from people they will accept as knowledgeable as to knowing you then and now. One such person would be your Yoga instructor. If there is anyone who could give documentary evidence in to how you have changed I would believe your yoga instructor would be accepted as an expert authority to give testimony.

If you sought help from the medical office such as counselling get a statement from you therapist. I would also ask anyone in the program who knows you then and now if they might be willing to give a statement on your behalf. This would include an instructor who might want to see you return to the program.

As for your odds on being reinstated. This appeal is suppose to be a fresh look with a fresh set of eyes. If this is truly a fresh look at your situation and you can supply good documentation that you were in a bad place at one time and now are in a good place. Then I would say the odds should be in your favor.

I would caution though not to get your hopes up. Plan for the worst and be joyfully happy if the best happens. The reason I say this is if you set yourself up for the best outcome and the worst happens you could put yourself back in a bad place. Better to plan for the worst and be happy if the better happens.

I would hope that you would be reinstated with the worst being that you be on some form of academic probation. Good luck and if you think of it let me know what happens with your appeal.

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I'm a 17 year old girl, and I'm a very sensitive person. I'm quite self-conscious and constantly worry about being judged. I have been this way my entire life.

For as long as I can remember, my parents have been making snide and sarcastic comments to me about what I wear, what I eat, my acne, the fact that I've never kept up a sport or instrument, etc. It's not that they sit there and laugh at me for having a pimple, it's more like, "Sure, eat more of that greasy pizza, that'll help your skin." I guess I'm supposed to laugh it off, but I get offended and try to make some clever comment back, which is usually more rude than clever, and gets me in trouble.

I can tell that they're coming from a good place (trying to get me to change my behavior or improve myself), but they're doing more harm than good. I have told them repeatedly that I don't like it when they mock my intelligence, but they just get angry with me and tell me that I can't take a joke. Yup. I can't; I just have a private cry and a cigarette or two.

What can I say to make them realize that I am NOT okay with such comments? Thanks :)

I'm sorry your parents are putting you through this. Mocking a child is not good parenting and to my way of thinking borders on child abuse. Mental abuse, which mocking can be judged to be, is child abuse.

That being said let me tell you I am old enough to be your grandfather. While I'm sure your parents love you and want only the best for you; mocking you and humiliating you, if only in their presents is not good parenting.

Now what can you do to make them understand they are not helping and in fact abusing you with their mocking. I would first suggest if you could; that you speak with an Aunt or Uncle you are close too that might talk to them for you. Coming from a brother or sister what you have tried to tell them may be more meaning full. If you cannot speak to an Aunt or Uncle try talking to one of your grandparents. Grandparents are far more understanding as grandparents then they were as parents. You see we have made our mistakes in raising our children and we still have some parental control over are children as well.

If neither of those suggestions are viable then I suggest you speak with a trusted teacher or your school principal. As I said depending on how severe their mocking of you is it can be considered child abuse. Something your parents may not be aware of. They may believe they are motivating you when in fact they are demoralizing you and tearing down your self-esteem.

Your teacher of principal can ask one or both of your parents to school for a meeting at which time they will discuss your home life with them, how it is effecting your growth and maturity as well as it being abusive.

The only other alternative is to put up with it for another year till you turn 18 and are legally an adult. Once you are an adult you no longer have to listen to them and can if you wish move out of their home. As long as you live in their home you will unfortunately be the recipient of this type of abuse in the name of good parenting on their part.

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I have found these strange white stains in my groin. What can it be? I'm worried,since it gets itchy and smelly:( at times. Thanks!

It would have helped to know that you are male. My answer would have been entirely different. Now we would need to know if these stains are coming from yor penis or anus. If it is get to a doctor immediately. If its not and you see a rash you stll need to see a doctor but most likely a dermatologist after seeing your family doctor.

I appologizes for the assumption but the information you gave almost allways comes from a pubescent young lady which was the reason for my answer. You now the old saying when you break down the word assume. Which is why I will not make a.guess at what could be your problem without more information. Please see a doctor.

Trauma is correct, we are not doctors and can only make a guess at what is bothering you at best.

Assuming you are female the most common ailment with what you have told us is a yeast infection. A yeast infection has nothing to do with whether you are sexually active or not.

You could talk to your pharmacist about over the counter medication to try for yeast infections. Most are very good at clearing them up if used early. If you have waited to long a yeast infection will need treatment by your GYN with antibiotics to clear it up.

There are other causes for the symptoms you are having, most have nothing to do with sexual activity. The best person to consult on this is your mother. These symptoms are common for young women about as common as the common cold, well all most. What I am trying to say is this is not sex this is an illness just like a sore throat you might get with the common cold and you should not be embarrassed to speak to your mother about it.

If there is anything sexual about this; is it is related to your reproductive system. Untreated you could ruin any chance of pregnancy later in life. This is about as related to sex as it gets at this point.

Yes I am a male old enough to be your grandfather, most likely. I have been married for over 40 years and tend to speak frankly on these subjects so that young people learn not to be embarrassed about that what should not embarrass them.

Over my married life I have learned a lot about the female reproductive organ and things that can go wrong with it. So has your father. Strictly speaking you could go to either of your parents for advice whichever one you feel more comfortable speaking with.

I believe mom is the best person to speak with as she is built as you are and has suffered what you are suffering.

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ihave been told i am bipolar does that mean i have two personalities

Bipolar Disorder is also known as "Manic Depression" or "Manic Depressive Disorder". This is a major depressive illness which can only be diagnosed and treated by a psychiatrist and in some cases a psychologists help for talk therapy.

There are different forms or degrees of manic depression. Most are treated with a variety of drugs and people effected can lead a normal life if they maintain there medication.

One characteristic of manic depression is being totally happy and care free one minute and totally depressed, even suicidal the next minute. It may seem as if a person has a split personality as the difference between the happy high and the severe low is acute.

If someone has told you that you appear to be bipolar or you think you may be then you need to be screened by a doctor. Preferably a Board Certified Psychiatrist. By being Board Certified to practice psychiatry this make them the best doctor to treat a person with this illness as they have studied psychiatry in a fellowship program and past required tests to be board certified. In many states any doctor who did a residency in psychiatry may be allowed to practice as a psychiatrist.

Psychiatry is much to complicated field and this illness is much to complicated not to be treated by the best available doctor. So if you feel you are bipolar, have been told you are, or feel suicidal see a doctor immediately. You can go to any hospital Emergency room for treatment and will not be turned away for any reason or you can call 911 for help.

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if you finished your period on thursday and i have unprotected sex on monday can i be pregnet ?

When you are most fertile is the period in your cycle that you ovulate. In most women this time of the month is 7 days after your period or seven days before your period. The middle 14 days of your cycle. Note I said most women. Ovulation can occur at anytime and is different for each woman.

Ovulation is the time of the month when you produce and egg for fertilization. When this occurs there is a seven day window that sperm live and can fertilize the egg and you become pregnant.

If you want to find when your ovulating there are over the counter Ovulation Predictor Kits. These are urine based kits. Now these kits vary in sensitivity so you may want to talk to your pharmacist about which one is best. If you are over 14 no one will stop you from purchasing one.

Lecture time. Not knowing how old you are and it really doesn't matter. It is just plain dangerous to have unprotected sex with anyone no matter how well you may know him. STDS strike in the best of families. When you have unprotected sex with someone you are having sex with anyone else they have had unprotected sex in the past. You are also taking a chance on getting pregnant which is the basis of your question today.

Never have unprotected sex with anyone until you are in a long term committed relationship and using some other form of birth control.

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Okay, so basically, two years ago a friend and I, wrote witty letters to 'God.' (I, for one, do not believe in him.) And, recently I got a bible in the mail, a long with the notes we wrote, and buried in the snow two years ago. We did not have our addresses on it, but we had our names, and last names.
I just wanna know, based on what you think, was it a stalker, or..?

(Note: She had gotten the bible as well, and there was no return address, and post office could not trace it back. We got the bibles on the same day.)

I agree with the other two responses. Whoever this person is I do not believe they are a stalker. In fact since it took two years for them to come forward, so to speak, I believe they/he/she is someone you know or at least knows you. Whoever sent the Bibles is most likely a neighbor or a member of your parents church.

I understand that receiving a Bible in the mail along with the notes you wrote over two years ago is a little unnerving. Whoever sent them may have had the best of intentions but was wrong to do so with out identifying themselves.

I will go out on a limb here and say that since you say you do not believe in god and if you said so in your note, this may have been their way of trying to prove to you that their is a god, at least in their mind. I don't think god would use USPS to make a delivery of a Bible, do you?

It is probably to late for the Police to lift fingerprints from the Bible, the wrapping or boxing. Still it is not a bad idea to make a police report on this just in case someone is watching you.

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ok lets just keep it brief... I am 18 and my brother is 19/20. whenever we are around eachother it gets akward, i get wet and i have seen him have an errection over me. :/ he has tried foreplay with me but i refused. we both want sex with eachother really bad,what should I do???

Try taking cold showers. Sex with your sibling, mother, father or first cousin is not only morally wrong it is illegal. At least by Western standards and culture.

It is believed by most medical standards that sex by close relatives can produce medically deformed and mentally deficient offspring. Depending on what answer you are looking for it is possible to find enough science on either side of this issue to justify what you want as your answer.

Since you are asking what to to my advice is that you leave each other alone. That you take all precautions to insure your brother does not see you in any way but fully clothed. This would mean wearing a bathrobe in the morning or evening if you wan to walk around in your night close. Your brother should do the same by not parading around in just BVD or boxers. Keep the bathroom door locked when showering so no one can intrude.

You are both old enough to have adult sexual relations should you wish to, just not with each other. If you need sexual relief you two can either masturbate in private or find someone to work out your sexual frustration with.

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I'm a 14 year old girl and my parents are very over-protective and they practically control my life. (My Mum especially) I don't hate them, I just wish they would let me do what I want to do. I don't want to do drugs or smoke or have sex or anything, I'm a good girl, I just don't want to be singled out by society. I know people say 'be yourself' and 'don't be afraid to be different' but at school I just want to blend in and get through the week.

My friends would all go out to the movies or go shopping but I can never go because that's too grown up for me. I can't decide on anything to decorate my room so it ends up being furnished for a 5 year old. I can't wear 'provocative' or 'suggestive' clothing which means a long sleeved rash shirt and knee length board shorts when I go swimming. I can't wear dresses above the knees or strapless dresses. No short-shorts and no hanging out with people my parents don't know.

That's just the tip of the iceberg. I don't know what to do to change the situation without upsetting my parents.

It is tough being a parent at this time. I have raised my child and am well into my grand-parenting age. To be honest I can understand your parents being over-protective given how things are in the world today. That doesn't mean I agree with them. Every child has to have the opportunity to grow and spread their wings. To be the person they are meant to be.

How do you go about getting your parents to relax the rules a bit. Well the first thing you do is to have a CALM conversation with them. I get from part of what you have written; "I just don't want to be singled out by society." "I just want to blend in and get through the week". This tells me that their strictness is causing you problems at school. You are either being teased or bullied, maybe both. IF this is true and is the result of not being able to blend in they need to know this.

If you cannot have this talk with your parents then I suggest talking to a favorite Aunt, Uncle or grandparent who might be more lenient in their parenting choices and willing to talk to your parents for you. If that is not an option you can talk to a trusted teacher or your school principal. They may be willing to talk to your parents on your behalf and explain how important it is to blend in at school. How important it is for you to grow and develop the interpersonal skills you will need. Part of this development is going shopping, decorating your own room and other things.

Just a reminder when decorating your own room. This is your parents house and how you chose to decorate your room must remain tasteful, something they too can live with as well.

Just remember even if they are being over protective they are by law doing nothing wrong. Being over protective is not child abuse. It is stifling but not abuse. Your job is to find out why they are stifling your ability to grow and mature into who you are to be. This requires CALM conversation.

As a dad I will leave you with this one thing. No matter how old you are. Even when you are all grown up and have a family of your own. You will always be daddy's little girl. That is just the way we dads are about our daughters. Dads are always there for them.

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i like in chicago illinois & i was wondering where i can go to meet guys... that AREN'T pervs

im a senior in high school (17, female)

I usually get this type of question from young people going off to college wanting to know how the best way to meet new people and to make new friends. I believe my standard answer to them will work just as well for your question.

Sit down with a pen and paper and make a list of all the things you like to do. They would include things such as movies, bowling, skating (both types) skiing, Hiking, camping, cooking, fishing, photography. Anything that you get personal enjoyment from. Then look for clubs or outings that have or are geared to these activities. Visit these cubs to see if you wish to join or take part in some of these activities. You should find some guys there that are interested in these things.

While it is true that all young men your age are mostly interested in scoring sex. When you meet someone and have something in common other than just sex appeal then you have something else to share. So a common interest such as a hobby or other interest gives you a foundation upon which to get to know someone before you start dating them. This takes some pressure off both of you sexually.

I can't say the guy won't try to hit on you. Though there is a better chance he will get to know you before he does.

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19 Female
For the past few months I have had episodes of blacking out and passing out and getting very dizzy etc at random times. It can be when I am just sitting down or walking, anything. The past few weeks it has gotten really bad, like almost an every day thing.
I went to the doctor and got an EKG on my heart and everything was okay.
I am bulimic, which my doctor doesn't know, but I was wondering if maybe that was the cause. I am a healthy weight and everything but I know that being bulimic is really bad for your electrolytes, i'm not sure if this could be the cause.
I don't know what to do because I obviously don't want to tell anyone about this, but I don't know what else to do.
Any insight on what could be wrong?

You need to see a doctor if your current doctor is a family friend and you have a problem of confidentiality you are old enough to find a new doctor. I usuggest you do so and have this problem looked at it is important to do so.

Your body is sending you signals that need to be paid attention to. You are an adult now and you need to act like one. find a new doctor or go to hospital emergency room and have this problem attended to before it's too late. Bulimia can kill anybody is sending you a signal that something is desperately wrong Heed the signals.


None of us are doctors so we cannot give you a diagnoses. You are correct in your thinking about bulimia messing up your electrolytes. This is the most likely cause of your problem but only your doctor can make that diagnoses for certain.

Blacking out at random times is not only dangerous for you but to the people around you, especially if you drive a car. You could blackout while driving, cause an accident and kill someone. If this were to occur and during the investigation the police found out you were having blackouts, that you were bulimic, trust me they will find out. You can be charged with negligent or vehicular homicide. These charges can carry a prison term of 15 years to life depending on the state you live in.

Am I trying to scare you. In some ways yes. Why? Because this is dangerous to you. If you are blacking out then you may have dangerously messed with your electrolytes to the point that it is now life threatening to you.

You need to go back to your doctor and tell the doctor about the bulimia. The doctor cannot tell anyone else about your illness. Yes, bulimia is an illness for which you can be treated for. Your electrolytes can be put back in balance with IV treatments. No one will know why or what unless you authorize them to be told.

You are an adult now and entitled to full medical confidentiality even if you are cared for under your parents insurance. There is a Federal Law called HIPPA. HIPPA stands for; Health Information Personal Privacy act. Since turning 18 you have been fully covered by this act. No doctor or health professional may release any information about your medical condition without your written permission. Not even to your parents.

So go back to your doctor or better yet pick up a phone and call 911 and let emergency services take you to the nearest hospital Emergency room. Yes this is that serious. Do not drive yourself.

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ive been feeling very week latly and my heads been hurting alot. Could eating junkfood cause that if so what should i start eating?

We are not doctors and cannot make diagnoses. There is research that has shown a diet of strictly fast food and junk food can effect how the body functions and how we feel. I do not recall weakness and headaches as being symptoms of this type of diet though it would not surprise me.

Besides changing your diet to one of a more healthy type I would suggest a trip to your doctor. The flu is epidemic in most states and your symptoms are more like the early stages of the flu. Even if you have had a flu shot it does not mean you won't get the flu. A flue shot means that, depending when you got it, that your body would build up immunities to certain strains the shot was designed for. Should you come down with the flu, hopefully if it is one of the strains the shot was designed for, the immunities you have built up will make it a milder case.

My advice is to see your doctor. If it is the flu you are catching it early. While you are with your doctor ask for a sample of a healthy diet. Most doctors keep a copy of the U.S. National Health Diet in the office. This diet is a great way to start a healthy diet.

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Okay so I had unprotected sex, I know, not a good idea. However, I got my period about 2 weeks afterward for 5 days. I haven't had sex since but my period is 7 days late. I have only had my period since I was 12 (16 now) so I could just be irregular although lately I haven't been. I know I'm young, please don't hate & say something judgmental I just need your advice.

I don't think your think your pregnant. Getting your period means your womb has cleaned itself out to prepare for the next time you are fertile so an egg can implant. This does not mean you could not have an ectopic pregnancy which is where the egg grows outside the womb, though you could still get a period, I think.

Ectopic pregnancies are very dangerous and are life threatening for the mother if they rupture something. The best thing is to get a pregnancy test to make sure. If it is negative and you still do not get your period you should check in with a GYN. I am unsure if a negative test would rule out an ectopic pregnancy, I don't think it would so seeing a GYN is important if you do not get your period considering you had unprotected sex.

Now that you are over 14 you come under a Federal Law called HIPPA. This law states that anyone over the age of 14 may seek a doctors care for health of their reproductive systems with complete confidentiality.

This means you may seek a doctors help or consultation on your own without parental consent. Mom cannot be in the exam room with you during the examination and the doctor can tell her nothing of what is said or what you are examined or treated for without your written consent. They or their employees can go to jail for releasing any information without your consent. This law was written so that young people such as yourself can be totally truthful with their doctors.

This means if you wish to be put on birth control the doctor will write a prescription for you for what ever medication the two of you decide is best for you. Parental permission is not required.

When you make the appointment to see your doctor just tell them something to the effect that you wish to invoke your rights under HIPPA. They will take it from there.

While I think you are to young to be having sex I at least want you to be properly protected now that you are sexually active. This is why I am passing this information on. In the future you should not have sex, even i you are on birth control unless the boy is using a codon. This is for your own protection against some of the STDS and HIV that condoms will protect you from. Not all STDS can be prevented by using a condom but the do protect you form many of them.

There is an old saying that hopefully is still used today. "No rubber no lover." Keep this in your mind when your with a boyfriend it is your best protection.

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22/female
Mike grew up mormon, but he left that religion a few years ago. Mike and I have been dating for a few months now, just recently we started getting sexual. Last night we hung out and it started to get hot and heavy, we ended up naked in his bed. He grabbed a condom and of course it takes forever to put them on so by the time he had it on the mood was dead. We started making out to get him hard again but after awhile, we were tired of trying, he could not get hard. I was so confused and bummed so I asked him if it was my fault he couldn't get hard, if he was even attracted to me. He said he is definitely attracted to me and the problem is that his old religion (mormon) always gets in his head at the worst time and messes him up, hence why he can't stay hard.
I don't know what to do about that! It has happened both times we have tried, so we still haven't had sex yet. It's not that i'm mad about the sex, it's that I know it upsets him and I wish I could help him somehow. I can definitely get him hard and stuff, but when it comes to the actual sex part its like his brain takes over and he can't anymore.
I don't know much about the mormon religion, but if anyone does I would love to hear if you have any insight on any of this, or any help you can give me.
Thanks!

That old time religion will do it all the time. It is hard to live down your lifetime of teachings. Be supportive of him and let him know you will be there and see him through this.

Then ask him to make an appointment with his doctor for a complete physical. Just to make sure there is nothing medical standing in the way. ED can strike any male at any age so it is best to make sure this is not the problem. Getting an erection and not being able to maintain one is an ED problem. this might not be as he feels all in his head but may be a physical problem.

Once he has finished with the doctors then I suggest that the two of you visit a therapist. The proper therapist would be a sex therapist. No not one like Helen Hunt portrayed in Sessions. This would be a psychologist who specializes in sexual therapy. This type of therapist will be able to help him over come the lifetime of religious teachings. By you going with him you will be able to help him through this.

I also think this will help grow a real bond between you which could last a life time should you feel this way about him.

The type of help I am recommending should all be covered by any insurance he has.

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Hi, I'm a teenage girl. My parents have let my boyfriend come over before but this time they won't and I'd really like to spend some quality time with my boyfriend. How can I convince my parents to let him come over?

Answering as a parent there are a few reasons why we change directions on some things. In regards to your question the biggest reasons center on trust.

This trust issue is not always placed on you. I may have the highest trust in my daughter but my trust in her boyfriend may not be at the same level. It may be that someone had told me something to cause me to loose trust in him or my daughter. Something like say a friend has told me he overheard his daughter talking about what you two may have planned for this quality time together.

Also as a dad I remember what I was like as a teenage boy and what my main goal was with my girlfriends. So trust in him not to take advantage of you is something that he may not ever earn.

My advice is to speak to your parents and find out why the change has happened. If it is a trust issue then that is something whoever has lost their trust will have to earn back. Remember trust is something you earn it is not a given even as their child.

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14/f
I've finally accepted that I was sexually assaulted by my uncle (in law) at the end of 2012. Right after it happened, I was sort of in denial and wasn't planning on telling anybody what happened. But I know what happened and it's dawned in on my how hard it is to deal with it. I'll be fine sometimes, and the next second I remember what happened..it's like a nightmare that you don't wake up from. And it makes me feel horrible about myself. I embarrassed and scared how this will turn out. But I know that I need to tell somebody now. I just can't do this on my own anymore.

I recently talked with somebody on the RAINN hotline, and it helped, but mainly they said that I should talk to my parents about what happened. And part of me does what to tell them. But at the same time, I don't know how. I'm not all that close with my parents, and my mom is not a very emotional person. She is a very tough person, and sometimes she can't give me the emotional support I need. And that's part of why I'm worried about saying anything to my parents. I'm afraid that she might not be able to help me in the way I need. Also, there's not really a trusted adult in my life that I can talk to first. The only adult that I was ever really close with is my aunt, but she's the sister in law to the person that abused me, so I don't feel comfortable telling her either.

Idk. In a way, I feel like I'm being selfish for wanting somebody to help, for needing support. I'm a very strong person who's gone through a lot, but this...it just kills me a little more inside every day. The decision about whether I should tell somebody is important. Because I know that everybody always says it's the best thing to do, but am I the only one who's ever thought about the consequences? When/if I tell, how am I supposed to ever look my aunt in the eye again? How can I break up their family and cause so many problems? I feel like if I did tell, then it would only cause more problems then if I was to just suck it up and deal with it on my own, no matter how hard it is. I've dealt with things like this on my own, and even though I'm a pretty screwed up person, I am strong. I just don't know if I can get through another day of this. There are times when I'm ready to tell, but I can't bring myself to do it

I'm very sorry this has happened to you. Please remember that you are the victim here and whatever happens you remain the victim and you have rights. Abusers count on victims remaining silent feeling just as you do to keep them safe from what should happen to them. This person abused you, may try to abuse you again or may abuse someone else. You can stop him by being strong not just for yourself but for those he has and those he will abuse in the future.

I am a big supporter of RAINN. If they have told you to inform your parents then that is what you should do. You say there is no adult in the family you can go to for support. What about a trusted teacher or your school Principal.

I know if you go to either of them there are procedures they must follow when informed of such things. They could also arrange for your parents to come to school for a meeting at which time they will be your support as you explain what has happened to you. They could also facilitate your filing of a police report. At 14 you are old enough to do so.

As a parent myself I think once you inform your parents of what has happened you will be surprised at their reaction and the support you will receive. No matter how tough we are in raising our children when something like this happens the sympathy and empathy we can show can be startling. Don't under estimate your parents love for you.

As for your Aunt I would not worry about her. At first she will be most upset and angry with you. If you make a police matter of this, which needs to done, as the investigation unfolds I am positive others will come forward and tell of being molested by your Uncle. People just don't wake up one morning and decide to molest a child or young teenager. This is something he has done before and will do again. Once this becomes none your Aunt will come around and support you and be the person she was to you before this happened.

My advice in short is. Talk to a trusted teacher or your school principal if you feel you need support in telling your parents. But you must tell your parents and you must make this a police matter. Then you need to speak with a therapist who will help you deal with this in a proper manner so that you can properly put this behind.

Throughout this period remember you are the victim and have done nothing wrong. You deserve justice for what has been done to you.

If I can be of any help please private message me. I will always be here for you.

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13/F (Sorry this is long, but if you answer this then you'll save my life!)

Alright.. So for about 7 months, I've been feeling weird. I've looked up more about it, and it seems it's called "Depersonalization Disorder"... I really am not sure what to do now. My mom has known about it, but I just realized that she thought it went away 4 months ago - And I'VE BEEN FEELING THIS WAY SINCE JUNE 2012!

My symptoms:
I feel like I'm not all there. Like.. I'd be doring something, and once I think about this whole thing then this happens again.

I realized that I can't live my life like this anymore. I need help. I don't really want to see a doctor or get medication, but if I have to... What medication what I need and what not? Omg please help me. If you answer you will save my life!

We are not doctors therefore we cannot prescribe nor can we diagnose. This particular disorder requires a doctors treatment.

As described by the Mayo Clinic: Depersonalization disorder is more common in people who've had traumatic experiences.

Depersonalization disorder can be severe and may interfere with relationships, work and other daily activities. Treatments for depersonalization disorder include medications and psychotherapy.

Have you suffered a severe trauma? Do the symptoms described above fit you? If so you need to see a specialist for treatment.

I recommend you contact a Board Certified psychiatrist. Any doctor who has done a residency in psychiatry can practice psychiatry in most states. A Board Certified psychiatrist is a doctor who has done specialized training in this are and passed test to be certified by the College of psychiatry to practice in this area making this doctor the best qualified to treat you.

After meeting with you the doctor will be able to decide just what medication if any is needed. IF talk therapy is required and will be able to put together a treatment plan to follow.

This is not an illness you can treat with over the counter medications. So if you are over 14 you can if you wish make your own appointment to see a doctor or you can ask you mom to make the appointment.

What is most important is that you seek treatment immediately. If this illness is making you do something to hurt yourself then pick up the phone and call 911. Help will be sent to you.

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I am 13 and even I have no bf.I heard that a girl get pregnant if she intercourse.I never do sex.The tension that kills me is that I have an older brother,I am afraid that if he touch his semen and then he dries his hand and touch my pen and I touch my pen an touch my vagina,is there any chance of getting pregnant.I am very afraid.Plssss help me!!!

No you can not get pregnant that way. The semen has to enter your vagina to get you pregnant.

BY your age you should have had at least two classes on sex education at school. One would have been in elementary school and would have been more of a Biology class and the other would have been in the sixth or seventh grade and been a more relevant sex education. Your parents could have opted you out of these classes. Is so my suggestion that this is the type of question that mom should have already discussed with you, has not happened and probably won't. I would suggest you do to see if she is ready to have this discussion with you.

If mom still does not fully explain what we all call the facts of life to you then when you turn 14 you can ask your GYN or family doctor to explain them. At 14 you medical confidentiality under a federal law known as HIPPA. This means can see a doctor for anything concerning your reproductive system without parental consent and without them knowing why you have seen the doctor. He doctor cannot tell your parents anything about your visit without your written consent. This is Federal Law and the doctor or anyone in his employ can go to prison for releasing your information to anyone. The same goes for your brother concerning his reproductive system and organ.

You need to get the right answers to your questions and if you cannot get them at home your doctor is the next best place.

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If you have sex in a shower and a guy cums inside with the warm water on can i still get pregnant?

Yes, semen is not water soluble. Unprotected sex is playing Russian Roulette with a fully loaded revolver no matter how you play. If a boy ejaculates in you and you are not using a condom and you are not on birth control then the chances of pregnancy is 100% if all other factors are right.

If the sex has been recent, within the last 48 hours get and i-pill. Even if it is with in the last 7 days the i-pill has been known to be somewhat effective.

If it has been more than 10 days I would suggest a home pregnancy test to find out if you are pregnant.

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My boyfriend and i got together in december and now its getting closer to valentines day. He's 14 so what should i get him?

It has only been a few months so spending on something expensive is not required. Remember with any gift giving occasion it is the thought behind the gift that counts and not the value of the gift.

For Valentine's Day the thought behind the gift is your feelings for him. There are many way to express this. You can do so with a gift you make yourself. You can purchase a small inexpensive memento as a keep sake.

You do whatever you can afford, you don't go into debt or dig into your college fund. If all you can afford is a card then that is what you get him.

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