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My Parents Are Keeping Me A Child
I'm a 14 year old girl and my parents are very over-protective and they practically control my life. (My Mum especially) I don't hate them, I just wish they would let me do what I want to do. I don't want to do drugs or smoke or have sex or anything, I'm a good girl, I just don't want to be singled out by society. I know people say 'be yourself' and 'don't be afraid to be different' but at school I just want to blend in and get through the week.
My friends would all go out to the movies or go shopping but I can never go because that's too grown up for me. I can't decide on anything to decorate my room so it ends up being furnished for a 5 year old. I can't wear 'provocative' or 'suggestive' clothing which means a long sleeved rash shirt and knee length board shorts when I go swimming. I can't wear dresses above the knees or strapless dresses. No short-shorts and no hanging out with people my parents don't know.
That's just the tip of the iceberg. I don't know what to do to change the situation without upsetting my parents.
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It is tough being a parent at this time. I have raised my child and am well into my grand-parenting age. To be honest I can understand your parents being over-protective given how things are in the world today. That doesn't mean I agree with them. Every child has to have the opportunity to grow and spread their wings. To be the person they are meant to be.
How do you go about getting your parents to relax the rules a bit. Well the first thing you do is to have a CALM conversation with them. I get from part of what you have written; "I just don't want to be singled out by society." "I just want to blend in and get through the week". This tells me that their strictness is causing you problems at school. You are either being teased or bullied, maybe both. IF this is true and is the result of not being able to blend in they need to know this.
If you cannot have this talk with your parents then I suggest talking to a favorite Aunt, Uncle or grandparent who might be more lenient in their parenting choices and willing to talk to your parents for you. If that is not an option you can talk to a trusted teacher or your school principal. They may be willing to talk to your parents on your behalf and explain how important it is to blend in at school. How important it is for you to grow and develop the interpersonal skills you will need. Part of this development is going shopping, decorating your own room and other things.
Just a reminder when decorating your own room. This is your parents house and how you chose to decorate your room must remain tasteful, something they too can live with as well.
Just remember even if they are being over protective they are by law doing nothing wrong. Being over protective is not child abuse. It is stifling but not abuse. Your job is to find out why they are stifling your ability to grow and mature into who you are to be. This requires CALM conversation.
As a dad I will leave you with this one thing. No matter how old you are. Even when you are all grown up and have a family of your own. You will always be daddy's little girl. That is just the way we dads are about our daughters. Dads are always there for them.
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have you talked to your parents about how you feel? Maybe show them what you want to decorate your room in so they can see what you're talking about.
I also agree that your parents are really only trying to protect you. At your age, you shouldn't be wearing short-short or short dresses. Really at any age you shouldn't. but that's just my opinion.
Also, showing that you are growing up will help, like doing chores without being asked.
good luck!
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Hi sweetie, I know this is hard now, but you have to realize that your parents just want to keep you safe. I know it's hard having your parents say no to you, when you're going to be EIGHTEEN in 4 years, that's a short amount of time, if you think about it. If you want your parents to let you do more of what you want, it's going to be very hard. Still keep in mind that your parents just want you to be safe.
You need to show your parents that you're grown up now. Whether you show this by doing chores without being asked around the house, or keeping up on your homework, or showing interest in what you want to be when you grow up. And when your parents say no to you, you need to show them that you are a responsible young lady.
I know it's hard now, but you'll get through it, promise.
Hope all goes well honey. xx
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You're really going to hate me for this, BUT....
I can totally see where your parents are coming from. You are, as you said, a 14 year old GIRL. I would let my daughter do the things you want to go do when she turned 16.
They are never going to just let you do what you want to do. That would be very highly irresponsible of them. I know you don't see it now, but they have these rules to keep you safe, and they want to make sure they know for fact that you are mature enough to do these things you want to do.
I know you are extremely frustrated, but try to remember their hearts are in the right place. They are making these rules because they love you. There are kids out there who aren't so lucky.
See, there are kids out there who do get to do whatever they want, whenever they want, because their parents don't care. They also don't care if they eat, have clean clothes, go to school, etc.
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