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how to tell my parents that I've been sexually abused
14/f
I've finally accepted that I was sexually assaulted by my uncle (in law) at the end of 2012. Right after it happened, I was sort of in denial and wasn't planning on telling anybody what happened. But I know what happened and it's dawned in on my how hard it is to deal with it. I'll be fine sometimes, and the next second I remember what happened..it's like a nightmare that you don't wake up from. And it makes me feel horrible about myself. I embarrassed and scared how this will turn out. But I know that I need to tell somebody now. I just can't do this on my own anymore.
I recently talked with somebody on the RAINN hotline, and it helped, but mainly they said that I should talk to my parents about what happened. And part of me does what to tell them. But at the same time, I don't know how. I'm not all that close with my parents, and my mom is not a very emotional person. She is a very tough person, and sometimes she can't give me the emotional support I need. And that's part of why I'm worried about saying anything to my parents. I'm afraid that she might not be able to help me in the way I need. Also, there's not really a trusted adult in my life that I can talk to first. The only adult that I was ever really close with is my aunt, but she's the sister in law to the person that abused me, so I don't feel comfortable telling her either.
Idk. In a way, I feel like I'm being selfish for wanting somebody to help, for needing support. I'm a very strong person who's gone through a lot, but this...it just kills me a little more inside every day. The decision about whether I should tell somebody is important. Because I know that everybody always says it's the best thing to do, but am I the only one who's ever thought about the consequences? When/if I tell, how am I supposed to ever look my aunt in the eye again? How can I break up their family and cause so many problems? I feel like if I did tell, then it would only cause more problems then if I was to just suck it up and deal with it on my own, no matter how hard it is. I've dealt with things like this on my own, and even though I'm a pretty screwed up person, I am strong. I just don't know if I can get through another day of this. There are times when I'm ready to tell, but I can't bring myself to do it
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Honey, you have ZERO to be embarrassed about and NONE of this is your fault. You can tell your parents ANYTHING no matter what it is and they will get you the support you need.
It will be emotional and not easy but it really has to come out. He could be doing this to others. He's the selfish SOB here and not you. If it breaks his family up it's his fault and not yours. Don't protect him and your aunt can deal with it and needs to know. The only one who should have trouble looking her in the eye is her sick bastard of a husband. Period.
There's secrets you never keep and this is one of them. If it's hard to reveal face-to-face with parents at first write a note and leave it where they can see it. All it need to say is "I need help and have a lot of trouble trying to talk about it but I was sexually assaulted by someone we're related to and you need to get me the right help." They'll know what to do.
If that's still hard corner a teacher you have a rapport with and tell them someone sexually assaulted you and you haven't been able to find the ability to tell parents yet and would like them and a school counselor to help break the news to your folks with you.
You can also visit your doctor and have them confirm you were and with consent tell your parents with you present or you can go to police yourself.
Don't keep it inside. Your life is just beginning and with the right professional support you will be able to move forward and while painful it will not consume you years from now. Staying silent lets this guy think he has a sick victory and will never be caught. If there's other girls close to him this may prevent other victims. You absolutely need to tell someone for your own health and overall well-being.
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Hi I am very sorry this happened to you and when you are so young. I truly honestly think that you should tell your parents because people like that might just continue to sexually abuse others. Maybe you could write out all your feeling and thoughts about what happened and give it to them or leave where they would find it. Also it isn't being selfish for needing help. Many people are strong but still ask for help. I think that you are a very strong person from what I read, but I don't think that you should continue with this giant burden on your shoulders. I hope you will find a right time to tell someone or somehow get this off your mind. Once again I am sorry this happened.
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I'm very sorry this has happened to you. Please remember that you are the victim here and whatever happens you remain the victim and you have rights. Abusers count on victims remaining silent feeling just as you do to keep them safe from what should happen to them. This person abused you, may try to abuse you again or may abuse someone else. You can stop him by being strong not just for yourself but for those he has and those he will abuse in the future.
I am a big supporter of RAINN. If they have told you to inform your parents then that is what you should do. You say there is no adult in the family you can go to for support. What about a trusted teacher or your school Principal.
I know if you go to either of them there are procedures they must follow when informed of such things. They could also arrange for your parents to come to school for a meeting at which time they will be your support as you explain what has happened to you. They could also facilitate your filing of a police report. At 14 you are old enough to do so.
As a parent myself I think once you inform your parents of what has happened you will be surprised at their reaction and the support you will receive. No matter how tough we are in raising our children when something like this happens the sympathy and empathy we can show can be startling. Don't under estimate your parents love for you.
As for your Aunt I would not worry about her. At first she will be most upset and angry with you. If you make a police matter of this, which needs to done, as the investigation unfolds I am positive others will come forward and tell of being molested by your Uncle. People just don't wake up one morning and decide to molest a child or young teenager. This is something he has done before and will do again. Once this becomes none your Aunt will come around and support you and be the person she was to you before this happened.
My advice in short is. Talk to a trusted teacher or your school principal if you feel you need support in telling your parents. But you must tell your parents and you must make this a police matter. Then you need to speak with a therapist who will help you deal with this in a proper manner so that you can properly put this behind.
Throughout this period remember you are the victim and have done nothing wrong. You deserve justice for what has been done to you.
If I can be of any help please private message me. I will always be here for you.
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