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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

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my boyfriend is an addict. He is acting strange and relizes on me for all his personal needs except he leaves as soon as he"s showered, shit, shaved. We hang out but its not for long.
2 minutes
we end up loitering, while he pursues his phone. He wont go places I want to go to or seek help from someone who can. My mother just said after using her vehicle that she'd report it stolen. Shes threatened me before with filing a false police report to say I was hitting her if I got mad.

Adviceman is right. Although it's right to cut off your support of enabling him, that may not cause him to want to seek help in rehab yet. That won't happen until he is ready. If not ready to kick the habit, he will find someone else to support and enable him for now. Just know that that situation is also very possible. And that support might come from another female who really hasn't given a thought as to what she's getting into.

You may have feelings for him but while he is in this state, he's not going to be optimum relationship material. But don't let your feelings get in the way of doing the right thing both for him and for you.
As for Mom, threatening false police reports is wrong. IT means she isn't thinking straight. I can guess that as your mom, she loves you so much and is so worried about you being in relationship with a drug addict, that she is willing to do just about anything to spoil it or cause it not to happen. That doesn't justify her, only explains why she might be doing this. If you have decided to let the boyfriend go, have a good talk with Mom. Let her know you do realize what was going on and wasn't blind to it. yoU'

Well me and my husband got into an argument over him telling his sister that I don't do anything and don't want to go anywhere. Well then he says at least you've got some one to vent to.(talking about me to his sister). After she left he said it wasn't fair that he can't vent/ talk shit about me. So I said you have friends. And he was like I don't want to talk to guys about it. He said he wants to hit up one of his exs so that he can complain about me to her. I said no and he practically begs to talk to them. Just girls and he has either had sex or sex acts with them am I wrong for telling him no?

You have several possible issues here.

1. He may be trying to find a plausible reason to be hanging out with ex lovers. He may not have that kind of chemistry with you after all and wish to get it elsewhere.
2. Wanting to vent about negative issues he has with you, is not going to make the issues that get him angry enough, go away. Wanting a 'right to vent' is not wanting the right thing. He and you should be wanting to see a marriage counselor and see if these are minor issues that can be worked out between you both. If not, there is not future for the relationship and the two of you would do better to find yourselves a new partner that you are happy with all the time.

3. He may be a perfectionist, or have unreal expectations in the relationship.

4. He may have some form of mental disability, slight enough to not have been caught yet, but it's enough to throw this kind of havoc into a relationship. Seeing a counselor, again here would be the solution.

5. What goes on between you should remain between you unless one of you has permission to share a story about you with others. Any talk with others right in front of you or behind your back that is complaints, belittling, demanding, correcting and disciplinary in words is disrespectful and there is no trust that can be built between you. Things need to be worked out fairly without blaming and accusations. In our 20's we haven't always figured that out yet, how to do so, a good reason for a counselor. Without trust, you'll have a miserable marriage.

Sometimes it takes much longer for one person to mature mentally than the other. But for most people, they have mature bodies in their teens, but the brain isn't fully mature yet, not done growing. Its the prefrontal cortex I'm talking about. You can look it up on line. It isn't until the mid 20's on that a person finally comes to full maturity (brain wise) and therefore is able to make better decision and understand and foresee possible consequences of their plan or behavior. I am guessing he must be your age or a few years older. This means he still has lots to learn about how to be a loving supportive male in a relationship. Most people do not have the benefit of having parents who weren't without their relationship problems or perhaps there was no father growing up. Its understandable if he doesnt know. But it is totally negligent if He doesn't admit he doesn't know all and needs help and then makes the adult decision to do so. Again I am speaking of a relationship/marriage counselor. This husband of yours sounds like he's acting still like a little kid, not ready to be a man. You are not wrong for telling him not to.
But an immature thing like him isn't likely to respect your wishes if you say no. He's not respecting you in your relationship.
I don't know if you are without serious issues yourself. It's hard to see that in ourselves. But no matter what he has issues with about you, you can improve, and so can he. The problem comes when one or both are unwilling to admit they can always learn something more, be taught, or corrected if need be, open to change, teachable and trainable. If that is the issue and isn't overcome, your situation will never improve and may get lots worse.
There may come a point in time when the one of you who is smarter realizes the other is holding the relationship back and holding themselves back personally. It will mean you have come to a dead end in the relationship. Staying is fruitless as neither of you is growing as a person. We can find some of our best challenges in life to grow and become a better person by being in a marriage. Can't say a marriage will be without issues...but there are fair playing rules for how to go through your challenges together and you both need to learn that if there is a chance for the marriage to survive. sEE a counselor. If he won't go, yOU go. Hopefully it will help you see if there is anything more you can do or whether to cut your losses and leave him.

Hope this helps you dear. Good luck.

I'm starting school in a couple days. It's an independent one-on-one program, where I do the work at home and go to school for about one hour a week or so. Well, I'm honestly terrified. I'm scared that the teacher will try something; like rape me or something. She's a female as am I, but she can be like a lesbian or something. I know I'm sounding really paranoid; I have a bad paranoia disorder, and maybe I'm just overreacting. The reason that this came to mind is because I had a classmate who was raped in kindergarten and now I'm terrified because me and the teacher will be alone. I'm sure I'll be more comfortable after being there a few times, but it just scares me so much. I could see if my mother could just sit in the back while I'm with the teacher, but I wouldn't really want to waste my mothers' time and make my parents think that I can't do this. What should I do?

Another thing you can do is to make sure that the teacher is not between you and the door/exit of the room. You have a right to your personal space. Some are okay with another person being as close as within arms reach. Other's do not and it's doesnt have to even be paranoia, just that a person is extra sensitive to picking up the feelings and presence of another person in ways that overwhelm them if the person sits or stands too close. Its up to you to determine what space limit you are comfortable with. Then if the person is seated across a table from you, that's best. If a person wants to sit right next to you, you tell them that you are not comfortable with people being in your personal space and require at least a distance of ____. That is not an unusual request and it is not the other persons business to ask why. This should help you feel safer. Having a plan like this ahead of time puts you in control and with that feeling, you shouldn't have any problem.

Ok so my ex and I broke up 5weeks ago soo now we are just friends the thing is I'm really confused
We both confessed that we still have feelings for each other and I don't think it's a break up more like "lets not be together for awhile and have our own space.... What do u think I should do ??
Please help me and I be so happy if u did thanks ^^

You mention how long ago you broke up but not how long you dated. If the dating was short term and the feelings built too extensely and too quickly, sometimes that can really rattle a guy and he will find he needs a little break to gather his thoughts and decide if he's okay with the pace of the relationship. Its not an age thing like with young people only. It happened to me after a divorce in my 40's when dating a guy. He got scared too and asked for a break from seeing me, not a break up mind you. If this is the case, then 5 weeks is enough time for him to have come to a decision. Time to contact him and start talking and ask questions.
to any answer he gives that doesn't make sense, ask: "What do you mean by that?" Don't assume anything. So a statement like, I need more time to chill before we meet as friends. You could decide to assume he needs time for his feelings for you to settle down so he doesnt feel attraction when together as 'just friends'.
Usually couples have the opposite problem, doing great as friends but not enough romantic chemistry to make it work as anything other than friendship. I would indeed say, 'I've been thinking about the break up and I don't understand some things still and want to ask you some questions and want your honest answers, no smoke screen or lies to protect my feelings." And then ask him exactly what kind of feelings he has or had for you. Depending on your ages, if a guy is marriage age, he will be looking for that kind of connection with you and want to be sure before he spends more time getting to know you, investing the time because the path may end at marriage one day. If it's a younger person, not yet adult, and therefore not of age to marry and having no desire or intent to marry in a few years, then intense feelings can freak out a guy because they assume the girl will expect certain things from him with that level of feelings.
the biggest problem i see from people writing in about relationship questions is that the two don't really talk and if they do, it's surface level stuff, never asking questions, getting more detailed explanations, both sharing what you feel and think.
Usually if both people have feelings of love for each other, neither will want a break up or even a time away for a short bit. Sometimes a person will not ask for clarifications because they are too afraid of what they will hear and are happier for the moment just assuming things from what was said. However that doesnt last long, as you know, there is confusion and that unsettled feeling, not knowing what's what and where you really stand. the only way to know is be brave and ask and be willing to accept answers you don't want to hear, such as he was too chicken to be honest with you, that he doesnt feel enough chemistry with you or feels you dont have enough in common.
This is not unusual. Dating is not meant to be a long term event to prove you can stay in a relationship. It is meant to learn what you do and don't like about the other person and when you learn enough and the feelings develop, then its not just dating but an exclusive relationship at that point. Dating is just for finding the right one. So who ever first decides they are with the wrong person, whether they are right or not, they need to go through with it and break off the relationship. Staying friends as opposed to becoming enemies over a break up is what some people mean by remaining friends or friendly toward each other. It doesn't mean they want to actually get together and hang out as friends. And then there are others who even tho they broke up, still really want you as a friend. You won't know until you ask. You can not make him change his mind. Change comes from within, not from outside experiences. So, just in case it doesn't go well, realize it takes time for your heart to heal. Eventually you will be able to move on. Just dont torture yourself with thoughts of what might have been. Steer those thoughts away for the first few months until you'll had some time to heal. Hope this helps

do you have pet

No but we used to. A little poodle. She was old and died.

Well me and my husband have our anniversary this November. Our one year. And it seems like any special day , my birthday, Christmas, or even days that represent a family members passing. He goes too far. My first b day I spent with him he called me a lazy bitch. This year on my birthday he couldn't spend ten min. In a room with me. And he brings up the fact that when he is hateful and we fight, PS(he can write a book with the things he wants me to change) I say to him if you're so unhappy then divorce me. And he said if I say that word again he will. Once again on my birthday. We have been fighting a lot because I'm this or I don't do that. And I don't feel good enough for him any advice?

Honey, as long as you have that attitude that you are not wanted and he is your only choice, nothing is going to improve. Your husband sounds like my ex who was verbally and emotionally abusive like yours, never happy no matter what I did, even if I followed his instruction explicitly, he treated me as if he hated me and then the cycle continued to the remorse and kiss and make up period during which he might say he loved me but he didn't. It was just words for him. And eventually the cycle repeats with the bad abuse.
You put yourself in a bad situation by moving to another country. Abusive men typically will choose weak women, women who have no support network of family, or just believe they will never find anyone better.
You say you'd be mentally and physically abused by going to mom. Do you not realize you already have the mental abuse from him? cUS THATS what he is doing right now. Theres no guarantee that at some point he won't try the physical abuse too.
My ex made a mistake in choosing me as i was not weak as a person and put him in his place. I soon found that defending myself never helped but added fuel to his fire. As a Christian...of all things, it should have been a loving relationship but it wasn't. The church doesn't condon divorce but rather trusting God to heal a marriage. What I didn't realize until much later is that God gave each of us a free will and won't interfere and force us to become better. Your husband needs to want to change, a desire that comes from within him. So even seeing a marriage counselor won't help if he's going thru the motions but has no inner desire to become better, or worse, like my ex, thinking there is nothing wrong with himself. You can not expect him to ever treat you better. If mom is the same, you can't expect her to do so either.
You keep mentioning a mom. Is there no dad? No aunts and uncles, cousins, grandparents whom you could go live with while you seek work. Once working, pay them for staying with them and save up to get out on your own. If no family can take you in, which was my situation, find friends who will, you need just a short time to get away from him. My husband to be spiteful said he wouldn't give me a divorce. So I packed and went to stay with one friend. While there, updated friends out of state who said I could come live with them.

The part that needs to happen for friends to offer you a place to stay is being open and not embarrassed to share your situation and asking if anyone can help. I worked in a large company and swallowed my pride and asked every female there if she might have a room or rec-room they could rent to me so i Could get away from the husband. You don't need a divorce to leave him. I left without the divorce. I am steering you in this situation because there is nothing you can do to fix your relationship. i know thats your first choice because you feel some love for him. After about 15 years of abuse, he finally succeeded in killing my love for him. I no longer had any feelings for him other than as another human being, wanting the best for him but realizing that the only person I have the power to change is me, and I Have the power to change my situation.If you want to wait 10 years or so to see if your love for him completely dies to make it easier to leave him, then that is your choice. I know of no other way to improve your situation other than swallowing your pride and telling anyone and everyone of your situation and of wanting to leave him and return to the U.S. If you are too scared to look further for help than the people you already checked with, then you are destined to remain in your situation.

Staying with him, doesn't come without the effects on you and your health. the problem's come either in breaking you down emotionally or physically. The stress has to go somewhere. So you either fall apart mentally, get depressed, or your physical health is attacked. for me the stress couldn't attack my mind cus I was strong there. But it tooks its toll on my health with constant headaches and a few migraines per year, stomach ulcers, high blood pressure, and a few other things. When I finally left him, just walked away....I got to heal and regained my physical health. A year later when I returned to my state and found work, the adult children all said i looked better and happier.
Hon, I married at age 20, and I didnt know enough then to know it wouldn't improve. I'd love for you to believe me and find the courage to take the steps to ensure the rest of your life is better. It took til into my forties to start doing that. I am now 5 yrs married to a wonderful 2nd husband who is the total opposite of the ex.

Before breaking away, one thing that worried me is where i'd get support, if I left. Financial concerns is one thing that keeps an abused woman from leaving her husband. I was even willing to go to a shelter but I checked around and they only have shelters for the physically abused, not the emotionally abused. I even checked with lawyers...there is no support system to help a female who needs help. sO what it takes is a female who is not waiting for a knight in shining armor to come riding along and save her...and that knight means anyone, all other people. nO one can save you but you yourself. Once you have d ecided to do that, then you will look and keep looking and keep mentioning your want to get away and forge a new life. And eventually some kind person will decide to assist you by offering you a place to break away from him but you have to make that happen. If you're not ready to do that, there is nothing anyone can say in advice that will make a difference for you. My ex had mental issues it turns out in the end, if you're talking split personality, there's a chance your husband has it too and it won't go away. It can be controlled by Dr prescriptions and following Drs instructions on how to cope with it but whether there will be improvement even if he was willing to admit he has anger problems for one thing among other issues, that is yet to be seen. How about asking him if he will go for counseling? If he won't, why not go yourself, and the counselor can help you get to a healthier frame of mind that you need to start looking out for yourself and making a better decision for your own welfare.

I am praying for you, for courage. The rest, you have to do.

How to avoid having twins or triplets

Even if you are asking because twins run in the family, it doesn't matter, there is no way to guarantee you are not having twins unless you get your tubes tied and never have kids. And I am sure that option is out of the question if you're planning starting to have kids. If it doesnt run in the family, your odds are very slim to having a pregnancy of more than one child.

Female, 18. I have a few friends here and there. One of the guy friends I have is always pestering me about how I never have time to hang out with him and such. It feels bad, thinking like this, we're in college though and I would expect him to be more mature about these type of things. He makes up rules about friendship, saying how I never text him first and how he thinks sometimes we aren't even friends. I have too much stuff to do, and my own problems, but I don't want to be mean to my friends either. He's one of the few of my friends that has given me a hard time - I know I'm not the most attached person ever, but I have my reasons. I've been called naive, gullible and trusting, which has not gone well for me, so I tend to distance myself from people sometimes. I know its not necessarily right to do, but I dont do it that much. Just... what the heck is his problem? Because I'm THIS close to just telling him: Fuck yourself and leave me alone. Sorry about the language, my temper is usually very low but like I said, lots of things going on, makes the water in the glass spill over, if you know what I mean.

So, is what he says true if compared to any friends of yours who are female for example? Do you also not have time to hang out with female friends?
Do your female friends make up rules and expectations of what they want out of friendship with you? do your female friends keep track of who contacts who first? Do they complain that you never text them first?

You dont need much contact, are perhaps more comfortable being mostly a loner, as little contact with people as possible except the chosen few and even those aren't real close. He may just need closer friendships than you do. If so, you can't give him what he needs. Just tell him, this is you. He must either take it or leave it because you are not going to change who you are to meet his needs in socializing. He must either accept you as you are or go look for close buddies elsewhere.

He may not want to take off if he is one of those guys who is romantically attracted to you but willing to take friendship for now until he can get up the nerve to tell you he likes you as more than friends in hopes of dating, waiting for some sign from you. The fact you haven't texted him first or called first, will not feel good to him is his heart is set on you and he's hoping for some sign that you like him too in the same way by wanting to converse with him enough to seek him out. This could be why it's so important to him. You might just come out and point blank ask him if he's sweet on you, wanting to date you as girlfriend and it's not really a friend he wants but a girlfriend? Then depending on how you feel about him you can set him straight. Tell him what ever feels right to who you are. A statement like, "I am in school to study, not socialize or date. my plans at this time are to wait until I have graduated to begin seriously spending time with friends or with a boyfriend. Good luck.

I'm a 20 year old girl and about a month ago I met this 26 year old guy. He's roommates with my best friend so I see him quite a bit and we've hung out alone a few times. He's the sweetest guy ever - always paying for dinner, buying flowers randomly, and just the little things he does. He told me he loves me and it freaked me out. I like him but we barely know each other. And we've had intercourse once and he's just too gentle for my liking. And to be honest his age kind of intimidates me but I've never met someone as sweet as him and my friend keep telling me that if I should be with someone it should be him. I dont know if I should give this a chance.

It all depends on what you are looking for in a guy as to whether he fits the bill as far as what you are needing and wanting in a guy. If you don't have a clue yet what you want or need in a guy, that's what dating is for. At 20, you probably have a lot of dating to do yet to gather together an idea from experiences, what works for you and what doesn't.
At 26 he's had more time to figure out what he wants. That is the only issue I see with your difference in age. I'll bet at 20, he wasn't too sure what he wanted yet either.
You did mention, he's too gentle for your liking. there's one preference already. Although he may have been holding back to not scare you away and let you initiate the pace, my guess is that the attraction to him sexually is not as strong as the one to his character so far. How much attraction is there, does his looking at you with desire make your heart do flip flops or the touch of his hand, does he incite passion in you? Do you crave his touch, want more? There is a chance you are sexually mismatched even though everything else is fine. Often one person falls in love and the other doesn't. A month isn't long enough to get to know the person. He will still be reacting to NRE, New Relationship energy which is a strong, heightened place of ones feelings simply due to the newness of something, as a kid, the new christmas toy, as an adult, the new dating partner. Once this wears off in a few months, it's then people know if there will be desire to last a lifetime, or the lifetime of the relationship. What your friends say about his character is good. However they cannot know if the two of you have great chemistry together or not. He may feel it and you don't. this isn't something that grows on you and shows up later. Either you feel sexual attraction and want him that way or you don't. Since the sturdy base for a healthy relationship depends on two things, being the best of friends, and the other, sexual compatibility, you may want to check it out again. It could have been an off day for him and you. BUT if the next couple times with him for lovemaking are not spectacular for you, then it's best not to get serious with him. Don't lead him on. Dont make him guess if you decide to cut it off with him. If he asks why, you tell him that you dont feel any chemistry with him. Make a list of the sweet things about him that you like and look for that And the sexual chemistry in the next guy. Not trying to talk you out of dating him, but there could be reason to be on guard and cautious enough to take things really slowly with him to give his true character and objective to come through and show themselves. It's not many guys who can say they love you after a couple of dates. It can mean that he really is ready to marry and thats one reason for being able to say he loves you. There are also cautions as to why a guy might say I love you too early, he's looking for a mommy replacement to take care of him, saying the words before being sexual with a girl to get into a girls pants, saying I love you to see how easy it is to manipulate her to do his will, "If you love me too, you'll do this with me, or for me". Sometimes, a guy says I love you when all they did is use the wrong word, it means they really like a lot of things about you but aren't necessarily "In Love" with you yet. This love is a preference for something, like you have a preference for certain music, clothing style, foods, etc... LIke "i Love the Beatles, I love chocolate ice-cream. That kind of love isn't the kind needed for a relationship. These possible warnings for a guy saying i love you too early is something I found in a couple different relationship advice columns and reworded to my own words. So you can give it a little more time but if he pressures you to say I love you in return, you'll have to tell him you don't know him long enough to have developed any feelings yet. And then tell him you'll be sure to let him know if the feeling do come or if they never do.

So I'm in a lesbian relationship. Me and my girlfriend have been talking about having children. She wants me to carry the child but wants it to be her egg which is totally acceptable. However, I really really hate the name she wants if its a boy. The name is Ta'Ziyah and I HATE it! But she said she had that name picked out since she was a teen. And she won't give it up. I've had the name Christopher picked out since I was 8 but she doesn't like that. So now I feel like I don't want to have a child with her and I have no say in the name because it won't be my egg. What can I do to make her change her mind and change that hideous name?

I've never heard of Ta'Ziyah, is that a name from another language/culture? If so, check if she's willing to use the American version of it. Ian, Hans and John and Juan are all the same name but in different languages: Scottish, German, English and Spanish.

You could try as suggested, using for a middle name but if she's not agreeable to that, how about a blend of the two into a First name.
Take the Christ or Christo part and add on the rest to make Christa' Ziyah or Christo'Ziyah. Personally if you go for it, I'd go with the Christo as that as masculine while Christ a, using the A of the Ta in her choice makes it Feminine sounding.
Although that is going to be really hard for him to learn to spell such a long name.

You mention not having a choice in naming cus its her 'egg'??? Whats going on here? You're providing the 'Oven' so to speak or there won't be a kid.
Isn't this supposed to be the same as any couple having kids, even hetero sexual? In a relationship of one male, one female, each contributes something, her the egg and him the sperm. So does the female get the choice of name over the male because it's her egg and the sperm doesnt count? No. They need to work to a compromise or drop their chosen names and work towards something else. With naming our girls, the husband and I wanted Biblical names and he decided on Mary but I said theres' too many Marys, so its too plain and unoriginal. He agreed to look at versions of the name in other languages so I went hunting. In the end we settled on one of the other versions.

You have as much a right as she in naming. If the two of you can not agree on this one thing that is a major big thing for couples, then what will happen when other major decision come about in the future, what religion or belief to teach the kids, where they go to school, public, private or home schooled, etc....major stuff. Maybe you both can handle agreeing on minor stuff so far. But its disagreement over the major stuff that breaks up relationships. I would caution you to not proceed with this venture until you are absolutely sure there will be no trouble. A heterosexual couple breaking up, one gets custody. Who will it be in your case. She'd argue in court its her egg and might get the kid. Some people would not see you as having any right, not any more than an infertile couple choosing to pay a woman to carry their fertilized egg and in the end she decides she wants to keep the baby feeling an attachment to it. Depends on lawyers but she's unlikely to get to keep the child.

If theres no splitting up, how will you both handle everything else. Will you provide a unified front in disciplining or will she not allow you to discipline her 'egg child'. There are a lot of possible future issues for you to think about because if she is so stubborn she will not give up her choice and neither will you, then most likely you wont be able to compromise on anything else, even if you never have kids.

If it were me, I'd either insist on it being my egg to have the leaverage if things go bad, or not even go there at all and not have a kid with her and if not having a kid is a deal breaker for her and she'd rather leave, I'd feel I lucked out and now could move on to find someone better, same as I tell any couple, gay, les, hetero. Don't settle for less than the best in your life long partner.
'

There is this junior in my drama class and he is so cute, and I'm a freshman. I caught him looking at me a lot once. But I don't think it meant anything at all. My lines in are play are directed to him... and it's a really nasty pickup line (out of the subject). Do you think that there is any possibility that he likes me? I mean I guess that I'm pretty attractive and I talked to him once.

If in drama is the only time you find him looking at you at lot, I wouldn't expect it means anything. If however he does that no matter where, no matter when, then it is one of the signs that someone is interested in another. Are you interested in finding out because you have in interest in him? If so, waiting for him to show other signs of liking you may not happen since he may feel intimidated since you're a year older. Hey I'm a year older than my husband. It really doesn't matter, even if other people think its weird or wrong.
Other signs that someone likes you, is saying Hi and smiling every time they see you, and finding excuses to get near you to sit by you or stand near you. The bolder ones will find ways to touch you too, such as a playful punch on the arm, giving you a pat on the back for acing a test, tucking a lock of your hair behind your ear, that sort of stuff.
So if you are interested, show him the same signs, it works both ways, say Hello to him and use his name when you see him and smile a lot. And then step it up by starting conversation with him. If he has a teacher you had last year, you could ask how he likes that teacher and mention you had them and find other things to talk about related to school and then ask him questions like what his favorite music is, or type of movies he likes. Find reasons to be near him, as for touch, you can always pretend to be picking an eyelash off his cheek if you can't think of another innocent way to touch. If he doesn't get the message from all that and ask you to hang out with him, then you can do that.

okay so i and my bf are about to complete 2yrs. he doesnt have time for me. he is with his friends. he is not romantic and mostly he is very immature. and i expect a lot from him. i want him to spend some time with me, talk to me,go out with me. but thats not the case. we stay far away. he does take a day out for me in a month. but otherwise we get only 7 hrs together and in that 7 hours also we get only 1 hr to be together. he does feel insecure when i tok to some other guy. i just sometimes feel that its me only putting all the efforts in this relationship. and its no use tokn to him. bcz it wont change anything. he just has so many important things in his life than me.

If it's an LDR, then thats the best you can expect. If this has never been LDR, you met each other face to face, live close and he is not making you one of his top 3 priorities,
then he doesn't love you/care for you or even have the slightest interest in you. I have read what the relationship experts say. And many are agreed on that a guy can juggle several priorities at once. Things important to a guy are work, school, his immediate family, friends, workouts or a sport team he's on, and a girlfriend/wife. The most important things to him will get the most attention. Other's will fall down lower on the totem pole. If he doesnt have you at the top, you are wasting your time. You can not change a guy simply by being in his life and change him for the better. If that were true, then I suspect society would be much more pleasant if females had the power to improve men just by being in their life...in fact there might not even be any more wars!

Sorry hon...change for the better comes from within. there must be the desire within a person to do so, no outside pressure can make a person change.
Of course this guy feels insecure when you talk to another guy. He knows he's a poor example of a male and that he doesnt love and care and support you as he should if he really wants to keep you in his life. He know s you deserve better and is hoping another won't steal you away. the only way he can keep a girl if he's not willing to have time for her, is if the girl is willing to settle for less than the best. So that would mean, you need to ask yourself, am I willing to settle for this as the best I'll ever have or am I worth lots more. Will I leave him and start looking for something better.
I will add on my description now of what the purpose of dating is so that you can see more clearly what to do with what you know about him...it goes on a list to remind you what you are and are not looking for in a guy. So here goes:

The object is not to practice longevity of relationship, sticking together long term even if its not a perfect dating relationship. The object is not to prove to yourself or others that you can stick with someone long term...that comes in later years after you have a clue what kind of person you want to end up life long with.

Dating is for determining if there is interest beyond basic attraction, discovering more about the other to determine if you like and can handle their personality traits, and whether there's enough in common, or evidence of destructive habits or tendencies in the other that would harm you emotionally and/or physically and kill the relationship. Depending on what you discover, you either continue dating the person and take it to the committed couple level or you break up.

Dating is more about learning what you do and don't like in a guys character and the same for him. Its a time of making comparisons. Seeing what is lacking in a current partner that you would like to have, or something that they do, or ways they treat you that are disrespectful or hurtful emotionally or physically as in being abusive or violent. When you come up against things like that, you need to decide if you will settle for less or move on to the next dating partner, hopefully always shooting for someone a step better in some area. Make a list of the qualities you like and remind yourself with another list of the qualities you dont like or must avoid because they are harmful to your well being. Review it and update it often through out the years.

If you break up, you look for the next dating partner, always trying to find someone a step better than the last partner, basing your choices for the new person on traits you discovered in the last person that you liked enough to look for in the next person, while at the same time avoiding the other things that you won't tolerate.
If all is going well and you develop some serious feelings for each other, you take the relationship from just dating to the committed couple level. At this level, depending on your age, you are dating each other exclusively or if adults, moving in together or getting married.
If you find you keep having the same issues, no matter which guy you date, either you never learned from the past relationship, or perhaps more of the issues are with you and you need to be honest with yourself as to what issues you need to work on within yourself before you can make a good dating partner. I can't begin to stress how helpful having a list of what I liked and wanted and needed in a guy was to me in finding my 2nd husband.

I found disturbing porn on my bf's laptop, what should I do about it?
My boyfriend and I have been together for a whole now Recently I was using his computer and was trying to remember the name of the website he always uses he wasn't answering his phone so I decided to check the history I found it along with some disturbing porn. I found all types of porn he is 25, SO I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH HIM VIEWING. I'm just saying that because many people may think I was mad that he did that, I'm not. Infact, he hasn't looked at barely any porn since we got together. What disturbed me was the nature of the content. Such as women in chains getting beaten badly then effed. And more disturbingly incest porn like brothers and sister doing various things So much disturbing material. I have to wonder if he'll ever be satisfied with what is considered normal sexual behavior and normal looking women that don't have fake breasts, etc. I find what he viewed werid and I don't know how to mention it to him or what to do about it please help :(

There are many things out of the realm of what most of us would find normal in sex. Besides what you shared, there's peeing and pooping or throwing up on each other in sex play. Gross to you or me, but gives some people a turn on and aroused enough to orgasm from it.
Most people who engage their imagination in pursuing such things get the thrill simply from it being so outside of the norm, or seeming dirty or bad. And there is no desire to carry out these fantasys in real life.
If you are dating boyfriends in order to find a future husband, this is an area you both need to discuss early in the relationship, at the point you want to become sexual with each other.If you already are, its not to late to start up a convo about each other's fantasies. And are any of the fantasies desires to carry out in real life? Whats each persons fetishes, what turns you on about each other, and what are your libido's like, do they match. If one wants sex way more than the other, theere will be trouble. If a partner wants to coerce their mate into trying their bizarre to you fantasys, then you wouldnt be a match either. there's no forcing a change in this area.

'fingering girl, may have precum on finger, but girl took ipill after the incident....will she be pregnant?

If she's on the pill, takes it daily as her form of birth control, then she's probably not going to become pregnant.
If she was not on the pill or any other type of contraception, and precum was transfered to her by fingers, yes she can become pregnant.
Now if you meant that she took Plan B, the morning after pill to be safe, it works well as long as it is taken within a certain amount of time. the following day or two is best. It may still protect up to 120 hrs or 5 days after unprotected sex,but waiting up to the last minute to take it can't guarantee it's effectiveness 100%. A female may still become pregnant. If she misses a period, she may want to take a pregnancy test.

If she is on the pill but forgets to take it occasionally, that can result in her becoming pregnant. She either needs to use an alarm on her cell to remind her to take every day on schedule same time even, or switch to something different like the contraceptive shot, or use of an IUD, intrauterine device. If you're not adults, and parents don't know you're sexually active, I advise going to Planned Parental..they have programs made for youth to teach and train them about safe sex and avoiding pregnancy and will help the girl get on birthcontrol if not.
Main thing is that the two of you talk about this with each other.

I guess I am lucky to have a pastor like Justin even though he is more than my pastor we are best friends I know I can tell him anything and he wont judge me for my mistake he saus he is here to guide us in the right direction not to put us down anf judge us ir belittle us when we mess up . I guesd it kind of helps that he is just 2 years older than me. It makes it easier for me to go to him when I mess up. I even went to him when I first started going to church again and told him that I was bisexual at the time which ia not any longer he just said that's not his place to judge my lifestyle he said that God would forgive me for that to because he gorgives everybody . I guess t he reason why I am being so hard on myself is because that I grew up in the old fashioned church of God you know the type very religious if you wore pants if you were a woman and makeup or cut your hair wore jewlrey of any kind . Or slipped once up once you were going straight to hell and now I am to a pentecostal church where the pastor says if you fall get back up and brush yourself off and keep trying I guess the old fashioned beliefs when I was a kid made me want to give up. I am so blessed to have a friend and pastor like Kustin who says if you need me call me text me fb me no matter what time it Is he is just a phone call away.

I am glad to hear this. You're mentioning the bi-sexual thing got me to thinking perhaps I might share this following perspective of mine.

There are well meaning people in all Christian faiths. I've been reading about the Amish lately. It's more obvious with them the fact that they live by the letter of the law, the rules and regulations of the church are so important that some major things Jesus taught are left out and ignored. The "law" of the church, or their interpretation of it is more important than what Jesus would do or say if He were here in person. Well, he is always there for you. The reason I bring this up is that some of the rules of a church are what cause heart ache and grief and unrest not only for new believers who are confused by it but also for older believers. So far, it would seem for you, the issue is the church's interpretations of what is okay and not okay in the sexuality arena and that is what is causing the unrest and wondering in your mind.
First we must understand that 21st century man is trying to take too literally what is written in the Bible on some subjects, and with out knowing what those words meant in that time, Bible times which might be quite different.
I have one good example. The commandment, Thou shalt not commit adultery is not what you'd think it means. Back then, for the people of those times, a wife was a husband's possession, he owned her. As something that belonged to him, it was considered 'stealing' if another man came to spend time with a married man's wife without his permission. It might be taking her away from running the house or being available to her husband. Now on the other hand, if the husband wanted to be a good host to someone and offer him his wife for the evening, that was considered okay because he was giving his permission. The wife didn't have a choice. In todays times, the woman does have a choice. So if a married couple decided to give each other permission to have a relationship for sexual reasons, outside the marriage, it is not adultery, as long as both are okay with it. If one is not, then the marriage vows should be followed. I have known bi-sexual women whose husbands are very understanding and have allowed the wife to have a relationship with another woman, one that developed naturally, a loving caring relationship. It also provides for a husband or wife to enter into polyamory, having another love relationship with another, for both the husband and the wife. In my studying I have determined that It's not a sin in God's eye's to do as we wish sexually, as long as we don't hurt ourselves or others and stay safe. God doesn't tempt us on purpose, and that being the case, He wouldn't create us with the sexuality we have, the urges, cravings desires and the love we feel just to play with us and then tell us we cannot have it. The idea of a man leaving parents to cleave to a wife was important for that time as children needed to be created for it was important for civilization to go on. So if too many people back then were not having kids, that had a great impact. Without the medical care and knowledge to stay safe from disease, and no way to determine paternity of a child if a woman had more than one partner, the easiest way to take care of those issues is teach people to only have a heterosexual marriage.

Think about some of the laws regarding food in Leviticus. God shared certain laws regarding what was okay to eat and what wasn't. Not because a particular item was bad to eat, but because as a loving God he wanted to protect people back then who didn't have the technology or understanding about germs in food or refrigeration methods.

So it's not that Pork isn't Kosher(safe to eat really) cus today we know how to do safe meat handling, freezing and refrigeration. It is no longer an issue. And yet the Jews cling to those beliefs as religiously as the Christians do to anything having to do with sexuality. I remember as a young married couple , my husband and I volunteered to be counselors at a youth group weekend. It was hot summer and there was a lake where we could go swimming. I wore my 2 piece bathing suit and later in the day my husband came and told me that church elders had approached him to tell his wife to cover up with a tee shirt and shorts to go swimming as I needed to be a good example for the young girls so that we don't tempt the boys. I was very angry. For many reasons. If all the Christian girls wore sackcloth and ashes for the rest of their lives and didn't look tempting to Christian men anymore, would that stop them from feeling tempted? And tempted at what? To have sex? No..if you really questioned the elders, the boys were not supposed to feel any strong sexual urges whenever he saw a pretty lady. Not that he wanted to bed every woman he saw, of course thats impossible, they didn't want men to ever get aroused to the point of having an arousal!! Hello people! Don't you know God created our bodies to respond that way, even females, and we are supposed to learn to excercise self control....but no way would they teach that. And so once adults and on their own the Christian kids were woefully unprepared for dealing with living in the real world. I know a couple who married, (I attended the wedding) who had never even held hands once or kissed. When it came time to kiss at the end of the ceremony the girl was so overcome with fear she began to cry and then fainted and hit the floor. tWO months later, gossip got around that the reason we didn't see them in church any more is that they got their marriage annuled cus they couldn't have sex, so fearful of their own desires and sexuality were they that marriage was never consummated. And now too embarrassed to face the church, they each began attending elsewhere.

So what I am trying to say to you, is that even though you may be a new Christian, Use that brain God gave you, learn to think and reason things out yourself and also ask God to show you what is unneccessary traditions and laws and what is important to follow. You must learn and determine this for yourself, rather than following what I say, what Pastor Justin or his elders say, even what the Bible says, but go with what God says to you. The Bible is right on about many things. My favorite stuff is where ever Jesus was talking or what he was doing....that is what I trust. And even then, he was talking in ways that people of that day would understand. If he came in flesh today and stood here teaching, I guarantee you that he would tell lots of his parables in much different ways, to what people of todays time can relate to.
There is a lot of good structure to the Christian faith, but like all beliefs, it isn't perfect either. God understands that. He knows that we can only do our personal best to follow Him by hearing what he personally has to say to us. Having it passed down to us to blindly believe that which came to us through well meaning people interpretations can take us off the right path or the path god meant for you to learn on. I grew up in church, I've seen and experienced it all. I was always treated as a 2nd rate citizen of the church when the elders had a problem with something. Each church group is different, depends who is in leadership at the time. So hopefully all goes smoothly for you.
If however, you try to follow what they are teaching you regarding your sexuality and trying to fit into that mold causes you more pain than happiness, you may want to relook at how crucial it is. Will the church still accept you if you have sex outside of marriage or follow bi-sexual tendencys? Will God accept you? Most Likely God will accept you no matter what because as I ad many others see it, our sexuality is what it is. It is not like we are making a choice to be something different from the 'norm'. It can be very traumatic to people to force themselves to be someone they are not and then get chastised, outcast for it. What the church and pastors believe in the end is not whats going to matter when you stand before God one day. Just what if a good majority of what is taught by the Christian church is false and they don't know it, they are innocent cus they are blindly following what they have been told. If that were so, do we tell God, I am sorry I was wrong, but I was just following what they told me to do? I am guessing he would ask, "Why didn't you come and ask me? You wasted an entire lifetime believing the wrong thing. It's not crucial, I don't hold it against you and I still love you. If peers pressured a teen to do something and said it was okay to do and would be alright, should the teen believe her peers or go to her parents who know a lot more and love and care about and want the best for her. They can save her alot of heart ache if peers weren't blindly trusted."
Thats what happens in church all the time. And many experience pain and heartache that God could have prevented for them. Nothing in these personal choices of what we eat, how we dress, what we are drawn to sexually is going to alter whether we go to Heaven or not.
The best thing you can do is begin exercising your spiritual muscle, that one that can hear from God and not take what anyone else, including me , has to say. You won't hear anything back at first but keep talking to God. It;ll feel like you just talking out loud to yourself for a while. But he's listening and answering and you're tuned in slightly off station like a radio and that gets fined tuned as you keep up the talking. Eventually thoughts will pop into your head that you know are not from you.

Here's one example from my life. At a church ladies retreat, they were doing an exercise to help us practice hearing from God. All we had to do was quiet our minds and sit and ask God, "Who do you have for me to share a word or scripture verse with?" I asked the question and got an immediate answer. Someones name popped into my mind. a lady I looked up to, she was prinicipal of the christian school and leader of the womens group in church and much revered by the elders of the church.
"Okay, so what scripture do you have for me to share?" "Not a scripture, but a word." "oKAY, so whats the word?" I asked God. "Simplicity". "But thats just one word. I was thinking more like a couple of sentences or something. I can't go and say one word!" "It's your choice. You asked what I'd like you to share. You don't have to do it, but that is it, just the one word, simplicity." I felt I would appear stupid, unable ot hear from God but with grumbling I decided I would obey, shaking as I was. LOL When I told the women I had a word from God and it was literally just one word, she didn't seem to think that was odd and asked what the word was. When I spoke the word, she became so excited, she said, wait here while I run to my room and get my prayer journal so you can see my entry for today.
When I saw it, in her prayer time that very morning, God had told her she had taken on too many responsibilities and needed to cut some out so she could do better on the others. She had to simplify her life.
See why she was excited? I was too now. My sharing that one word in obediance no matter that I was doubting myself and my ability to hear God right, was confirmation to me that I could hear right and confirmation to her that she had heard right. I still get chills thinking of this story.
Thats how clearly you want to be able to hear from God. So that if there is something He's askin you to do, even if no one else thinks its the best idea, you will do it because you beleive God told you. Even if you get it wrong some times in the learning, like a loving parent, He will not fault you for making mistakes sometimes, as long as you kept yourself open to learn and serve Him and become more like Him.

You are not attracted to going to this church by accident. Even your background with churches is part of what God had for you to experience for it all to help be part of what you needed to learn, something you needed to know, a defining point in your life that you would come to.
A defining moment in one's life comes about when a person realizes something about who they are and grows from it, accepts it, whether they are aware or not that God was part of making that happen. Some people are not open to learning and changing at all and it doesnt happen. But I believe this is your time because not only had you had flings with a couple old male friends but you have the bi-sexual issues as well. there is definitely something to learn here. It's for you to determine what path you will take from today on in this area of your life. You are at a crossroads and it's between you and God. No one else can make that decision for you, not even well meaning brothers and sisters in the Christian faith.
good luck. Sorry this was long but I felt prompted by God to share. Likely because you weren't going to hear this anywhere else.

Can a tax preparer report someone to the IRS? I asked a tax preparer to look over a tax return amendmend and she freaked out saying that I was acting odd and threatening to report me to the IRS. Can she?

Asking someone to look over your tax return to see if it needs an amendment or whether another tax preparer did it the best it could be done is Not acting oddly. It is not uncommon to go to a tax person when you believe some things were left out. My ex used to do taxes for a living and never did he consider a person to be acting oddly for looking over any past returns.
While a return may have been done correctly and the IRS has no issue with you, many preparers who do not know you may not know some of the not as ordinary questions to ask that may pertain to your situation and bring you a greater refund. If an error was done, where you didn't pay all you owed due to a tax persons error, that can be taken care of as well. These things happen more often than you would think.
So I don't know what was really going on, and whether you with held some important info from us, but just based on what you say, the tax person has no reason to believe you were acting odd in asking her to look over a tax return that was amended or to see if it needs to be amended.

Yes, they can report you. Even tho the hubby saw one business owner just once. The IRS began sending letters to him years later asking if He has any knowledge of the whereabouts of that one time client, cus the person stopped doing tax returns after that. So I know they enlist the help of tax preparers. Maybe if you can clarify what was actually going on, why you went to see her, if she's your regular tax person or someone new, what the status was with the return, what you were concerned about to go seek her out in the first place, that sort of stuff.

I don't really know how to explain everything but I am going to try my best so you can understand my problem. I am going to start from the very begining from where it all started. I am sorry if if its to long but it'd the only I know how to explain it. Well here goes my dad died when I was little I am now a 25 year old female anf my life has been medded up ever since which dosnt make any since at all to me because I never really knew my dad because my parents divorced when I Was 3 because my dad molested me which I don't really remember that either its just what I was told and I only was allowe supervised vidits on the weekends with him. Not having my dad around messed up my life so much when I got older.when I turned 16 I stared going crazy and turned into a wild party gir l berf ore I turned 16 I was what you would call a goody goody. When I turned 16 I stared drinking smoking pot and having sex outside of marriage un protected but 2 years ago I got saved and dedicated my life to jesus christ as my lord and savior but awhile back I slipped with a couple of guys and I talked to pastor Justin about my mistake and he sau d I was being to hard on my self and he says everybidy makes mistakes is he right or do I need to jus t give up on everyhing and stop trying because no matter how hard I try I am not going to change that's just how I feel right now .like know matter how hard I try I am not going to change so why nother even trying ?

We are always more critical of ourselves than anyone else ever will be. God know's what it feels like for humans to be tempted. Our God is a loving God and will love you, no matter how many times you mess up. God doesnt expect you to be perfect, only God is perfect but for some reason, many new believers feel they must be perfect from the moment they dedicate their lives to Jesus. I've got a church background and at one point hubby and I were home group leaders. I found there were people who stayed away from church and fellowship cus they smoked cigarettes and were finding it hard to stop and gave up quitting and felt unworthy of being called God's child. When you messed up as a kid, did you ever feel unworthy of being part of the family with Mom? Did you ever feel if you made a mistake, said you were sorry, Mom forgave you and you did it again, that Mom would not forgive you the 2nd time? Did that ever happen? Mom not forgiving you and saying you could no longer be part of the family?
Sounds ridiculous right? Well, parents are supposed to be loving and patient with their child in training their child. We are being trained right now to become citizens of heaven. The earth is our classroom.I have always felt that what is most important to God is actually very simple: Love God, Love yourself and Love others. Spelled out, that means not ignoring God but working on talking to God more often. From my life experience, God is more interested in the fact that I am willing to please Him and always checking in to ask Him if I am still pleasing Him. A bunch of fancy worship songs and fancy formal prayers are not how God communicates with me. My God has a great sense of humor and will occasionally say something funny that makes me laugh. It's as cozy and casual as sitting with my dad or uncle chatting.
Love yourself means accepting the fact of where you are at right now, deciding you want to become more like God, and understanding that it is a process. Loving yourself means you don't place yourself in situations that you know are not good for you as far as your spiritual growth, situations where you will be too tempted to get pulled off track or where you will be treated poorly by others. Its one thing to turn the other cheek but we carry that too far. Its good to not let someones name calling and verbal challenges or put downs not cause us to become angry and want to defend our good name, but if day in and day out, you hang out with someone who bullies, or engages in physical , mental or emotiional abuse towards you, you aren't loving yourself enough to leave that situation.
Loving others? I don't know if you had siblings but those who have siblings know you can love them but have days you can't put up with them and yes, fight and argue. And as family, parents taught us to makeup with our sibs as soon as possible...which includes asking forgivenes, and giving forgiveness and letting go of the incident in owns mind. they are also just learning like you.
All of creation is your sisters and brothers because God created them too. So what matters is how you treat not just friends but strangers for they are still part of the greater family of God, his creation, whether they Know who their Heavenly Father is or not.
If you work on all 3, and God is looking at your heart, and knows you are not hard hearted but genuinely feel bad when you mess up, thats what matters most to Him, that you are still trying, working at it. A person who is spiritually not moving forward anymore is the only one who God may be concerned more about, but He also knows he's given us free will and will not interfere with our choices. However He's always got his arms open when we come running to him with our "skinned knees and hurt feelings" He picks us up, dusts us off, and gives us a pep talk that we can do it and send us off again. Don't be hard on yourself, God isnt hard on you. If you want to be more like God, and he isn't acting that way, there neither is there any reason for you to do so.. You have a good Pastor. Tell him how much you appreciate him. Blessings!

I live with my mother and stepdad, but a few weeks ago while walking with my grandmother, I came across my biological father and we made small talk and exchanged cell phone numbers. I haven't seen him in almost a decade and I really want to get to know him again as he does me. The problem is that him and my mother did not have the best history as I was growing up and now that I'm 22 I'm nervous that she may find out that I am in touch with him. Should I tell her or shoyld I keep it a secret?

Parents don't usually explain to the kids why they split up and sometimes they don't even really understand why. I don't know if it was something really serious, terrible destructive behavior or more like the two of them just being a mismatch personality wise and other and it was best to part. If the latter is the reason, and they parted as friends, then there should be no bad feelings for her arising when you bring up his name. If it was somethings really traumatic like domestic violence, it may bring up bad memories. But even so, it was for her to learn how to over come any emotional trauma by now, either on her own or with professional help. THE relationship you will have with him may not have any conflict because you are an entirely different personality and there may be no conflict there.
You are an adult and dont need her permission nor her approval. But it would be a nice gesture to let her know that you ran into him and are planning to spend time getting to know him. You want her to know from you so she doesnt find out from someone else or accidently discover it herself. You are telling her as mainly courtesy, not to stir up bad feelings for her. If she wishes to know how your times with dad go, you'd be glad to tell her. If she prefers to know nothing at all, you'd also be glad to abide by her wishes. Give her that choice only, hearing details or not.
One day you'll marry and have kids, his grand kids too. That changes lots of things when there were bad feelings in the past for some. You may have to decide which man walks you down the aisle or have a step father on one arm and bio dad on the other, honoring both because each put in about equal time with you. When it comes to Wedding someday and letting him see the grand kids, thats up to you, your choice. that day Will come. It's better mom gets used to the idea of you reconnecting with dad now so its less adjustment for her come time your getting married and having kids.

Clinton Arkansas at Walmart everyone knows that a certain person in charge of the front end is taking drugs and dating a drug dealer why isn't anything being done

I think that would be a question for Walmart's corporate head office. Have you tried there yet? If they don't give you an answer, perhaps they just don't care to acknowledge to any person in public that they do have a problem. Once they acknowledge it, it's more likely to get in the news and they mignt be trying to avoid the bad publicity.

what does it mean when a guy winks at you?

A wink is like a silent message being passed between two people when the situation is not the best for passing on any spoken words. It is also the things you;ve already been told by the other advisor.
Here's one of my experiences of having a strange/unknown by me, man wink at me. I was a young mom early thirtys and on the escalator coming down, holding one child in my arms and two others I was watching closely to make sure they held onto the rail, and coaching them again how to step off at the bottom. All of a sudden I felt eyes watching me and looked up to see a man on the up escalator who'd been watching me interact with my kids and he gave me a wink.
I took that as a compliment, him choosing to give me kudo's for even venturing out into a dept. store with 3 kids in tow to begin with, for doing a good job keeping my chattering girls in control, and also maybe a bit of the personal compliment,"You look really good for a mother of three. It made me feel good, made my day.

Now on the other hand, some people don't use the wink correctly. I have seen it used on dating sites. There is a button to click on that means you are sending a 'wink' to the other person. It is not an in person wink of the eye. This written 'wink' message that shows up in your dating inbox simply means that the guys who sent it were too chicken to write to you but liked your looks. Rarely do you get winks because they read your profile and like you for who you say you are inside. Don't pay any mind to these kinds of winks either. A guy really interested on a dating site will write a good long letter to you instead of "Hi, I think you're really hot looking." or "Are you there? Can we talk cus I think we'd make a great match, when he has no photo and nothing written in his profile.

Another wink is the kind I'd given my husband when a child who put her tooth under her pillow and got nothing left by the tooth fairy comes running up to tell us. As I spin my tale in explanation, I wink at the husband cus he now knows I forgot to put money under the pillow last night...its my job and I am saying "Well, the toothfairy must have had more kids to visit than she had time. I'm sure she'll come tonight, just put the tooth back. He and I can't say anything out loud cus of the kids, but the wink is the untold sharing of the fun of pretending to be the tooth fairy and having messed up.

So as you can see, it can mean just about anything. If you are wondering if it is a serious form of flirting...no it's not. A guy who is truly interested does show some definite signs, body language that is mainly all subconscious thought driven, not intentional like a wink.

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