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lack of attention from my bf
okay so i and my bf are about to complete 2yrs. he doesnt have time for me. he is with his friends. he is not romantic and mostly he is very immature. and i expect a lot from him. i want him to spend some time with me, talk to me,go out with me. but thats not the case. we stay far away. he does take a day out for me in a month. but otherwise we get only 7 hrs together and in that 7 hours also we get only 1 hr to be together. he does feel insecure when i tok to some other guy. i just sometimes feel that its me only putting all the efforts in this relationship. and its no use tokn to him. bcz it wont change anything. he just has so many important things in his life than me.
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Sounds just like my last relationship. He was always with his friends, and lying about where he'd be. And when we did go out I always had to be the one to pay. We made it to two years before I finally got fed up and said eff you.
I think you need to speak your mind and if he doesn't change and give you more of his time then move on. You deserve so much better, you deserve someone who wants to spend all his time with you if he could. It just sounds like this guys doesn't even care. Even though its hard to leave, you'll be happier in the long run when you meet someone else who will give you the world instead of just an hour of his time a week.
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If it's an LDR, then thats the best you can expect. If this has never been LDR, you met each other face to face, live close and he is not making you one of his top 3 priorities,
then he doesn't love you/care for you or even have the slightest interest in you. I have read what the relationship experts say. And many are agreed on that a guy can juggle several priorities at once. Things important to a guy are work, school, his immediate family, friends, workouts or a sport team he's on, and a girlfriend/wife. The most important things to him will get the most attention. Other's will fall down lower on the totem pole. If he doesnt have you at the top, you are wasting your time. You can not change a guy simply by being in his life and change him for the better. If that were true, then I suspect society would be much more pleasant if females had the power to improve men just by being in their life...in fact there might not even be any more wars!
Sorry hon...change for the better comes from within. there must be the desire within a person to do so, no outside pressure can make a person change.
Of course this guy feels insecure when you talk to another guy. He knows he's a poor example of a male and that he doesnt love and care and support you as he should if he really wants to keep you in his life. He know s you deserve better and is hoping another won't steal you away. the only way he can keep a girl if he's not willing to have time for her, is if the girl is willing to settle for less than the best. So that would mean, you need to ask yourself, am I willing to settle for this as the best I'll ever have or am I worth lots more. Will I leave him and start looking for something better.
I will add on my description now of what the purpose of dating is so that you can see more clearly what to do with what you know about him...it goes on a list to remind you what you are and are not looking for in a guy. So here goes:
The object is not to practice longevity of relationship, sticking together long term even if its not a perfect dating relationship. The object is not to prove to yourself or others that you can stick with someone long term...that comes in later years after you have a clue what kind of person you want to end up life long with.
Dating is for determining if there is interest beyond basic attraction, discovering more about the other to determine if you like and can handle their personality traits, and whether there's enough in common, or evidence of destructive habits or tendencies in the other that would harm you emotionally and/or physically and kill the relationship. Depending on what you discover, you either continue dating the person and take it to the committed couple level or you break up.
Dating is more about learning what you do and don't like in a guys character and the same for him. Its a time of making comparisons. Seeing what is lacking in a current partner that you would like to have, or something that they do, or ways they treat you that are disrespectful or hurtful emotionally or physically as in being abusive or violent. When you come up against things like that, you need to decide if you will settle for less or move on to the next dating partner, hopefully always shooting for someone a step better in some area. Make a list of the qualities you like and remind yourself with another list of the qualities you dont like or must avoid because they are harmful to your well being. Review it and update it often through out the years.
If you break up, you look for the next dating partner, always trying to find someone a step better than the last partner, basing your choices for the new person on traits you discovered in the last person that you liked enough to look for in the next person, while at the same time avoiding the other things that you won't tolerate.
If all is going well and you develop some serious feelings for each other, you take the relationship from just dating to the committed couple level. At this level, depending on your age, you are dating each other exclusively or if adults, moving in together or getting married.
If you find you keep having the same issues, no matter which guy you date, either you never learned from the past relationship, or perhaps more of the issues are with you and you need to be honest with yourself as to what issues you need to work on within yourself before you can make a good dating partner. I can't begin to stress how helpful having a list of what I liked and wanted and needed in a guy was to me in finding my 2nd husband.
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Hi there!
Sounds like long distance! Boo!!
Anyways,I'm sorry for what you are going through
Its very hard and when everything is coming apart at the seams,it seems your whole world will collapse
What could be more important?
Friends?
Let me tell you,friends come and go,but a special relationship can last forever.
How do you feel about him? Is he on the same page you are in many things?
How does he feel about you?
You need to ask him
Set up a time to see each other and talk about where this is going
Be upfront and tell him how you feel
From there decide mutually whether to end it or keep on going
Be blessed
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I hate giving advice on relationships... But to me it honestly seems like your not the only one ... Take it how you want score low I'm just giving my opinion ... You should tell him how you feel and if things don't straighten out soon if your strong like most women should be take a break from him or if your stronger than that move on .... Sorry if you don't like this but hey good luck
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