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Annoyingly Stressed
Female, 18. I have a few friends here and there. One of the guy friends I have is always pestering me about how I never have time to hang out with him and such. It feels bad, thinking like this, we're in college though and I would expect him to be more mature about these type of things. He makes up rules about friendship, saying how I never text him first and how he thinks sometimes we aren't even friends. I have too much stuff to do, and my own problems, but I don't want to be mean to my friends either. He's one of the few of my friends that has given me a hard time - I know I'm not the most attached person ever, but I have my reasons. I've been called naive, gullible and trusting, which has not gone well for me, so I tend to distance myself from people sometimes. I know its not necessarily right to do, but I dont do it that much. Just... what the heck is his problem? Because I'm THIS close to just telling him: Fuck yourself and leave me alone. Sorry about the language, my temper is usually very low but like I said, lots of things going on, makes the water in the glass spill over, if you know what I mean.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
So, is what he says true if compared to any friends of yours who are female for example? Do you also not have time to hang out with female friends?
Do your female friends make up rules and expectations of what they want out of friendship with you? do your female friends keep track of who contacts who first? Do they complain that you never text them first?
You dont need much contact, are perhaps more comfortable being mostly a loner, as little contact with people as possible except the chosen few and even those aren't real close. He may just need closer friendships than you do. If so, you can't give him what he needs. Just tell him, this is you. He must either take it or leave it because you are not going to change who you are to meet his needs in socializing. He must either accept you as you are or go look for close buddies elsewhere.
He may not want to take off if he is one of those guys who is romantically attracted to you but willing to take friendship for now until he can get up the nerve to tell you he likes you as more than friends in hopes of dating, waiting for some sign from you. The fact you haven't texted him first or called first, will not feel good to him is his heart is set on you and he's hoping for some sign that you like him too in the same way by wanting to converse with him enough to seek him out. This could be why it's so important to him. You might just come out and point blank ask him if he's sweet on you, wanting to date you as girlfriend and it's not really a friend he wants but a girlfriend? Then depending on how you feel about him you can set him straight. Tell him what ever feels right to who you are. A statement like, "I am in school to study, not socialize or date. my plans at this time are to wait until I have graduated to begin seriously spending time with friends or with a boyfriend. Good luck.
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You guys are friends and he's acting this way? That's not good. I'd stay away from him. You have every right to tell him to F*k off. You're not obligated to hang out with him. I've been in his position before, but I learn from my mistakes. I ruined a good friendship for being selfish and desperate. I wish I could go back in time and stop being a d*k. Just tell him you can't hang out, don't promise anything, that's what happened to me. We made plans to hang out and have some fun and we were getting close, but then she said she was too busy with school. 6 hours of Netflix all the time doesn't sound like school work though. So I got pissed. But she had every right to cancel. I should have just said alrighty no problem I understand. You're friend needs to do that and leave you alone.
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Hi there!
Where is the respect your friend has for you?
Methinks he left it at home with his pop-tarts!
Anyways,it's not nice of him what he is doing.It sounds like he has a controlling demeanor about him.That can be very scary,he should not in any way shape or form be calling the shots on your life.
Who is he to do so?
You my dear,should be the only one to have control over your life and body,and noone else.
He needs to start being nice,and you let him know,that his rules and habits are pushing you away,and that he needs to be more respectful to you,especially because you are a young lady.
He may also have attatchment problems and may not be thinking clearly. That is very unkind.
Let him know first hand and pull him aside,and say hey,look,please respect my feelings
You must give respect and earn it also
Be blessed dear one!
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