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Am I just being paranoid? Needing help ASAP
I'm starting school in a couple days. It's an independent one-on-one program, where I do the work at home and go to school for about one hour a week or so. Well, I'm honestly terrified. I'm scared that the teacher will try something; like rape me or something. She's a female as am I, but she can be like a lesbian or something. I know I'm sounding really paranoid; I have a bad paranoia disorder, and maybe I'm just overreacting. The reason that this came to mind is because I had a classmate who was raped in kindergarten and now I'm terrified because me and the teacher will be alone. I'm sure I'll be more comfortable after being there a few times, but it just scares me so much. I could see if my mother could just sit in the back while I'm with the teacher, but I wouldn't really want to waste my mothers' time and make my parents think that I can't do this. What should I do?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Work/School Relationships?
We do sometimes hear of teachers and youth leaders of various descriptions abusing their position of trust and doing some awful stuff to those they are meant to look after. We are rightly shocked and appalled by such events and they usually get a lot of exposure and publicity. Which means it can worm its way into our minds, fuelled by a little paranoia and the PERCEIVED threat/risk becomes much higher than ACTUAL chance of it happening. The VAST majority of teachers and youth workers are sound and regular men and women. They do what they do because they have chosen it as their career and enjoy it. The effort one has to devote to a obtaining the qualifications for a teaching career is high. Too much to do 'on a whim'. The vetting and selection process is strict, and will certainly need professional and character references from people in authority positions. Random weirdo's CANNOT just decide one day to be a teacher/youth worker to get access to youngsters because it is a way to realise their rather sick desires. OK, sometimes it goes wrong. But statistically the number of cases of abuse is tiny in comparison to the millions of sound and committed working teachers. The odds are very much on your side that she'll be fine, and you (and all her pupils) will be just fine too. You're wise to the dangers, you know they exist. So you are not likely to be taken in and fooled by a dodgy teacher. Possibly there is a way for your mum to meet your teacher and have a chat? Enquire into her professional record and reputation? Has she been at the school long, or came with a fine reputation from another school? Just to reassure you. I feel sure you'll be fine. Best of luck with the new school year. X
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When you get this way with irrational thought or fear tell yourself "That's Not Real" for starters and start noticing that this is your disorder talking nonsense and passing it off as something that deserves your attention or could be reality.
In reality all that will happen is a standard student/teacher relationship no more no less. You might find yourself really enjoying working with this person.
I think what you should do is approach this teacher day one and mention why you are working from home. Let them know how hard it is to deal with your disorder and irrational, paranoid thinking and that you are terrified of being at the school or around them. Then the two of you can work around this illness together if on the same page. You can certainly do this but it won't come off easily.
The other thing you need to do is talk to your psychiatrist and tell them that the biggest problem you have is with irrational fears and bizarre thoughts acting as your own thinking and being duped by it.
Also, that you aren't able to see an irrational idea as being just that. See what they can do to work with you at knocking this fear down about the teacher and school.
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Another thing you can do is to make sure that the teacher is not between you and the door/exit of the room. You have a right to your personal space. Some are okay with another person being as close as within arms reach. Other's do not and it's doesnt have to even be paranoia, just that a person is extra sensitive to picking up the feelings and presence of another person in ways that overwhelm them if the person sits or stands too close. Its up to you to determine what space limit you are comfortable with. Then if the person is seated across a table from you, that's best. If a person wants to sit right next to you, you tell them that you are not comfortable with people being in your personal space and require at least a distance of ____. That is not an unusual request and it is not the other persons business to ask why. This should help you feel safer. Having a plan like this ahead of time puts you in control and with that feeling, you shouldn't have any problem.
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Speak to your parents and see if one of them is willing to go with you for the first few times because you feel uncomfortable being alone with a stranger you don't know. Although I would say you might just be being a little overly paranoid here (not all teachers or people are like that) I can understand your paranoia as well, with all the things we hear about and see on the news and such it's enough to make anyone a little scared or paranoid and having a paranoia disorder probably doesn't help much either. I think your parents will understand so don't worry and with this teacher being someone you don't know it's understandable to be a little nervous and scared but as you said, in time once you start to get to know her you may find you don't feel that way anymore.
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