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I'm Very Confused
Ok so my ex and I broke up 5weeks ago soo now we are just friends the thing is I'm really confused
We both confessed that we still have feelings for each other and I don't think it's a break up more like "lets not be together for awhile and have our own space.... What do u think I should do ??
Please help me and I be so happy if u did thanks ^^
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
You mention how long ago you broke up but not how long you dated. If the dating was short term and the feelings built too extensely and too quickly, sometimes that can really rattle a guy and he will find he needs a little break to gather his thoughts and decide if he's okay with the pace of the relationship. Its not an age thing like with young people only. It happened to me after a divorce in my 40's when dating a guy. He got scared too and asked for a break from seeing me, not a break up mind you. If this is the case, then 5 weeks is enough time for him to have come to a decision. Time to contact him and start talking and ask questions.
to any answer he gives that doesn't make sense, ask: "What do you mean by that?" Don't assume anything. So a statement like, I need more time to chill before we meet as friends. You could decide to assume he needs time for his feelings for you to settle down so he doesnt feel attraction when together as 'just friends'.
Usually couples have the opposite problem, doing great as friends but not enough romantic chemistry to make it work as anything other than friendship. I would indeed say, 'I've been thinking about the break up and I don't understand some things still and want to ask you some questions and want your honest answers, no smoke screen or lies to protect my feelings." And then ask him exactly what kind of feelings he has or had for you. Depending on your ages, if a guy is marriage age, he will be looking for that kind of connection with you and want to be sure before he spends more time getting to know you, investing the time because the path may end at marriage one day. If it's a younger person, not yet adult, and therefore not of age to marry and having no desire or intent to marry in a few years, then intense feelings can freak out a guy because they assume the girl will expect certain things from him with that level of feelings.
the biggest problem i see from people writing in about relationship questions is that the two don't really talk and if they do, it's surface level stuff, never asking questions, getting more detailed explanations, both sharing what you feel and think.
Usually if both people have feelings of love for each other, neither will want a break up or even a time away for a short bit. Sometimes a person will not ask for clarifications because they are too afraid of what they will hear and are happier for the moment just assuming things from what was said. However that doesnt last long, as you know, there is confusion and that unsettled feeling, not knowing what's what and where you really stand. the only way to know is be brave and ask and be willing to accept answers you don't want to hear, such as he was too chicken to be honest with you, that he doesnt feel enough chemistry with you or feels you dont have enough in common.
This is not unusual. Dating is not meant to be a long term event to prove you can stay in a relationship. It is meant to learn what you do and don't like about the other person and when you learn enough and the feelings develop, then its not just dating but an exclusive relationship at that point. Dating is just for finding the right one. So who ever first decides they are with the wrong person, whether they are right or not, they need to go through with it and break off the relationship. Staying friends as opposed to becoming enemies over a break up is what some people mean by remaining friends or friendly toward each other. It doesn't mean they want to actually get together and hang out as friends. And then there are others who even tho they broke up, still really want you as a friend. You won't know until you ask. You can not make him change his mind. Change comes from within, not from outside experiences. So, just in case it doesn't go well, realize it takes time for your heart to heal. Eventually you will be able to move on. Just dont torture yourself with thoughts of what might have been. Steer those thoughts away for the first few months until you'll had some time to heal. Hope this helps
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Hi. I think the most hardest thing in any breakup is not knowing exactly where you stand or having unanswered questions because they make things far more harder.
The first thing I think you may need to try is talk to him to ask him exactly where it is you both stand because you are confused about this. You did say that you both broke up but it only feels like a break but it may all just feel that way because of the residual feelings you both have for each other. It's not easy to just erase these feelings you both have towards each other and it may never be something you could completely block out but at this point this is kind of unfair on you. It has been 5 weeks so if it was a temporary break up thing to spend time alone then I don't understand why he would need all that time. I have never personally understood the whole 'going on a break' concept because if a couple just need some alone time they are quite capable of doing this without going on any kind of a break. I have always found the whole going on a break thing to be nothing more than a way for people who are in a relationship to be able to have a bit of freedom to do whatever they want without the consequences that would normally exist if they were in a relationship.
I think you should ask him what's going on and if you both are just friends now and nothing more and why you both broke up if he has not told you. That way you will get some answers and know exactly where you stand because if it's a break up and he doesn't want to be anything more than friends it will mean you will need to try and eventually move on.
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