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We cant agree on a name!!
So I'm in a lesbian relationship. Me and my girlfriend have been talking about having children. She wants me to carry the child but wants it to be her egg which is totally acceptable. However, I really really hate the name she wants if its a boy. The name is Ta'Ziyah and I HATE it! But she said she had that name picked out since she was a teen. And she won't give it up. I've had the name Christopher picked out since I was 8 but she doesn't like that. So now I feel like I don't want to have a child with her and I have no say in the name because it won't be my egg. What can I do to make her change her mind and change that hideous name?
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Want to answer more questions in the Domesticity category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Parenting?
When you agree to have a child with someone, you are agreeing to unite in common goals, to uphold what benefits the child. Many times that will mean relinquishing what you had planned to do in exactly how you planned to do it. Please don't confuse this with sacrificing what is essential for you. Ask yourself is the name or the child important? Are you willing to give up the opportunity to have a child? What is your expectation of being a parent? DO you see parenthood as always going your way, and if so, why or why not?
It would be beneficial for you both to sit down and really have a discussion about what your parenting style will be and how you plan to come together as parents. Because it sounds like you both need to go into this venture with union. If you cannot compromise over the task of naming a child and you are thinking about not going through the experience itself, what will happen when there are bigger discussions to have after the child is born and you both don't agree? Will you give up the parenting experience? If so, that will affect the child.
Seek out your own answers to the best of your ability and really have a truthful discussion about all of your feeling with each other. Parenting is a life long task.
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I've never heard of Ta'Ziyah, is that a name from another language/culture? If so, check if she's willing to use the American version of it. Ian, Hans and John and Juan are all the same name but in different languages: Scottish, German, English and Spanish.
You could try as suggested, using for a middle name but if she's not agreeable to that, how about a blend of the two into a First name.
Take the Christ or Christo part and add on the rest to make Christa' Ziyah or Christo'Ziyah. Personally if you go for it, I'd go with the Christo as that as masculine while Christ a, using the A of the Ta in her choice makes it Feminine sounding.
Although that is going to be really hard for him to learn to spell such a long name.
You mention not having a choice in naming cus its her 'egg'??? Whats going on here? You're providing the 'Oven' so to speak or there won't be a kid.
Isn't this supposed to be the same as any couple having kids, even hetero sexual? In a relationship of one male, one female, each contributes something, her the egg and him the sperm. So does the female get the choice of name over the male because it's her egg and the sperm doesnt count? No. They need to work to a compromise or drop their chosen names and work towards something else. With naming our girls, the husband and I wanted Biblical names and he decided on Mary but I said theres' too many Marys, so its too plain and unoriginal. He agreed to look at versions of the name in other languages so I went hunting. In the end we settled on one of the other versions.
You have as much a right as she in naming. If the two of you can not agree on this one thing that is a major big thing for couples, then what will happen when other major decision come about in the future, what religion or belief to teach the kids, where they go to school, public, private or home schooled, etc....major stuff. Maybe you both can handle agreeing on minor stuff so far. But its disagreement over the major stuff that breaks up relationships. I would caution you to not proceed with this venture until you are absolutely sure there will be no trouble. A heterosexual couple breaking up, one gets custody. Who will it be in your case. She'd argue in court its her egg and might get the kid. Some people would not see you as having any right, not any more than an infertile couple choosing to pay a woman to carry their fertilized egg and in the end she decides she wants to keep the baby feeling an attachment to it. Depends on lawyers but she's unlikely to get to keep the child.
If theres no splitting up, how will you both handle everything else. Will you provide a unified front in disciplining or will she not allow you to discipline her 'egg child'. There are a lot of possible future issues for you to think about because if she is so stubborn she will not give up her choice and neither will you, then most likely you wont be able to compromise on anything else, even if you never have kids.
If it were me, I'd either insist on it being my egg to have the leaverage if things go bad, or not even go there at all and not have a kid with her and if not having a kid is a deal breaker for her and she'd rather leave, I'd feel I lucked out and now could move on to find someone better, same as I tell any couple, gay, les, hetero. Don't settle for less than the best in your life long partner.
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I like what the other person said about making it a middle name. Maybe you could buy a book of baby names and pick out one you both like? Or convince her to name the baby after her father or something if you just really don't like the name that she has picked out.
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Try to talk her in to making it the middle name you guys are both women so you both want some say soo let it be a middle name and have you guys both choose the first name it makes more since and she should except that I hope... I wish the best for you to and if anything else I can do please tell me
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