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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!
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I am having alot of heartache n this alot on my matrenal family... What should I do?
I agree that going for marriage counseling is a good idea. However he needs to be willing to go. In having a professional help you both voice your concerns, you either will discover whether this is something you both can work on or perhaps there are special reason why it's not working for him and no amount of counseling would help.
A couple reasons for a marriage splitting: one or both of the couple have changed and grown in ways over the years that they are no long right for each other. That's the simplest I can put it without a complex answer.
The other reason being that one part of the two fold part of foundation of marriage was missing already when you married. I am talking about 2 things that make a healthy marriage, 1 is being the best of friends and the other is being sexually compatible (having that sexual chemistry, same libido and liking to do the same things.) A person can lie to themselves and go through with a long term relationship or marriage even if up front, they had a sneaking suspicion that not all was perfect enough to make it work.
If on the sex side, it comes down to inhibitions, lack of techniques, etc. perhaps a special therapist is worth trying. But if lets say both your pheremones that you give off are not a match, that's something a therapist or counselor can not help. They can't change your body chemistry anymore than you can.
So a gook talk, is in order. If he won't do it or doesnt know how, then you'll need a counselor to start there and discover exactly what the issues are, if they are something a specialist can help you with or not.
As for Maternal family, you're talking about relatives on your mothers side, her parents (your grandparents) and her siblings (your aunts and uncles) If there is heartache, I am assuming that on mom's side of the family, their views on divorce must be something along the lines of being taboo. Would you be ostrasized, left out of your maternal family if you became divorced? Perhaps your dads side of the family is more understanding and you can find support there if divorce does happen.
What you can do, is decide what train of thoughts you will allow yourself on the matter, a general positive outlook or a pessimistic one. Part of it will be understanding that no matter what extended family believe, that it is not their business to meddle in what you and your husband finally decide to do. Yes, it's okay for them to be concerned about your welfare and that of any children but actual telling you what your only choice is according to their opinion is wrong. Your life is yours to live. Not for them to live through you. Once you get to believing that in your mind, no matter how painful your life situation or decisions, you will be doing the best you can under the circumstances and not afraid to do the hard thing and divorce instead of having a marriage license and a spouse who never hangs around anymore, if he's truly unhappy and not loving you and treating you like a Queen anymore, then staying together to please family means you haven't really changed a thing. All that's different is whether there is a marriage certificate or a divorce paper now, but your marriage situation will remain the same if a counselor can't help or he won't try to get help.
I have had a long time friend for over 10 years now... but what we have is way more than that, just not sure what to call it. I met him on a blind date and we dated for about a month or so, we were in our early teens then. Not quite sure why we broke up, I'm assuming some stupid teenage reason. Every since then we've had times where we would go years without talking and then meet back up randomly and seems always on my Birthday, our birthdays are a week apart..We've always been on and off but have had really great chemistry and connection since we were young, and has only grown since we've become adults. It always seems like we are way more than friends, just really complicated? We have even done the talk more than once about remaining friends or going for an actual committed relationship. He is more than willing to talk about it, as we have pretty good communication BUT he seems to always show resistance when it comes to taking a step towards a relationship,we talked and I told him this has been going on for too many years we have to either remain friends or work towards a relationship. He's had kids too during the years. He knows I want a relationship, I called him out on being afraid of commitment. He says I scare him. He feels he will have to choose between me or his kids which I would not ever make him do, but the mother of his last two children he feels she will take them away. I told him he is emotionally unavailable, he says he's trying to open up more to me but I don't know. What is it keeping us from going further?
You answered your own question, he's emotionally unavailable. What I'm not clear on is who has the kids most of the time if its shared custody. One or both of ex partners with children between them getting married, is no reason to lose custody unless perhaps the person they intend to marry has a criminal history such as child molester, etc. If he has real concerns, he can talk to a lawyer which I doubt he has done. If this is a real fear but he really wants to be with you, then he would research it. Sounds more like he's using it as an excuse. Plus you shared that he said you scare him. Either he doesnt want you coming into contact with his kids which you would if in a relationship with him and he fears you would not do a good job at being a step mom for whatever his reasons or perhaps he just doesnt want to share them with you, or fears they may like you more than him or some other such silly fear. If he is this full of fear and unwilling to face his fears head on, then he is not ready plain and simple to get involved with you. If you keep making yourself available and waiting for him as you always have been, he won't have an opportunity to experience a situation of you perhaps never being there for him ever again if you were to find someone else to marry. I don't know if it makes you seem desperate for him so he feels he can just keep you in limbo cus you'll never leave but there's a way to find out if you can shake up his emotions, causing him to grow up and face things like an adult and either say yes or no to you, not continuing with something in between. That would be to tell him you are not going to wait for him to get past any of his fears. He needs to take care of his issues and you are going to begin seriously looking for the man that you will hopefully marry. You would like him to be one of the candidates for you to chose from but he better not wait too long for you may choose someone else. Don't wait for the guy to chose you, take the role of power, you making the choice of whom you want for a serious BF/GF relationship that leads to marriage. This means, you actually would need to make that move to date others. Either, you'll discover that you were settling for less by waiting and hoping for him, and finding someone truly alot better, or you will discover you are not emotionally available to date any other guys in which case you would have to resign your future to possibly never being in a romantic relationship for the rest of your life as you wait and pine for him. It's your choice which you are willing to go for.
soooo idk what to do. my closest guy friend asked me out a week ago and i said no...and now it's awkward. we've been really good friends for 3 years and i helped him through 3 relationships, the last one ending around 2/3 months ago. he seemed sooo into that relationship, too, but when he asked me out, he said he had liked me since we meet... idk. i just feel like he doesnt really like me, he might think he does, but he's really just not comfortable being single and he just kinda attached himself to me once he got tired of being single. i've also never been in a relationship so that also makes me nervous. and i dont know if my dad would approve or not. the guy has been texting my best friend all week saying about how much he likes me and how he should get me to go out with him...should i say yes? oh right i am a high school girl
So depending on what level you're in high school you may have known him since 6th grade. Hormones may or may not have had a chance to have much effect yet, just starting or even in middle school. By time you hit high school, for sure there will be the attractions to girls that go beyond friendship.
Just because he dated others before you does not mean that he isn't sincerely interested in you.
He may have found it easier to ask them out just because he really didn't care about them as more than friends, when at the same time, all he wanted was to transition with you from just friends to being BF/GF but was too scared too ask as it was soo important to him or as many in this situation do, they feel afraid to be truthful and mention that kind of change in interest for fear of losing their best friend. If you two started as best friends and both have developed the sexual attraction now as well, you're way ahead of most teens who don't develop the friendship part of a relationship and just go for experiencing the romance part. Both are needed to make a real good relationship.
Unless he has told you that he is not happy being single, you can not assume that is his reason for having dated or for now going after you. I am guessing there's a chance he may be truly interested in you and finally got the guts to ask.
If you have any attraction to him besides being friends, then you owe it to yourself to check it out and see how it goes, otherwise someday, you'll be an adult still wondering how it might have been being his girlfriend in high school even if you dont end up in life long relationship with each other.
As for what dad or parents think, it's about time that they discuss with you their ideas on dating, any rules or boundaries they might have for you. Parents don't always pay attention to the fact that their child who used to be so little has grown up and they simply aren't even thinking about you dating yet. Some parents are scared stiff of approaching the subject or how to start the conversation, so to make sure it's covered, you'll have to bring it up. You're not your first year in high school any more so the talk is way overdue. Ask what they think about allowing you to date. Even if the first automatic response is no. Try to give the parent/s more information. That its' someone you've been friends with for many years already and he is just now beginning to get to the point of asking you out. If the parents won't let you go on dates alone with him, ask if its okay for him to hang out at your home when dad or parents are home. You may have to do a little convincing but tell them that they have the benefit of being able to supervise to make sure you don't spend time totally alone where you could end up pregnant (face it, this is a fear of all parents of girls, I had 3 girls) and at the same time they could get to know him and his character to know if he's really a good guy. (Too many teen girls also become victims of verbal or physical abuse so this is a valid reason for parents to get to know the guy) And then you can add, that you would still get to hang out with him, same as you would with girlfriends. Being that you've never truly dated yet, this is a non scary way to start out. Good luck.
So I am 13 years old
(girl by the way) and my best friend is a boy. I want to hang out with him outside of school, but I don`t know how to ask and what I should do with him. Can anyone help? Thanks :)
The easiest way to do this is by asking your parents if you can have a male friend come over to hang out at the house. During puberty and teen years, ALL parents of teen girls worry about pregnancy, not that they don't trust you, but they were teens once and recall how strong those feelings can be, especially if two teens develop these feelings for each other, then experimenting just a little starts, kissing, touching but grownups know how easily it is to get carried away from good intentions.
So for their peace of mind, they may agree to have him over when they are at home. Probably won't be okay with you hangin at his house in case his parents aren't as concerned, cus he's a boy and cant get pregnant so they will not feel the same as your parents will as far as watchfulness over you two.
So once he's at your house, play your favorite music for him and he can bring his favorites to share. Do you have a particular board game you like to play? Get him involved. Find out what things you have in common. If by chance he likes to cook, then the two of you offer to cook a whole meal for the parents and family, if he likes drawing, sketching, do that together, watch movies, don't worry so much about having a long planned out list of what to do. Just a few things to get started and ask each other what you like or have interest in. You may be able to teach each other a new thing. Like if he's taking karate class, he can teach you a few moves, if you love snapping good photos, you could offer to teach him how to frame a shot and get the best possible photos.
I'm 16/f. I've been dating this guy for a couple months but I've known him since I was 9 or 10. He and I have been best friends and he knows everything about me and all of my flaws and fetishes and still chooses to be with me because that's a part of me he accepts. I can't stop thinking about him and I constantly wanna be talking to him or in his embrace. We were both at a party and we got drunk and he was kissing me and told me that he loves me. I actually believe that I love him too? What? Is this even possible? Don't say young love will never last because my parents have been together since they were in grade eight. Someone explain the feeling of love
Just because your parents knew each other since 8th grade and married doesnt mean you can count on it happening for you. It's not like something, a trait that you can inherit.
With someone you know that long, there's a friendship established usually before puberty hits and hormones start flowing. Some of the people in this situation make the transition just fine into romance or love and some don't as easily.
For one thing, you may be very comfortable with each other as best of friends and assume feeling so comfortable and trusting means you have a great chemistry as far as the sexual side of the relationship but that is not a guaranteed thing. As we go through puberty, we gain the same thing adults have, pheremones, something our bodies give off that a person of the opposite sex can pick up on, more a feeling, because they are reacting to the pheremone. We have no control on whether our pheremones will match those of a person who we grew up with as close friends.
Often, for fear of losing a best friend, a couple can be afraid of sharing that now during or after puberty, they are or have developed strong feelings that do not resemble the friendship feelings of love.
There can be strong love feelings in a friendship. But it may not be the kind of love that will work long term for long term partner type relationship including marriage.
There are different types of love.
Agape= brotherly love, love for fellow man. So not necessarily people you know.
Eros=intimate love, sexual passion
Philia= affectionate regard, friendship," usually "between equals, expressed variously as loyalty to friends,
Storge=natural affection, like that felt by parents for offspring and vice versa, also for ones siblings.
All these can be strong and very true, the only difference is that with Eros love, you have pretty much all the types of love for one special person, the Eros, sexual love, Philia of being equals and loyal to each other, Storge love, the feeling like family, even without blood ties as you have to parents, siblings and extended family, and even Agape love as I see it, where I care what happens to my husband simply as another human being, his welfare, his feelings and emotions and so i would never do anything that puts any of that into jeopardy.
there are always exceptions to the rules and though young love generally doesnt last, mostly due to the two individuals not being able to make the best decisions for their life at any given point from puberty to mid 20's due to the factor that peoples brains don't finish and complete their growth until 25 and even sometimes almost 30, this would be the part that handles the making of good decisions, mental maturity in how we treat others, etc. But I am an example of a teen who matured mentally faster than the majority so it's entirely possible to treat each other in ways that will not kill the relationship early on.
So based on understanding the different types of love, if you feel that for him and him for you, it's entirely possible to be in love right now. Whether that will change as both of you continue to grow and mature remains to be seen. If it does, that is no reason to avoid enjoying it for now. People change greatly in who they are and what they like between their teens and later 20s. Those going to college end up not having the same things in common any more sometimes even with friends from high school. Its a period of life where we can change and grow in different directions. If these changes end up being the same for both of you, then my guess if you have a good chance of being together long term or for life.
convens my girlfriend sex with me
I am guessing you meant to say how to 'convince' a girl to have sex with you.
It really isn't a matter of convincing a girl. Here's what the deal is:
Most young guys, once the hormones start flowing in puberty, equate those feelings and sexual urges to lust when it comes to a girl.
When it comes to girls, in puberty, having these same desires, they see it as a need for love and equate having sex with love. They need to have feelings for the guy and want him to have feelings for her. Sharing herself sexually with a guy is an act of 'Love' NOT lust for a female. So they easily become attached, and also they can be easily hurt, Especially if they find that a guy: 1. pretended to love them to get to have sex with her
2. Is the type to force her to have sex, using his strength to overpower her, or play mind games saying she needs to have sex to prove that she loves you.
Guys who are not genuinely caring about the feelings of the girl they want sex with, will end up branded as a player as girls start to share how they were 'USED' by a guy and all the girls in school near your age will know to avoid you which means, the only ones left to fool are the freshmen coming in and they've been warned that older classmen who want sex are probably not truly in love with them and just want to use them.
So the best thing you can do right now to take care of urges is masturbate. As a teen or even college age, if you have a girlfriend, either you are a good match as best friends and have sexual chemistry or you don't. If this is the kind of girl you could end up having feelings for that are reciprocated by her, then allow yourself to get to know who she is on the inside first, get to know her personality and characteristics. treat her like a princess and she will naturally come to a point of wanting to be able to express her love with you through one of the most wonderful ways a couple can.
Don't worry about life time commitment here. Romance and love at a young age rarely last a life time. Most likely both you and she will end up falling in love many times with different people you date in the future. But the love and caring is an important factor for most girls.
I know there are exceptions to how some people are but most people are like that.
So if it's not that you care about your girlfriend but all you want is sex with a girl, then for one thing, make sure to have condoms and also make sure the girl is using a contraceptive like the pill, which she can get from Planned Parenthood. If you can't be adult enough to take care of these issues ahead of time, then you're not mature enough to be engaging in sex. I do hear from the very few girls who are extremely horny and do want to have sex with a guy and are tired of just masturbation. Guys will usually pass the name of such girls around. These girls are more into it for the lust, but take care, they are very few and you want to be sure they don't think they are in love with you if they are agreeing to have sex.
how will i know if i cumm having sex
Well, I'd have to know if by cum, you mean have an orgasm, or have an ejaculation?
Yes, it usally occurs at same time. And people call that cumming when they see their fluid eject.
If you're a guy:
Some guys who practice and train themselves, can learn to become multi orgasmic by holding off the actual ejaculation, letting the sensitivity of being close to ejaculation die down a bit before proceeding again and can in time learn to have many orgasms before finally allowing themselves to cum or ejaculate. Once a male ejaculates, there is a time period he must wait before being able to get hard and do it all again.
If you're a girl:
For females, they can have orgasms without any show of liquid other than some natural lubrication in the vagina. All women ejaculate, it's not just a male thing. Thing is, with some women, the ejaculate of their orgasm either empties into their bladder or those with a connecting duct that not all women have, will have theirs empty out of the urethra in what is called gushing or squirting. There are females capable of doing this external ejaculation but haven't learned how. It happens most often the first times due to g spot stimulation. the g spot is a spongey area on the top wall of vagina on the belly button side of you, right in front of your urethra. The g-spot grows and engorges with blood, same as the mans penis does. Therefore, when the urethra is stimulated as a result of gspot being worked, it can feel like the urge to pee. But if bladder is empties before having sex, you can know that there is no pee to expell, then you learn to relax those muscles that hold back urination during the sexual stimulation and the result is not only a greater orgasm but the female version of ejaculation.
So a guy cannot know ahead of his girl can ejaculate or not, and absence of fluid doesnt mean she didn't orgasm. He should be able to feel her vaginal muscles contract around his penis with an orgasm. Hope this helps answer for you. If there's anything else, let me know by asking on my column.
So, I'm getting divorced. There were a ton of problems that I won't go into. But my soon-to-be-ex is holding onto some things that have me worried. First, I have bipolar disorder. During manic episodes, I had conversations with other men about things we should not talk about, ever. Things like bestiality and worse. These were the fantasies of these men. I wanted positive attention (which I seldom got from husband) and they wanted to feel safe talking about these things. Husband spied on my facebook and emails and saved these conversations. He said he'll delete them when the divorce is final. I was promised a couple very specific things in the divorce. He has since changed what he will agree to, taking away about $200 of my promised alimony and an important holiday. I'm afraid to say no to him when he does this. He has threatened to destroy my career as a teacher and I believe he can. He has also said I could probably go to jail.
Anyway, what I want to know is if I can be punished as such for conversations where no actions happened and how I can protect myself. I want to get a lawyer and get what I was promised, but I'm too afraid.
Oh hon, you have to talk to a lawyer. If you have such fear of this man, a divorce will do you no good if you still allow him to have such control over you.
What a person does in private, sex chats, sometimes its on 2nd life, an on line game with avatars and you interact with others. Anything you imagine can be found on there including the topics you mentioned being discussed between two people as an outlet for ones curiousity, not that one wants to engage in such things in real life. That shouldn't be held against a person, shouldn't affect their job/career. Persons who are LGBT, still struggle with people thinking that their sexual life is going to affect their ability to teach or hold a government job. Also, people who are swingers, polyamorous are other areas in sexuality that would also come underfire.
I dont know what laws there are about a person willfully threatening defamation of your character and ability to carry out your job as a teacher, but a lawyer would know. I had a divorce from a man who was abusive and had some mental issues and he spouted all sorts of stupid threats in the beginning, that I would get nothing at all, etc... it takes hiring and having a good lawyer to look out for your best interests. yOU would never have to talk to or argue these issues of husband deleting things in the divorce or after. If there is a legal paperwork saying he must pay alimony for example and whatever else is in the settlement and he chooses not to, there are penalties for him. His wages can be garnished, meaning before he gets his paycheck, what is owed to you must be taken out by employer first, or he could end up doing jail time for failing to follow the settlement. Something like being in jail, or garnishment will affect him financially and he will be the one who easily could lose his job or lose the standard of living that he wants. He knows it's gonna hurt him, he'll have less money for himself so he's trying the fear factor to get you to believe his threats and accept them so that he can get away with it and have all his money, still have his job and continue to threaten you all the rest of your life.
He is bullying you. I am glad you're leaving him, but without a lawyers help, you'll never be truly free of him, his threats, fear tactics and bullying. Call a lawyer. Find one who will collect fees from the husband rather than you as the man almost always makes more money than the woman. Good luck.
20/F
My boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship together for about three months now. I live in the US and he's in Europe, but surprisingly it isn't the distance that has been making me question things.
I do love him, and we generally get along great. He came over to visit me and we clicked as well in person as we did over Skype, so that was absolutely amazing. Even though he's five years older than I am, there's never really much of a disconnect. I'm in my second year of college and he's in his first year pursuing a second degree, so we have pretty much the same daily concerns of university and work.
The problem is, lately we've been disagreeing on things that are pretty hurtful to me. His first degree was an English degree and he's all the time saying he wishes he had gotten something else because it's such a useless degree, which kind of stings because I'm a Creative Writing major. He always backtracks to say I'm actually learning a skill (writing) whereas he just got a general degree, but it doesn't hurt any less.
The second is social media. As previously stated, I'm a Creative Writing major, but I'm also minoring in Online Journalism. Online journalism works a lot with using social media and media in general to further articles online. I used to work as Editor-in-Chief for a site, I freelance, and am planning to continue to freelance after college as additional income, so this is pretty important to me. Not to mention I do a lot of networking on social media to meet other EiC's, writers, journalists in order to increase my contacts (which really helps with getting jobs). So pretty major thing in my life, but he just keeps calling it a useless sub-culture that's vapid and uses followers to make themselves feel popular. Which I get that some people do use it for that, but that's not all it is anymore and it's a big part of my degree, the career I'm working for, and my life.
The final major issue is friends and family. I grew up in a culture that put a lot of emphasis on the value of your relationships. My friends and my family mean a great deal to me, and I do value them over a lot of other things in my life. If I lost everything, but I still had my family and friends, I know I would eventually be okay and get back on my feet. My boyfriend and I talked about this tonight and he basically said that the Dutch are taught to be independent and that if his parents died tonight he wouldn't really care (which he's on good terms with them, so that's weird). I told him that it's really important to me to be in his life and that we've been dating a while and I've never even seen one of his friends. He made it very clear to me that he only has time for school and work, and when I asked him where does that leave me, he said he'll make time for me, but that's not really encouraging. I mean, if he could hardly care about his parents potentially dying, that doesn't bode well for actually wanting to take care of a girlfriend.
I guess, I really don't know what to do. All those things he's been saying are very hurtful to me because they all play a big part in my life and in my future. I really do love my boyfriend, and I want to be together, but I'm not sure if it's possible to be together and be happy when it seems he's always putting down things that are really important to me. Talking never works, he listens to me and then doesn't do anything to fix the issue. I've been trying to think of something, anything, that would help out in this situation, but I'm honestly at a loss.
Any advice?
When you write, as I do, what you create, whether articles, short story or anything else, that is a part of you, comes from you and it will be important and have that kind of significance. Women have the ability to create life so they will understand that easier than a guy can. Sounds like you want the kind of guy who WANTS to be supportive of all you have interest and talents in and ready to uphold you in whatever it is that you want to create. An example would be my husband telling me, he's willing to work hard and extra hours and bring in our only income to free me up to continue pursuing writing of novels. I did not have to ask him to offer, it came from deep within him because of his love for me.
If this is what you want, look for a guy who demonstrates the ability to care about you and what you pursue, to that degree. Does this guy meet that criteria. To me, it sounds like he doesnt but you have to decide that or see it for yourself.
Next issue, family and love: Some people are raised in families that never had any show of affection, it was more of duty to family rather than love of family that inspire them as far as family is concerned. He may be the type of person unable to connect with his feelings and his family may not be like him at all. So a person like this comes across as cold hearted, not able to care or show concern or consider anyone or anything to be important to them if it involves feelings. What is his passion/s. What things is he passionate about, because I find in myself, that my passions (nurturing and creatiing) are what drives me to follow and stick with my pursuits. time flies when it is something I am passionate about. Perhaps he doesn't understand himself yet and hasn't figured out what drives him yet, what his passions are. Lots of people don't learn to define who they are until they reach 28, 29 or 30 yrs of age. He may not be there yet. If so you may have to wait some time for him to figure out what he wants in life as far as schooling, vocation, a significant female in his life. If a guy is in love with a female, she'll end up as one of his top three priorities. a guy can handle having more and juggling them but if the girlfriend, fiancee, wife isn't a top priority, he plain old isn't in love. He may love some things about you but that's not the same as being in love with you. He may be incapable of showing love and affection to the degree you are. And that may never change, being as it's part of who he is. So if this is something you can not see yourself happily living with for the rest of your life, not expecting anything better than this, then he's not your guy. When you spend time with a person, feelings are bound to develop but whether these feelings are the kind needed for a life long partnership, it often isn't and that is something we all have to learn by going through the experience.
You have to learn that you can not change him into a guy who is perfect for you or even indeed there were bad habits, to help a person change them. That never works. A person needs to desire to change from within, on their own and the truth is,
"many people change so slowly it takes a lifetime to improve or some never change at all."(Got that from a psychiatrist my ex went to)
So you'd need to be okay with him as is, right now, with no chance of improvements at all and being able to handle that til your dying day if you intend to find a guy to marry. If by some miracle, he chooses to improve on some things for the better, hey, its like an unexpected gift for christmas or birthday. Choose wisely my dear and good luck. You can write to my column if there's anything else you need to clarify on the situation.
I'm 22/f and I started this "relationship" with this guy I've known for over a year. It's basically FWB in a nutshell. Now we tried this before but he accused me of catching feelings and he refused to talk to me for months. He came crawling back not even a month ago and we started again. Ok, so at first he had all these rules about how Im not allowed to catch feelings this time and at first I didn't. We did what we did and that was that. Then he started telling me I could stay after we'd have sex and we would stay up all night and talk and laugh. And then when we did go to sleep he'd hold me or pull me up to his back and I'd just go with it because why not? Still he would be adamant on how I was nothing more than a fuck buddy. Now his ex started coming back into the picture, and he says hes still partly in love with her and I thought everything was over. But he still invited me out, hell we even got busy before he was going to see her. The thing that threw me the most was, when he was saying bye to me and going to her he kisses me goodbye. This guy is so full of mixed signals and crazy rules, but just now he even made it clear if I catch feelings for him, it's all over. It's like he's allowed to make me feel, but I'm not allowed to feel it and it's frustrating. I know i sound pathetic i already know. I just want to know what to do, I think I'm in love with him, but I'm not allowed to be.
I've done FWB for a while after leaving ex before finding my 2nd husband.. To help explain my reasoning on the subject, here's what happened for me. I loved the guys as people but was not in love with them because I had a very specific list of what I was looking for in a guy that I would consider as husband material to marry and though these guys were honestly sweet guys, they did not meet lots of criteria on my list so there was no danger of falling in love with them. I told them at the start that I was willing to do the friends with benefits thing with them but I would also go out with any guys I came across who looked like he had potential to be husband or long term love. And when that happened, they would no longer see me.
In your case, I am not sure what is going on but I am guessing that perhaps you haven't decided what you want yet in a long term partner or husband.
Rules (whether you believe them crazy or unreasonable) and boundaries made clear at the beginning of getting together with someone is actually a very smart thing. It is entirely possible for a guy wanting only a FWB going into it and later falling in love with the girl. It's been a year and it hasn't happened with him so he is not going to be the man who falls in love with you.
Another thing that may be happening, you crave attention as all women do but in desiring the kind of attention that affirms that you are sexually desireable, many women wait for the first guy who will notice them and ask and then they cling to him, fearing they will never find another man who will notice them and want them, even if only for sex, but hopefully more. This puts the ball in the man's court so to speak, puts him in control. He gets to call the shots as you have found. It should be more on equal terms, but it really counts what you want. If you want a guy calling the shots, in control and wanting you to hang around being available for him at the drop of a hat, then you've got it. He in a way has you trained like a pet, to do certain things.
Do you want Happily ever after with some guy? Well, it doesn't happen just because you wish it so. It takes maximum effort from both people to make it so. Even then, this is considering that both feel a strong chemistry with each other. One as best friends and the other sexually. Both are needed to make a relationship that has a good chance of working. I was married 30 years to a man who at the end answered my friends question, was he ever in love with me. His answer was No, he loved me as mother to his kids but thats all. Hey and I love chocolate chip icecream, but that's not the kind of love needed in a long term or marriage relationship. Sounds like you need to decide what you want, and once you've done that, then the hard part...I've had to do this at one point in life to leave my abusive ex, it's called, growing some backbone, putting ones big girl panties on and not waiting for guys to notice you, you decide first what you actually want, I'm talking about a detailed list. the things you require, if a guy doesnt meet the criteria, thats a deal breaker and you stop dating him as soon as you find out to move on to the next. this shows a self confidence, you care about yourself and expect a guy to treat you special, you are able to tell a guy you meet, up front, about what you are looking for in a dating partner and ultimately in a life partner. When it's the other way around and you are doing the choosing, you might hear what one guy said to me after i met him one time for coffee, Please choose me, I hope you choose me. IT's not easy. Its a long process like any other change but i am sure you'd rather be on the right road rather than on the dead end you're on right now. You can write me with any other questions that come up for you as you go through this process. Good luck dear.
Imagine that you went to your daughter and son in law's new house for Thanksgiving ten days ago. There were some other relatives there, so there weren't enough bedrooms for everyone and your youngest daughter had to sleep on a matress in what they call the media room.
Saturday night, you and your daughters stayed up late in the media room talking. Your oldest was sitting on the far side of the couch drinking wine and somewhat intoxicated.
Sunday morning, you and your family were preparing to make the long, painful, nine hour drive home. Then you and your oldest daughter discover this series of stains on the wall of the media room above the matress that your youngest daughter slept on.
You both assumed that your youngest daughter did it, but she insisted that she didn't and you believed her because you noticed that the purple stains looked a lot like the red wine your oldest daughter was drinking the previous night. Given where she was sitting and the way she was swinging the drink around, it was obvious that she splattered the wine on the wall.
You tried to help by cleaning it up, but the cheap paint started coming off of the wall with nothing but a slightly wet rag. It would have come off no matter who tried to clean it off. You son in law, though, insists that the entire wall and perhaps even the whole room will have to be repainted.
Your daughter and son in law were acting mad at you for it, so you offered to pay to have the wall repainted. You apologize to your daughter and son in law, but both of them (especially your son in law) wouldn't forgive you and gave you the cold shoulder. They also acted mad at your youngest daughter who has done nothing wrong and is being blamed for something her older sister did.
You're getting really feel it with it and have discovered that there's no reason to pay for the wall. Your youngest daughter did not create the stains and you may have taken the paint off the wall, but if you didn't, your oldest daughter would have. Offering to pay for the wall didn't make them forgive you and sure, you said you'd pay for it, but your oldest daughter and son in law never, and I mean NEVER do anything they say they're going to do.
So, would you pay for the wall?
Every family has these kinds of disagreeances, It certainly happened in mine where I was blamed and my younger sis stopped talking to me for a whole year taking sides etc... It's a no win situation. But for sake of blood family and doing all one can to keep communication lines open, you sometimes have to do the hard thing, which is 'ride out the storm' for however long it takes, and that means not quibbling about whether you or either daughter was innocent and if you've offered to pay for it, it's a nice gesture, and they should be grateful. But come on, lets be honest, even beloved family members screw up in their actions and words in how they treat family, yes, it's a human weakness many are born with and do not learn how to control their emotions and respond as an adult once adult hood hits. Sometimes a person can go life long not growing up in areas and situations like these.
I understand about cheap paint. I've rented in apartments where just rubbing with water and a wet washcloth is enough to take the paint off. Painting is a big job and one they may never do. In fact, if they are not in tight financial straights and can afford to pay a professional painter to come in and paint the whole room with high quality paint, it's their house, and my opinion is that they should do it, it's part of being a home owner. If they don't want the minor accidents or damages done by visitors, then they'd have to never allow family, friends or strangers in the house. If I were you, I'd offer to pay a professional painter to come in and paint the room. That way they don't get money that they have no intention of using to paint the walls. Call around and get estimates, giving the rooms dimensions and once you've chosen who you want to pay to paint, tell daughter the name of the painter you will pay for the repainting and that the contract is only for that room. She can then schedule at her convenience. If she wants the money more than fixing the wall, you'll probably never have to pay him/her. Good Luck
when I will exposed my self to a liitle bit to sun or when I see a girl. I feel wet in my armpit and pennis. so what should I do I don't understand and its about to come some like watery fluid and what is that so help me please.
As for being in the sun, most people will sweat when they are hot, thats a natural body function and those are common area's to sweat. Although if you were working a job hard out in the sun, your entire body may then sweat, from your head, back, chest on down.
As for feeling wet when you see a girl, thats also natural. It's a new thing for you when going through puberty and your body is doing things it didn't do before. Males are visually stimulated sexually when they just see a girl. That is enough to make them have an erection and pre cum gather at tip of penis or perhaps even have a full ejaculation in their pants. Or liking a girl but being nervous about talking to her could make you sweat from nerves in the arm pits and get damp, clammy hands. All natural and nothing to worry about and NO, you can't stop it from happening.
19/f
I should start by saying that my parents are in their late 40s and 50 years, as well as the fact that they were raised in Colombia.
I'm the first born generation in the US and am college student majoring in art education.
I'm starting in a community college and transferring to a 4 year university. After much research I decided on going to the Virginia Commonwealth university. Thier program is rated one of the highest best for art education.
There's just one problem.
I made a good friend via internet who lives in Virginia. He is 24/m I met him when he was 22. I have met him in person several times now over the past year and have met his family over Skype. He is literarily the most amazing person I know.
My mother met him once and didn't like him at all just because I met him online, he lived in a different state and "he looks weird".
After 2 years of talking to him, I have developed very strong feelings for him and he reflects them back. He travels 6 hours one a month to see me in secret (my mother told me she never wanted to see him in front of our house again).
The plan was to get an apartment in Virginia and actually reside there. Not just dorm.
How can I tell and convince my parents that I'm leaving New Jersey permanently to go to school and reside in Virginia? And that it is on my own terms not my friend's who supports any school I choose?
At 19 you are an adult. While an adult living under your parents roof, they have the right to make certain rules they expect obeyed if you are living with them no matter your age such as who you can have over to visit on their property or in the house. A rule in this case they could not make is telling you what you can and cant eat or what you should study in school or which school you should attend thats close to home. Once you decide to live on your own or with a roomate or boyfriend, or what city, what job, what schooling, etc...is all your own business, not theirs. They had their chance to raise you. Your values and choice may not reflect theirs and that happens more often than not. A parent shouldn't be telling you what to do or not do at this point. So you simply advise them as to what school you've decided to go to and where you'll be residing. Whom you room with is not their business so you don't have to tell them. You would out of love for them want them to know of your plans, just to be considerate of them as your parents, not to give them a chance to talk you out of it. So you'd be wise to not mention the guy from the internet at all. See him all you like. When it gets to the point that you both become engaged, then it's time to advise the parents what is happening in your life. Unless they were brought up in a culture that expects the young man to ask for your hand in marriage or to just getting their blessing, you may have to make that kind of decision with or with out their blessing. It isn't right for a parent to try to live their life through their child, they should live their own life.
Usually LDR's don't work out. But you have met his whole family over Skype and chatted, so if you have a good feeling about them too, then there's a good chance you may be able to work things out or at the very least, remain good friends. You'll have to be strong, have some back bone to go against the parents wishes if they don't like your plans. Remember, you're not asking for their approval, just informing them out of courtesy.
13/f
ok i kinda think my relationship is getting a little boring and i like this kid who has only been at school for 2 weeks but he has a girl friend and hes friends with my enemy and she likes him too and im scared shes goin to tell him bad stuff about me cuz i kinda just made her and her bf break up and i think he likes me too but idk what to do or who to pick please help thank you
At your age, no one dates for long or sticks with one person long. You're just starting the dating process and learning about the opposite sex and how they act and how to understand them or even know the signs of whether someones interested. So here's some general rules to follow.
Only date one person at a date.
It is okay for girls to ask guys out.
Only ask guys out who are not dating anyone and are single at the time.
If you are not sure if a guy is dating a girl or just simply being friendly and talking to girls, then ask him first if he has a girlfriend.
Do not tell a guy you like him and want to date him if he's already dating a girl. If you can be patient, you'll get your turn because as most young teens, he likely won't date her longer than a couple weeks or couple months if he's lucky.
If right after a guy breaks up with your best girlfriend, you start dating him, be prepared to have an angry girlfriend.Girls get real possessive over boyfriends, and ex's. A better choice would be to mentally prepare your friend by telling her that you would like to date her ex boyfriend. Its up to you whether you decide to ask her permission or just go ahead and do it.
Remember, you can't "pick" someone unless they are free, so it sounds to me like you don't have an option right now of choosing between two single boys because you made it clear, one is dating but have no idea from what you wrote whether the 2nd one is or not.
So if both boys are dating right now, you'll just have to wait your turn.
I adopted a puppy from a rescue organization about five weeks ago, and it's absolutely killing me but I think I need to considering giving her back to the rescue, and I'm not sure what the right decision is.
She is a German Shepherd mix puppy, almost five months old now and about 40lbs currently.
She is a very sweet dog and I really really like her, but now that she has come out of her shell more and more I'm beginning to feel like I'm not equipped to handle her personality.
I spent a lot of time looking for the right dog. I only looked at rescues because I wanted to give a dog in need a home, and I was looking for a dog that was friendly, loving (affectionate), and gentle. The right dog for me is one that could be described as a "gentle giant", so when her profile on the rescue's website used those words I thought this is definitely the dog for me. I met her and spent a good couple of hours with her before deciding to bring her home. I had described to the rescue the personality I was looking for, and they were sure too that this was the dog for me.
The thing is, she was also very shy. I knew this going in, and I knew that I'd need to spend a lot of time socializing her so that she could be more confident. I did exactly that, and she has gained soo much confidence since she came to live with me to the point that she is an entirely different dog now that she has come out of her shell.
Despite a lot of obedience training with her and despite her getting to run off-leash each day, she is now incredibly stubborn, pushy, and rough.
I can deal with stubborn, but the pushy and rough nature is what is really making me wonder if she's the right dog for me. She is still sweet, and for a few fleeting moments each morning she will show some affection towards me, but the rest of the day she is not at all the dog that I thought (and the rescue thought) she was going to be.
Any time she wants my attention, she will bark incessantly at me. I know that she just wants to play, but honestly I have started to become a little scared of her because she sounds like a mean guard dog and she barks very close to my hands. Part of this fear is that she bites VERY hard. Again, I know she's only playing and not being aggressive at all, but she does not differentiate between the toy and my hand, so she bites down full force in a snappy way, and when I yelp, or say NO, or try to stop playing, it only makes her be more intense about trying to bark at me and bite me because then she thinks its a game. I am happy to play with her and give her attention, it's why I wanted a dog in the first place, but the fact that I'm starting to get scared of doing so only worries me because she's 40lbs now at five months and she is already being this rough---I just keep thinking will I still be scared to play with her when she's a 70-80lbs adult?
Normally, I would be very concerned about returning a dog that bites like this but I know that she is genuinely not showing even a tiny bit of aggression and is honestly just playing (very roughly, but playing). I know that someone with more experience with dogs like this would probably be able to teach her to play nicely--but I'm beginning to believe that my fear is contributing to her behavior because she seems to pick up on it and get more intense. I think she needs a more confident handler to become the great dog that I know she can be, I'm just not sure if I can do that for her in the way that she needs.
It kills me to even consider this because I feel like I'm giving up on her, which is something I never thought I'd do with a dog....ever. I believe that dogs are family---but I'm just not sure that I can be what she needs me to be. If I have to give her back it will be one of the hardest things I've ever had to do because I already feel attached to her. I just want to do what's best for her though.
Should I return her to the rescue? I should mention that this rescue NEVER euthanizes dogs, and that they would place her back up for adoption so that she could find another home...I just want to be clear that if there was a possibility that she would be put down I would not even be considering this because I could never do that to any dog.
Basically the way I see it, my options are either to try to continue working with her or to give her back. If I did not find myself becoming scared of her, I would never even think about this--of course I would work with her until she learned---but if it turns out that this fear ends up getting in the way of me training her down the line....wouldn't it be easier for her in the long run if I accept that I'm not equipped to handle her now so that she doesn't get too attached or too set in her ways? She's still very young so I know she could adapt easily to a new living situation, and I feel like she loves all people the same as me so I don't think she would be too shaken up by it.
Honestly, I wish so badly that she was how the rescue described her and how she acted when I first met her. I can't hardly even believe she's the same dog and it makes me so sad because I thought I had found "the one". I'm happy that she feels confident and comfortable to be herself now----but I don't know if she's "the one" anymore.
Should I keep trying? Or is it better for her if I give her back now?
Please help me this is an impossible decision... but I know it's better to make it now than later.
The rescue organization may not have any staff that are good with matching a human to a dog, instead of a pet to the human. Their main goal is to find good homes for the animals and if a willing person comes around asking, they'll make sure you go home with a pet, whether the two of you are right for each other. What you think you are looking for and need and you have decided to look for, may not be the right fit for you. I have heard of some dog breeders who will study the individual personalities of each puppy in a litter by testing the pups with certain tests to see how they respond. ..because even though a certain breed may have typical characteristics, all animals will still have their unique personality just like humans do. Its not so different as how you relate to people. there are those who you would gravitate towards as friends, and others whose personalities would drive you up the wall. Same with pets.
Problem is, as far as I know, there are not too many people who really study closely the personality of the animal to match it with the right human nor take time to ask the human to share about themselves to make sure you are truly looking at not just the right breed but right personality. Adoption and rescue places don't having the staffing nor usually that kind of training or even time to get to know each animal that intimately.
So my suggestion to you is to return the dog and as much as you want one, not make another decision right away. Instead, take the time to go to the rescue center weekly, daily if you have that time, even if just an hour to go spend with the dogs and get to know them well. the more time you spend with them, the better you'll get a feel for each ones unique personality. It may take months and months of doing this before you find the right pet but it will be worth it in the end.
Hi, so I catch this guy looking at me often but he never does anything. How do I make my first move since he doesn't? We're both in highschool and he's two years older than me so I'm a bit shy to approach him. We have spoken, so we're like acquantinces, to him but now we don't talk as much. Does anybody know how I can make my first move because I really don't know what to do and I have a crush on him and I really want to have a boyfriend (out of curiousity because I've never been kissed and whenever I like a guy an he likes me back it always tends to be a cheesy "relationship")
The first move is to smile and say hello and use his name when you see him in passing. there doesnt need to be conversation at first. A smile means you are friendly and approachable. Next you hang out close enough to hear what he may be talking to others about and say, Hey i overheard you talking and . . . then you give your opinion or tell your related story. Or approach him when he's alone and ask open ended questions, ones he cant answer with a yes or no. Otherwise he answers and the convo dies unless you ask another question. the trick is to listen to what he says and find something in what he said, a point that you want to talk about next so he can learn something about you. At the end of the chat, you say you enjoyed chatting and would like to do so again. Ask if you can trade phone numbers.
Don't be surprised if he was afraid to approach you because you are younger. People tend to be very suspicious of juniors and seniors who go after freshmen and sophs. So he may be awkward approaching you or even accepting your offer of friendship due to what others will think.
I do have more thoughts to share on what you wrote if you care to read on.
You may have just stated your words wrong but it sounded like you want a boyfriend only for the reason of finding out what it feels like to be kissed? I hope not. One hangs out with and dates a person first to get to know them better than just the surface level attraction to find if you still like them after discovering more of their character and personality and what they stand for, believe in, their core values etc. During that time, either there's stuff one doesn't like and you break up, or you find you like that person on the inside too and develop feelings for them. This is the point at which a person shows how they feel by kissing, holding hands and putting an arm around each other and you go from the dating/info gathering stage to becoming a couple.
All teen girls have a natural desire for attention and approval from men as they hit puberty and their teens. Yes, attention is great but many boys your age learn quickly that they fool a girl that they really like her by saying or doing what they have discovered young girls want, in order to get what they want..sex. Try looking for a male willing to be a best friend first, a friend like a girlfriend but where at the same time you both can feel the attraction to each other that goes beyond friendship.
Should I get back with a girl that cheated on me and said sorry about it?
First off, I'd need to know what exactly you consider "cheating" to be because it can mean different things to different people. The most obvious and well known would be if the girl said yes, she'll be your girlfriend, but some time after that fact, she dates someone else at the same time, that would be considered cheating by most people. Having sexual relations with some one other than you (assuming you're both of the age of consent)while either dating or both dating and having sex with you is cheating but warning: This could hint at an issue that cannot be fixed by promises and asking forgiveness. What if the two of you dont both have the same level of sexual chemistry and are not compatible that way. Or only one of you feel the chemistry real strong and she does not. That is one of the major reason a husband will cheat on his wife and it is not the wife's fault.
Breaking up with someone and then dating someone else is not cheating. Once a relationship has been ended by one wanting out or both mutually agreeing to part, that is not cheating.
There are guys who can be too controlling and possessive and that behavior causes them to believe their girl is cheating when she looks at another guy or has male friends and talks to them. That is not cheating and the boyfriend should go for counseling.
I am guessing that things between you were never settled and talked out. People also have varying ideas about what Love is. When we are young, me included we think we know what the signs of a truly solid, devoted long lasting love are in the other person and in ourselves. When I was 20, I had no clue and married someone wrong for me. I did not understand what to look for to know whether there was any real love for him or in him for me. After 30 yrs. He finally admitted he'd never been in love with me. You don't want to end up taking that path.
So, while it is a good thing to forgive a person, that doesn't necessarily mean you get back together with them. You need a better reason than someone having asked for forgiveness and you forgiving. The strongest reason would be that you both are in love with each other and you know you will have a hard time finding anyone more perfect for you. The reason to date anyone is to get to know them better, if you find a consistant personality trait or characteristic or many that you can not stand to live with for the rest of your life or are harmful to you and the relationship, then you break up and look for some one better, always several steps better because the objective is finding the kind of person you WANT to spend life long or long term with.
Trust when broken in a relationship is very hard to rebuild and some times people find they can't trust again. But it is possible, however a very lengthy process and the person who broke trust must be able to show themselves to have learned by their mistake, showing a consistant ability to do the right thing now. this means, it could be years before you have confidence that she won't do the same thing if it was truly a cheating circumstance. If she is hoping to get back together and marry in a year, that's not likely to happen. If your conscious mind wants to cus of your feelingss for her, note that your subconscious mind may not feel ready to trust and you'd feel nervous, unsure, get cold feet about marrying or maybe even cancel wedding. Don't go for the marriage step until you know that the relationship is fully healed and you ready to move forward. If you have anything else on the subject I can help with or clarify, write to my column and post your question there.
Do you have Christmas themed hamster names
If you are giving a hamster to someone as a Christmas gift, they may prefer to name it themselves so dont be offended if they don't like what you choose.
If it's your own pet and for some reason you want a name that reminds you of Christmas, I would think that with adverstising in high gear for the Holiday, there'd be plenty of idea's.
But here's a few of my own:
Jingles, Mistletoe, Holly, Twinkles, Cookie, even Manger or Halo or Angel.
So there's a guy that I only see at lunch at school because hes the guy at the cash register sometimes we lock eyes for half a second and both look way while other times we smile at each other. and he always say hi first when I approach him.
Ill say hi and he says how are you and that happens like 3-4 times out of the 5 times a week I go to school . Sometimes we just say hello and how are you and that'll be it for the day. Other times, there's more.
I type my student number really fast and the first thing he said to me other than hi and how are you was that I type really fast.
Some Fridays he says something funny: like one day I wore a school shirt that has the mascot on it and he said I like your shirt as a joke (because everyone has one) and whenever there's someone ahead of me that is taking a long time to check out lunch he always apologizes for the long wait. And just Wednesday, he asked what my plans were for thanksgiving. I told him I was spending Time with my family and he also said he was spending time with his. IDK if he was being just a kind person and asking what my plans were but I didn't see him ask anyone before or after me. ( but that was like 2 people lol) Just today I asked him 2 q's and he said do you?/ or are you ? after I asked him those. I can't help but feel something when I look into his eyes and we smile at each other. But, he has a few girls around him after school so why would he flirt with me if he has them? (They're different girls sometimes) I feel like he likes me up until the point I see him with girls all happy and laughing. My confidence drops and I feel like he's just being nice and not flirting. So how can I tell if he's being friendly or just flirting? I like him so so much. I'm a freshman and he's a junior. (Not that it matters too nuch I hope)
First off, just be prepared that most people have the preconceived idea that if a senior or junior guy goes after/is dating a freshman girl, that it is because those his age already know better to avoid him cus he's a bad guy and the only way he can get a girl is to go after a freshman who doesn't know better. Many of the times, this actually is the case or he's going after her for sex cus he's burnt his bridges with the older girls already.
There are always acceptions to the general rules. He is showing no sign of being a player type of guy, in fact is not doing anything more than simply trying to have conversation with you and not engaging in the same with others in line. This surely is a sign of general interest in the other person. You wouldn't be trying to start up convo with a guy you didn't feel attracted to right? What's the point?
So here's what you do. Next time you actually have a short exchange of sentences, you tell him you really enjoy his friendly smile and greetings and your very short conversations and would like the opportunity to have longer conversation with him. Then ask if he'd like to have your phone number. Have it pre written so you can pull it out of a pocket quickly to give him.
Don't expect an immediate call if his time is full for the next day or two but if he ends up calling, he's interested in getting to know you more to see if you're someone he might like for a friend or girlfriend.
The reason he has girls hanging around him is that they are attracted to him and want him to notice them and ask them to be their boyfriend. He's not shy or he wouldn't be speaking to you at all. I am guessing that though he may like these girls as classmates or friends, he isn't dating one of them or it would be kinda obvious at school, seeing him with the same girl all the time and the others now staying away. You have nothing to lose in asking if he'd like to chat with you at a better time on the phone. And from there, you can plan things according to what your parents boundaries are for hanging out with/dating a guy. If you can't go on private dates yet, then see if they'll let him come hang out at your house when they are home to supervise. That way they get to know him while you are safe and you get to have time with him.
I'm going through the process of the consequences of having relationships in high school. I've had 3 boyfriends that didn't last for a long time 2 of these relationships were unknown. I never had sex with any of them or anything. And then I've had 3 other boyfriend over the next year and everyone knew about it. All my exs were calling me a slut and a bitch when in most if these reladhionships I was the one dumped. I have a boyfriend right now and all these rumours are spreading about how "I couldn't find anyone better" and more "she's jst a slut" type if things I've tried to make it stop by saying I didn't care but its useless. This might not seem like such a big deal but I never realized how much it would hurt. I don't want to go to school anymore. Do they even know what a slut means?! I don't know how to deal with this? Am I really a slut?
When considering we're talking about high school and maybe early college age, this seems to be the norm as far as immature behavior and won't get much better until peoples brains fully finish growing by mid 20's and on.
Name calling is done with an intent to hurt a person. If someone thinks they know what it means and are simply trying to broadcast the truth for others to know, that makes them either immature, gossipers, low IQ, gullible, lacking any morals, wanting to follow the crowd like a lemming or all of that. No girl should be willing to settle for a guy like that.
In highschool, dating doesnt last long, but it should be productive and one should be learning from their experiences as to what the make up of a person who calls girls sluts, looks like so you can avoid getting involved next time with such a douchbag.
Slut is a word to describe a person who perhaps dresses to attract sexual attention, but for sure will have sex freely with many at the same time or simply going from one to the next, just for sex. I did not say females do this because the word applies to men too. And it is often more a fact that men act like sluts rather than women. A girl who is exceptionally beautiful, even if she dresses conservatively and does not engage in sex, can be called a slut by men, simply because by her looks, they assume they is easy and are assuming that she has had sex with many guys. All it takes is one ex date to say he had sex with her for the rumour to start and when subsequent dates are assuming they'll get easy sex with her as well and don't, they get pissed and throw their tantrums by way bullying her, calling her a slut. So if it's really the guys who are sluts, in order to take attention off oneself, a person points to someone else and accuses them of the shortcoming in theirself. It's a tactic of people with mental problems or mentally immature.
"slut-shaming" is not about teaching women self-respect; it’s about trying to control them.
It is, underneath it all, just a method to keep women in their place.” Laci Green
And here's a website that goes very extensively over the whole topic of slut shaming.
https://finallyfeminism101.wordpress.com/2010/04/04/what-is-slut-shaming/
So what is happening here is that you are being bullied. If you go looking, the internet is full of cases of girls commiting suicide for being called a slut or whore, no matter whether she did or didn't have sex. It only takes one person's cruel or vindictive comment to start the rumour and the resulting pain and shame to a girl/woman.
You need to talk to your parents and get their support. It might cross their minds to wonder if you have been sexually active but even that is no reason to be bullied. Many schools are aware of bullying and want to work actively to bring it to a stop. And your parents can help. Let them see my response here. You need their love and trust and support as parents right now...this coming from a mom of 3 girls. You can't remain alone in this or you may end up going the way of other girls who gave up in life. Perhaps getting you into another highschool or a private school would help. And then just refrain from dating any high school boys, and waiting for these males to grow up some more before venturing into dating again.
Good luck dear.