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me and my Girlfriend broke up and now,a year later ,she wants to marry me.
Should I get back with a girl that cheated on me and said sorry about it?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
NO. Once a cheater, always a cheater.
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First off, I'd need to know what exactly you consider "cheating" to be because it can mean different things to different people. The most obvious and well known would be if the girl said yes, she'll be your girlfriend, but some time after that fact, she dates someone else at the same time, that would be considered cheating by most people. Having sexual relations with some one other than you (assuming you're both of the age of consent)while either dating or both dating and having sex with you is cheating but warning: This could hint at an issue that cannot be fixed by promises and asking forgiveness. What if the two of you dont both have the same level of sexual chemistry and are not compatible that way. Or only one of you feel the chemistry real strong and she does not. That is one of the major reason a husband will cheat on his wife and it is not the wife's fault.
Breaking up with someone and then dating someone else is not cheating. Once a relationship has been ended by one wanting out or both mutually agreeing to part, that is not cheating.
There are guys who can be too controlling and possessive and that behavior causes them to believe their girl is cheating when she looks at another guy or has male friends and talks to them. That is not cheating and the boyfriend should go for counseling.
I am guessing that things between you were never settled and talked out. People also have varying ideas about what Love is. When we are young, me included we think we know what the signs of a truly solid, devoted long lasting love are in the other person and in ourselves. When I was 20, I had no clue and married someone wrong for me. I did not understand what to look for to know whether there was any real love for him or in him for me. After 30 yrs. He finally admitted he'd never been in love with me. You don't want to end up taking that path.
So, while it is a good thing to forgive a person, that doesn't necessarily mean you get back together with them. You need a better reason than someone having asked for forgiveness and you forgiving. The strongest reason would be that you both are in love with each other and you know you will have a hard time finding anyone more perfect for you. The reason to date anyone is to get to know them better, if you find a consistant personality trait or characteristic or many that you can not stand to live with for the rest of your life or are harmful to you and the relationship, then you break up and look for some one better, always several steps better because the objective is finding the kind of person you WANT to spend life long or long term with.
Trust when broken in a relationship is very hard to rebuild and some times people find they can't trust again. But it is possible, however a very lengthy process and the person who broke trust must be able to show themselves to have learned by their mistake, showing a consistant ability to do the right thing now. this means, it could be years before you have confidence that she won't do the same thing if it was truly a cheating circumstance. If she is hoping to get back together and marry in a year, that's not likely to happen. If your conscious mind wants to cus of your feelingss for her, note that your subconscious mind may not feel ready to trust and you'd feel nervous, unsure, get cold feet about marrying or maybe even cancel wedding. Don't go for the marriage step until you know that the relationship is fully healed and you ready to move forward. If you have anything else on the subject I can help with or clarify, write to my column and post your question there.
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