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Moving to Virginia , Parents don't really get it
19/f
I should start by saying that my parents are in their late 40s and 50 years, as well as the fact that they were raised in Colombia.
I'm the first born generation in the US and am college student majoring in art education.
I'm starting in a community college and transferring to a 4 year university. After much research I decided on going to the Virginia Commonwealth university. Thier program is rated one of the highest best for art education.
There's just one problem.
I made a good friend via internet who lives in Virginia. He is 24/m I met him when he was 22. I have met him in person several times now over the past year and have met his family over Skype. He is literarily the most amazing person I know.
My mother met him once and didn't like him at all just because I met him online, he lived in a different state and "he looks weird".
After 2 years of talking to him, I have developed very strong feelings for him and he reflects them back. He travels 6 hours one a month to see me in secret (my mother told me she never wanted to see him in front of our house again).
The plan was to get an apartment in Virginia and actually reside there. Not just dorm.
How can I tell and convince my parents that I'm leaving New Jersey permanently to go to school and reside in Virginia? And that it is on my own terms not my friend's who supports any school I choose?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
This could get a bit complicated as there is an element missing; such as who is paying for college and living expenses.
If you are paying your own way through college then moving out of your parents home and living with your boyfriend is your right as an adult. Your parents can object but that's is all they can do for as an adult they cannot control you as they did when you were a minor. You have total free will now as guaranteed under the laws and Constitution of our country.
Now if your parents are paying for your college education, this is where things get a bit murky. Once again you are an adult. Your parents obligation to you under the law ended on your 18th birthday. They are no longer obligated by law to do any of the things they provided when you were a minor. They certainly are under no obligation to pay for your college. Promises made to you were made with the understanding that you would abide by their continued parenting while in school. It may not have been said outright but it was inferred.
Now for the part that gets murky. Your parents may approve of the school but not your living arrangement. This would violate the agreement they made with you and their obligation to fund your schooling and your parents would no longer be obligated to pay for school.
Earlier this year a young lady someplace in this country (I have forgotten where) sued her parents to pay for her schooling for very similar reasons as I have laid out here. The judge told her to go home as her parents requested or live without their financial support.
While you are free to do as you please and your parents do not have to like it or get it. There control over you may be the financial support you need to get a college education.
This is what you may need to consider. If financial support is not a problem then your parents do not have to approve or get it. You are not obligated to get their approval before doing what you want. What I suggest though is you sit down with your parents and explain to them that you have been seeing this boy, behind their backs. That you love him and why. This may be enough to make them get it as you say.
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At 19 you are an adult. While an adult living under your parents roof, they have the right to make certain rules they expect obeyed if you are living with them no matter your age such as who you can have over to visit on their property or in the house. A rule in this case they could not make is telling you what you can and cant eat or what you should study in school or which school you should attend thats close to home. Once you decide to live on your own or with a roomate or boyfriend, or what city, what job, what schooling, etc...is all your own business, not theirs. They had their chance to raise you. Your values and choice may not reflect theirs and that happens more often than not. A parent shouldn't be telling you what to do or not do at this point. So you simply advise them as to what school you've decided to go to and where you'll be residing. Whom you room with is not their business so you don't have to tell them. You would out of love for them want them to know of your plans, just to be considerate of them as your parents, not to give them a chance to talk you out of it. So you'd be wise to not mention the guy from the internet at all. See him all you like. When it gets to the point that you both become engaged, then it's time to advise the parents what is happening in your life. Unless they were brought up in a culture that expects the young man to ask for your hand in marriage or to just getting their blessing, you may have to make that kind of decision with or with out their blessing. It isn't right for a parent to try to live their life through their child, they should live their own life.
Usually LDR's don't work out. But you have met his whole family over Skype and chatted, so if you have a good feeling about them too, then there's a good chance you may be able to work things out or at the very least, remain good friends. You'll have to be strong, have some back bone to go against the parents wishes if they don't like your plans. Remember, you're not asking for their approval, just informing them out of courtesy.
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