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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

My husband and I's one year anniversary is coming up in a few months, and so is a very close friend's wedding, her wedding date: our one year anniversary. I'm at a loss of what to do. My husband wouldn't be able to come with me to her wedding, and my friend would be extremely hurt if I didn't go. What makes the situation awkward is I knew when picking my wedding date that my friend would be getting married that same day. I had no choice however (my husband is military). I reassured and promised her since she got engaged that I would be there at her wedding. In fact, as soon as I got the wedding invite, I texted her and let her know I would be there and how excited I was. My husband always knew I'd be going, but I guess it just clicked for him I'd be missing or first anniversary. He's very upset, anniversaries are very important to him. I tried reasoning with him that we could celebrate another day, but he's not having it. What do I do? I will always pick my husband over anything, but shouldn't he be more understanding? Should I be present for the most important day of my close friend's life and hurt my husband? Or be there with my husband for our one year anniversary and risk losing my friend? (And I have very few true good friends)

She is only going to have one Wedding day celebration, you are going to have many anniversary celebrations. It wont always fall on a weekend so if you celebrate big, you might want to do it on the closest weekend to anniversary. However as you said, he won't go for that. It could be, he's one of those people who have a plan in their mind of how everything should go or turn out, and any surprises or unexpected situations that life throws their way, they can't handle and have a melt down. I can't say it's strictly him being unreasonable. I knew someone like that but they had mental health issues too, and other may just struggle with too much negative thinking/cognitive issues. If he knew this all along, her should have said something the moment she announced her wedding date and asked her to choose another or you wouldn't attend if it was that important to him. He doesn't plan ahead well I suppose. But no reason to punish your best friend. I would go to her wedding. My daughter used to be married to a military guy and they almost didn't release him in time to make it to his own wedding though he'd asked for the time in advance. I know it's a narrow window of time and you have to plan around the schedule of the military, when he has time off. If the friend already had her wedding date chosen before you chose yours due to time constriction, she shouldn't have to suffer your absence just because you and hubby had no other choice of dates.
Missing the actual anniversary date just once, is something a normal person can adjust to..celebrating a day earlier or day later. Being so unflexible may point to some character issues/ problems in him or simply the issue of being immature. If your husband always gets what he wants and you cater to all his wishes, you will never learn if this man is capable of putting your happiness first above his because he will never have to work through a situation like this. But do as you wish. Either soothe the husband and hurt your friend, or go to the Wedding and then discover if the husband is so unreasonable and really cares so little for you, or her recovers and is glad you went. He may not be as perfect as you think, as much as you love him. I married at 20 and thought he was a wonderful Godly man. It was the opposite. He acted like this and it got worse quickly to the point he treated me worse than strangers and began to verbally abuse. Not saying he's that bad, But you don't deserve anyless less than a guy who treats you as a Queen and puts your needs and wishes before his own. Going to this Wedding just may bring out his true character for you to see, so you know what you are dealing with.

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last weekend i locked not only my main key but also my spare key in my car. i had absolutely no way of getting my key out so i decided to call the number on www.247locksmithallentown.com. they sent over a foreign locksmith and he was very suspicious to begin with because once he arrived to my house, he called me from my cell phone and asked me to come out instead of ringing my doorbell. once i came out the front door, he asked me to get into his van to fill out papers. he claimed he didn't want me standing out in the snow and cold. he opened the door for me and i felt awkward so i put half my body in the passenger seat but left the door open and he said "come on you can shut the door." i declined and said no thank you and he still persisted "don't be scared, it is just cold." i declined again. and he was like "are you sure?" i remember him starting up the car. he could've done this to "put the heat on" but he also could've done this and drove off with me.. once i declined several times he started joking about how i am nervous and after i walked away from his car, he got out too. he accomplished the task of getting my keys out of my car, but when he asked for payment i went inside and told my mom i was nervous and so she suggested he come inside and she pay him. he left on a friendly note, but i sense that he was eyeing out my mansion. not only that, but i sense he was eyeing myself out as well. ever since, i have not felt safe in my house. i don't live in a house- i live in a mansion. i am nervous he will return. i have severe anxiety and the situation from last weekend is NOT helping in anyway. being abducted is my worst fear. how do i handle this situation? am i being dramatic? should i call the company and inform them of my situation? do i call the police with my suspicions? help.

All I can think of is calling back the number where this guy supposedly works for, ask them what their guidelines are for how their locksmiths should act as they represent the company. Tell me exactly all you've told us. The guy may have been breaking a lot of rules or perhaps they have loose rules. The client should feel safe. I don't have anxiety issues and I find this odd behavior and I would have felt uncomfortable.
There is nothing to call the police about because the guy didn't break any law. Your suspicion that he might have had bad intentions isn't enough for police to go after a person.
If he's working a min. wage job, his ogling the mansion may have simply been wishful thinking, how nice if he was well of financially to afford such a place. As for studying you, can say what he was thinking...maybe wondering what your life is like as a 'rich' kid.
If you have severe anxiety, go see your Dr. and tell them about the experience so they can help you work thru your anxieties. If you have not yet seen a Dr. for the anxiety issues, it's time to do so.

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I've been dating this guy from my class for 1-2 months and he really really loves me, and i think it's because I'm his first girlfriend plus he's really closed up person.
We have been really close these few months, he had his first kiss with me, but as time passes i see that I'm loosing my feelings for him, plus he looks like the guy who's threatening me and he doesn't communicate a lot and I talk a lot, i can talk with days without shutting up, and it bothers me that he doesn't talk a lot and i told him to talk more, but nothing changed.
I feel guilt, and it's killing me a lot, but somehow i know that if i break up with him he'll do something bad to himself and he will get hurt a lot, because i know how much it hurts to someone break up with you.
So how do i break up with him without doing it bad or hurting him a lot?

Breaking up always hurt, whether done nicely or badly. It just hurts more and can damage their self image and self confidence if done badly.

Being that he is just starting on the dating experience, he (or you for that matter) may not understand that dating is not about staying with the person until the day you die. Same goes for Marriage these days.
Physical attraction is what usually starts the process, people meet, talk and decide they want to know each other better. So they date. Dating is for checking out the other person at a more in depth level. Sometimes you don't have enough in common or have no chemistry. Without chemistry, the physical attraction will fade over time as is happening for you. Unless we are psychics, there isn't a clear way to know ahead of time if that person will still hold your interest next month, in 6 mos or even up to a yr away. Some of us learn over the years what signs to look for to know if chemistry is there. But for teens just starting, without much previous experience, you just can't know until you actually date and discover as time passes whether you still feel the same of not.
When I have broken up with people, I used the phrase, "I don't feel any chemistry so I am not going to date you any more. It is nothing about your personality or looks, I just don't feel the chemistry that you may feel and relationships don't work if its one sided. Chemistry is the natural pheremones our bodies let off and is something we have no power to change. It also affects which girls you feel an instant close friendship with and why other girls don't interest you as a friend. If you can explain this to him, that it is something he can't change, it should not damage his self image, unless he already suffers from low self images, depression, self harm issues or cognitive disorders, meaning negative type of thinking that bring on all these other issues. He may need to see a mental health professional to get back on track to feeling good about himself if he already has these issues. And it won't be the breakup that could make him flip out, anything of a negative bent could do it, not getting an A or B or a test, not getting a job he applied to, not getting accepted on a school sports team or having anything else turned down. A break up can only show that he has a greater difficulty handling lifes unexpected and disappointments than most of us would. Hope this helps you.

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I have been conflicted about my feelings for two girls for the longest time and I've officially admitted to myself that I like and care for them both a lot. I don't want to be with either one because I don't want a relationship but I care about them both and just want them to be happy. But I don't know how to tell them I care. I'm not the best with showing my emotions.

Liking and caring for girls but not wanting a relationship like dating and official gf/bf? Well I would call that having female friends. And there is no limit to how many female friends you can have. I dont think you have to say anything. If You have been admiring them all from a distance and not interacting with them as a friend, then there is no way for them to know you'd like to be a friend.
The way to change this is to find reasons to be near them long enough to smile, say hello, and start talking. Once talking you can tell them you have admired them for some time and would like to be friends. Make it clear that you are not looking for a romance, no girlfriends to date, just friends.

If you already hang out with these girls all the time as friends, I don't think you have to say anything for them to officially know you like them as a friend, because they can pick up those kinds of things also by how you treat them.
I would say the only time to be needing to share how you feel is if you are going from feelings as friends to stronger feelings like feeling romance towards one. Then it is best to say something, before someone else comes along and snaps her up because she had no idea that one of her male friends had developed stronger feelings for her.

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I have a crush on my 19 yr old brother I've been fantasize about him since I was 13 what should I do ask him out or seduce him?

I agree completely with Missundersmock. Along with the hormones of puberty, this is a time when young girls and boys first start to look at people of the opposite sex for attributes and personality traits that are to their liking. Sometimes it simply starst out skin deep and whether the person is just hot looking. Later after experiencing both good and bad personality traits, we refine our search for GF/BF's, always trying to find someone a step better for us, some one more to our liking. eventually, this list should help you find the kind of person you'd never tire of being married to til the day you die.
So what you can do as a teen is to start keeping a journal, handwritten or on your pc, of a list of things you like in males, even those related to you. You already find some things admirable, maybe even sexy about your brother. Write them down. You will see things in guys during your life that attract you in a way to a guy, he might be married, engaged, dating a girl already, he may be younger, older or old enough to be your grandfather. Please understand that this kind of attraction is to help you to later find the right guy for you for life, and it does not in any way mean that this is happening because the guy is supposed to become your sex partner. Thats not how this works. I was doing this kind of thing with my girlfriend already at age 10, 11, spying on couples my parents or hers had over, mainly focus on the other husband and talking about what we found hot or attractive, what we admired in the guy. This is normal. Using the males you admire to satisfy your sexual urges is not normal and also not ethically right. If you have trouble controlling your feelings for brother still after reading this an understanding better what you are going through, then I also suggest you keep your distance from him until you get over this.

Another basic psychological issue young teens and older ones are going through at this age is a need for a male in their life who is unwittingly supportive of her, this is the kind of support that helps build her self esteem because it is a positive and much needed one in a females life especially at this age. Some girls don't have fathers around or ones who do not give them positive, supportive attention. Most often girls get this needed self esteem from a male member of the family so easily it may be that your brother is more supportive of you than your Dad. When I was a teen and went through the same stage of needing approval and building of my self esteem, I began to hang around my Dad more than Mom. I wanted to be able to talk to him about my day, my interests, anything I was working on, I was into playing guitar and writing my own songs. Mom might say she liked it but what I really needed to hear is what a male thought of my talent. Dad showed real interest in what was important to me and encouraged me to take my talents further. When it came time for need of approval as a lady, are the guys going to find me attractive, it was good that Dad was never too busy to give me a hug, take a moment to make a positive comment on the clothes I just chose for myself on a shopping trip. If you are truly getting some of this fatherly support from your brother without either of your totally aware of it, just attempting to seduce or have sex with brother, whether successful or not, is enough to change the way you interact and relate to each other for the rest of your lives because it will always be in your memories and you will lose the support that a young girl needs from a male family member, preferably the Father, and if not a grandfather, uncle or brother.
Hope this helps you to see the situation in another light.

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Well I am a girl of 23 years. I am not that old to get married, I know. But I am in a relationship and my boyfriend and his family think that it is high time to get married. Personally I I used to feel excited to marry him but as days go by I feel myself losing interest in marriage but not in him. And onething more is that I don't like to have my own baby. I like puppies kittens but not human baby..do I really have any psychological issue?

No. You are just fine. For whatever reason, reason's which can vary, some people know already at a young age that they don't ever want to have kids. I am going by how you worded it. You said babies, not children, so I don't know if you have an aversion to babies and young children but don't mind the idea of older ones. that too is another variation that I have seen too. I'll start with the first:
I know a young couple, young when I met them..I think she was 25 and he was 29, 30. Both told me they had decided to never have children. She felt that way and so did he. He didn't say too much but often when hanging out with them, on many occasions when she saw a family out with their kids, she'd shudder and say something derogatory about kids or glad she will never have any. She had to see her doctors several times over a couple years span requesting her tubes be tied before they would take her seriously and realize it was not a passing fancy.
As far as numbers of people like you, I haven't come across many but enough that I know it's just another type of way a person chooses to live their life that does not affect or harm others. The fact that their numbers aren't great enough to seem common makes them look different in perhaps an odd way, for not conforming to what society deems is normal, average.

The other is something I have heard many adults confess...that they hated the baby and young child stage but once a kid got to the intellectual stage, they loved kids just fine, had no problems and actually enjoyed them. Some people are born being a natural with, and adoring babies, and don't do as well once they become older children or teens and then find it difficult to connect or know what to do with them, whereas for others, they hate being around babies, don't have the patience for them and young kids and prefer interaction with older kids. Many of us were raised with one of each for a parent, so both stages of child growth was covered.
What I do recommend is having a talk with the boyfriend. Regardless of the fact his parents may want to be grandparents, you can not make life decisions like this based on feeling you must please others or fulfill their wishes. You need to remain true to yourself, even with the boyfriend. If both of you feel the same way, no kids ever, then no problem. If both of you believe yourself to be opposite types, meaning one likes babies--is the nurturing type while the other prefers older kids and is the intellectual type, then all bases are covered and its a matter of whether the both of you can work out some kind of compromise in the raising of a child, one handling most of young childhood, and the other, older childhood.
It may be that no matter how much you both love each other, this one thing would be a deal breaker for the continuation of the relationship.
For my 2nd marriage, I made a list of what I wanted in a guy, and what things would be a deal breaker for me. So when I met guys on a dating site, some were easy to see from the start that they did not meet my criteria at all. Doing this can save a lot of heart break later once having fallen in love and dated a long time. I knew what I wanted, stuck to my list and I found him.
No, you don't have a psycholigical issue but there's going to be lots of other issues if you don't bring the subject out into the open with your guy.

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I am turning here for advice or maybe someone is dealing with a similar situation. My son is 8. At 1 - 3 years old we were dealing with him not playing much with toys he'd walk or crawl down a hall way and bang his head against the wall. During pregnancy one concern was down syndrome which was negative. He has alternating esotropia in his eyes messing both eyes are good one a little strong then the other but he only uses one eye at a time. He wears bifocals. He also has the skin between his eyes is flat instead of tucking in. He is taller than normal kids but his dad is pretty tall my son is 4 '11 at last visit a few months ago. He is pretty smart in school. He still doesn't really play with toys he likes video games reading chapter books and riding his bike he doesn't make a lot of friends he is usually okay when he's on meds ( Celexa and geodone) main problem right now is when. He wants to do something and u tell him no its a huge melt down swearing Frick or people are jerks. Also if there are several people in a room and more than one person talking he starts to have a melt down. His neuro doctor says he may be having grand mull sizeures but hard to diagnose. He has head aches alot the eye doctor says it's not because of his eyes

You didn't mention anyone checking him for Autism. There are actually quite a few different situations that all fall on the Autism spectrum somewhere. He may not have a severe case of it or there may be something else medically going on in conjunction with the Autism? the reason I am led to think this may be it, is the head banging for one, what some kids will do when they can't handle too much different sensory input all at the same time. Another is your mentioning he's very smart. People with Autism are highly intelligent, more so than others. Another is the input from one than one conversation at a time, or more than one of any type of sensory input. My husband is a highly functional autistic. You wouldn't know it to look at him or watch him for a while. But when I began to live with him day in day out, it was easier to experience some of the same things you mention, just that he has learned how to control and compensate for his particular type of autism.
So I am not saying it's Autism for sure, just that it could be closely related to. Hope this helps

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21/f

I know this question sounds funny. My family has been struggling financially for awhile and my mom has asked me if she could mark me as a dependent. But it turns out, my mom couldn't even afford any of the bills and my sister and I have been paying for them (including the mortgage), since she only makes $300/month. My dad is retired and he gets about $780/month in his retirement funds. My sister didn't have a job pretty much all year around and I spoke to my boss and his brother (who's in accounting) and they told me that since I make the most money in the household and they pretty much depend on me, I can mark them all as dependents.

Can I mark my parents as dependents if they're married? And I know I can mark my sister and my dad (because he's retired), but what about my mom since she's still working?

You'd have to talk to a tax consultant. I know in divorces that the parent who files first claiming the child as their dependant, even if they are not living with the child, the IRS will accept that and it goes in the system and the other parent who files their dependant child gets their tax return kicked out by the IRS as something wrong with it and now can't file cus someone beat them to it. I know it doesnt sound fair. What your mom wants to do doesn't sound fair either. So if there is a way you can claim them on your tax return but she goes and files first, then you're out of luck. Thats how it works. So if I were you, I'd check with a tax professional because the rules may change by state. My ex used to do taxes and the rules changed every year too. So no average Joe is going to know whether you can file this year even if it was ok in the past. Things could have changed. I hope they do let you file as the one who is taking care of the rest of the household. The term 'head of household' may not refer to age or relationship in the family but rather, the one who is heading up all the care of the family. Of course the tax person would need to know about any earnings. If the mortgage is in their name but you pay on it and they don't, you may not be able to file certain things on your tax form even though you are paying for it. If your sister is paying half the bills too, she can not also attempt to claim them. As you see, theres more questions and complications than easy answers.
Your mom earns so little, that's like a parent claiming a high school /college age child who earns an amt like that per month. Obviously not enough for the child to really do anything with and definitely not be able to pay all their own bills, so they are really reliant on the parents and their $300. usually won't affect the parents tax return, so in reverse, you would think the same rules would apply, but the only one who will know for sure is a tax proffessional who can research that for you

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My husband is an ex crossdresser and had relationships with men before we met. I have seen pictures of him as a female and he was actually very pretty and looked the part. He has never to my knowledge crossdressed since we have been together these past 3 years. I would like to get him to crossdress for me as I find it so arousing. I almost wish he was living as a girl full time now. I am not sure how to bring this subject up and am looking for ideas

If you haven't really talked about any sexual subjects including your past and the present, it's time to do so. He's your husband, not just some guy you are dating, so whatever your fantasy or whatever you'd like to try sexually, it's something private between you and there is nothing wrong or shameful about it.
I can only make guesses since i do not know if you are male or female. I will venture to guess female since you said Husband instead of life partner although I know gay couples do marry. If female, and he is devoted to you but had men before, it may be he is bi-sexual. Also,If you have not asked him about those days of cross dressing and whether he misses it, how are you to know if he does and is holding back because he doesnt want to offend you? You won't know until he does. If it's something he doesn't enjoy doing anymore on a regular basis, as your husband you may be able to coax him into doing it just for you at home, not for going out in public with. He needs to know you find it arousing. What man is going to say No to something his lady finds arousing if it includes him? None that I know of.
I think it would be easy to bring up. I don't know how often you make love, but a good time would be in the after glow time, not during sex but after when you hold each other and talk. Tell him how much you love and enjoy him and then say, you know, I was thinking, I'd like to try some new things out in our sex life. Maybe talk to each other and reveal with we each think is arousing or would be arousing. What do you think? Do you want to share first or shall I?

Good Luck.

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Okay, so I've liked this guy in my friend group for a while now. We talk pretty often and we never fun out of this to talk about, it's awesome. Then yesterday I found out his older sister is trying to convince him to go out with this girl at our school. She's his cousins good friend. Like today his cousin asked him to go to lunch with her and her friend, he went obviously. Then about a week ago he was saying how he really liked talking to me, that I was someone he could talk too, that I was a pretty cool girl. The today he said that he would have to talk to this girl for a while before he could decide if he liked her. He said she was pretty cool. I don't know what to do. I mean I really like him but I don't want to get in the way of this possible relationship if he doesn't like me like that. Plus I don't want to ruin our friendship. Please help me

Hon, until a guy is officially dating a girl, or they become a couple or he's married, then he's fair game for any girl. Just because his sis is trying to play match maker and set him up does not mean this other girl will take any more importance over you.
If he said he'd have to talk to this other girl a while, it may be to appease his sister and keep peace between them as siblings. So often, those playing match maker haven't got a clue what is the right person for someone. She may think she knows what her brother likes or the other girl may be a really nice gal and cool, but so are you, he's already said how he liked talking to you...and that was without anyone trying to play match maker and set him up with you...this was of his own free will which means he really likes you. For some one you end up long term in a relationship with, you have to definitely be able to enjoy talking to them and from there move on to becoming each others best friend.
You said you don't want to get in the way of a possible relationship. Its not a relation with that girl yet. He hasn't been hanging out with her as a group of friends has he? No, he has been hanging out in your friends group, so if anyone has a relationship here with him, it's you, a relationship as friends. You want to take that to another level? Better say something asap like, I like having you for a friend, and I know you told me about your sister encouraging you to go out with some girl she chose. You shouldn't have to go out with anyone you dont want to jsut to please someone else. It should be what you want to do. And with that said, I think its time I let you know that my feelings for you are growing from friendship to something more. I want you to know that before you commit to who you are going to ask out on a date.

Good luck dear.

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I went tanning for the first time in a salon but I got very red n burnt when should I go back n how long I have a skin con so the doctor recommended it but I am really red n hurting what should I do

If you are red and burnt, you should not go back until you are totally healed. If your doctor recommended you do so, for your condition, then you need to see your doctor and show her/him the condition of your skin currently to find out how long you should wait to go back.
I am wondering if you went beyond the time limit for tanning or if you tanned only for the recommended amount of time.
If you stayed in proper time frame and got burnt, there maybe something wrong with the equipment the tanning salon needs to be aware of. If you went past the amount of recommended time, just don't ever do it again because Spending more time in each visit doesn't mean you tan faster. I know that Aloe Vera can be very soothing for all kinds of burns including too much tanning. Follow the guidelines for tanning very strictly or you will have the same results. too much of the same mistakes over and over and you may end up with skin that ages faster than others your age. I didn't think I spent all that much time in the sun but now that I am older, its really showing in my face, uneven coloring, and just older looking skin. So keep that in mind.

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Okay, so I'm a 15, almost 16 year old girl. I moved schools this year and I made multiple friends. There are both girls and guys in my group. So, in the beginning of december, two of my close guy friends started talking to me a lot more, lets call them Joe and Harry. So they would text me and we'd all skype pretty often and it was pretty good. I liked the fact that I had some close guy friends that I could turn to if need be. So after a bit I started liking one of them, Harry. I never told anyone about it, still to this day.

So, about a week ago, my friend told me to come over to her house because she need to talk to me. When I went over, she told me that our group is in a fight, and it was about me. So apparently Joe had liked me for a while and just assumed that the rest of the guys knew. But then one day another one of the guys lets call him Josh, said he liked me. So Joe was mad at Josh for liking me when he liked me. Then Harry started talking to me as friends and then the skyping started. I was completely oblivious to the whole liking thing.

So now both of the guys know that I know they like me. So Joe has just completely stopped talking to me, whereas Josh is constantly around me. I don't like either of them more than friends. I don't know what to do about it, I don't wanna ruin our friendship.

And also what about the Harry situation? He's an awesome guy and he talks to me from the morning to late at night. But I feel guilty talking to him because of everything thats happening. I am really stuck, please help me.

If you liked Harry all along, why haven't you said anything to him about it. Teens aren't always that experienced to be able pick up on some obvious signs or even the subtle ones that someone might like them or be attracted to them. So unfortunately, the only way left to find out is to be direct and just say something. As to what to say, "Harry, I've enjoyed our relationship but lately, I've found that I am beginning to develop deeper feelings for you. This is a tactic taught by relationship experts to use instead of saying you already like them or love them or that you have for a long time, because psychologically, it puts less pressure on them to answer in the positive even if they don't feel that way. When someone says they like you or love you or have for a long time, the first thing a person thinks if they don't feel the same is, "I am going to be responsible for breaking their heart by saying I don't feel the same" and so we often say the opposite, that we like them too.
Would you rather know where you stand with Harry so you can move on into dating? Be direct but choose your words carefully.
One thing I have learned is that some teen boys figure the best way to learn more about girls and what makes them tick is to spend time hanging out with them as friends. I had a group much like yours at that age. What happens though is that sometimes one girl will stand out to all the guys in the group, it might be something of her personality that is attractive to all males, or perhaps she is just a bit more self confident than the other girls, or much more easy or fun to talk to, what ever it is, it was obvious and shined like a beacon to all the guys. That's why they are fighting, it's also some of the alpha male thing going on too I suppose. Each one wants to come out the winner on the top and the prize is you. It doesnt really matter for some whether you have anything really in common to make that step from friends to BF/GF, and it may not matter either if there is no romantic chemistry. Even older guys do this dear. When I was divorced and getting out into dating again, I did a dating profile and had men coming out of the woodworks after reading my description of myself, seeing my pics and ignoring my list of criteria I had for the kind of men I was looking for. All too often, they wanted to date me just because I was "interesting" thats all they wrote to me. Nothing on them in their profile. Or they said it sounded like we had a lot in common and they wanted to date me. When I read their profile, there wasn't one thing we had in common. Too often, they were simply attracted like bees to necter, by something I learned some time after that all guys find attractive, a female who knows what she wants and isn't afraid to ask for it. Thats self confidence. I had my list of criteria and they knew they didn't meet it but they couldnt help themselves and had to write to me and hope I would ignore all my criteria once I got to know them. When a young guy lacks self confidence or plain old just doesnt know what to do if disappointed, yeah, he can throw his silent fit by stopping talking to you. He'll learn to get over it. In time he will learn as all of you will, that you can't force this romantic chemistry, just because someone is cute, smart or rich. One of the things we have no control over to change is the unique type of pheremones our body lets off. And the only people we are subconsciously attracted to are ones with the exact same matching pheremones. They'll get over it in time. Maybe not soon enough to suit you. In the meanwhile, go have a talk with Harry.

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Me and this guy have been talking and hanging out for 2 months. Yesterday I hung out with the guy and we went to the movies and held my hand. After the movie, I went home and received a text from him saying he had a fun time.I replied by saying me to. After that we started just having a regular conversation. I just had to get off my chest and I told him that I liked him. He said that he liked me to. Today i haven't received and any text from him which I find surprising cause we text-ed everyday sooo someone please explain to me what has happen.Did i make a mistake? By the way I think he is inexperienced with girls.

Do you only text? Do you ever have a phone call? If not, surprise him with a phone call. Texting causes too much confusion, misunderstandings and worries over issues that may not even be existant.
Remember hon, he initiated the text regarding your date. If he didn't enjoy it or you, he wouldn't have contacted you to say so. He most certainly didn't contact you to say he liked it when he hated it. So if he's already likeing the date...its because the date was with you, not some other person, but because you are what made it so special. Its not as much the places we go or what we do that is important but who it s we are doing it with. So when you said you liked him, I'll bet he was already feeling that way about you and either had no idea how to say it or didnt have the courage yet to say it until you did. No, he wasn't copying you and just saying it because you did. Remember, he called you first.

Now if you walked up to a guy in school you'ved crushed on but never had any contact with and said 'I like you' to him. He could feel very awkward especially if he hadn't given you any thought before and had no idea if he would like you yet but says so just to keep face. You could not trust him when he said it.

So, the day following him saying he likes you, he doesn't text, and you think something is wrong. If I were a psychic, sure, I could explain to you what happened, like: His grandma died. He was upset and wasnt' thinking about anyone or anything else but his loss. too tragic, how about
his phone fell in the toilet and stopped working. You won't know why you didn't hear from him until you ask. Just don't interrogate him coming from a mind set that something must be wrong between you and him. And do not ask him if you freaked him out about saying you liked him. It makes you look unsure of yourself.
Ask something instead like this, "Hey I was worried when I didn't hear from you yesterday. Not that you have to text me every day but you have done that so far. So I wondered if you got sick or something bad happened in your family. When he explains what was up, or even that nothing happened. then let it go and say, "Good, well, I was already thinking about the next time we could do something together. How does .....sound? If he has indeed changed his mind about you and was lying, which is not his behavior, he'll keep coming up with excuses to never do so. Otherwise, other than a possible one time schedule conflict, he'll be sure to go out with you again. talk to him, thats the key to finding the answer to your question.

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Say a couple had one daughter and put their remaining frozen embryo in the care of that daughter, for when they pass on. So now the daughter becomes an orphan, and wants a sibling, so when she is of age, impregnates herself with her biological sibling, and later gives birth to them. Is this legal? It sounds interesting but kinda f'd up altogether. Your sister would be your mother, and your parents could have died long before you were implanted in your mom-sister's uterus.

Is this for a report for school? It's a very interesting thought. I have no idea if it has ever happened before. If you really want the scoop, if no names need to be passed on, I am sure calling an IVF clinic and asking your question will get you an instant answer if they've seen such a scenerio occur there before or not.

I am guessing this is just the imagination rambling on, wondering. It would make a good plot for a book though.
If you are totally serious and this IS your situation, check with a clinic and if they aren't sure, get a lawyer to check things out for you.

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As well as my siblings. It saddens me, because if I were to visit that part of Africa, people would not only have difficulty understanding my version of English, but I wouldn't even be able to communicate in the local dialect. The little I know I learned from my grandparents, especially one of my grandmothers. I am grateful for that but it strikes me as odd my parents, all these years, preferred instead to use their local dialect as simply a way to communicate secrets with each other, that my siblings and I would not be able to detect. I am envious of families that speak a second language at home, or flow between various languages.

I did Spanish at school, but as I had no place to practice it, I could never become fluent. I am trying to learn French now, another language my parents both speak pretty fluently, and my mom, a former french teacher even, thinks it's useless for me to make the endeavor because I have difficulty learning it, so it's impossible, when any language is difficult when you don't start it at an early age. The most fluent I have ever been in French was when I went to a school in that particular african country at age 5, but after leaving, my developing knowledge left, as my parents decided to solely speak in english with my siblings and I. the country of my ancestry speaks far more french than english, and if i were to visit one day, i wouldn't just want to be seen as an ignorant american, and have difficulty getting around.

it's very sad to me that my parents preferred to put my siblings and I in that position. like.. my parents don't view french in a good way, because they feel some prejudice towards french speakers, because of a discriminatory way they apparently treat/treated english speakers, but french is one of the practical realities of that country. most people speak french over english.. and it would be easier to learn 2 languages than hundreds, if not thousands, of regional dialects. i mainly grew up in america, where spanish is pushed on kids from a young age, so when i tried to learn french again, in middle school, i found it easier to just do spanish, and the general consensus was that spanish would be more useful in a future america, but i wish my parents had the foresight to correct me on that. i'm far more likely to go to a french speaking country than spanish speaking country.

right now, i'm currently using the duo lingo app and interjecting french phrases into my daily life. i don't do it as often as i can, a little bit each day, but i partially still feel defeated. that gets in the way of me using the app. i try speaking a little french to my mom and she just belittles me, like asking why i'm doing it, and there's no place for french in america. it's like she doesn't want to acknowledge how her knowledge of multiple languages has benefited her, like with employment, for example, it's a plus. after all my years of decent grades in spanish, i am still not fluent. i only understand bit words here and there. and my dad.. even the time we went to france he was like.. french people at the airports speak english, so i'm not even going to practice my french. it's just like.. come on.

i mean coming back to my mom, my mom has this big love affair with indian stereotypes, and it really creeps me out. she tells people "live in a town with lots of indians" and then when indians in a particular town didn't treat me as equally as i treated them, she just said "that's just how indians are" even though we once went to an indian friend of hers' party, and in the previous town we lived in, i had plenty of indian and asian friends in general. another time, she called me from my room to show some results at a school showing asian students to have done the best in particular standardized tests. many indian people i know can speak their ancestral language, so if she wanted us to feel more connected with our culture, why did she and my father not even attempt? she finds it weird when i ask questions about historical aspects of our culture, but just expects me to eat the food and occasionally wear traditional outfits, without thinking of anything else? she has even belittled my dad's ancestral link to royals of his area, when she herself is also related to separate royals, but only considers her link legitimate. i mean.. the country is developing.. you can't just look down on the country, or a person, til it's rich and/or successful. people have to believe in it and have self worth for it to even grow in the first place. that's true worldwide.

back to my ancestral language, i'm saying that i literally didn't even know how to say "hello" til that one grandmother of mine told me. when i visit africa i want to join in conversations, as i still have many relatives there, but i cannot truly, unfortunately. and that can also be dangerous. i may look similar to others, but i don't really blend in, when i speak. anyways, my mom even says things like that americans are more lazy, african-americans are more lazy, etc. when african-american women are the most college educated group in America. I tell her this and she's silent. she also doesn't know a lot about american history about how things came to be. yes, people have way more opportunities nowadays, but you can't neglect problems from their source. i guess i have a different mindset on my parents about life in america in general. i hate how it's so "racial" and "stereotypically focused". my parents claim to believe some stereotypes, like my mom with asians, lesser so my dad, but then she talks about some racist incidents that have happened to her.. and i'm like... that's why stereotyping is bad. there are no "good" stereotypes, the whole concept behind stereotyping people with relation to their ethnic group, gender, etc. is wrongful, period.

but my parents prefer america to europe cause they can get big homes and they feel people are friendlier, but i feel the complete opposite. i'd rather live in a one bedroom apartment in london than a mega mansion in mississippi, if i had the option. and when you aren't privy to stereotypes and what not, as a minority, you tend to be ostracized. that was my experience, growing up in america. it was relatively easy during my youth, around elementary school, but after that, it was a downward slide. i feel people in europe, particularly places like england, are way more open-minded, and view people as individuals, and it's represented by the media. as a teenager, i mainly watched british shows because i felt like they were showing real people. american shows... there was a set way for a particular ethnic group to act, and it was beyond cringe-worthy. even africans i've known have been way more open-minded than americans, in general, and as america is such a diverse country, that is strange to me. it's like a lot of people can't learn from america's history to be nonjudgmental and open to people who don't fit "boxes". no, i don't approach americans thinking that way, i'm speaking from experience from people i know. i tend to flock and feel more home among other immigrants, who tend to have a fresher perspective on humanity in general. not with preference from anywhere, better traveled people just tend to see me for me, and not dislike me because they don't understand me, like sooo many do. it hurt more growing up, especially as a teenager, my goodness, i felt so very isolated, and as a young adult i'm still in the process of fixing my self confidence and regaining the purity of how i saw the world as a young child.

sorry for this rant. i haven't been to england in some time. i'd love to visit again and see if things are as my parents said, or if things really have changed. don't get me wrong, i know england had and has its own hurdles, but i just want to know where i'll personally feel the most comfortable. i've been to new york.. and it's interesting, i've been to paris, and it's beautiful, even "poor" and "third world" countries I've visited have had beautiful landscapes and people, but no place has captivated as much as london. maybe part of that is personal bias, being from there, but that is what i feel. it's a very intellectually stimulating place. i'm no anglophile or anything, i just want a comfortable existence, with open minded people, if you get what i'm saying. i like how london can be cosmopolitan, with many different cultures, but still have intrinsic aspects of british culture. i mean, when i cook, i don't cook straight african food or italian food, or whatever. i do a kind of fushion. i feel london blends more than new york.

sorry for how rambling-y this whole text appears, i guess i just have third culture kid problems. i've read and found solace in books about third culture kids, but haven't found anything on my particular situation.

coming back to the language issue.. it's like.. if my parents had a problem with us being american they would have taught us their languages, or had us schooled in africa, and they could have afforded to, but chose not to. i don't even feel 'american' or whatever. i know my concrete ancestry, and my nationalities, but i just feel like a person of the world, absorbing everywhere i go. maybe what i'm feeling is something i'll have to pass on to my own kids one day, though i'd rather grow them up in one city than move around a lot like my family did, and just have them visit places than totally relocate, but i just wish my parents equipped me with more of a foundation about such difficulties that have affected me as i've grown. i wish there weren't so many misunderstandings between us, and taking things on a larger scale, that i could enjoy my privileged existence in america better.

you can be rest assured that if i won the lottery, i'd hire someone to teach me to be fluent in both reading and speaking my ancestral language, as well as french, but until then, all i can do is do free duolinguo french courses.

I have the same feelings of loss. My parents both spoke German and immigrated to the US.

In my case, I think it was maybe laziness, or not being able to be a visionary, looking into the future, seeing 2 languages as a plus in the job world. When I was growing up as a child, there werent as great the numbers of immigrants from so many countries as there is now so in their defense, a 2nd language didn't look as such an important need or asset either.

I was the first child. Dad spoke english now that he was working but mom stayed home with me and knew no English so she spoke German to me. Then when I was about to enter Kindergarten, they realized they had to teach me English so I could do well in school.
I was attending school having only maybe half the language known in English and the rest in German for that first year. Mom stopped speaking German to me when sis came along realizing this child would also need English to get along in the U.S. where they now lived. It got easier for them once Mom learned English to just stick with speaking only that, rather than taking the time to repeat everything they said in two languages. the only time I heard spoken was when they had friends over who were of German heritage and they spoke it together. As a result it was hard for us kids to understand. It being my first language, enough stuck so I could understand what they said, just had only a handful of words. Every other summer, a Grandma from germany would come to spend the entire summer vacation from school with her 4 grandkids in the US. Mom was the only one of her family to come to US, all relatives were in the other country. I could understand my 'Oma' grandma and actually speak with her. From the years of her visits where we were forced to communicate with her in German , we actually learned to memorize more words. Mom and Oma are long passed on but at least my siblings and I have a unique bond over the few German words we recall and speak the few words we remember as we try to duplicate the accent and laugh ourselves silly with good memories. Maybe there's not much you can do to change your situation either except to treasure the little you know, like myself. I do know if I had moved to Germany to live for a year or two, I would have picked the language right up. So if there is any way for you to go to live with relatives in Africa for a year or two, do it. The longer you wait, the harder it will be. If you are still single, take a couple years to go live there, work there, go to school there and being forced to hear it and speak it you will learn, taking a language class there will help you as you get to practice what you get in class each day. You said you have relatives there and have visited. In my case, my family didnt visit..too expensive. Mom took a couple of visits alone there. So I have no connection to anyone there anymore. Even if this sounds outragous, or impractical, you'd be doing it for you, for your own happiness. You have a better chance at this than people like me. once grandma died, mom didn't keep in touch with her other relatives and I lacked people I could go stay with for a while if I wanted after high school. Follow your heart dear and indulge yourself. this may be just the beginning, a gate that opens a future to you that you may not have had otherwise. Good luck

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to make and maintain friendships?

My own guesses are that it could be a battle between both our minds. Our logical/awake mind desires the social interaction but our subconscious mind has illogical fears that hold us back. To understand what I just said, better, its important to understand the subconscious mind better. I can't say what a psych class will teach, I never took any, but I can share only from my experience with my own subconscious mind.
One truth though is that the subconscious mind runs a lot of things for you, like a program running in the background on your computer. It is what makes sure you take your next breath or that your eyes blink and when busy concentrating on something, helps navigate you from point A to B without you recalling how you got there. The subconscious mind is also where our emotions emanate from, all of them. not just happiness but sadness, anger, fear.

So heres where my take on it comes in. Throughout childhood, I would talk to myself, as if I was talking to another person. It wasn't until I met my 2nd husband who had done a lot of book studies that i came to understand how much my subconscious is like an entirely other side to me, like having two totally unique personalitss sharing space in one body. Once I realized how important it was for my subconscious mind to be working with me towards the same goals and not inadvertantly doing the opposite due to irrational fears that come up, I began to have more serious talk with it. Its mostly me in conscious mind doing all the talking now. An example. I fear going to the dentist and yet never had any real bad experience. I remember once telling myself 'you don't have to be scared yet, the appt is tomorrow' and on the day, 'you don't have to be scared yet, you only driving there, followed by, "you don't have to be scared yet cus its just xrays at this point' until the moment came where he started working on my teeth and I had not left my subconscious enough time to drum up an out of control fear. I might feel tense at times but not fearful. Some might call it giving yourself a pep talk, or something like that. I also see my subconscious as what people refer to as their inner child.
Now think of what a real child is like regarding how they interpret their world around them as far as everyone being happy and all going honky dory.
So the parents are having a disagreement, voices raised as they work to a compromise but the child hears and thinks the parents are getting a divorce.
My subconscious is looking out for my best interests. If once, someone robbed me while I was asleep in my house cus a window was left open, I would now be fearful to go to bed without a routine of checking all doors and windows twice, something I never did before but my subconscious wants me to be safe and so will create this fear to remind me to do things to stay safe.
Of course my subconscious and I suppose then those of other people are not always logical. There can be a fear of something that has never happened. Here's how it relates to relationships. Afraid to talk to someone to make a new friend or afraid to approach the person we are attracted to and want to date, sometimes simply afraid to chat with a neighbor, all of this comes from fears of rejection or what we may have interpreted as rejection. And it's all due to improper cognitive skills, meaning we have stinking thinking. Our thoughts tend to dwell more often on the negative than the positive, me included. Even though I know it happens, that doesn't stop it from popping into my mind, but I have learn to stop it right away, end the thought and not dwell on it. That is a very important move. Why? Because the more we dwell on something, whether good or something bad, our childish subconscious interprets that thought or thing as something that is important to us because we dwell on it so much, and thinks that must mean that we want or desire it so it will do everything it can while running in the background, to influence our behavior, and actions to make those thoughts (dreams) come true. This is when a person who others originally thought was an interesting person they might like to get to know, starts to exhibit odd behavior or treats others in a downgrading manner so no one wants to be around them anymore. Now their fears that nobody likes them, have come true. This is why it is so hard, Mentally, we are our own worst enemy.

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How is it not hypocritical for Viagra to be accepted by the Catholic Church? And other sexually related questions.

I'm currently taking confirmation classes, and it's a topic that troubles me, because I currently fail to see the logic behind the unquestioned acceptance of Viagra. My priest said something along the lines of that Viagra aids a married man with his natural biologic function, but how is a man's natural impotence, as he ages, any different from menopause women experience as they also age? If God doesn't make mistakes, then I don't see how a man using Viagra as he ages, to counteract a natural process, would be so "natural." I'm not saying I personally think Viagra is necessarily wrong, I'm just saying the current message I'm getting from the Catholic Church on related matters just appears to be hypocritical.

My priest said IVF is condemned because it involves essentially aborting "undesired" embryos, but what if a couple only decided to save the number of embryos they were planning to use? For example, a couple could save 4 embryos, and then attempt to have 4 children, instead of creating 4 embryos and only picking the one "good" one.

I also asked my priest if the Catholic Church views abortion as worse than birth control, citing studies that the vast majority of Catholic women use some form of contraception other than NFP, and his main arguments were that just because many women do it, doesn't make it right, which is fair, but also essentially equated the birth control pill to abortion, by saying when a woman skips a day, she is told to "just take 2 the next day". Personally, I'm no expert on the birth control pill, as I've only taken them pretty long ago, as a pre-teen, for regulating my period, but from the information I can gather on the internet, my priest's latter statement does not appear to be accurate. A human is not a human until it is an embryo (women aren't having miscarriages each month they have their period), and contraceptives like the birth control pill and condoms prevent sperm from reaching the egg, so what harm is being done? What child is being impacted? What sin is taking place if sex is taking place in a marriage acknowledged by the Catholic Church? Doesn't the Catholic Church view sex as both procreative and unifying for married couples? As far as I know, infertile couples aren't banned from taking part in the activity. Seeing as abstinence is the only contraceptive method with a 100% success rate, couples would technically still be open to life, even if they used contraceptives like birth control pills and condoms. I mean, miracles also sometimes happen to people rendered as "infertile".

Another related thing I take issue with is how consummation and sex in general is a requirement of marriage. What if a couple satisfy every other requirement of marriage, but are both asexual? Or have permanent disabilities that make such activity impossible? Are such people not fit for marriage, in the eyes of the Catholic Church? Is love really love if it wanes due to the lack of sexual activity?

I thank you in advance for your help!

Hon, I know the Catholic Church has it's own take on what is okay regarding sex, birth control and anything related to mens or womens genital issues. So do most all other Christian type churches. Each has it's own interpretations of what the bible says, and presume to know whats best on issues the bible doesn't mention or they sadly misinterpret what God meant for us. this is gonna be extremely long, I will share what I know, what I believe, and some of the terrible things I've witnessed in the church regarding sexual matters.

Lets see if I can explain a few of the birth controls and how the church might react to them.
The pill is most common so I'll start there. When a female becomes pregnant, the point at which a fertilized egg attaches to her uteran wall, a certain hormone is released into her body that signals many things, one being that no more eggs need to be released for the next 9 months as she is already pregnant. the pill simulates those hormones in the female body so no egg is released, meaning she can't become pregnant for there is no egg for the sperm to swim to.
The argument in this case is not that you are killing or aborting a life at a very early stage but preventing instead which is interfering with God wanting you to have children. Heck this world is so overpopulated that it wouldn't matter if a few of us had no children or only 1 child.
There are other hormones based contraceptives, like the shot, or a patch worn on the skin, etc.

I think the one that got the most controversial attention might be the copper IUD, called Paragard. It is something inserted into the womb and taken out when you are ready to have children. Lasts about 10 yrs. This does not use hormones. So how does it prevent pregnancy, by making the lining of the uterus inhospitable for the fertilized egg so it can not attach to the uterus wall, like being too slippery I heard it said once. And the egg can not begin to start growing into a baby until it is attached to the mother where it will get it's nourishment and protection. The arguments here on one side is that preventing a fertilized egg from attaching to the uterus is a way of aborting it and the argument is that it is already a baby. On the other side, they argue that its not a baby until it can attach so if that part can be prevented, then it is a good source of birth control.

Before modern birth control, there were some women who learned what herbs could achieve the same thing as copper does for birth control, making the lining such as the egg could not attach and result in a pregnancy. This was common knowledge in the world, each area perhaps having it's own type of plant that had the same effect. The only one I know of today that is still in use by a very small percentage of women keen on using everything natural and herbal for health and such, is Daucus Carota, known as wild carrot or the plant from which our future carrots we know of today come from. Daucus Carota used to be popular in gardens as a flower known as Queen Anne's Lace. I have only seen it growing wild and naturalized in abandoned lots, fields or out of the way places in city, like a weed, much like a lawn taken over by dandelion only it the Queen Annes Lace's. Its hard to find but I once found one website that explains using it as birth control. Basically you drink a tea made from the blossoms or from the seeds and drink it hours before having sex, or if you forget, in the morning when you awake from sex the night before. It is hard and expensive to get in the large quantities needed to supply yourself for a number of months let alone a year unless say you only had sex once a month. Back then, women shared knowledge of this contraceptive as a secret among themselves and the men rarely knew much about it. Women not having the conveniences of modern times would find it extremely a hard life to have all her children one year or less, apart and several in diapers, or the equivalent, at the same time. It was also a smart move provisional wise. In times when people survived off what food they raised, and there were no groceries, in lean years, with too many mouths to feed, people actually died of starvation or illnesses due to malnutrition.
So long ago, woman took a role in personal decisions as to when they were ready to have a child, with out having to give up having sex with their husband.

As a teen I was attending an Assemblies of God church. I got married in one and saw many couples our age get married there. The church had issues with Christian girls dressing in a way that might arouse the boys. So they had to dress extremely conservative. Had to wear t shirts over their bathing suit. Which was stupid as it hid the bare skin but not their shape or the nipples. It wasn't okay to hold hands or kiss as that would be a temptation to the boys too. I thought it was stupid as the males, no matter what their beliefs, especially when young teens can get erections whether a girl was around or not, its part of how life goes for them at that age, thats what their bodys do. I remember my daughter going on a teen crusade to New Orleans to share the Gospel on the streets. She came back totally disillusioned with how paranoid and idiotic their rules were. They were told if a leader shouted out the phrase 'ground check' they were to avert their eyes to stare at the ground as if looking for something because there was something in the immediate area that they deemed of a sexual nature that might arouse the teens. She instead would look around to discover what they considered sexual, once it was a tshirt was a joke on it, another it was a statue of a nude in the park. She also witnessed a 15 yr old girl breakdown and have a mental melt down when a random man whistled at her as the teens passed by. She began to cry and shake in terror because a man had 'whistled' at her. They had to abort plans because it took a long time to console her. I have seen many other people messed up sexually because they were so impressionable, even into their twenties. I know an adult woman from church. She and her husband had sex in high school and throughout the years before they married. Some time after they became Christians and when she learned that sex before marriage was a sin, she couldn't forgive herself for having had sex beforehand, and she immediately became ill with stomach issues, and as the years went by, more illnesses of the gut, intestinal ones to where she began to look like a wasted away body of a person dying from cancer. I saw a gal at her own wedding never having kissed her fiancee or even held hands or touch in any way have a melt down at her wedding. she became so terrified of the upcoming kiss that she fainted. A couple months later we heard they split and the marriage was annuled because they both were too terrified of having sex, some fear that they might become sinful creatures lured into very dark things by having sex with each other. It is a very sad thing that the views of a church, which should be a place people go to have a better life is something instead that distorts their life when it comes to anything sexual. Many attend and totally ignore anything they hear of sexual nature from the pulpit. Others find a church where others like themselves can go where people still love Jesus and Holy Spirit but are more open minded, accepting of all gender types, for example gay churches or churches where there is a mix of both gay and hetero.
I am glad that you have issues and are not blindly believing what you hear. Just because some one has studied and has a degree or becuase they are an adult doesnt mean they are on the right track as far as God is concerned.
I found a way to make it simple for me. If something bothered me, I had issues or questions about it, I would ask God, especially if it was something that might affect my life then or later. God would always answer me. I would also check in with Him so to speak asking if He was stilled pleased with how I was doing and growing as a believer. When it comes to belief, religion, faith, I don't believe that the "one size fits all" applies here. Ones spiritual path is a private thing, uniquely different from the path God may have your best friend on. Why then does the church try to set rules and a way of life, even in sexual matters that are a one size fits all type of thinking? Wild guess, fear of loss of control of the people, if they all were to rely on a direct line of communication with God and learned how to get instruction 'from the Horse's mouth' so to speak, then the CHristian faith would be out of business. I know it sounds awful but I have seen it run more like a business and how moves or promotions will be good for the strength of church leadership and bringing more numbers of people in for their tithes not for their spiritual health. Another reason why church leaders can not presume to know what is best for you and make rules you should obey, I have found that God's truth to any of his children that ask will be personalize just for them. Is is often catered to where they are at in their spiritual maturity. Looking back at my journals, I can see what God said to me in the past, using speech, language and words I could relate to then or believed to be true, but ever so slowly leading me in a different direction that was more true. That is what I know you are ready to do as you have so many things you find issue with already or find hypocritical, things that just don't add up. Not knocking the church. there is much good there but we're expected to swallow the whole ball of wax and I'm not buying it. I have found more loving spiritual happy well adjusted people outside of the church than in it who are living their lives by Jesus principles, not church doctrine. And get this, they have more success with healing when they pray for people than I ever saw in the church. If what a particular church is teaching is hindering rather than helping, there is no purpose to being part of that unless you like spinning your wheels in place and going nowhere or worse, going backward.

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For starters im a 14 year old girl and my physical body is a female one. I feel like I'm in a male mindset but I have no desire to change my body. I want to be a boy but I want my girl body. Is there a word for this or am I just weird? I know that you can be bisexual and like men and women (Im bisexual by the way if that changes anything) but can you be big ended where you just dont have a gender or you're a mix of both? I'm not sure how to explain how I feel and can't talk to anyone because my friends wouldn't understand because they're all heterosexual and comfortable in their bodies and I don't think that I can talk to my parents because I'd likely be told "God made you this way for a reason" (which is my mothers response whenever I bring up people with tatoos or dyed hair; they act like modifications are taboo) or I'd be told "it's just a phase". I know that it's not a phase because Ive felt this way for a long time. I just don't know. Any advice to help me organize my thoughts?

I am in my 50s and at times I feel that way. There is no logical explanation for what you are feeling under the strictly Christian viewpoints and beliefs. I used to follow the Christian faith. Jesus is still real to me but I follow a more broad path of beliefs now that includes one particular thing that changed a lot for me. I did not at your age feel this way but came into it later in life.
I will explain. I am a female. During my time as a Christian, I would sometimes have a dream where I wsa the male, not a female in a female body having sex with a female, but I was the male with a female. This would disturb me to no end as only hetero sex was okay with the church. So I kept it private and told no one. I also had dreams of being a big brawny warrior type male having to defend my family and sometimes village from enemy attack and I did so with hand to hand combat, in all cases, by snapping/breaking their necks. these were repetitive dreams that caused me great guilt.
Much later in life, I came to believe in reincarnation. From what I have studied, books of many different hypnotists who could take a soul back to look at a previous life for issues they were facing in this life to solve a problem, and many discovered they were incarnated as different sexes in past lives. Each soul would have a preference for mostly one sex, I believe mine is female, but though I haven't done the hypnosis thing, I can't prove any of this for sure but I also believe I have spent lives before, a few, as a male. The soul have memories imprinted in it from past lives but we are made to forget these when born into the next one so it doesn't confuse or bother us. However, there are break through feelings, impressions, dreams or unexplainable pains as I read in one case of a past life person having a broken leg that didnt heal right after a wood carriage drove over it. In current life they and pains in the same leg that Dr.s couldn't find any cause behind it. Once it is reconciled in your subconscious mind that what you might be experiencing is something from a past life and nothing odd or weird, then you become at peace with that fact and can embrace it, or as in the one of the pain in the leg. The pain went away. For me, the dreams went away once I realized it was memories from past lives as a male and once I no longer feared it, that brought me to the next step. I love being a female and having a female body. However, one day, quite by accident, meaning not intentionally, I had an experience with my husband during sex that changed things from there on out. I was on top, and we were 'doing it' when all of a sudden, I felt as if I was in an altered state, because just then, it felt as if I had a penis and was entering the husband, then it switched back and forth a couple times, confusing me. I immediately told him what I felt and he told me he felt it too, it was just as real feeling as the real thing but occurring at an energy level. If you feel this already now at this younger age, it most likely will not go away and just get stronger as you get older and have sex partners. It will be few men who will not feel threatened as a man if you told me. They may not have a close enough spiritual/energy level of sex with you. My partner and I can feel energy pass from one of us to the other. This is rare. People don't talk about it. But I believe this deep kind of connection is going to be needed by you in a male partner some day, as he feels the energy shift and feels you entering him. Perhaps for you at this age, it isn't even a sexual thing yet, just enjoying feeling like a male or even standing like one at times. I catch myself doing that very occasionally but its so obvious to me when its happening, its switches my attention off whatever else it was on to the fact that I am experiencing a very male moment. I am not into any Dom or Sub stuff so its not about that...I know the difference. As far as the male mindset goes...it's strong in me too, making me enjoy conversing with men over women. I tend to think more like a guy too so of course I get along better with them than females, never had trouble understanding what a guy means and they understand me as well cus I talk like them. I can switch at will to telling a female my birthing stories or about the latest chick flick I recommend. However I tired of that quickly. I don't find myself to be odd. In fact I quite enjoy having both genders strong in my life. However I consider my physical body as female and my spiritual body as half and half, half male half female. No one needs to agree with you or even know. Just enjoy it. And some day in the future, be patient to find the right guy who doesn't feel threatened by this aspect of you.

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it's kind of sad now, now the former and current 'popular kids' dominate social media, being so public about their lives and carefree. i go on the internet to escape that bullshit, but now it's everywhere, with sites like facebook, twitter, and instagram.

I don't do Twitter or Instagram, just Facebook. I use it as a tool to keep in touch with family, friends, and also play a few games on line to relax. Have accepted some game friends but dont like their posts. So If you aren't aware how to screen out the stuff you don't want to see on FB, here's how
Go to your home page. Select Face book friends posting that you do not like. You can keep them as FB friend but not have to see their drama, or undesirable quotes, pics and videos come onto your page. that you don't want, you can customize what you see or don't. It'll take some time but on a post lets say that shares how a friend is doing on a game you don't like to see progress reports on for example, you go click on a down arror at the top of post on right, it's very pale/hard to see but it's there. The drop down box will have 3 options for you/
1. I don't want to see this. (usually pertains to other similar posts but thats leaving it up to FB to decide then what is similar and to not post. I don't suggest this one)
2. Unfollow John (or whatever your FB friends name is. This means they will still be your friend, they can still see whatever you post and won't know you are screening out their posts. I use this when I have someone I like as a game friend but dislike all their postings so I choose this one.)
3. Hide all from “name of person/company original post came from” Example, female friends on your FB list are really into a new clothing line called Peter Pan Casual Wear and you're sick of seeing it post over and over as all the female friends post these and get the daily updates which they also repost. Clicking here screens out only posts originating from this one source.

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I grew up catholic born and raised my parents are crazy catholic. I broke their biggest rule I had sex I have been having sex for months with my boyfriend. They found out this past new years , and made me give him up. They said till he graduates (hes a year younger, I graduate this year). But until then no contact aloud no texting facebook ect. no in person contact. We talk and pass notes at school I can't seem to give him up. Do I go against my parents wishes and try to be happy or go with what they say and be miserable. Most people say oh hey you'll make it highschool relationships never last but I don't think that's true I think that as long as we both try it can work. But I cannot afford to move out so im stuck living under my parents rules. My life is a mess because I feel like I have to choose between my family and my boyfriend. help please?

I am putting a link so you can save this information and for you to read the details of explanation on the 9 points below. You are of an age where it is important to learn to think for yourself and make decisions for yourself hopefully within a safe boundary set by loving parents. But there are very few parents who handle their child growing from childhood to adulthood without major issues or problems and yes, many can botch things up. But most do what they do and say what they do because they love you and are doing the best they know how, whether it is truly the best way for you to learn or not. So keep that in mind. Here's the link:

http://www.wikihow.com/Think-for-Yourself
it

Now here are the main points from the article with my comments for you listed.

How To Think For Yourself

1. Ask questions, particularly the question "why?". In your case that question might be, why do you believe sex before marriage is wrong. Write me at my column if you want to know how to go about researching this on your own to find what explanation feels to be the truth to you.
You might ask why they forbid any contact, even on line with him. They may be thinking that with no contact, there will be a lesser chance of being tempted to have sex. I know, that reasoning may be true for some people but won't work with those truly in love.

2. "Look for selfish motives."
Most humans (90% is my guess cus it's human nature)are like sheep, unwilling to think for themselves or forge their own path, they would rather be part of a herd, following someone who has done all the figuring out for them, blindly accepting as truth, that which they are told. Problems arise when parents who have blindly accepted their beliefs without ever researching them have a teen who is beginning to think for themselves and choose to not blindly follow all they say. In your life you'll come up against many who take great offense with you if you do not blindly go along with what their plan is or beliefs are, etc... You'll have to learn how to tactfully share that 'it might be right for you but it doesnt feel right for me'. However regarding your situation, find out their reasoning regarding the year wait. Then see if there can be some kind of compromise that you all can come to, such as being able to keep in touch via phone and computer, just not in person.

3. "Stop being a people pleaser." Often, teens will just go along with what the parents say out of fear that they won't love you if you disagree, protest or as I read in a parenting article once, allow the child to make an appeal like in court, which only works if the teen has more information to present to the parent, that may change their decision. If a parent says they wont love you or disown you for going against their wishes, that would be considered 'conditional love' not unconditional. Most parents don't practice conditional love unless they were raised that way which is not right. Most parents will still love their children but not approve of their choices. And it's their choice to approve or not but love should never be withheld.

4. "Challenge yourself." As said in article, ask yourself questions. In your case perhaps it might be, what am I getting out of having sex with boyfriend. is it something I can really set aside for the time restriction given? Or will I fail to stay away from him and have sex anyways after giving my promise or agreement not to? This is important because you will show yourself to not be one who can keep a promise and that is one of the virtues a good parent tries to teach their child besides to not lie.

5. "Do the research". Don't take for granted that people know what they are talking about or whether it's even true. Some people believe that if it was printed, it's true. When people were once told by scholars that the world was flat, they just believed it. Sometimes you can't find proof that disproves a belief but you just know it in your gut and have to go with that.

6. Decide whether to speak up. People do on FB all the time regarding a photo or video that looks to be for real but is all fake and it's spelled out what to look for to see for yourself. When it's more personal like your parents, you'll have to decide whether it is worth it to say anything to them or not in attempt to get them to see things a different way, maybe your way.

7. Be humble. I use this advice myself a lot, even on here. If I don't have personal experience where I can related that I am not a know it all, but I have made the same mistakes, it builds more a kinship of having been in the same place and helps to avoid making the other person feel stupid or angry if it sounds like their judgement is found faulty by you. This way of talking can be used with parents too and I have a feeling as you become a young adult, they will still be wanting to give advice. It may be best to say something like, "You know Mom, I believed the same thing once, Then I stumbled across info that seems solid and says just the opposite. That is why I am going down a different path than you did. If you still feel I may be wrong, pray for me and God will make sure I hear."

8. Live outside your comfort zone. Boy do I know this one. I attended a very progressive church, in videos of churchs in other lands they showed people who danced with colorful banners during an upbeat worship time. Not a single soul in church did that sort of thing and I heard God tell me to do so. I realized then I had a 'fear of man', meaning fear of what other's might think of me, what reactions I'd get. I was told not to ask for permission because it was something beyond the comfort zone of all those there. God was teaching me how to overcome a fear of what anyone else in the world, including family, might think of what I believe and do. After I forced myself past the initial fears of the "what ifs" my mind imagined, it felt so freeing to be able to walk my own path, often following what I beleived God had for me, following my heart or following a gut instinct, and woman also have something called intuition they can follow.

9. 'Beware paralysis by analysis. ' I have felt this too. Its something those of us who forge our own path, doing something that perhaps isn't mentioned in book or society or religion or science as being so. You may feel you're the only one who believes this way of your family or of your friends group or of all the kids in school. Its easy to doubt yourself then. All God wants I believe is that we learn to think and believe for ourselves. Our relationship with God is a personal thing. As each of us is unique, with different needs or handicaps from life experience, we have all have our own ideas. So if you're doubting its a good idea to wait the year or not wait the year, you will need to do all the reasearch you can to allay any hesitation or fears so it is easier for you to make your decision.

Good luck dear

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