|
Why did my parents not see value in teaching me our ancestral language?
As well as my siblings. It saddens me, because if I were to visit that part of Africa, people would not only have difficulty understanding my version of English, but I wouldn't even be able to communicate in the local dialect. The little I know I learned from my grandparents, especially one of my grandmothers. I am grateful for that but it strikes me as odd my parents, all these years, preferred instead to use their local dialect as simply a way to communicate secrets with each other, that my siblings and I would not be able to detect. I am envious of families that speak a second language at home, or flow between various languages.
I did Spanish at school, but as I had no place to practice it, I could never become fluent. I am trying to learn French now, another language my parents both speak pretty fluently, and my mom, a former french teacher even, thinks it's useless for me to make the endeavor because I have difficulty learning it, so it's impossible, when any language is difficult when you don't start it at an early age. The most fluent I have ever been in French was when I went to a school in that particular african country at age 5, but after leaving, my developing knowledge left, as my parents decided to solely speak in english with my siblings and I. the country of my ancestry speaks far more french than english, and if i were to visit one day, i wouldn't just want to be seen as an ignorant american, and have difficulty getting around.
it's very sad to me that my parents preferred to put my siblings and I in that position. like.. my parents don't view french in a good way, because they feel some prejudice towards french speakers, because of a discriminatory way they apparently treat/treated english speakers, but french is one of the practical realities of that country. most people speak french over english.. and it would be easier to learn 2 languages than hundreds, if not thousands, of regional dialects. i mainly grew up in america, where spanish is pushed on kids from a young age, so when i tried to learn french again, in middle school, i found it easier to just do spanish, and the general consensus was that spanish would be more useful in a future america, but i wish my parents had the foresight to correct me on that. i'm far more likely to go to a french speaking country than spanish speaking country.
right now, i'm currently using the duo lingo app and interjecting french phrases into my daily life. i don't do it as often as i can, a little bit each day, but i partially still feel defeated. that gets in the way of me using the app. i try speaking a little french to my mom and she just belittles me, like asking why i'm doing it, and there's no place for french in america. it's like she doesn't want to acknowledge how her knowledge of multiple languages has benefited her, like with employment, for example, it's a plus. after all my years of decent grades in spanish, i am still not fluent. i only understand bit words here and there. and my dad.. even the time we went to france he was like.. french people at the airports speak english, so i'm not even going to practice my french. it's just like.. come on.
i mean coming back to my mom, my mom has this big love affair with indian stereotypes, and it really creeps me out. she tells people "live in a town with lots of indians" and then when indians in a particular town didn't treat me as equally as i treated them, she just said "that's just how indians are" even though we once went to an indian friend of hers' party, and in the previous town we lived in, i had plenty of indian and asian friends in general. another time, she called me from my room to show some results at a school showing asian students to have done the best in particular standardized tests. many indian people i know can speak their ancestral language, so if she wanted us to feel more connected with our culture, why did she and my father not even attempt? she finds it weird when i ask questions about historical aspects of our culture, but just expects me to eat the food and occasionally wear traditional outfits, without thinking of anything else? she has even belittled my dad's ancestral link to royals of his area, when she herself is also related to separate royals, but only considers her link legitimate. i mean.. the country is developing.. you can't just look down on the country, or a person, til it's rich and/or successful. people have to believe in it and have self worth for it to even grow in the first place. that's true worldwide.
back to my ancestral language, i'm saying that i literally didn't even know how to say "hello" til that one grandmother of mine told me. when i visit africa i want to join in conversations, as i still have many relatives there, but i cannot truly, unfortunately. and that can also be dangerous. i may look similar to others, but i don't really blend in, when i speak. anyways, my mom even says things like that americans are more lazy, african-americans are more lazy, etc. when african-american women are the most college educated group in America. I tell her this and she's silent. she also doesn't know a lot about american history about how things came to be. yes, people have way more opportunities nowadays, but you can't neglect problems from their source. i guess i have a different mindset on my parents about life in america in general. i hate how it's so "racial" and "stereotypically focused". my parents claim to believe some stereotypes, like my mom with asians, lesser so my dad, but then she talks about some racist incidents that have happened to her.. and i'm like... that's why stereotyping is bad. there are no "good" stereotypes, the whole concept behind stereotyping people with relation to their ethnic group, gender, etc. is wrongful, period.
but my parents prefer america to europe cause they can get big homes and they feel people are friendlier, but i feel the complete opposite. i'd rather live in a one bedroom apartment in london than a mega mansion in mississippi, if i had the option. and when you aren't privy to stereotypes and what not, as a minority, you tend to be ostracized. that was my experience, growing up in america. it was relatively easy during my youth, around elementary school, but after that, it was a downward slide. i feel people in europe, particularly places like england, are way more open-minded, and view people as individuals, and it's represented by the media. as a teenager, i mainly watched british shows because i felt like they were showing real people. american shows... there was a set way for a particular ethnic group to act, and it was beyond cringe-worthy. even africans i've known have been way more open-minded than americans, in general, and as america is such a diverse country, that is strange to me. it's like a lot of people can't learn from america's history to be nonjudgmental and open to people who don't fit "boxes". no, i don't approach americans thinking that way, i'm speaking from experience from people i know. i tend to flock and feel more home among other immigrants, who tend to have a fresher perspective on humanity in general. not with preference from anywhere, better traveled people just tend to see me for me, and not dislike me because they don't understand me, like sooo many do. it hurt more growing up, especially as a teenager, my goodness, i felt so very isolated, and as a young adult i'm still in the process of fixing my self confidence and regaining the purity of how i saw the world as a young child.
sorry for this rant. i haven't been to england in some time. i'd love to visit again and see if things are as my parents said, or if things really have changed. don't get me wrong, i know england had and has its own hurdles, but i just want to know where i'll personally feel the most comfortable. i've been to new york.. and it's interesting, i've been to paris, and it's beautiful, even "poor" and "third world" countries I've visited have had beautiful landscapes and people, but no place has captivated as much as london. maybe part of that is personal bias, being from there, but that is what i feel. it's a very intellectually stimulating place. i'm no anglophile or anything, i just want a comfortable existence, with open minded people, if you get what i'm saying. i like how london can be cosmopolitan, with many different cultures, but still have intrinsic aspects of british culture. i mean, when i cook, i don't cook straight african food or italian food, or whatever. i do a kind of fushion. i feel london blends more than new york.
sorry for how rambling-y this whole text appears, i guess i just have third culture kid problems. i've read and found solace in books about third culture kids, but haven't found anything on my particular situation.
coming back to the language issue.. it's like.. if my parents had a problem with us being american they would have taught us their languages, or had us schooled in africa, and they could have afforded to, but chose not to. i don't even feel 'american' or whatever. i know my concrete ancestry, and my nationalities, but i just feel like a person of the world, absorbing everywhere i go. maybe what i'm feeling is something i'll have to pass on to my own kids one day, though i'd rather grow them up in one city than move around a lot like my family did, and just have them visit places than totally relocate, but i just wish my parents equipped me with more of a foundation about such difficulties that have affected me as i've grown. i wish there weren't so many misunderstandings between us, and taking things on a larger scale, that i could enjoy my privileged existence in america better.
you can be rest assured that if i won the lottery, i'd hire someone to teach me to be fluent in both reading and speaking my ancestral language, as well as french, but until then, all i can do is do free duolinguo french courses.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Health & Fitness category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
I have the same feelings of loss. My parents both spoke German and immigrated to the US.
In my case, I think it was maybe laziness, or not being able to be a visionary, looking into the future, seeing 2 languages as a plus in the job world. When I was growing up as a child, there werent as great the numbers of immigrants from so many countries as there is now so in their defense, a 2nd language didn't look as such an important need or asset either.
I was the first child. Dad spoke english now that he was working but mom stayed home with me and knew no English so she spoke German to me. Then when I was about to enter Kindergarten, they realized they had to teach me English so I could do well in school.
I was attending school having only maybe half the language known in English and the rest in German for that first year. Mom stopped speaking German to me when sis came along realizing this child would also need English to get along in the U.S. where they now lived. It got easier for them once Mom learned English to just stick with speaking only that, rather than taking the time to repeat everything they said in two languages. the only time I heard spoken was when they had friends over who were of German heritage and they spoke it together. As a result it was hard for us kids to understand. It being my first language, enough stuck so I could understand what they said, just had only a handful of words. Every other summer, a Grandma from germany would come to spend the entire summer vacation from school with her 4 grandkids in the US. Mom was the only one of her family to come to US, all relatives were in the other country. I could understand my 'Oma' grandma and actually speak with her. From the years of her visits where we were forced to communicate with her in German , we actually learned to memorize more words. Mom and Oma are long passed on but at least my siblings and I have a unique bond over the few German words we recall and speak the few words we remember as we try to duplicate the accent and laugh ourselves silly with good memories. Maybe there's not much you can do to change your situation either except to treasure the little you know, like myself. I do know if I had moved to Germany to live for a year or two, I would have picked the language right up. So if there is any way for you to go to live with relatives in Africa for a year or two, do it. The longer you wait, the harder it will be. If you are still single, take a couple years to go live there, work there, go to school there and being forced to hear it and speak it you will learn, taking a language class there will help you as you get to practice what you get in class each day. You said you have relatives there and have visited. In my case, my family didnt visit..too expensive. Mom took a couple of visits alone there. So I have no connection to anyone there anymore. Even if this sounds outragous, or impractical, you'd be doing it for you, for your own happiness. You have a better chance at this than people like me. once grandma died, mom didn't keep in touch with her other relatives and I lacked people I could go stay with for a while if I wanted after high school. Follow your heart dear and indulge yourself. this may be just the beginning, a gate that opens a future to you that you may not have had otherwise. Good luck
]
More Questions: |