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if humans are naturally "social creatures" then why is it so hard
to make and maintain friendships?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
While it's in our nature to socialize with other humans around us, that doesn't mean that we are always the most extroverted and out going person ever! I'm also shy/introverted and while it's okay to not be the most outgoing person... we must still socialize and interact with people on a daily basis. Just being yourself and being kind to people will help you to build and maintain good and genuine friendships! Hoped that I could help. Don't be afraid to embrace who you are!
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One of my studies revolved in something that may answer your question considerably.
Have you ever heard of the term "Perpetual Doubt?"
The social construct which we refer to as "TRUST" has always been a half-cracked walnut.
Almost everyone can say "I trust X with all my heart and mind."
And a lot may say "I trusted YOU with everything."
But no one can prove it.
Would you let someone aim a knife at you from 20 meters and trust that person completely? And by completely, I mean you would smile and believe that he won't hurt you. Totally? Zero chance of doubt?
TRUST is just diplomatic way of saying "I am giving you something and you should take care of it, or else."
With this being said, I am not eliminating the idea of "socialising" where in one can do everything hence a one-man-island.
Humans, no matter how much they hate to admit it, have their own functions in society. No different from a colony of ants, or a beehive.
It is hard to maintain friendship, and it is hard to start one, because we, no matter how technologically evolved we may be, have the primal fear of the unknown. This innate feeling is what I refer to as "perpetual doubt."
The solution is simple. We all know we doubt each other in one way or more, and the other party will have the same feeling, so we must ask ourselves to weigh things appropriately. We must ask questions instead of assuming answers, and we must forget the idea that we have the right to speculate on other people's thoughts, feelings or emotion.
Good luck.
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This isnt as hard as it seems to me at least.
Friendship is a two way street. Both parties have to start out usually with a common interest. The more interests the better.
Secondly both parties have to be able to put up with one another and be compatible. when i say this i mean be at LEAST ok enough with each other that when you dont agree on everything its OK and you can just let it go and respect the person for their beliefs and vis versa.
It doesnt have to be hard unless your over analyzing it and reading too much into what people are saying when you have interactions with them.
The idea of friends exists because when you dont want to talk to JUST you family, youve got others to turn to for support. family love isnt always "unconditional" sadly. Friends can be though and if you find GOOD friends they will love you through almost anything your going through.
I dont know how you handle social interactions for for me, i take what someone does and says at face value. A sort of "ill believe it when i see it but thank you for saying that" kind of thing. Its safe, and your still being nice without putting "all your eggs in one basket".
People who have "lots of friends" is a whole other ball of wax, because some of those friends they might not even be that close to and merely KNOW THEM from school or camp or some other place and made a momentary connection and just still occasionally talk, realizing that they are cool with each other but just dont quite have the spark to persue a deeper friendship and really theres nothing wrong with that. Your not going to have deep, good friendships with EVERY SINGLE person you run into in this life and thats just how it is.
You can make and maintain friends almost instantly though by just being nice, letting them talk or "tell their story" (((cause alot of times people just wanna feel like they are being heard))) and being supportive. They will most likely do the same in return and thats all it takes!
i hope i explained that ok.
good luck ; )
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My own guesses are that it could be a battle between both our minds. Our logical/awake mind desires the social interaction but our subconscious mind has illogical fears that hold us back. To understand what I just said, better, its important to understand the subconscious mind better. I can't say what a psych class will teach, I never took any, but I can share only from my experience with my own subconscious mind.
One truth though is that the subconscious mind runs a lot of things for you, like a program running in the background on your computer. It is what makes sure you take your next breath or that your eyes blink and when busy concentrating on something, helps navigate you from point A to B without you recalling how you got there. The subconscious mind is also where our emotions emanate from, all of them. not just happiness but sadness, anger, fear.
So heres where my take on it comes in. Throughout childhood, I would talk to myself, as if I was talking to another person. It wasn't until I met my 2nd husband who had done a lot of book studies that i came to understand how much my subconscious is like an entirely other side to me, like having two totally unique personalitss sharing space in one body. Once I realized how important it was for my subconscious mind to be working with me towards the same goals and not inadvertantly doing the opposite due to irrational fears that come up, I began to have more serious talk with it. Its mostly me in conscious mind doing all the talking now. An example. I fear going to the dentist and yet never had any real bad experience. I remember once telling myself 'you don't have to be scared yet, the appt is tomorrow' and on the day, 'you don't have to be scared yet, you only driving there, followed by, "you don't have to be scared yet cus its just xrays at this point' until the moment came where he started working on my teeth and I had not left my subconscious enough time to drum up an out of control fear. I might feel tense at times but not fearful. Some might call it giving yourself a pep talk, or something like that. I also see my subconscious as what people refer to as their inner child.
Now think of what a real child is like regarding how they interpret their world around them as far as everyone being happy and all going honky dory.
So the parents are having a disagreement, voices raised as they work to a compromise but the child hears and thinks the parents are getting a divorce.
My subconscious is looking out for my best interests. If once, someone robbed me while I was asleep in my house cus a window was left open, I would now be fearful to go to bed without a routine of checking all doors and windows twice, something I never did before but my subconscious wants me to be safe and so will create this fear to remind me to do things to stay safe.
Of course my subconscious and I suppose then those of other people are not always logical. There can be a fear of something that has never happened. Here's how it relates to relationships. Afraid to talk to someone to make a new friend or afraid to approach the person we are attracted to and want to date, sometimes simply afraid to chat with a neighbor, all of this comes from fears of rejection or what we may have interpreted as rejection. And it's all due to improper cognitive skills, meaning we have stinking thinking. Our thoughts tend to dwell more often on the negative than the positive, me included. Even though I know it happens, that doesn't stop it from popping into my mind, but I have learn to stop it right away, end the thought and not dwell on it. That is a very important move. Why? Because the more we dwell on something, whether good or something bad, our childish subconscious interprets that thought or thing as something that is important to us because we dwell on it so much, and thinks that must mean that we want or desire it so it will do everything it can while running in the background, to influence our behavior, and actions to make those thoughts (dreams) come true. This is when a person who others originally thought was an interesting person they might like to get to know, starts to exhibit odd behavior or treats others in a downgrading manner so no one wants to be around them anymore. Now their fears that nobody likes them, have come true. This is why it is so hard, Mentally, we are our own worst enemy.
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