In life, we choose to believe what we want to believe, and choose to see what we want to see.
In my life, I chose to see logic with the highest regard to the moral north of everything.
And I have seen the world deciding to be blind through conformity, armoured with excuses and apologies, pretending that the truth can be subjective.
I have seen and observed the decline of humanity and the devolution of ethics.
Member Since: January 14, 2015
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Last Update: February 8, 2015
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So this girl, lets just call her c. We've been friends for a long time, and she knows i really, really like her, but she's dating someone else. I feel like ever since she started dating another guy, I feel like my love for her is poison to our friendship, and we are drifting apart. I don't want to lose her, but I don't want to hurt her feelings either. I love her, but the more I love her, the harder it is for our relationship to work out. Then, there is another girl I'm good friends with, I recently just met her. lets call her k. K likes me, I can tell, and I think I like her too, but my feelings with c are holding me back from k. I don't ever want to hurt k's feelings, and i feel like i am making k like me more without meaning to. Even if kate and I worked out, it would be an online relationship, like instagram and skype you know, and C and I live next door from eachother :( I just need help, please, from a girl. someone who is good with this stuff... (link)
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First, I would like to apologise for taking too long to reply. I had to ask several colleagues about your dilemma in order to be a able to assess the situation properly. Two head are better than one so to speak.
Just so you know, accessibility always trumps convenience. K maybe a convenient match for you since she already likes you, but you have to ask yourself if you like her back the same way?
C may be accessible but liking her the way you want to may pose a threat to your friendship, which leads to an inconvenient ending.
I know it may sound like I'm just pointing out the obvious. I do this in order to be sure that I have a real grasp of your dilemma?
So if this is the case, you are on a lose-lose situation. The chances are against you, and it will surely not end well for any of the people involved.
First question: Does C like you back? Do you see any inclination for her to be with you? I mean, beyond friendship. I say this because you might be assuming how she would feel out of fear of rejection as well.
Second question: Do you like her so much that you're willing for C to go on with her life and just wait for your time if ever it would come? One of my colleagues did it and mind you, she is still waiting. She said that the trick is, "Contentment."
Last question: If K is accessible, do you think you'd be happier? Distance may pose several problems, but sometimes, we blow things out of proportion in order to lead ourselves to follow what we want to follow.
Assess your situation properly first. When you finally get a handle on your situation, you WILL be able to decide properly.
Never decide based on emotions, because if you do, you're just relying on your animalistic instinctive nature. And usually, it leads to catastrophe.
Rely on proper non-prejudicial and unbiased logic.
I am guessing that by the end of your logical assessment, you would actually ask yourself why it became a problem. Why do I know this? We usually look at the outside world and give too much importance to it that we forget about our own value.
Please consider this first.
I hope you make the right choice, or not make any choices at all.
Good luck.
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Hello,
My boyfriend and I are 17 and 18 years old. We started a long distance relationship a little over six months ago. Back then, I was still a virgin and he knew that. However, a few months ago I cheated on him and lost my virginity to a guy I honestly had no feelings for. I was completely aware of what I was doing and I did it because I really just wanted to get it over with. I made sure there were no feelings attached. Now, the guy still chases after me, but I want no business with him, or any other guy rather than my boyfriend. I love him to death and really have no trouble remaining faithful. I realized it wasn't worth it and he's truly the only guy I ever want to be with. However, I know that he'll want to break up with me and his heart will be completely shattered if he knows. He keeps talking about how magical he wants my first time to be once we finally see each other again. And I believe it will be magical because it'll be with him. I don't want to lose him, but I do think he needs to know. I also don't think it's any conversation to have via phone/text/video. A close friend told me not to say anything '"cause there's no point". I know if we were in the same time zone it'd be easier to confess and try to win his trust back, but I have a serious disadvantage by not being able to daily demonstrate my true feelings towards him. I've thought of telling him in the far future, once we're living together, but I don't know how he'll feel about it after such a long time...
Also, I'm actually kind of glad I did it only because it was extremely painful, and he wasn't the one who caused that terrible experience. The guy was gentle, so it would've been bad either way. Should I tell him when we finally meet again? If so, should I do it as soon as possible, or do I give it some time? If I do choose to tell him, I know I probably shouldn't have sex with him until he's known, but I'm terribly scared of ruining the possibility of a future with him.
I'd appreciate any thoughts and advice,
Thank you. (link)
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I'm really sorry for the late response.
I spoke to several people who had the same situation. I also spoke to the people who have been on the receiving end. As you may have read in my previous advice, solutions are always based on logical thinking. And, I am only here in order to guide people to assess situations properly. I will never tell people what to do.
Another thing that you should know is that, I am very straightforward. I am not here to make people feel better. I am here to guide people to get over problems. So if you're ready for the painful truth and want to move on from this situation, read on.
That being said, let's talk about your dilemma.
I want you to understand that the value of "virginity" would only depend on how people would see it. Some culture would give high importance to it like a gift, to some cultures, it is just something to hold them back from giving in to primal sexual urges. And from what you wrote, you are confused about its importance. You have given it to someone casually, but value so much that you think it should be a gift to your special guy. You have to really reflect on how you value it because from how it looks like, it is not about virginity. I would say that you are bothered because of the actions of infidelity.
Mind you, your reason of it hurting with the act and you not wanting your special guy to be the one to share your terrible experience with is just your rationalisation in order to feel better. Love, as I would want to point it out, entails sacrifice, and mutual acceptance. Do you actually feel better when you think about it that the reason why you did it is just because you wanted to get it over with and that you didn't want to share the terribly painful experience with your special guy? You have to ask yourself if you're just making this as your excuse in order to feel better. Most people would try to wash their hands over a matter than can bother them causing sleepless nights.
People would also say, "I just didn't tell you because it's not the right time." The truth of the matter is that, it is just a lie covered in a velvet glove. Regardless, prolonging to tell him the truth is just another way of lying. So please, be mindful of this.
When you did the act of infidelity, you were aware that you were making a mistake, and yet, you still went through with it. At that given time, you know too well about the consequences that would come after. Don't get me wrong, I am not bashing you. I want you to realise that you are just acting according to your normal human impulse. Morally though, if you believe in morality, the act was wrong. The whole idea is wrong. And, no matter how we try to hide it with words, the truth will still dictate that it is wrong.
On the plus side, your friend is right by saying that silence would be helpful in the situation because there is no point of telling your special guy. Let me just tweak that up a bit.
Silence will help the situation because as long as he doesn't know, I don't think he would have the reason to go against you.
Given the factoid that right off the bat, mathematically, 50% or successful relationships are based on lies. But, consider that there is a point to it. The point is simple. Can you handle a relationship based on a lie? not just any lie, it is you who would lie.
Of the several people i've talked to who had similar situations, the case of infidelity came down to the following conclusions:
1. The guy left because infidelity is a big thing.
2. The friends of the women who committed the act of infidelity called those guys who left cowards, and egotistic. (They also believed that there was nothing wrong with what their friends did because guys do it all the time.
3. The guy stayed saying "Love conquers all." (Number of that? 2 out of 97 respondents)
4. The guy needed some time, used the infidelity against the girl, which led to the increased number of domestic violence.
5. The guy stayed and was considered a martyr. (Most women who had this scenario left the guy because of a bothered conscience)
Those are the more significant outcomes of telling a guy about infidelity.
My take on it? Please accept the fact that what you did will change your life forever. You can't hide anymore. You may be able to hide it from everyone else, but not to yourself. And if you would let it eat you from within, it may lead to depression.
Again, you were aware of what happened and you gave consent to it. Therefore, you are aware of the consequences.
Hopefully, you'd be able to assess your situation more. And I do hope that with what I said, you would do the right thing.
Thank you. And, Good luck.
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This guy likes me and keeps talking to me and I want to make sure I'm not accidently flirting with him. Can you tell what not to do? Thanks (link)
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I am trying to understand what you're saying. You didn't leave me much to go on with so, allow me some... for lack of better words... levity.
I believe that flirtation is actually a two way process. Although some may note that "flirting" can be categorised as straightforward, others may do it subconsciously, and still some... subliminally.
You have to ask yourself some priority questions:
- Has anyone referred to you as flirtatious? (If you have been referred to as one, then I would recommend that you choose your words, both verbal or via body language, carefully.
- Has anyone gotten wrong signals from you? (If yes, then I would suggest that straightforward messages, untainted antics, and formal behaviour should be applied at all times, especially with this particular person.
- Do you find gratification when someone you like refers to you as flirtatious? (Subtle flirtation can actually drive people to get self-gratification. I mean no offence with this question, but you really have to ask yourself this.
- Do you consider yourself a "natural flirt?" (I always tell people to check themselves first being the better judge of themselves.
Although I strongly believe that in order for things to be factual, the truth should be unbiased, we as humans should always understand that "Right and Wrong" is subjected according to how a person sees them.
I would suggest for some time of self reflection first, and I am sure, the answer you're looking for would follow.
Back to what I was saying awhile ago, flirtation is a confusing and winding two way street. What you may consider as normal behaviour may be flirtatious to the person you're referring to, and vice versa. The only way you can be sure about this is to reflect on how you see first, and make adjustments accordingly.
The last question you should ask yourself is:
- Do I want to flirt with this person? (I added this because again, you didn't leave me much to work with, so I'm going to let you ask yourself that.)
Thank you so much for the question. And, I do hope this helps a bit.
Good luck.
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So i tried doing no contact with him for six days. On monday i saw him on my way home. I pretended as if i didnt even see him but as soon as he walked past me i stared at him from my front view mirrow For like a minute or two then i turned away. The next thing i noticed was that he turned around as stared at me as i was driving away. I finally spoke to him yesterday by text just to say hi. He told me how he was doing great without me even asking and then he ask how come he barely sees me to say hi. He then said one of these day he'll love to see me. I told him im very busy but i'll let him know when i'll be able to see him. He said ok. i just hope when i meet him he'll talk about us getting back together. Since this morning today we didnt talk and i wont text him either. I'm avoiding him again for some couple of days. (link)
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How are you doing? Honestly? I can't even start imagining it. I do hope you've manage squeeze in the realization of your worth while doing whatever it is you're doing. I can't stress this enough. You have to see that first. Everything else will follow.
I have to tell you something about what you wrote. And take it from someone who has been given the cold shoulders a lot.
It works at first. And probably after. It can go on for several times. If man's enemy is a woman's complaint, man's ultimate weakness is a woman's silence. It gives us guys somethig to think about.
I have to be upfront though with matters that you have to consider.
- If you love him and can wait for him to come back? That is your decision.
- If he doesn't, that is his decision.
- I would like you to see it positively. Listen to Rascal Flatt's "God bless the broken road." It might enlighten you a bit.
I want to remind you that you need to see your self worth. You must make this your priority. And you will find peace.
Good luck. Thank you so much again for your questions.
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Oh and we actually go to the same college also. I mean no matter what I know he's going to talk to me eventually because he told me to hold on to items Until he needs them. I really hope when he finally decides to talk to me its to talk about the relationship. Oh and by the way he's holding on to my items also until i need them. No lie i really miss him. Hope he misses me also. Sometimes i have this urge to just text or call him but i won't. It hard not talking to him but so far its been four days now and i'm actually getting use to not talking to him. I really love him and thats because he's my first and he's also my first serious relationship. Just hope he comes back to me That i'll keep praying for everyday. (link)
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I can understand the awkwardness of the situation. And I know that it won't be easy for you. Seeing the man you love everyday and trying to suppress whatever it is you feel for him in order for you to show that you respect his wishes.
But you must. You must do this not just because you respect his wish, but because you must understand that you need self-respect as well. He must see that. People take people they have for granted. It happens all the time. And the ironic part? People only see other people's worth when they're gone.
I really wish I could tell you that it's going to be easy, but that would be a lie. I really wish I could give you a metaphorical sedative of some sort.
And it's just too crappy when someone says "hope for the best, fear the worst." That doesn't make sense at all.
I will give you some sort of principle I have been practicing for the longest time. But before that, let me tell you about myself. That way, you would understand why I have embraced this principle.
I'm a single father. I have a sixteen year old son. His mom died giving birth to him. All of that happened in December, 1998. (Imagine my Holiday that year.)
Here's what I've been practicing:
Never sweat on things you can never control. Only give effort to those things that you can. Because no matter what happens, you can only be the master of what you can embrace. Everything that spills out? It isn't yours to handle.
I do hope you will find peace. Right now, you would need that more than anything else.
Thank you so much for listening.
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So basically i should just wait until he contacts me first? (link)
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Honestly? That's what I would do.
If you love him that much, I don't believe the time spent waiting for him can be considered a waste.
In the meantime, try to exhale. And if you're really feeling anxious - separation anxiety can be a big B - you can always message us here. And we'll do our best to respond.
Please value yourself more. If he loves you, your absence will show him what he is losing. And it would be a wake up call for him.
Hoping for the best.
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I just went through a breakup with my girlfriend, I am gay and I hope this doesn't throw anyone off helping me out.
The situation is she has low profile amnesia (she had an accident), and doesn't remember most of the time we dated. Just before we dated tho, she was with someone else, Let's call that person A. Now she used to tell me, how A was the love of her life, her soul mate. But a little she broke up with A, and a wait after that she asked me to be hers.
She made me fall in love with her, I really believe she's my soulmate, but now that she doesn't remember she's back to believing A is her soulmate and is really hurting me.
Should I wait it out and hope she loves me, or should I give up and try to move on, seeing how she went back to A? (link)
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I have a question for you:
She believed that you are her soulmate when you were dating correct?
After the accident, she believes that person A is her soulmate?
Accident, or no accident, amnesia or without, don't you think it's too much of a coincidence to say the same thing to two different people? (Not that I believe in coincidence.)
As I see it, she has fallen in love with the same intensity to two different people. Not that love can be quantifiable. But let's just pretend that love can be quantified. I find it sad that people can actually say they can love two different people with the same intensity.
I honestly don't want to imagine the pain that you're going through. I'm pretty sure you feel betrayed. What I admire about you is that you actually defend her by saying this was due to her amnesia.
I've always told people to move on with their lives whenever things like this happen. Why? I always tell them, "Why not?"
If we're going to equate everything, and use the probability rule? The math will tell us that no matter what we do, if it was meant to be, what's bound to happen will always hit us in the face... or the butt.
Move on - This would be healthy for you. Go out, talk to friends, and unwind. She won't remember a thing. (No pun intended)
Moving on isn't giving up. The accident did that for you.
And I believe that true love has an intensity without equal. Call it "soulmate?" You just can't say things like that to two people. If you get what I mean.
I hope this helps a bit. Good luck.
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If i'm trying to get him back. Whats do you think i should do? the reason we broke up was because he said right now he wants to live a single life but he sure hope that we'll get back together. I really love him anr I dont want to lose him. So far its been three days since we didnt talk But he has been looking at my snap stories on snapchat everyday? Will the no contact for some certain amount of days work? Help please (link)
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I'm sorry if this came a little late.
I want to understand and maybe it would help you as well to know the reason "why" you want to get him back.
I've spoken to a lot of people who have similar circumstance as you do. And they usually don't even know why they want their partners back. And, I always remind them of one particular thing:
Love is not a good enough reason. Love is actually an unknown entity and has been a sociologically accepted term as a summary of unexplained feelings towards one's partner. Not that I don't believe in it, I just believe that it often misleads people from thinking logically.
If your man's excuse for breaking up with you is "singledom," then how serious is he about this leap of faith?
Also, if he chooses this way of life, shouldn't you think about his priorities? And why you're not one of them? Shouldn't you be at the top of the list?
I admire the fact that you can see through this even if - and I'm saying this because I don't have the same patience as you do - you are technically on the losing end. It takes a lot from a person to be in your situation.
Counting the days will only make the hours, minutes, and seconds longer. I would keep myself busy if I was in your situation. And if he does come back, I'm sure you will be the one choosing if you want him still.
Please don't be blinded about what you may see. You must understand that you are your own master. And you will see things the way you want to see them. Him keeping tabs by looking at your snap stories everyday does not mean anything until he opens his mouth and say it. I know your dilemma. You are left to assume things because he isn't talking to you. It's a price you have to pay.
Regarding your last question if the no-contact for a period of time would work? It's a coin toss. It can really go either way. First, you have to understand that you can not and will never be able to control how he thinks no matter how hard you try. Unless you believe in voodoo.
I always tell people to try to see their worth. People always tend to lose it whenever they get hurt, or whenever they fall in love.
Lastly, ego is going to be your worst enemy. So don't let it control you. We are bound to get hurt, and learn from it. Not use it in the future for other people who might give us our second wind.
I hope this helps.
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Ok so me and my bf officially broke up on tuesday. We broke up because he said he wants to live a single life right now. I love him so much and i dont want to lose him. I knew we were going to break up along time ago but i just didnt want to accept it. He kept showing me signs like whenever i text or call him he sometimes takes along time to text or call me back. Sometime he just wont call me period. on tuesdat i told him that i still have feelings for him and i hope that we do get back together. He said he hope that we do get back together also. We never really had any problems in the relationship so i just dont know why he wanted to break up. His decision. I asked if when he'll want to pick up his items. He told me to hold on to them because he dont need them right now. I also told him to hold on to mine. That same tuesday he promised to also buy me a teddy bear when he gets paid. We go to the same college but i barely ever see him these days. Yesterday i saw his car around campus when i looked inside i noticed he was using my car seat cover that i gave him to keep. Idk why he's using it at all and i also noticed that now he's looking at my snapchats everyday. He never looked at then when we were together apart from the private snaps i used to send him. Its been three days now since we didnt talk. To me i was thinking maybe no contact for a while will make him really miss me and then he'll come back to me. Idk but im trying to use no contact right now for a while. I really love him and i never want to break up with him. Does it seem like he'll eventually come back? Opinions please. Thank you (link)
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Do you believe in comfort zones?
It is roughly defined as a place or situation where one feels safe or at ease and without stress.
Do you know that people often refer to this as love?
As I was reading your post, one thing caught my attention. You mentioned that you guys never had any problems in the relationship. Other people may congratulate you for that. I, on the other hand, would ask you a simple question. "Why?"
Relationships are built on tedious and endless compromises, cooperation, mutual problem solving, and mutual resolutions. (I'm not saying that these are the "ONLY" things that would make relationships work). And I am pretty sure you guys had your share of those things. But to say that you never really had problems in your relationship made me think of two things:
- You guys were comfortable with each other that you didn't want to tackle any of the problems that should've been tackled
- You guys enjoyed the comfort zone that you had and were afraid to leave it.
Mind you, I am writing about these things not to belittle your relationship with your guy, but for you to be able to reflect on things properly. I would advice you to try to think about it and reflect on the real score of the relationship first.
Please don't try to reason with yourself. People tend to create reasons why things happen. Just see them as they are. This is the first step.
Second step would be assessment. Try to ask yourself why you guys never had problems. And if you didn't have real problems, wasn't that supposed to lead to a longer relationship than a break up?
I can sense that you're a good person. And from what you say about your guy, I can sense that he's a good person too. I just want you to be sure about this and not act upon it with emotions. That way, you would be in the relationship for the right reasons.
Unless you want to spend the rest of your lives together by being nice to each other.
I hope his helps a bit. Good luck.
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Hey, so I'm a 13 year old girl... I recently went to the doctor about depression... I'm going to get two types of counciling, but she hasn't scheduled an appointment for me yet... I tried this thing where you wrap a hairband around your wrist and flick it, it was fine ... More of a distraction and I could control when I wanted to stop or start, I didn't like the fact that it left red marks on my arms though... Two of my friends cut (that I know of) and I thought that it would be an okay idea to experiment, so I cut my leg multiple times, not deep or long... Just a scrape to draw a little blood... I know I have problems, and I'm not going to do this again (despite the fact that I want to). The two friends that I've mentioned know about this, and promised not to tell anyone unless it got really serious. I feel terrible because I promised my mum that I would never self harm- and I feel ashamed and I don't want to burden her with any more problems (she already has enough to deal with), the depression was hard enough to tell her about... I just don't know whether I should tell someone and I'm scared and lost and I feel alone... I was stupid I know, but I don't know what to do... Please someone tell me what to do, and don't bother asking why I did this- that is confidentual... Thanks, lea wills xxx (link)
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I spoke to a lot of young people who have gone through the same thing. Some, even younger. First, I would like to make this perfectly clear:
- They have their own reasons, some twisted, some perfectly normal, and all of them want the reasons to remain confidential.
- They were looking to feel something when they did it. No one actually knew what it was.
- All of them failed to see what they were looking for, and were just left with ugly scars.
- All of them regret what they did, but most of them want to do it again.
When I spoke to them in their one-on-one sessions, I have found something in common. And I do hope that this part would help you find light in whatever it is you're going through.
The common thing is that they don't know whether a problem at hand is for them to solve. They get affected by it. They want to solve it. Yet they can't seem to do just that.
And I will tell you the same thing that I have told them. Problems are as common as cold. Problems will always be there. And problems will always make you feel worthless.
However, you have to understand that problems, no matter how great, will always have a solution. Always.
Most of them asked me the same question: "Then why can't I solve this problem?"
To this, I answered:
There are only two types of problems that a person cannot solve. One, is not his or her problem. The other one, is not a problem.
You have to understand that what you're going through is pretty normal, and you have the ability to beat it. The mere fact that you wrote and sought for advice makes you one of the few people who are lucky enough to think before doing anything rash. You are already halfway in understanding why you feel the way you feel.
I am hoping you would find a person that you can talk to, a friend, or a family member, or a teacher. Someone who you think can keep a secret. And someone who will be able to enlighten you more about what you're going through.
Lastly, please don't feel alone. I know that's too much for me to ask. I had my share of feeling the same thing. But remember that we're only alone because we let ourselves be alone.
You seem to be a very smart person. I know you would get what I am trying to say. And thank you so much for opening up. It's a positive step.
Good luck.
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Hi there I am a 23years old confused girl. I am in a relationship for 3.5years since I was doing my graduation. Then I got an opportunity in the most prestigious university of the country and I left my boyfriend back home and went far away in the university. My bf couldn't take it rightly. He got upset and when I used to feel lonely there and needed him to talk to me, he used to blame me and make things worst. Now I came back home for few months and he left for an remotely interior village for his job. My parents wants me to marry after getting a job. But I am waiting for a PhD in my town but it seems impossible as our county university doesn't have any professor of my field while my previous university (which is the no.1 university in country) is offering me a PhD. And now if I leave for the PhD from no.1 university i'll lose my bf's trust again as he wants me to stay with him. If I stay here with him I need to shift my dream career notion. And as per my parents wants me to prepare for civil services exams that I really don't want to sit for. I love academic line. What should I do? Please help... :-( (link)
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Sometimes, we force ourselves in corners we're not supposed to be in because we mistake love for fear of not getting everyone's approval.
This can be attributed to the innate desire to belong which has been in a sociological construct also known as "tribalism."
I would suggest you ask yourself the following questions first. And I'm pretty sure, the answer you are looking for will present itself.
- How important do you think is your study and career and how do you see it fitting your life in the future?
- Would you be able to give up everything for it?
- (And I mean this with no offence ok?) Do you come from a successful home? - This would pertain to your parent's lifestyle and financial stability, and emotional stability. You also must take note whether the lives they are living is something they really preferred or was it just an answer to an ancestral heritage of being driven to what should happen with their lives.
- With the consideration of the bias and prejudice brought about by 3.5 years of being in a relationship, have you lied to being happy about everything? Or do you lie to make your partner happy?
- Would you be able to live a life of lie for the rest of your lives if ever you have you have lied to show that you are contented?
- Are you where you are supposed to be?
These are important factors that you should consider before making the decision. Whatever you do next would be a crucial step to your future, and I will tell you this in total certainty, your life will shift drastically.
And in that change, you will lose a lot which you will attribute to emotions.
Just remember, in order to make a sane decision, you must not include emotions. Decisions based on emotions are just instinctive reflexes. I would prefer that you rely on logic on this one.
Feel free to buzz me if you have questions.
Good luck.
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to make and maintain friendships? (link)
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One of my studies revolved in something that may answer your question considerably.
Have you ever heard of the term "Perpetual Doubt?"
The social construct which we refer to as "TRUST" has always been a half-cracked walnut.
Almost everyone can say "I trust X with all my heart and mind."
And a lot may say "I trusted YOU with everything."
But no one can prove it.
Would you let someone aim a knife at you from 20 meters and trust that person completely? And by completely, I mean you would smile and believe that he won't hurt you. Totally? Zero chance of doubt?
TRUST is just diplomatic way of saying "I am giving you something and you should take care of it, or else."
With this being said, I am not eliminating the idea of "socialising" where in one can do everything hence a one-man-island.
Humans, no matter how much they hate to admit it, have their own functions in society. No different from a colony of ants, or a beehive.
It is hard to maintain friendship, and it is hard to start one, because we, no matter how technologically evolved we may be, have the primal fear of the unknown. This innate feeling is what I refer to as "perpetual doubt."
The solution is simple. We all know we doubt each other in one way or more, and the other party will have the same feeling, so we must ask ourselves to weigh things appropriately. We must ask questions instead of assuming answers, and we must forget the idea that we have the right to speculate on other people's thoughts, feelings or emotion.
Good luck.
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it's kind of sad now, now the former and current 'popular kids' dominate social media, being so public about their lives and carefree. i go on the internet to escape that bullshit, but now it's everywhere, with sites like facebook, twitter, and instagram.
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I used to have Facebook. If you're familiar with the importance for a profile picture, mine was just a picture of a "railway."
An unknown person with an unfamiliar name added me before, and since the name may not be familiar with me, I just thought this person might have been an acquaintance before. So clicked on "add."
Three days or so later, I received a message from this person. The message was simple.
"Why don't you have a profile picture?"
I clicked on her profile picture and saw her. Immediately I responded:
"The question is, why do you have one?"
I think she blocked me after she got the gist of what I was trying to say.
As I see it, things hasn't really changed. It just added platforms.
Before, it was gossips. Then came the newspaper on print. Then came the Tabloids. Then came radio. (I honestly don't know which one came first) Then came TV. Now we have poked the hornet's nest and internet is the new platform.
Still, dominance is so embedded in humans that the eternal search for it has not stopped. We just see it as new.
So here's my two cents on this matter:
In my time, we consider weird and different as "Identity."
"Special" has a negative, abnormal connotation now.
"Freedom" has been recklessly used as an excuse.
And "Sorry" does not make up for pain inflicted.
The world may have advanced in technology, but it has sunk in so many levels in ethics.
Finally, you must always consider yourself lucky because you see it as you have described. I agree with you. The world has finally announced its insecurity.
Good luck.
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Okay so i don't know why people are so mean to me.. Like my parents too. I'm nice and sweet and I give my everything, but I guess that's not enough. I'm a female I'm 15 years old. Everyone says that I can't do anything and that I'm useless. I try not to care but its my parents telling me I don't even get told that at school like wtf. But I wanted to know why are my parents so mean to me? (link)
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My son and I had the same argument before. He confronted me one day and said "Look Dad, we have to talk." So we did. Let me share to you a summary of the conversation.
My son said I was always picking on him, nitpicking on everything he does and considered him unless making him feel really useless. He added that I don't understand his situation, and that the world has changed since the time I was 15. Mind you, my son just turned 16 this December.
When he was done blowing up on me - yes, I let my son blow off steam from time to time - I asked him if he had an open mind to my response. To this, he said, yes.
I told him that i honestly don't want to remind him everything that he does wrong. The task of reminding someone what to do day in and day out, every minute and every second does not benefit me and it was really tiring. To this, he said, I guess I do put myself in place where you can always remind me.
I nitpick on everything because he has to learn that in order for him to be respected by the world someday, the allowance for error should be really small, and consistency on his integrity is really important. To this he said, "That's the point dad, it is old fashioned and it does not work in the world anymore."
Which got me to the last part. The new world. I looked at him and said, "Look around, what do you see. You yourself can say that the world does not look highly on principles and integrity. It does nitpick on mistakes and condemn people for reasons they come up with. The wrong becomes right as long as the mistaken party can have his or her share of fun." And he said, "Well, yeah?"
Finally, I asked him, "Isn't that the definition of ugly?"
I will tell you what i told my son.
"We see things the way we want to see them. We don't ask what they mean, we just assume we know. We want to get what we want, and shrug the consequences that comes with them. We are reckless and we act on emotions. That is why we fail all the time."
Talk to them. Tell them how you feel. I am sure they will understand. Don't assume that they won't.
Good luck.
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Have you ever looked at a picture of a beautiful person or beautiful couple and feel happy. Every time I see a person who looks happy or in love, I just want what they have. I look at pictures online and whenever I see people with their bestfriend I wish I knew someone like them. I can't help but to want a bestfriend that I can have fun with. I also love seeing couples in love. I want love but I am not desperate for it. I daydream of going to six flags with my boyfriend and being all lovey dovey. I also picture having kids and taking them to Disney world. I love that I can create these wonderful thoughts but I want it in my reality. Can anyone relate to this? (link)
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The thing is, what you're feeling is more common than many people would think, so common, it is almost normal.
Lighthouse Family (if you're familiar with them) actually had a song for it. "You Always Want What You Haven't Got."
I can actually feel you daydream about these things, and I guess i did that too before.
But not so long ago, I've changed how i saw the world. And it made me more contented. I want to share this with you and it may help.
I saw a kid in a park who had a nasty scar in her face. So adamantly, I asked her how she got it. She said their house burned and her mom died in the fire and she got the scar from the incident. My heart moved for her as she told her story. When she finished telling her story, I asked her if what she thought about having her scars removed. Her eyes caught mine and she said "I don't think there's a need for that. Besides, they only mean my wounds have healed already."
The point is, we see our scars and immediately say they're ugly. We seldom think that they're there to remind us that our wounds have healed.
I hope this helped a bit. Good luck.
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