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I need advice. Is there a chance we might get back together?
Ok so me and my bf officially broke up on tuesday. We broke up because he said he wants to live a single life right now. I love him so much and i dont want to lose him. I knew we were going to break up along time ago but i just didnt want to accept it. He kept showing me signs like whenever i text or call him he sometimes takes along time to text or call me back. Sometime he just wont call me period. on tuesdat i told him that i still have feelings for him and i hope that we do get back together. He said he hope that we do get back together also. We never really had any problems in the relationship so i just dont know why he wanted to break up. His decision. I asked if when he'll want to pick up his items. He told me to hold on to them because he dont need them right now. I also told him to hold on to mine. That same tuesday he promised to also buy me a teddy bear when he gets paid. We go to the same college but i barely ever see him these days. Yesterday i saw his car around campus when i looked inside i noticed he was using my car seat cover that i gave him to keep. Idk why he's using it at all and i also noticed that now he's looking at my snapchats everyday. He never looked at then when we were together apart from the private snaps i used to send him. Its been three days now since we didnt talk. To me i was thinking maybe no contact for a while will make him really miss me and then he'll come back to me. Idk but im trying to use no contact right now for a while. I really love him and i never want to break up with him. Does it seem like he'll eventually come back? Opinions please. Thank you
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Unless there's more to this, the fact that he told you he wants to "live the single life" seems to be a sign that he wants to play the field again. I'm not saying he's a player, but it sounds like he misses being a bachelor.
Listen, when your partner tells you he wants to be single, the relationship is essentially over. You can--and you should--give him space. But no amount of giving him space and time and distance will result in him returning to you if he doesn't want to be with you. I've been in similar situations and some of my friends have, too--sometimes, he/she comes back and all is forgiven; sometimes, he/she doesn't because he/she ultimately dates someone new.
You're looking for little signs that he still cares about you and misses you. The truth is: he does (he's not heartless!) but it does not mean he wants to still be your boyfriend; in fact he made it clear he does NOT. The best advice I can give you is to treat this like a breakup. He has already told you he wants to be single, and you admit you've been denying the signs that have been there the entire time. Cut off all contact with him and focus on ways to mourn/heal/move on, NOT ways to win him back or obsess over him. Because he has already made his choice, and all you can do is respect his decision. Don't be with anyone who you feel you have to persuade to stay with you--the man who is with you should always make YOU his top choice, he should always choose YOU, remember that.
Find your inner strength! You can do this! Good luck!
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Do you believe in comfort zones?
It is roughly defined as a place or situation where one feels safe or at ease and without stress.
Do you know that people often refer to this as love?
As I was reading your post, one thing caught my attention. You mentioned that you guys never had any problems in the relationship. Other people may congratulate you for that. I, on the other hand, would ask you a simple question. "Why?"
Relationships are built on tedious and endless compromises, cooperation, mutual problem solving, and mutual resolutions. (I'm not saying that these are the "ONLY" things that would make relationships work). And I am pretty sure you guys had your share of those things. But to say that you never really had problems in your relationship made me think of two things:
- You guys were comfortable with each other that you didn't want to tackle any of the problems that should've been tackled
- You guys enjoyed the comfort zone that you had and were afraid to leave it.
Mind you, I am writing about these things not to belittle your relationship with your guy, but for you to be able to reflect on things properly. I would advice you to try to think about it and reflect on the real score of the relationship first.
Please don't try to reason with yourself. People tend to create reasons why things happen. Just see them as they are. This is the first step.
Second step would be assessment. Try to ask yourself why you guys never had problems. And if you didn't have real problems, wasn't that supposed to lead to a longer relationship than a break up?
I can sense that you're a good person. And from what you say about your guy, I can sense that he's a good person too. I just want you to be sure about this and not act upon it with emotions. That way, you would be in the relationship for the right reasons.
Unless you want to spend the rest of your lives together by being nice to each other.
I hope his helps a bit. Good luck.
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It could go either way dear. It's good that you are giving him time and his own space. I know of two reasons a guy will want to take a break, basically its so he has time to think things over. I once met a guy (we're talking people in late 40's) who clicked from the first meeting at a coffee shop. Saw each other practically every other day and the feelings on both sides grew strong quickly. That scared him. He asked for a week off, wanting to take a break, no explanation...so I gave it to him. He called and left a message after 3 days. That was enough time and we got back together. So it could be something like that especially since you mention you've never had problems. The only thing that has me wondering is how he acted before asking for a break, showing little interest in contact with you. Maybe he was trying then to figure how he felt about you without contact. But I don't know him and have no way to get into his mind to know what he was thinking. Both people have to be 100% on board with a relationship and wanting it and making it work. If he feels anything less than that after his time away, then it wasn't meant to be. I have met guys too that it ended up not working out, them leaving me and it really hurts. But I can say that after time, the broken heart does heal. What you will need for peace of mind in case he does want to end it, is that the two of you have pinpointed the major concerns and come to an agreement and worked things out. The only thing you cant change is if the attraction and feelings on his side have changed and faded. It wouldn't be due to anything you've done wrong. Some people mistake their initial feelings and attraction for the real thing, love...when all it is, is new relationship energy which can mimic the real thing but fades over time. Lets hope that is not it. Just keep on giving him time and let him contact you when ready.
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Men bond with women who make them feel good. So, whatever you do, don't put any pressure on him. Spend your time becoming the woman that no man can ever leave; playful, lighthearted, patient, kind and compassionate.
Then, all you can do is sit back and wait for whatever happens. You can hope for the best but don't become too saddened if it doesn't work out the way you want. Believe me, if he isn't Mr. Right, you'll find the true Mr. Right soon enough.
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